Thursday, November 8, 2012        Edition: #4864

Get a Load of This Sheet!

Rumor has it “People” magazine’s ‘Sexiest Man Alive 2012′ title will go to “Magic Mike” actor Channing Tatum next week, even though, as notes, ‘none of his face-holes really open all the way’ (like anyone’s been looking at his face) . . . She’s only midway through her first season but Britney Spears has already confirmed she’ll be returning as a judge on “The X Factor” in 2013 (there are 15 million reasons why) . . . 14-year-old “Modern Family” star Ariel Winter, who plays brainy teenager ‘Alex Dunphy’, is reportedly furious with her parents, Glenn & Crystal Workman, for trying to stop her from dating her 17-year-old boyfriend and is seeking official legal emancipation (parental divorce – modern family indeed) . . . A friend of Harrison Ford says the 70-year-old actor is ‘open’ to the idea of returning to play his character ‘Han Solo’ in a Disney-produced “Star Wars” sequel, but only if the character is then killed off (he could be close to kicking in real-life by the time they get around to this) . . . And sources tell the new issue of “National Enquirer” that Dr Phil McGraw & his 36-year wife Robin McGraw have been butting heads over her role on his show, with the resulting fights turning their $30-million mega-mansion into a war zone (maybe they should go on “Dr Phil” and get some of his invaluable advice).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Brandi Carlile (“Bear Creek”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tyler Bryant & The Shakedown (“From the Sandcastle”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – RZA (“The Man With the Iron Fists”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Carrie Underwood (“Blown Away”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Lianne La Havas (“Is Your Love Big Enough?”).
• “Skyfall” – The 23rd ‘James Bond’ film opens in IMAX theaters.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Lord Huron (“Lonesome Dreams”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – Maroon 5 performs their new single “Daylight” (“Overexposed”); 2nd-season winner Jermaine Paul performs; 2 artists from each team are eliminated.
• “The X Factor” (FOX/CTV2) – Contestants face elimination; One Direction (“Take Me Home”) performs.

• Brad Paisley – Tonight he takes his “Virtual Reality World Tour” to Stockholm, Sweden for the first of 4 Scandinavian dates. The Band Perry opens all the shows. The trek is a result of Paisley’s successful tour of the region last year. (Try any Paisley tune with a Swedish accent.)
• Coldplay – Drummer Will Champion will appear in the upcoming 3rd season of HBO’s “Game Of Thrones” in a cameo role playing – what else? – a drummer. Snow Patrol singer Gary Lightbody is also filming a cameo for an upcoming episode.
• Jamey Johnson – Tonight he kicks off a Fall tour in Knoxville, Tennessee in support of his latest album, “Living For a Song: A Tribute to Hank Cochran”.
• The Monkees – Following the death of frontman Davy Jones earlier this year, the surviving members of the 60s group launch their 1st tour together in 15 years tonight in Escondido, California. Jones will be saluted via multimedia content during each show.
• Paramore – They’ve just finished recording their 4th album, their first since 2009’s “Brand New Eyes” and first since the contentious exit of co-founding members, brothers Josh & Zac Farro, in 2010.
• Queens Of the Stone Age – Josh Homme tells BBC Radio 1 that the band’s drummer Joey Castillo has left the group and Foo Fighters’ Dave Grohl has been behind the drum kit during the recording of a new album.
• Rihanna – Her new album “Unapologetic”, out November 19th, features duets with Chris Brown and Eminem.
• Roger Waters – He tells “Rolling Stone” he is absolutely determined to record a new solo album, which he has tentatively titled “Heartland”. The former Pink Floyd member says he recently wrote a new song which provides the core idea for the new project.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Focus” – “Twilight Saga” actress Kristen Stewart has entered into negotiations to play the role of a young girl who teams up with an experienced con-man, played by Ben Affleck. Difficulty ensues as he attempts to teach her the ways of the crime world when the pair become romantically involved. If negotiations are completed, shooting will begin in early 2013.
• “Grudge Match” – 58-year-old Oscar-winning actress Kim Basinger has just signed a deal to appear alongside Robert De Niro and Sylvester Stallone in this boxing drama. De Niro and Stallone play retired fighters who decide to step into the ring one last time to settle an old score; Basinger plays the woman caught in the middle. Filming begins next year.
• “Need For Speed” – “Captain America” actor Dominic Cooper is in talks to co-star as an ex-NASCAR driver opposite Aaron Paul (“Breaking Bad”) in this bigscreen adaptation of the popular EA videogame. The story follows a race car driver who owns a garage that modifies expensive cars for racing. The pic is skedded for release in February 2014.
• “Queen Of the Desert”  – “Sherlock Holmes” actor Jude Law has joined the cast of this period drama alongside Naomi Watts and Robert Pattinson. Watts stars as Gertrude Bell, a pioneering explorer, writer, archeologist, and attaché for the British Empire, who has been called the female ‘Lawrence of Arabia’. Principal photography is set to begin in Morocco in March.
• “Rush” – John Cusack’s New Crime Productions plans to film a Rush Limbaugh bio-pic next year. Cusack will also play the flamboyant radio talk show host, meaning he’ll have to undergo a major transformation to resemble the portly, balding Limbaugh. It will also be a challenge for  the uber-liberal actor to portray one of America’s most outspoken conservatives.

