Tuesday, October 18, 2005        Edition: #3139
Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY Martha Stewart releases the 3-CD series, “Martha Stewart Living Music: The Holiday Collection”, which features traditional standards, jazz & classical selections, plus recipe cards, holiday decorating tips & craft ideas (um, have we reached the Martha saturation point yet?) . . . Actress Angelina Jolie is being courted to play ‘Vesper Lynd’, a Russian double agent who seduces new ‘007′ Daniel Craig in the next ‘Bond’ film, “Casino Royale” (they previously shared a love scene in 2001′s “Tomb Raider”) . . . DJ Fatboy Slim (“Funk Soul Brother”) & former Talking Heads frontman David Byrne (“Take Me to the River”) are writing a ‘theatrical music event’ titled “Here Lies Love” about Imelda Marcos, infamous shoe-lover & former first lady of the Philippines, which will premiere at Australia’s “Adelaide Festival” in MARCH (she was the original ‘queen of sole’) . . . 47-year-old Sharon Stone has opened Louis Vuitton’s new flagship store on Paris’ Champs-Elysee wearing apparently only an overcoat – and nothing underneath (would this be considered a news ‘flash’?) . . . The host of a proposed Chinese version of “The Apprentice”, Hong Kong real estate mogul Pan Shiyi, has quit the reality TV show after deciding the arrangements were ‘inappropriate’ (in other words, not enough yen in it for him) . . . And multimedia mogul Oprah Winfrey has purchased property adjacent to her $50-million estate in Montecito CA that includes stables, apparently a first step toward realizing yet another goal – owning a racehorse that wins the “Kentucky Derby”.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• INXS – Their new single “Pretty Vegas” (written by new frontman JD Fortune) has achieved their highest-ever debut: #37 on “Billboard’s” ‘Hot 100′ and the top 10 downloads on iTunes.
• Mariah Carey – The re-release, “The Emancipation of Mimi: Platinum Edition”, is coming out NOVEMBER 15th, featuring 4 extra tracks, a remix of the hit “We Belong Together”, and a DVD featuring all of her videos thus far.
• Melissa Etheridge – TONIGHT she appears on the show “WomenRock!” on Lifetime channel.
• Rod Stewart – TODAY he’s on ABC-TV’s “The View” to promote TODAY’s release of “Thanks for the Memory … The Great American Songbook: Volume IV”, his 4th album of standards which includes duets with Elton John, Chaka Khan & Diana Ross.
• Rolling Stones – TODAY their new video “Streets of Love” has its world premiere on the NBC-TV daytime drama “Days of Our Lives”. If that seems an odd pairing consider that the soap is about 40-years-old and the Stones have been touring for 40 years. “DOL” will continue to use the tune as a background soundtrack for some scenes over the next month.
• Smash Mouth – TONIGHT they do “Last Call With Carson Daly” on NBC-TV.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Batman Begins” (Action Adventure – DVD): Christian Bales makes his debut as the ‘Caped Crusader’ in the story of how ‘Bruce Wayne’ evolved into what he was destined to be. Co-stars Michael Caine, Liam Neeson & Katie Holmes. Available in 2 versions: a single-disc, movie-only edition and a 2-disc ‘Deluxe Edition’ packed with extras. Taking advantage of the release, 2-disc ‘Special Editions’ of the 4 original “Batman” movies and “Batman: The 1943 Serial Collection”, the character’s first screen appearance are also in stores TODAY.
• “Land of the Dead” (Horror – DVD/VHS): In George A Romero’s latest zombie thriller (a series that includes “Night of the Living Dead” & “Dawn of the Dead”), what’s left of mankind is cordoned off behind the walls of a fortified city while the walking dead roam the vast wasteland beyond. Stars Simon Baker, John Leguizamo … and a slumming Dennis Hopper.

HOMER’S MODERN GREEK:
Linguists say catchphrases from TV programs are changing the way we communicate. Phrases dubbed ‘pop-speak’, such as the ‘Homer Simpson’ exclamation “Doh!”, are being woven into the language in the same way that Shakespeare’s word creations were in the 17th century. “The Simpsons” is especially influential because 40 million people in more than 100 countries watch the show.
– “Daily Telegraph”

