Wednesday, November 9, 2011       Edition: #4626
Good Morning, Sheetheads!

“Playboy” magazine mogul Hugh Hefner says Lindsay Lohan channeled her idol Marilyn Monroe for her ‘classy’ nude pictorial to be published early next year (he’s calling it a ‘tribute’ to original Playmate Monroe) . . . Comedian/TV host Chelsea Handler (“Chelsea Lately”) is single again after splitting from her hotelier boyfriend, Andre Balazs, who was previously linked to actress Uma Thurman (the guy inspects a lot of hotel rooms) . . . Sometime actor David Arquette has ruled out a reconciliation with ex-wife Courteney Cox after declaring he’s in love with new girlfriend Christina McLarty (who split from “Girls Gone Wild” founder Joe Francis just 7 weeks after they married) . . . Actor James Marsden (“27 Dresses”) is joining the cast of “30 Rock” (NBC) in a guest-starring role but he’s not revealing anything about it (a new boyfriend for ‘Liz Lemon’?) . . . Sarah Burton, the woman behind Catherine Middleton’s dress for this year’s royal wedding, has been named 2011’s top designer at “Harper’s Bazaar” magazine’s ‘Women Of the Year’ honors in London (should have gone to whoever designed Pippa’s dress) . . . And Kate Middleton may be the subject of pregnancy rumors, but brother-in-law Prince Harry seems to be the one who’s eating for two, tucking into a meat lover’s pizza (pepperoni, sausage, bacon, ham) at a restaurant in Gila Bend, Arizona while taking time off from his latest military training (the restaurant owner confirms the potentially portly prince ate the whole thing!).

• “CMA Awards” (ABC) – Brad Paisley & Carrie Underwood return as hosts for a 4th consecutive time at the 45th Country Music Association honors, live from Nashville’s Bridgestone Arena. A few highlights …
– Blake Shelton, Brad Paisley, Jason Aldean, and Taylor Swift lead nominations with 5 apiece.
– Aldean, Paisley, Shelton, Swift, and Keith Urban are nominated for ‘Entertainer Of the Year’.
– Performers include The Band Perry, Chris Young, Eric Church, Kenny Chesney w/Grace Potter, Lady Antebellum, Luke Bryan, Miranda Lambert, Rascal Flatts w/Natasha Bedingfield, and Thompson Square.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Thompson Square (“Thompson Square”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Death Cab for Cutie (“Codes & Keys”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Classic rocker Peter Gabriel (“New Blood”) in his first US TV performance in a decade. He also performs for the “Live At Letterman” webcast series immediately after the show taping.
• Latin Grammy Awards – Shakira is honored as the ‘2011 Latin Recording Academy Person Of the Year’ during a pre-awards tribute dinner & concert at the Mandalay Bay Convention Center in Las Vegas. The actual annual awards are handed out tomorrow night.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – Il Divo (“Wicked Game”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Andrea Bocelli (“Concerto, One Night in Central Park”).


• Adele – She’s said to be on the road to recovery after successful surgery to repair her vocal cords at Boston’s Massachusetts General Hospital. The operation was conducted by the same doctor who treated Aerosmith’s Steven Tyler for a similar problem in 2006.
• Beyoncé – Former Destiny’s Child mate Kelly Rowland has spilled the beans about B’s imminent baby, telling “Us Weekly”: “I think her dad [Jay-Z] is gonna give her everything anyways, all I can give her is love.” So it would seem it’s going to be a girl. Meantime, Beyoncé tells “Closer”magazine her big pregnancy crave is ketchup … breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
• Bruno Mars – He says he’s started work on the follow-up album to “Doo-Wops & Hooligans” and hints that the new record will be ‘more fun’.
• Eli Young Band – They’re celebrating their first #1 country hit with “Crazy Girl” atop both the ‘Billboard Hot Country Singles Chart’ and the ‘USA Today/Country Aircheck’ chart.
• Faith Hill – Her new single “Come Home” becomes available for download today. Her first performance of the tune is on tonight’s “CMA Awards”.
• Motley Crue – This week Vince Neil pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor charge of disorderly conduct stemming from an altercation with an ex-girlfriend in Las Vegas earlier this year. As part of the plea deal, his attorney paid a $1,000-fine on the rocker’s behalf, while Clark County prosecutors agreed to drop the more serious battery charge.
• Taylor Swift – Her impossibly-cute new kitten, Meredith, has become a social networking star after Swift posted a picture of her on Twitter.
• Young the Giant – Tonight they perform selections from their self-titled debut album on a pre-taped episode of “MTV Unplugged”. The band says their appearance was a perfect fit because they love playing stripped-down acoustic sets.

