Friday, October 21, 2005        Edition: #3142
“There’s No BS Like Show BS …”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
SUNDAY Steve Martin receives the 8th annual “Mark Twain Prize for American Humor” at the Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts in Washington DC, where he’ll be saluted by the likes of Tom Hanks, Diane Keaton & Lily Tomlin (airs on PBS NOVEMBER 9th) . . . The Parents Television Council media watchdog group has ranked FOX-TV’s “The War at Home”, “The Family Guy” and “American Dad” the worst prime-time shows for family viewing . . . Meantime FOX-TV has scheduled a 2nd season of “So You Think You Can Dance” to run NEXT SUMMER . . . “Alias” fans will be thrilled to hear Jennifer Garner’s ex- Michael Vartan has inked a deal to return to the series – but there’s no word on how long he’ll be staying . . . Dubai’s MBC channel will begin airing “The Simpsons” but it will be renamed “Al Shamshoon” for the benefit of the Middle Eastern audience, with ‘Bart’ becoming ‘Badr’, ‘Homer’ becoming ‘Omar’ & ‘Duff’ beer being swapped out for soft drinks (catchphrases like “Doh!” and “Hay carumba!” are being kept in as they ‘transcend language barriers’) . . . Actor Al Pacino has laughed off those reports he is romancing “Fat Actress” Kirstie Alley, insisting they’re just good friends (well who wouldn’t be embarrassed?) . . . THIS WEEK Mel Gibson met with Mexican President Vicente Fox, then agreed to donate $1 million to ease devastation from tropical storm Stan (he begins directing the new movie “Apocalypto” in the Mexican Gulf state of Veracruz in 2 weeks) . . . Donald Trump says confusion between “The Apprentice: Martha Stewart” and his show has hurt ratings for “The Apprentice 4″ (nope, it’s just your hair, dude) . . . And Spike TV has outbid the rest – to the tune of circa $70 million – for exclusive TV rights for 6 years to all 6 “Star Wars” movies (thankfully now they’ll have something to offer besides 4 gazillion repeats of “CSI”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – She’s ordered the 5 guys in her band to take showers every day and use deodorant while they’re on the road promoting her new album “I Am Me”. And oh yeah – no stinky shoes! TONIGHT she’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Franz Ferdinand – TOMORROW they appear on NBC-TV’s “Saturday Night Live”.
• Jessica Simpson – The release of her next album has been pushed back from late NOVEMBER to next spring.
• The Killers – NOVEMBER 22nd their “Hot Fuss” is being reissued for a 3rd time, in a limited-edition boxed set featuring individual 7-inch vinyl singles for each track. That’s a total of 11 records, each with a B-side featuring a cover tune or rarity.
• Martina McBride – THIS MORNING she does NBC-TV’s “Today Show”.
• Moody Blues – SUNDAY former bandmates Justin Hayward, John Lodge & Graeme Edge attend a live performance of the acoustic album, “Moody Bluegrass: A Nashville Tribute to the Moody Blues”, at the Ryman Auditorium in Nashville TN . The album features bluegrass versions of “Nights in White Satin”, “Your Wildest Dreams” & other Moody Blues hits.
• Nickelback – TOMORROW they’re featured in the special “Coast to Coast” on MuchMusic (6 pm ET)
• Paul McCartney – He’s launching a new charity to push music education. The Music Lives Foundation will raise money to promote music in schools, primarily in the US and Britain.
• Stevie Wonder – TODAY he’s on ABC-TV’s “The View”.
• U2 – THIS WEEK while in Washington DC to play 2 shows at the MCI Center, Bono was invited to lunch with George W Bush. It was reportedly a ‘follow-up’ to talks they began at the G-8 summit.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “Doom” ( R-Rated Sci-Fi Action ): Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson heads to Mars with a very large gun in order to kick some demon butt in the year 2145. Will this be the first video-game movie that doesn’t get savaged by critics? Doubt it. But there is one thing that’s a lock … a lot of stuff is gonna explode! BTW: The Rock admits he turned out to be a wuss when he tried playing the video, becoming nauseous 5 minutes after he started.
NET: http://www.doommovie.com
• “Dreamer: Inspired By a True Story” ( PG Sports Drama ): Kurt Russell plays a horse trainer who’s given a once-great racehorse whose career was cut short by a broken leg. His young daughter convinces him to rehab the nag in order to win the Breeders Cup. It’s like “Seabiscuit”, only with Dakota Fanning, the hardest-working 11-year-old in show biz. (5 movies in 2005 alone!)
NET: http://www.dreamer.dreamworks.com
• “North Country” ( R-Rated Drama ): Charlize Theron is looking ugly again in a bid for a 2nd Oscar, playing a Minnesota miner who files a lawsuit after she’s subjected to nonstop sexual harassment from male co-workers. Co-stars Frances McDormand, Woody Harrelson & Sissy Spacek.
NET: http://northcountrymovie.warnerbros.com
• “Stay” ( R-Rated Thriller ): Ewan McGregor plays a psychologist with a suicidal patient (Ryan Gosling) who keeps seeing dead people and successfully predicting the future. Naomi Watts co-stars.
NET: http://www.staythemovie.com
• Also out in limited release: Steve Martin’s romantic comedy, “Shopgirl, co-starring Claire Danes; and the high school angst comedy “Kids in America, most notable as Nicole Richie’s lame bigscreen debut.

