Thursday, November 7, 2013        Edition: #5097

Our Sheet Don’t Stink!

★ “Modern Family” actress Sofia Vergara is set to star alongside her real-life family in a new ad campaign for an anti-dandruff shampoo. Vergara will follow in the footsteps of “How I Met Your Mother” star Alyson Hannigan and Olympic swim champ Michael Phelps as the new face of Head & Shoulders. The new campaign, set to launch in 2014, will reportedly pay the 41-year-old Colombian-born actress a 7-figure fee. She claims that her entire family are longtime fans of the product. Of course they are.
– E! Online
★ Filmmaker Guillermo del Toro (“The Hobbit” films, “Hellboy” movies) has released an anthology of collected illustrations, writings, and ideas taken from his personal journals. “Cabinet of Curiosities: My Notebooks, Collections, and Other Obsessions” shows fans how he conceives his sometimes bizarre ideas. Some say his journals share similarities with Leonardo Da Vinci’s, from the scrawled handwriting to the various arrows linking thoughts and images. The $36-book boasts a forward from “Avatar” director James Cameron and includes commentary from movie star Tom Cruise and best-selling sci-fi author Neil Gaiman.
– “The Guardian”
★ 1960s comic book heroine ‘Ms Marvel’ is set to be revived for a 21st century audience. Instead of bringing back a blonde-haired, blue-eyed US Air Force officer with a very tight costume, Marvel Comics has opted to reimagine ‘Ms Marvel’ as ‘Kamala Khan’, a shape-shifting 16-year-old Muslim high school student who lives in Jersey City NJ with her Pakistani immigrant parents. The new creation is part of a plan to diversify Marvel’s comic output. It’s hoped she’ll serve as a window into the American Muslim experience.
– Associated Press
★ And rumor has it an open casting call is being held for Disney’s upcoming “Star Wars” movie reboot. “Star Wars: Episode VII” may become the biggest film of 2015, but it seems you – yes you – may be able to pop along to an audition and try to bag a lead role. Although the casting call just says ‘new Disney movie’, most media outlets have taken this to mean that it’s in fact JJ Abrams’ new instalment in the sci-fi franchise, set for release in Summer 2015. That may seem hard to believe, but then who’d ever heard of Mark Hamill or Harrison Ford in 1977?

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Blush (“Warrior”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Gavin DeGraw (“Make a Move”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – The Wanted (“Word of Mouth”).
• “Glee” (FOX/Global) – The members of New Directions try to figure out whether they are more like Katy Perry or Lady Gaga.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Nine Inch Nails (“Hesitation Marks”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) –  Los Angeles-based indie rock band NO.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – MIA (“Matangi”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Gary Clark Jr (“Blak & Blu”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Goo Goo Dolls (“Magnetic”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Contestants face elimination.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – More contestants face elimination.

• Buck Owens – The late country star’s autobiography, “Buck ‘Em!”, is out this week. Owens began working on the book in the latter half of the 1990s, recording his memories on a cassette tape recorder over several years.
• Grateful Dead – Former Dead bassist Phil Lesh has signed a new deal to perform a 45-show residency at NYC’s Capitol Theater in 2014 to avoid the rigorous schedule of touring. The 73-year-old says that, after being on the road for 46 years, he’s done with one-nighters.
• Katy Perry – She has surpassed Justin Bieber as the most popular person on Twitter, with a total of 46,529,319 followers as of Monday, slipping past Bieber’s 46,507,829. (But he’s apparently been working on signing up Brazilian hookers one at a time.)
• Keith Urban – His first appearance on the Home Shopping Network was a big success. His ‘Urban Guitar Collection’, featuring 2 versions of the ‘Phoenix Edition’ guitars, was a complete sell-out. (In more ways than one.)
• Morrissey – An online report says he’s been discharged from LA’s Cedars-Sinai Hospital following treatment for concussion, whiplash, and an arm injury. It’s unclear how he sustained the injuries. The guy’s had a tough year: Food poisoning, bleeding ulcer, pneumonia, now this.
• Rolling Stones – 5′-10” Mick Jagger attempted to level up to 6′-3” girlfriend L’Wren Scott at this week’s ‘Harper’s Bazaar Women Of the Year Awards’ in London by sporting a pair of platform Nike Air Max 90s.
• Selena Gomez – She’s performing the halftime show at the Dallas Cowboys traditional Thanksgiving Day home game on November 28th, when the ‘Boys are hosting Oakland Raiders.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “American Ultra” –  Jesse Eisenberg & Kristen Stewart have been cast in this action comedy as a stoner and his girlfriend whose quiet lives are disrupted when his past comes back to haunt him, resulting in him becoming the target of a government operation. Shooting begins in April 2014. The duo previously starred together in 2009’s “Adventureland”.
• “Cell” – 64-year-old actor Samuel L Jackson will star opposite John Cusack in this upcoming apocalyptic thriller based on the 2006 Stephen King novel. The story follows an artist who is struggling to reunite with his son after a mysterious signal broadcast across the global phone network turns humans into mindless vicious creatures. Filming begins in January.
• “The Dirt” – The man behind Johnny Knoxville’s new movie “Bad Grandpa” and the “Jackass” films has been tapped to take charge of the upcoming Motley Crue biopic. Director Jeff Tremaine will tackle the adaptation of the band’s 2001 autobiography “The Dirt: Confessions of the World’s Most Notorious Rock Band”. No casting has begun as yet.
• “Kane & Lynch” – Gerard Butler and Vin Diesel are being courted to star in this videogame adaptation that’s been in the works for several years. The story follows a death row inmate who breaks out of prison and joins up with a schizophrenic killer in the hunt to find a stolen fortune. The quest for the loot takes them all over Los Angeles, as well as to Japan and Cuba.
• “Spinning Gold” – Justin Timberlake has been cast as record exec Neil Bogart in an upcoming biopic based on the book of the same name. Bogart, who founded Casablanca Records, was a big name in the disco music era, working with the likes of Curtis Mayfield and the Village People. He died in 1982 at age 39. Spike Lee is in talks to direct the film.

