Wednesday, November 8, 2017 – Edition: #6093

The B.S. Press!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Kevin Spacey has been developing a line of products based on his “House of Cards” character.  Spacey has been filing to acquire the rights to “PRESIDENTIAL BY KEVIN SPACEY” — which appears to be a merchandising line based on Spacey’s HOC character, President Frank Underwood, and would include a range of products such as eyewear, sunglasses, footwear, gourmet-food products, kitchenware, bakeware, luxury items, and clothing.  That was, of course,  before allegations of sexual harassment surfaced and he was subsequently suspended from the show.  As you might imagine, those plans could now be in serious jeopardy.
-TheBlast
★ Sarah Jessica Parker is set to open an ‘SJP’ pop-up store this month. Parker launched her  footwear brand in 2014, and now she has revealed she will be setting up her first temporary store for the label in New York this month, which she says should make for the ”most colorful Black Friday ever”.
(Just don’t expect to see Kim Catrall there!)
-ContactMusic
★ Ryan Reynolds was at it again on Monday when he shared a picture of his wife Blake Lively looking far from glamorous while filming ‘The Rhythm Section’ in Dublin, Ireland. ‘ He hilariously captioned the shot: #nofilter’.  It showed Lively appearing unkempt and make-up free at work.   Reynolds last social media prank was on Lively’s birthday, when he Tweeted a sweet message to her along with a red carpet shot of the couple – almost cropping her out entirely.
-DailyMail
★ Lamar Odom’s rep says that the former NBA player was dehydrated after a hard workout and collapsed in an L.A. club because he “got too hot”.  Many were extremely concerned for Khloe Kardashian’s ex when footage surfaced showing Lamar face-down on the floor at Bootsy Bellows.  The person who shot the now-viral video reports that Odom had been drinking for several hours before he collapsed.  It was a scary sight, especially when you remember that Odom previously cheated death after suffering 12 strokes and two heart attacks after being found unconscious in a brothel in Nevada in October 2015.
-HollywoodReporter
★ The new “American Idol” is set to debut on ABC on Sunday, March 11.  Host Ryan Seacrest  made the official announcement on his other show, ‘Live with Kelly & Ryan’.  As you probably know, Luke Bryan, Katy Perry and Lionel Richie will serve as judges.
-MSN
★ Whoops!  Richard Simmons just got the bill for his National Enquirer lawsuit – which he lost – and it could set him back well over $200,000.  Simmons sued the tabloid, claiming it defamed him with a story saying he was transitioning into a woman. When the court ruled in favor of the Enquirer, Simmons was ordered to cover their attorney’s fees.
-TMZ
★ Rose McGowan’s publisher has set a January release for her memoir ‘Brave’, a month ahead of its originally scheduled on-sale date. She began working on the book well before last month’s revelations about Harvey Weinstein and before dozens of women accused him of rape or harassment. HarperOne has announced that it will publish ‘Brave’ on Jan. 28.  In a statement, McGowan said that her book will take on Hollywood, “the biggest cult of it,” and how she fought her way out of it.
-CTV