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• ‘Gloom Bands’ – There are bracelets of virtually every color to support various causes these days. Now comes a black & white bracelet in support of – it’s maker, McPhee & Co. That’s right, exactly NONE of the proceeds go to charity. And this little trinket is emblazoned with uplifting little slogans such as ‘Despair’, ‘Apathy’ and ‘Nihilism’. (Ah, honesty … don’t cha love it!)
• ‘Mobile Power Generator’ – A new generator from Virginia start-up company SkyBuilt that makes up to 150 KW of electricity without using any fuel. Howzat? It uses solar and wind energy with a battery backup. The units are so rugged they can be dropped by parachute and are designed to run for years with little maintenance. (Now here’s a company that truly is ‘flirting with disaster’ … in fact, they can’t wait for the next one!)
• ‘Silly Squirts’ – A new Heinz bottle with 3 different nozzles, each with a different shape, thus allowing kids to draw pictures on their food using ketchup. Kids can select from ‘draw’, ‘double-double’ or ‘splat’. (And mommy will have a new excuse to scold, “Quit playing with your food!”)
• ‘Topps Bubble Gum Booster’ – A new gizmo to revive stale bubble gum. The old gum is impaled on a spike in one chamber, then vigorous shaking coats it with tiny bits of hard candy from a 2nd chamber. Yes kids, now you can simply ‘Spike It, Shake It, and Chew It!’ (Thereby enabling you to recycle the wads you find under your seat on the school bus.)
– “Christian Science Monitor” / Junk Food Blog / “Social Studies”

SHE SAID IT:
“To me, you’ve got to be a real manly kind of man. It’s good to be masculine. I like that old-school style where the man is protective of his woman. Where you know the person next to you is looking out for you.”
– Pseudo-actress Carmen Electra waxing philosophic about what makes a man a man (such as hubby Dave Navarro, for instance).

HE SAID IT:
“He is permanently living outside of the United States.”
– Michael Jackson’s lawyer Thomas Mesereau revealing some great news upon the occasion of his client receiving a summons to report for jury duty in California.

WEIRD WORLD OF BS:
• A bank robber dressed as an Egyptian mummy has staged a hold-up in Austria. The man walked into a bank in Vienna and handed over a note to a cashier saying he had a grenade hidden in his costume. The bandage-clad raider then calmly walked out with a bag of cash. (Police are staking out the bank just in case “The Mummy Returns”.)
• ‘Goldie’, said to be the oldest goldfish in the world, has died at the age of 45. Owners Tom & Pauline Evans from Bradninch UK say the family pet had been ‘out of sorts’ for a while, resting at the bottom of his tank. (For the past 44 years, in fact.)
• THIS WEEK the so-called ‘Lunar Embassy’, a US company touted as the first ‘extraterrestrial estate agency’, has set up operations in China to sell land on the Moon for 289 yuan ($37) an acre, due to renewed interest in space travel after the successful 5-day voyage of China’s “Shenzhou VI” spacecraft. (And the fact they ran out of suckers in the Western world.)

HOW TO SPEAK ‘STRAIN’ (AUSTRALIAN):
The newly-released 4th edition of the “Macquarie Dictionary” of Australian dialect contains 1,000 new additions, including …
• Beer O’Clock … any time you feel like a drink.
• Cyberbludging … using the Internet at work for other than work-related purposes.
• Hose Rage … the anger caused by someone’s illicit use of water during water restrictions.
• Jolly Bean … an amphetamine pill.
• Pash Rash … redness around the lips that comes from excessive kissing.
• Tag Dag … a fashion victim who wears his or her shirt tag sticking up at the collar.
– “Globe & Mail”

DID YOU KNOW?
The next big thing in vehicle options is said to be – satellite TV. Cadillac is now offering the TracVision satellite system as a dealer-installed option on its Escalade sport utility vehicle, an industry first. And GM is considering pre-wiring all its SUVs for satellite TV starting with 2007 models.
– AP

THE BULL SHEET 10.21.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1940 [65] Manfred Mann, Johannesburg, South Africa, oldies musician (“The Mighty Quinn”)