Harvard University researchers have evaluated the health records of more than 10,000 women over a 15-year period and found that those who follow the so-called ‘Mediterranean Diet’, rich in vegetables, legumes, lean meats, and olive oil are 40% more likely to live to age 70 without chronic conditions like heart disease and diabetes. Following the diet means avoiding processed foods in favor of plenty of fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and fish; and eating less red meat. A moderate amount of alcohol is allowed, such as a glass of red wine with dinner. (That’s ‘a’ as in ‘one’.)

Today Twitter shares are scheduled to make their debut on the New York Stock Exchange. The IPO is the most anticipated since Facebook went public in 2012. The traditional home for technology companies is the Nasdaq exchange, but Twitter chose the NYSE instead after trading in Facebook’s shares hit difficulties due to the heavy demand. Twitter is selling 70 million shares, likely priced between $23-to-$25, meaning the company could raise up to $2 billion. (Much needed as it’s not making money at the moment.)
– BBC News

The latest version of a robot developed by University of Tokyo scientists is so fast it can win the Rock-Paper-Scissors game against a human … every time. The ‘Janken’ robot – named after the game’s Japanese name –uses high-speed recognition and reaction, rather than prediction. Technically, the robot cheats because it reacts extremely quickly to what the human hand is doing rather than making a premeditated simultaneous action as the rules state. Taking just 1 millisecond (a thousandth of a second) to recognize what shape the human hand is making, it then chooses a winning move and reacts at high speed. (Fabulous. Still no cure for cancer.)

A new website called ‘MafiaLeaks’ has been launched in Italy, which promises to protect the identities of anyone wanting to … inform on the Mafia. The site is aimed at victims or ex-criminals who would otherwise be too frightened to provide valuable intelligence to police or journalists. The technology has been configured so that contributors will be known only by a computer-generated code. But there are concerns that the site could be abused. The mafiosi themselves might be able to provide false information anonymously in order to confuse investigations. (Yeah, Wikileaks worked so well, this should be safe as hell.)
– “La Repubblica”

Foraging for broccoli is futile. Broccoli, cauliflower, and a few other vegetables are manmade; and do not exist in the wild. (Ever see corn-on-the-cob in the woods?)


1943 [70] Joni Mitchell (Roberta Anderson), Fort McLeod AB, pop-folk singer-songwriter (“Big Yellow Taxi”, “Both Sides Now”)/Canadian Music Hall of Fame (1981)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1997)/Canadian Walk of Fame (2000)/Order of Canada (2002)/Grammy Lifetime Achievement Award (2002)

1967 [46] David Guetta, Paris, France, DJ (f/Ne-Yo & Akon-“Play Hard”, f/Akon-“Sexy Chick”)/recording producer (Lady Gaga-“ARTPOP”, Black Eyed Peas-“I Gotta Feeling”)

1983 [30] Zach Myers, Memphis TN, rock guitarist (Shinedown-“I’ll Follow You”, “Bully”)

1988 [25] Tinie Tempah (Patrick Okogwu Jr), London UK, rapper (w/2 Chainz-“Trampoline”, w/Eric Turner-“Written In the Stars”)

1989 [24] Nadezhda Tolokonnikova, Norilsk, Russia, punk rocker (Pussy Riot)/political activist sentenced to 2 years imprisonment for ‘hooliganism motivated by religious hatred’  BS FACTOID: On October 21 she was transferred out of her prison. Neither her family nor her lawyers have been in contact with her since and her present whereabouts are unknown.