1953 British author Ian Fleming conjures ‘James Bond’, naming his spy after an ornithologist.
1953 ‘Bond’ makes his TV debut on CBS with American Barry Nelson as the clunky lead.
1962 The franchise gets deadly serious with Sean Connery as the first official ‘Bond’ in “Dr No”.
1967 The silly spoof “Casino Royale” has a bunch of ‘Bonds’, including David Niven.
1969 George Lazenby replaces Connery in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”.
1971 Connery returns in “Diamonds are Forever”.
1973 Roger Moore takes over for 7 straight ‘Bond’ films.
1987 Timothy Dalton debuts, lasting only 2 dour instalments.
1995 Pierce Brosnan revitalizes the series with “GoldenEye”, his 1st of 4 appearances.
2006 Daniel Craig toughens up the role, Connery-style, with the ‘real’ version of “Casino Royale”.
2012 “Skyfall” makes it 23 official ‘Bond’ films (2 rogue films were also made).
2014 Another Craig ‘007′ film is rumored for release.
– QMI Agency

Photographer Nancy Rica Schiff has compiled a series of photos of ordinary people with extraordinary employment in her book, “Odd Jobs: Portraits of Unusual Occupations”. Among the weirder ways to make a living – an odor tester who’s paid to sniff things like feet, kitty litter, diapers, and body odor; a bull semen sample collector; a female men’s room attendant; and a private school headmistress at ‘Miss Vera’s Finishing School for Boys Who Want to Be Girls’ in NYC. (Strangest job we’ve heard of … ‘BS Compiler’.)
– PA News

Whether it’s a bus, commuter train, or subway, no one’s taking the ‘loser cruiser’ for the fun of it. It would be a heckuva lot more palatable if people avoided the following faux pas …
• Sitting Too Close – Science tells us we all prefer a few feet of private space. When on a lightly crowded bus or train, don’t sit down beside someone else until it’s absolutely necessary.
• Blocking an Empty Seat – Parking yourself in an aisle seat and blocking an empty  window seat is just plain rude. If you have to get off at the next stop, get up and stand by the door.
• Blasting Your Music – Music on public transportation helps us ignore everyone else, but forcing everyone else around you to listen to your crappy taste in tunes is just wrong.
• Standing In the Way – If you’re nowhere near your stop, you should be nowhere near the door. And don’t lean on poles; others need to grab them to prevent it from becoming a mosh pit.
• Blocking Escalators – Don’t stand on the ‘walking side’ of the escalator or you’re going to get yelled at, stepped on, or shanked in the neck.
• Waving Bags Around – Anyone who doesn’t put their backpack (suitcase, oversize computer bag) at their feet on a crowded bus or train should be put against a wall and shot.
• Talking to People – This is the biggest violation of transit etiquette possible, because violators are not only putting their physical presence in someone’s face, they’re putting their words there.
– Adapted from

Psychologists at Princeton University have found that students remember reading material far better when it is printed in an ugly font.
– “Intelligent Life Magazine”


1931 [81] Morley Safer, Toronto ON, TV journalist (“60 Minutes” since 1970)

1949 [63] Bonnie Raitt, Burbank CA, pop singer-songwriter (“Something to Talk About”, “I Can’t Make You Love Me”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2000)

1968 [44] Parker Posey, Baltimore MD, TV actress (recurring role as ‘Liz’ on “Louie” 2012)/‘Queen Of the Indies’ movie actress (“Hemingway & Gellhorn”, “Dazed & Confused”)

1972 [40] Gretchen Mol, Deep River CT, TV actress (‘Gillian Darmody’ on “Boardwalk Empire” since 2010)/movie actress (“3:10 to Yuma”, “The Notorious Bettie Page”)