1942 [63] Judy Sheindlin, Brooklyn NY, TV judge (“Judge Judy” since 1996)

1956 [49] Carrie Fisher, Beverly Hills CA, movie actress (‘Princess Leia’ in original “Star Wars” trilogy)/author (“Postcards from the Edge”)/screenwriter (“The Wedding Singer”)

1978 [27] Will Estes, LA CA, TV actor (‘Will Malloy‘ in the new FOX-TV drama “Reunion”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Movie actor Christopher Lloyd (“Back to the Future”) is 67; Movie actor Jeff Goldblum (“Jurassic Park”) is 53; Country singer Shelby Lynne (“Killing Kind”) is 37; Reggae rapper Shaggy (“It Wasn’t Me”) is 37.

SUNDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
Movie director Ang Lee (“Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon”) is 51; Country singer Dwight Yoakam (“Fast As You”) is 49; Parody singer Weird Al Yankovic (“Amish Paradise”) is 46.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is –
• “Babbling Day”, a day of tolerance for those who run off at the mouth … unless they’re on-the-air. Radio rule #1: ‘Tis better to be brief than boring.
• “Overseas Chinese Day”, when thousands of Chinese go back to their homeland of Taiwan for special celebrations.
• “Reptile Day”, a day of cold-blooded appreciation.

SATURDAY is –
• “Barber Day”, honoring the scissor-handed folks who run clip joints.
• “Holy See Day” in Vatican City, the tiny country’s national day.
• “Make a Difference Day”, a day set aside to help others, whether it be spending quality time with someone who needs company or volunteering in the community.
NET: http://www.usaweekend.com/diffday
• “Nut Day”. Ask anyone to name a nut and most will start their list with ‘peanut’, which isn’t a nut at all – it’s a legume. Definition of a nut – “A hard, dry, indehiscent fruit formed from two or more carpels but containing only one seed.”

SUNDAY is –
• “Canning Day”, honoring the 1752 birth of French chef/chemist Nicolas Appert, who came up with the concept of sealing perishable food in jars. For this, he is known as ‘the father of canning’, but he also came up with many other inventions, including the bouillon cube.
• “Mother-in-Laws Day”, honoring their ‘contribution to family life and good humor in enduring humiliating bad jokes’. Remember, behind every successful man there’s a surprised mother-in-law.
• “TV Talk Show Host Day”, to celebrate those ‘gifted with the personality and intellect to enable them to bring out the best in their guests’. Based on that, which current TV host is best? And which should get canned?
• “Western Canadian Music Awards”, the 3rd annual celebration of the best of the West, being held this time in Vancouver.
NET: http://www.westerncanadianmusicawards.ca

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1972 [33] Chuck Berry scored his 1st (& only) #1 hit, the sing-along novelty song “My Ding-a-Ling”

1997 [08] Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana, “Candle in the Wind 1997″, is declared the ‘Largest-Selling Single Record’ of all-time by the “Guinness Book of Records” after it surpasses Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” by selling 31.8 million copies

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1849 [156] 1st ‘Tattooed Man’, James O’Connell, is put on exhibition at NYC’s Franklin Theater

1879 [126] 1st practical ‘Electric Light Bulb’ demonstrated by Thomas Edison (before that, what appeared over peoples’ heads when they had an idea?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1918 [87] Margaret Owen of NYC sets ‘Typing Speed Record’ of 170 wpm … on a manual typewriter, with no errors!

COMING UP . . .
[Mon] United Nations Day
[Mon] Bologna Day
[Tues] International Greasy Foods Day
This Week Is . . . YMCA Teen Week
This Month Is . . . International Doll Collectors Month                      

BULL’S BITS

TOP SWAPS:
The week’s most requested music files online …
1. Black Eyed Peas – “My Humps”
2. Chris Brown – “Run It”
3. Rihanna – “Pon De Replay”
4. Mariah Carey – “Shake It Off”
5. Pussycat Dolls – “Don’t Cha”
– BigChampagne online music measurement.

BS PHONE STARTER:
What famous person do you envy most? (A new “Fortune” magazine ranking of the most enviable includes Google co-founders Sergey Brin & Larry Page, golfer Tiger Woods, TV personality Jon Stewart, author JK Rowling, and pop star/fashion mogul Gwen Stefani.)

BS WEB GOODIE:
The ‘Bitter Waitress’ Website is where serving staff bitch about how awful and cheap celebs are. Some of the worst are said to be Owen Wilson, Mark Wahlberg, Gene Simmons and – surprise, surprise – J-Lo.
NET: http://www.bitterwaitress.com

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you are average, you will do THIS 12 times in your life.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Change jobs.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.


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