1996 [17] Lorde (Ella Yelich-O’Connor), Devonport, New Zealand, pop singer-songwriter (“Team”, “Royals”)

• “Bittersweet Chocolate With Almonds Day”. Hey, chocolate with whatever is a good excuse to celebrate, right?

• “Gin Day”, a day for appreciating the booze based on juniper berries. (Everyone has a drink they can never touch again thanks to a bad experience. For many … this is it!)

• “Men Make Dinner Day”, the 1 guaranteed meal cooked by the man-of-the-house each year. Sure millions of guys make dinner for their families on a regular basis, but this day is for the last remaining neanderthals who don’t … and for guys who are just too scared to cook.

• “Notary Public Day”, initiated in 1975 to honor the officers who ‘administer oaths and statutory declarations, witness and authenticate documents, and perform certain other acts varying from jurisdiction to jurisdiction’. (Almost as exciting as “Accountants Day”!)

1991 [22] LA Lakers superstar Magic Johnson, revered as one of the greatest basketball players of all-time, announces he’s HIV positive and is immediately retiring from the NBA

2003 [10] In a desperate effort to reassure visitors that the SARS outbreak is no longer a threat, Hong Kong takes a cue from Toronto and invites the Rolling Stones and others to play a massive concert in the city (total cost for appearance fees tops $100 million)

2000 [13] Hillary Rodham Clinton is elected to the United States Senate, becoming the 1st former First Lady to win public office (can she become the 1st Former First Lady to become President? And if so, what would we call her husband Bill?)

1993 [20] 21-year-old Canadian Carlos Costa of Toronto swims 28.5 miles from Catalina Island to San Pedro, California to raise money for children’s charities … even though both his legs had been amputated at age 2

[Fri] “The Book Thief”; “Thor: The Dark World” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day
[Fri] Walk to Work Day
[Sun] MTV Europe Music Awards (Amsterdam)
[Sun] Billboard Women In Music Event (NYC)
This Week Is … Animal Shelter Appreciation Week
This Month Is … Inspirational Role Models Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – A good day to remember that it’s always best to say ‘yes’ to people carrying a baseball bat outside of a playing field.
• Taurus – Inexplicably, combovers will suddenly attract you this week. Do what you feel is right in your heart.
• Gemini – Today you will find yourself wondering why a shampoo that ‘tingles’ would be better at preventing dandruff than one which doesn’t.
• Cancer – Destiny will help you discover that you are not intended to be alone. Nothing to do with love, just the gerbil cage at the pet store.
• Leo – The screaming of multiplication tables during love-making may alienate your partner who will assume your heart really isn’t in it.
• Virgo – Today you will be scared out of your socks by something almost as horrifying as your excruciatingly ugly feet.
• Libra – Be more confident of your chances with online dating. The good thing about the Internet is that no-one knows quite how disturbingly grotesque you look.
• Scorpio – This week you will meet someone you haven’t seen in a long time and will barely recognize … at least not without the spiked collar and the whip.
• Sagittarius – You’re generally hopeless with money, so the rest of this week should come as no shock to you.
• Capricorn – Good time to be happy-go-lucky. You’ll find it works out better than your normal sad-go-accident-prone.
• Aquarius – Today you will notice that people seem to be staring at your nose. Don’t worry, it’s probably nothing.
• Pisces – ‘Loving care’ is just something that’s written on shampoo bottles. What you really need is a good old-fashioned boink.

☎ Would you be willing to participate in clinical trials of new medical procedures and pharmaceuticals in order to make money? (A Las Vegas man who makes a living doing this is now planning to make $35,000 by selling one of his … testicles. He’ll receive an artificial cojone in exchange for the cash. Mark Parisi will appear in an upcoming episode of TLC’s “Extreme Cheapskates”.)

I used to be indecisive … but now I’m not so sure.

Question: Married people do THIS almost 100% more than single people.
Answer: Say “I’m sorry”.

A true friend is one who overlooks your failures and tolerates your successes.

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