1977 [35] Jully Black, Toronto ON, pop-R&B singer-songwriter (“Seven Day Fool”, “Sweat of Your Brow”)

1983 [29] Chris Rankin, Auckland NZ, movie actor (‘Percy Weasley’ in “Harry Potter” films)

1988 [24] Jessica Lowndes, Vancouver BC (‘Adrianna Tate-Duncan’ on “90210″ since 2008)

1994 [18] Lauren Alaina, Rossville GA, country singer (“Georgia Peaches”)/TV personality (“American Idol 10” runner-up)

• “Abet & Aid Punsters Day”, a day to make up incredibly bad puns, as proclaimed by the group Punsters Unlimited.

• “Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day”, a day to offset the coming chills of Winter. What’s the most pungent thing you can cook? In other words, what stinks up the kitchen most … Cabbage rolls? Fish? Lamb? Garlic? Onions?

• “Parents as Teachers Day”. Check out any kid who’s constantly scoring ‘A’s and you’ll likely find that kid gets a lot of help at home.

• “Return It! Day”, a day to take back all the stuff you’ve borrowed from others. According to a survey, 65% of us have borrowed something from a neighbor. Top loaners for men – tools, borrowed by 37%. Most borrowed item by women – sugar, which 25% say they’ve trotted next door for.

• “World Urbanism Day” (aka “World Town Planning Day”), celebrated in more than 30 countries on 4 continents each November 8th to recognize and promote the role of municipal planning in creating livable communities.

2010 [02] Late-night TV personality Conan O’Brien makes his debut on TBS (“Conan”)

2011 [01] Cartoonist Bil Keane (“Family Circus”) dies in Paradise Valley, Arizona at age 89

2001 [11] Microsoft releases its newly-developed game console ‘Xbox’ ($299)

1995 [17] Cash-strapped Michael Jackson merges his ATV Music Publishing (the one with early Beatles hits) with Sony Music Publishing in a deal worth some $110 million

2002 [10] David Gilmour, longtime guitarist for Pink Floyd, is made an Officer Of the Order Of the British Empire (OBE) by Queen Elizabeth II

1970 [42] New Orleans Saints kicker Tom Dempsey (born without a right hand and only half his kicking foot) boots an NFL-record 63-yd field goal vs Detroit (tied 3 times since, including this season by San Francisco 49er David Akers)

[Fri] “Skyfall” opens in conventional theaters
[Sat] Microsoft Windows Day
[Sun] Remembrance Day (Canada)
[Sun] Veterans Day (USA)
[Sun] World Kindness Day
[Mon] “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey” world premiere (Wellington NZ)
This Week Is … Pursuit of Happiness Week
This Month Is … Adopt a Senior Pet Month


• Mid-life is when the growth of leg hair slows down, giving you plenty of time to care for your newly-acquired mustache.
• Mid-life is when you can stand naked in front of a mirror and see your rear end without turning around.
• Mid-life is when you go for a mammogram and realize it’s the only time someone will ask you to appear topless on film.
• Mid-life is when you look at your know-it-all teen and think, “For this I have stretch marks?”
• Mid-life is when your memory starts to go. In fact, the only thing you can still retain is water.
• Mid-life means that you become more reflective. You start pondering the ‘big’ questions. What is life? Why am I here? How much ‘Healthy Choice’ ice cream can I eat before it’s no longer a healthy choice?

☎ If they do remake “Star Wars”, which actors would you cast? (We like Jack Black as ‘Wookiee’.)

• Mariah Carey used to sweep hair off the floor in a beauty parlor.
• Denzel Washington worked as a garbage collector.
• Whoopi Goldberg used to work at a funeral home doing hair and makeup for corpses.

• Irish author Bram Stoker was born 165 years ago today (1847). He published “Dracula”, the prototype of most vampire tales, in 1897. What real-life Transylvanian ruler was the character based on?
a. Vlad the Impaler [CORRECT]
b. Peter the Incisor
c. Ivan the Terrible

• For which sport was the ‘button-down collar’ invented?
a. Cricket.
b. Polo. [CORRECT. To prevent collar points from flapping in riders’ faces.]
c. Bowling.

Please don’t lie to me unless you ‘re absolutely sure I’ll never find out the truth.

Question: According to police reports, 45% of ‘loss of control’ auto accidents are caused by THIS.
Answer: Sneezing.

The harder you work the luckier you get.

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