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): Jesse Williams, Luke Combs
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Norman Reedus, Sean Astin
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Hillary Rodham Clinton, Will Ferrell, Nathan Davilmar
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Neil DeGrasse Tyson, Saoirse Ronan, Billy Corgan
• “Conan” (TBS/Comedy): Bill Clinton, Jack Whitehall
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo): Cheyenne Jackson, Margaret Josephs
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Mario Batali, Michael Symon, Carla Hall, Clinton Kelly
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Mark Wahlberg, Guillermo Diaz, Jason Mraz
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Idris Elba
• “Survivor” (CBS): Get to Gettin’
• “51st Annual CMA Awards” (ABC): Brad Paisley and Carrie Underwood host the 51st annual celebration in Nashville. Performers include Garth Brooks; Alan Jackson; Brothers Osborne; Luke Bryan; Eric Church; Miranda Lambert; Little Big Town; Old Dominion; Jon Pardi; and Chris Stapleton.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Harry Styles – is returning to where it all started: ‘The X Factor’.  He will return in this weekend’s live shows, quelling rumors of a rift between him and head judge, Simon Cowell, in the process.  Styles is expected to perform on Saturday, which is being billed as a ‘George Michael’ themed episode.
• Taylor Swift – will perform a new song during ‘Scandal’ tomorrow night, just hours before her highly anticipated sixth studio album ‘Reputation’ is released. She has already shared the album’s record-breaking lead single ‘Look What You Made Me Do,’ ‘’Ready for It?’ ‘Gorgeous’,  and on Sunday she released ‘Call It What You Want’.
• Andy Grammar – has announced his upcoming third album, ‘The Good Parts’ will be released Dec. 1.  He has already shared the song ‘Smoke Clears’ from the new release.
• Phillip Phillips – is set to return with a brand new album, ‘Collateral’, which is set for release on January 19.  He has already shared the first song from the album, Magnetic’.  According to him, “These songs tell the stories about the past three years – all the good, all the bad, all the sad, all the happy. I promise this next release is worth the wait.”
• Mariah Carey — has booked a two-year residency at the The Venetian Las Vegas hotel.  Reports are that the  deal pays Mariah in the low eight figures and will begin in March of 2018.
• Ricky Martin – dedicated his Corazón Latino Award for charity work to the ”real stars”, the residents of Puerto Rico, as they deal with the aftermath of Hurricane Maria.
• Ozzy Osbourne – has announced a two-year farewell tour starting in Mexico next year.  The announcement came just hours after he was confirmed the headliner for ‘Download 2018’.  According to Ozzy, “This will be my final world tour, but I can’t say I won’t do some shows here and there.” (Like whenever Sharon tells him to…)
• Marilyn Manson – is back in action after a frightening on-stage accident left him with a broken right leg.  He made his big return at the “Ozzfest Meets Knotfest” metal festival while strapped into an electric wheelchair apparatus that allowed him to maneuver around the stage. (You can’t keep a good man-thing down!)
• Van Morrison – will drop a brand new studio album December 1.  ‘Versatile’ comes less than three months since he dropped his last album.  It will feature a collection of jazz standards as well as seven original songs.
• Robert Knight – the singer best known for his 1967 hit ‘Everlasting Love’, died on Sunday at his home in Tennessee after a short illness.  He was 72.
• Clay Walker – is a dad again.  His wife, Jessica has given birth to their fourth child, a boy named Ezra Stephen Walker.
• Blake Shelton – doesn’t think Gwen Stefani’s sneakers with his face printed on them are ”cute”. Stefani regularly wears her customized Vans skater shoes with Shelton’s portrait emblazoned on them, and while he thought it was a sweet idea at first, now he would prefer she leave them at home.  As he puts it, ”I don’t know where she got those damn things”.

SLEEP WALK:
So, are you still having trouble adjusting to the time change? They say it is hard for babies and toddlers to adjust, but I think the older you get, the harder it is to get used to the change.  Well, ANY change, actually!  If you find that you need more sleep at night these days, try a morning walk.  According to the National Sleep Foundation, our sleep is determined by our natural body clock, or circadian rhythm – and one of the easiest ways to reset your body clock is to get at least 20 minutes of exercise a day. And a recent study found that exercising in morning light works best because morning light is filled with blue rays that synchronize our circadian rhythm. So when bedtime rolls around, you’ll be all ready to sleep.
(If I don’t have my face in a dictionary, trying to figure out what the heck a ‘circadian rhythm’ is….)
(Am I still having trouble adjusting to the time change?  I’m still having trouble adjusting my car clock to the time change!)
(OK.  I’ll do it in the morning while I’m still asleep.)
-NationalSleepFoundation