“J Edgar” ( Limited Release R-Rated Drama ): In Clint Eastwood’s bio-film about J Edgar Hoover, Leonardo DiCaprio plays the long-time FBI Director who was simultaneously admired and feared. But behind closed doors, he had secrets that would have destroyed his career. Armie Hammer (“The Social Network”) co-stars as Hoover’s alleged lover. Opens wide Friday.

• Researchers at the University of Guelph have come up with the important discovery that a chicken watching another chicken eating on TV, gets hungry. (Gee, hope they got government funding for this!)
– CP
• A recent study has found that things can smell differently depending on which nostril you use. It’s apparently because airflow varies on each side of the nose. (It’s called getting your two scents-worth.)
– “Nature”
• The Netherlands Liver & Intestine Foundation says that breaking wind is healthy and should not cause embarrassment. In fact, they say, 15 wind-passes per day are recommended to relieve internal discomfort. (Thanks for your encouragement.)
– PA News

Oil spills were all over the news last year, when the blowout of BP’s Deepwater Horizon spewed more than 780 million liters of crude into the Gulf of Mexico. But every year, an estimated 760 million liters of human-produced oil fouls the world’s oceans. This vast amount stealthily builds up from smaller spills that never make the headlines, as well as from everyday activities – people riding jet skis or motorboats, or ships dumping bilge oil at sea. And it’s not just the oceans that are affected. On average, 100 oil spills occur in the USA every day, roughly 75% on land and the rest in water. (And we’re slow in adapting to solar power because??!?!?)
– “Globe & Mail”

Beware! Some of your Facebook friends could be artificial intelligence agents masquerading as humans in order to steal data. University of British Columbia researchers have managed to collect 250 GB of information from unwitting victims with the help of fake Facebook profiles created and controlled by computer code. These so-called ‘social bots’ send friend requests to random Facebook users, many of whom are quite willing to ‘friend’ someone they’ve never met. Once the bots are friended, they can gather large amounts of data, such as email addresses, phone numbers, and other profile information. (On the upside, they don’t upload embarrassing photos of you on their wall.)
– “Vancouver Sun”

Watch out for these red flags that could lead to heartbreak …
• Differences in religion. Even relatively secular people realize how important religion can become to them when marriage and children enter the picture.
• You want marriage, your partner doesn’t. Whether it’s your 1st or 5th marriage, if your partner is not on the same page, the relationship should not be continued.
• There’s someone else who’s new and interesting. Don’t try to bargain the old relationship back. Three’s a crowd, as they say, and it’s time to move on.
• Too many secrets. If you seriously want a long-term relationship, open up and communicate about your lives.
• Jealousy. Subtly or not, if you are threatened by your partner’s friends, family, and co-workers it will become apparent. Either trust in him/her or move on.
• Spending issues. Being honest about your money situation can help the relationship grow free of any waiting landmines. Never lie about money.
– Condensed from


Videogame “Grand Theft Auto 3” is soon going to be available for iOS 5, the operating system for iPhones and iPads. “GTA3 HD”, which it will probably be called, will also be available for Android. It’s a 10-year-old release but the graphics have reportedly been ‘up-tweaked’ for the re-issue. There’s no release date set but it’ll likely be out in time for the holidays. (Coming soon … more reason to not look at people on the bus.)

• In speed, endurance, and jogging pace, the animal most resembling humans is … the pig.
– “New Scientist”
• There has been a 39% increase in breast augmentation surgeries performed in the past decade. Operations to remove implants dropped by 47% over the same time period.