YOU WON’T BE-LEAF THIS:
Yes, the beauty of Autumn leaves can be breathtaking.  Until they are scattered all over your lawn and you have one Saturday to rake and bag them.  Well, here’s your excuse:  Some experts are saying that you should in fact NOT rake your leaves– because removing them hurts wildlife.  According to David Mizejewski of the National Wildlife Federation, dead leaves on your lawn or in your backyard are great habitats for a range of creatures.  These include salamanders, frogs, toads, and box turtles.  Leaves also provide nutrients for many organisms which can in turn help you…by creating mulch for your lawn and garden.  On the other hand, raking leaves and putting them in garbage bags, then driving or trucking them to landfills also creates waste and sends emissions into the atmosphere.  So when you have the tough decision to either enjoy a few hours of football or grabbing a rake and working up some blisters…remember this: leave them be!
(I suppose a giant neighborhood bonfire isn’t that great for the environment either, then, right?)
(But I just bought this nice new rake…….oh well!)
(I’ve always been a firm believer in procrastinating until it snows and I CAN’T rake…)
-HuffingtonPost

MOST POPULAR EMOJIS:
Among English-Speaking Apple device users in the U.S.  Most of these don’t have formal ‘names’ so we’ll do our best:

10.  Confused-looking guy scratching his chin face
9.  Sad with mouth open face
8.  Standard smiley face
7.  Skull (do a lot of bikers use Apple products, by chance?)
6.  Eyeroll face (definitely the one I RECEIVE the most…)
5.  Kissy face
4.  Hearts for eyes lovey face
3.  Sad crying face
2.  Standard red heart
1.  Laughing with tears face
(What?  No ‘poo’ emoji in the Top 10?  How do these people communicate?)
-Cosmopolitan

BS CHRONOMETER 11.08.17

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [68] Bonnie Raitt, Burbank CA, pop singer-songwriter (‘Something to Talk About’, ‘Love Sneakin’ Up On You’)/10 Grammy Awards/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2000)

1966 [51] Gordon Ramsay, Johnstone, Scotland, TV chef (some 15 different programs, including “Hell’s Kitchen”, “Kitchen Nightmares”, “MasterChef”, “Hotel Hell”)

1968 [49] Parker Posey, Baltimore MD, ‘Queen Of the Indies’ movie actress (“Café Society”, “Dazed & Confused”) COMING UP…The Brits are Coming, 2018

1972 [45] Gretchen Mol, Deep River CT, TV actress (“Boardwalk Empire” 2010-13)/movie actress (“3:10 to Yuma”)

1975 [42] Tara Reid, Wyckoff NJ, movie actress (“Sharknado,” “The Big Lebowski”) COMING UP…A Second Chance, 2017

1983 [34] Chris Rankin, Auckland NZ, movie actor (‘Percy Weasley’ in “Harry Potter” films)

1994 [23] Lauren Alaina, Rossville GA, country singer (American Idol contestant who finished second on season 10 of the show. She then released her debut album “Wildflower” in 2011).

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Abet & Aid Punsters Day”, a day to make up incredibly bad puns, as proclaimed by the group Punsters Unlimited.
The Most Punderful Story We Could Find:
“Did you hear about the Italian chef that died?  He pasta way. We cannelloni do so much. His legacy will become a pizza history.  Here today, gone tomato.  How sad that he ran out of thyme. Sending olive my prayers to the family.  His wife is really upset.  Cheese still not over it.  You never sausage a tragic thing.”

• “Cappuccino Day”, a good excuse to treat yourself to a kick of caffeine.  Cappuccino was created in Italy in the 1600s. The name comes from an Italian order of monks known as the Catholic Capuchins.  It’s prepared with espresso, hot milk, and a cap of foam.

• “Cook Something Bold & Pungent Day”, a day to offset the coming chills of Winter. What’s the most pungent thing you can cook? Cabbage rolls? Fish? Lamb? Garlic? Onions?

• “Parents as Teachers Day”,  Check out any kid who’s constantly scoring an ‘A’ and you’ll likely find that kid gets a lot of help at home (or his parent IS a teacher!)

• “X-ray Day”,  in 1895, physicist Wilhelm Conrad Rontgen (1845-1923) became the first person to observe X-rays, a significant scientific advancement that would ultimately benefit a variety of fields, most of all medicine, by making the invisible visible.