1948 [63] Robert David Hall, East Orange NJ, TV actor (Medical Examiner ‘Dr Al Robbins’ on “CSI” since 2000)  BS FACTOID: He uses prosthetics due to amputation of both legs following an auto accident in 1978.

1972 [39] Eric Dane, San Francisco CA, TV actor (‘Dr Mark Sloan’ [‘McSteamy’] on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2006)

1973 [38] Nick Lachey, Harlan KY, TV personality (“The Sing-Off” since 2009”, “Newlyweds: Nick & Jessica” 2003-05)/former boy-band singer (98 Degrees-“I Do Cherish You”)/wed to Vanessa Minnillo in July 2011 (she turns 31 today)/ex-Mr Jessica Simpson (2002-06)

1978 [33] Sisqo (Mark Andrews), Baltimore MD, hip-hop artist (“Thong Song”, Dru Hill-“These Are the Times”)

1988 [23] Nikki Blonsky, Great Neck NY, movie actress (“Hairspray”)

• “Chaos Never Dies Day”, the one day of the year to acknowledge that chaos is essential to a harmonious universe. (And also the reason there are 24-hour news channels.)

• “Gingerbread House Day”, celebrating the traditional art of home construction as a baked good. (If you’re gonna have one for the holiday season, now’s the time to start!)

• “Vietnam Veterans Memorial Day”,  commemorating the black granite wall on the Mall in Washington DC that’s engraved with more than 58,000 names of those killed in the Vietnam War. It was dedicated on this date in 1984.


2001 [10] The 3,400-seat, $94-million Kodak Theatre, designed to be the permanent home of the Academy Awards, opens in Hollywood CA (main stage measures a massive 175 ft wide by 75 ft deep)

2004 [07] Swedish writer Stieg Larsson dies suddenly of a heart attack at age 50, shortly after turning in the manuscripts for 3 crime thrillers which go on to be best-sellers: “The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo,” “The Girl Who Played With Fire” and “The Girl Who Kicked the Hornet’s Nest” (known as the “Millennium” trilogy)

1996 [15] For the first time, Bob Dylan licenses one of his songs for commercial use as “The Times They Are A-Changin’” becomes the theme for the Bank of Montréal

2006 [05] The Rolling Stones’ “Bigger Bang” tour is reported to have taken in $230 million in just 10 months, after playing to nearly 2 million fans


1911 [100] Frenchman Georges Claude patents the ‘Neon Sign’ after experimenting with passing an electrical charge through gas (Las Vegas is glad he did!)


2004 [07] Roger Clemens of the Houston Astros wins a record 7th Cy Young Award as his league’s best pitcher


[Thurs] Full ‘Beaver’ Moon
[Thurs] Day of Play
[Thurs] “Sesame Street” Day
[Fri] “Immortals”; “Jack & Jill” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Remembrance Day (Canada) / Veterans Day (USA)
This Week Is . . . Fraud Awareness Week
This Month Is . . . Pomegranate Month


• Spit Craft.
• Sitting in Fire.
• Throat Clearing.
• Shallow Grave Maintenance.
• Heimliching Squirrels.
• Choreography.


What’s the defining word for 2011?

– Subway ad: “Learn to read and speak English. Call us now.”
– At podiatrist’s office: “Emergency Foot Surgery – Walk-ins Welcomed.”
– Over a bar restroom: “Used beer department.”
– At a conference: “For anyone who has children and doesn’t know it, there is a daycare on the first floor.”
– On a Swiss restaurant menu: “Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.”

If lawyers are disbarred and clergy defrocked, doesn’t it follow that electricians be delighted, musicians denoted, cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?


• Which will help you lose up to 10 lbs a year?
a. Snapping your belly in and out 50 times a day.
b. Climbing 2 flights of stairs a day. [CORRECT]
c. Getting up from the couch 7 times per evening.
– “Mens Health”

• Each year the Moon moves away from Earth by how far?
a. 2 inches. [CORRECT]
b. 2 feet.
2. 2 miles.

Question: People who do THIS are meaner and more aggressive than those who don’t.
Answer: Watch reality TV. (“Psychology Today”)


People seldom plan to fail, but they often fail to plan.

Printer Friendly Version