• “National Harvey Wallbanger Day”, legend says this cocktail was named after a Manhattan Beach surfer, but no one knows for certain. Originally a California phenomenon, the drink gained national attention in 1970 when TWA featured the cocktail on its in-flight menu. Mix up three parts vodka, one part Galliano, and six parts orange juice. Garnish with an orange slice and raise your glass in honor of National Harvey Wallbanger Day. Cheers!

AND REMEMBER…
[Thurs] National Scrapple Day
[Thurs] Carl Sagan Day
[Fri] Area Code Day
[Fri] Vanilla Cupcake Day

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2010 [07] Late-night TV personality Conan O’Brien makes his debut on TBS (“Conan”)

2014 [03] Actor Matt Damon announces he’ll return to the ‘Bourne’ movie franchise, starring in the next film in the series (2016 s “Jason Bourne” racks up $413 million worldwide)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
2001 [16] Microsoft releases its newly-developed game console ‘Xbox’ ($299)

TODAY’S FORTY-FIFTH . . .
2016 [01] Donald Trump is elected 45th President of The United States, defeating Hillary Clinton despite Clinton receiving 2.9 million more votes

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2008 [09] AC/DC’s 15th studio album “Black Ice” hits #1 in 29 countries, including Australia, Canada, the UK, and the USA (2nd-best selling album of the year)

2012 [05] High winds cause scaffolding to collapse, killing 1 fan and injuring 19 more at a Linkin Park concert in Cape Town, South Africa

2014 [03] Florida Georgia Line take advantage of their hit song ‘Cruise’ to host the “This is How We Cruise” voyage that leaves Miami FL for a 4-day Caribbean adventure

BULL’S BITS

BS WACK FACTS:
✓ A duel between three people is called a ‘truel’.
✓ A group of ferrets is called a business.
✓ The word ‘kimono’ literally means ‘wear thing’.
✓ ‘Jurassic Park’ featured only 15 minutes of dinosaur footage.
✓ Kodak developed the first digital camera in 1975. They kept it secret for fear it would hurt the film business.
✓ There are about 30 million dead people on Facebook.
-WhattheFFacts

BS SIGNS YOU ARE YOUR PARENTS’ LEAST FAVORITE CHILD:
• They really don’t mind that you’re not having kids.  Really, they mean it.  That isn’t passive aggression or sarcasm. They really, really mean it.
• When you can’t make it for Thanksgiving, your mom sends you photos of the great time everyone had without you. They look oddly elated.
• When talking to your friends one night, you learn that it isn’t customary for the oldest sibling to get the hand-me-downs.
• Your parents ask you why your husband isn’t “providing” like your sister’s husband. You remind them that you and your husband divorced two months ago.
• The only time Mom calls is when she needs to tell you the awesome thing that ‘her little angel’ did.
• Behind your back, they refer to you as ‘the mistake’.
-Adapted from McSweeney’s

BEST OF BS:
Highlight bits culled from 22 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
CRAZY CANINE CROSSES:
• If you cross a Pointer and a Setter you get a ‘Poinsetter’, a traditional Christmas pet.
• A Bloodhound and a Labrador — ‘Blabador’, a dog that barks incessantly.
• A Pekinese and a Lhasa Apso — ‘Peekasso’, an abstract dog.
• A Collie and Malamute — ‘Commute’, a dog that travels well.
• A Deerhound and a Terrier — ‘Derriere’, a dog that’s a pain in the butt.
• A Labrador and a Curly-Coated Retriever — A ‘Lab Coat Retriever’, a favorite of scientists.
• A Collie and a Lhaso Apso — ‘Collapso’, a dog that folds up for easy transport.
• A Bloodhound and Borzoi — ‘Bloody Bore’, a dog that’s just not much fun.
– First published in “BS” 1999

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What is something that you regret quitting?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
If you think things can’t get worse, it’s probably only because you lack sufficient imagination.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question:  THIS has been voted the #1 rude behavior when it comes to cellphone etiquette.
Answer:  Using the speaker-phone in public.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Some people wait all week for Friday, all year for summer, and all life for happiness.


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