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• A hypnotist has been pulling a string of bank robberies in the Eastern European country of Moldova. The evil-eyed suspect reportedly puts tellers into a trance, gets them to hand over money, then brings them back to normal with no memory of the incident whatsoever. In an attempt to bring the heists to a halt, the country’s bank personnel are being encouraged to avoid eye contact with customers.
• A prisoner serving 20 years for murder at Romania’s Timisoara Penitentiary is suing God for failing to save him from the Devil. The inmate, identified as Pavel M, argues that his baptism was a contract between him and the almighty which should have kept him out of trouble. The complaint has been sent to the local Court of Justice where it will likely be tossed out because – prosecutors say they will be unable to subpoena God.
• Two female employees at a Walgreens drug store in Tamarac FL got into a vicious brawl over – who could microwave their soup first. The co-workers argued in the employee lounge, then wrestled for possession of a kitchen knife, each cutting up their hands. Both were treated in hospital for  wounds but only one has been charged for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon.
• A Bulgarian customs officer who stole a gadget-packed cellphone has been caught after its owner, the US Ambassador, activated the GPS program on his laptop and pinpointed the phone’s exact location – in the customs official’s pocket. The man and his accomplice have been arrested and are facing malpractice and theft charges … not to mention the axe!
• Police chiefs in South Africa are outfitting the country’s 35,000 police cars with satellite tracking systems – to stop officers from slacking. The National Police Commissioner announced the move THIS WEEK, saying he’s fed up with complaints about police cruisers parked beside the road or under trees while officers sleep or read newspapers.

HE SAID IT:
“I don’t take any notice of her. She’s John’s wife so I have to respect her for that, but I don’t think she’s the brightest of buttons.”
– Paul McCartney, reacting to recent negative comments by John Lennon’s 72-year-old widow Yoko Ono.

SHE SAID IT:
“I was absolutely miserable by the end of it. I thought it would be really exciting and glamorous but it was awful. My feet bled all the time because they were constantly being rammed into new, tight shoes.”
– Mick Jagger’s 21-year-old daughter Lizzie Jagger on why she’s given up modeling in fashion shows.

SOOTHING SOUNDS FOR SOLDIERS:
The Danish Army has sent its soldiers posted in Iraq and Kosovo a pillow that plays relaxing music in an attempt to help them combat stress and tension. Denmark has close to a thousand soldiers involved in peacekeeping missions that the Royal Defence College’s Leadership & Psychology Department thought would benefit from using the so-called ‘MusiCure’ pillow. It has built-in speakers attached to an MP3-player playing soft instrumentals and sounds of nature like trickling water and chirping birds.
– Reuters

ROACHES FOR RODENTS:
University of Saskatchewan researchers suggest there are beneficial aspects to marijuana use – at least among rats. Their new study published in the “Journal of Clinical Investigation” finds that lab rats benefit from reduced depression & anxiety and appear to actually sprout new brain cells following marijuana use. (The hardest part is training the li’l critters how to fire up a spliff.)
– “Earth Times”

FOR THE RECORD:
THIS WEEK tropical storm Wilma has tied a record set in 1933 for the most storms during an Atlantic hurricane season. Wilma is the 21st named storm of the season, which doesn’t end until NOVEMBER 30th. Because the letters q, u, x, y and z are skipped in the annual alphabetical storm list, letters from the Greek alphabet will be used for any further storms, starting with Alpha. That has never happened in roughly 60 years of regularly named Atlantic storms.
– AP

WORST VENDING MACHINE FOODS:
The least-healthy snacks dispensed by vending machines, according to a panel of dieticians …
• Breakfast Pastries (such as Pop Tarts)
• Candy Bars
• Potato or Nacho Chips
• Cookies
• Doughnuts
• Sandwich Crackers
• Jerky or Sausage Meats
• Snack Cakes
• Full Sugar Soft Drinks
– “Forbes”

BRITAIN’S BEST BUM PAINTER?
TODAY works by this year’s shortlist of nominees for Britain’s annual “Turner Prize” for art go on exhibition at London’s Tate Gallery. The Turner nominees are usually controversial and this year is no exception. Finalists include Darren Almond, chosen for his sculptures of bus stops; Jim Lambie, famous for creating psychedelic floor pieces; Simon Starling, nominated for a piece in which he rode a moped across the desert in Spain; and the UK bookmakers’ favorite to win, Gillian Carnegie, who specializes in painting … naked butts.
– Ananova News

THE BULL SHEET 10.18.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [79] Chuck Berry, St Louis MO, rock ‘n roll pioneer (“Johnny B Goode”, only #1 was 1972 novelty song “My Ding-A-Ling”)/Lifetime Achievement Grammy Award (1984)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1986)

1935 [70] Peter Boyle, Philadelphia PA, TV actor (“Everybody Loves Raymond” 1996-2005)/movie actor (“Taxi Driver”)

1960 [45] Jean-Claude Van Damme (Van Varenberg)’, Brussels, Belgium, movie actor (“Double Impact”) whose career has pretty much tanked

1980 [25] Josh Gracin, Westland MI, country singer (“Nothin’ To Lose”)/”American Idol” finalist (2003)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Jewish] “Sukkot”

TODAY is “Persons Day”, commemorating the anniversary of the 1929 ruling that declared women to be ‘persons’ in Canada (shouldn’t that be ‘people’?). Previously, under English common law, women were persons in matters of pains and penalties, but were not persons in matters of rights and privileges.

TODAY is “Alaska Day”, commemorating the formal transfer of Alaska from Russian to US control on this date in 1867 – one of the sneakiest real estate deals ever! The US paid $7.2 million, or less than 2 cents an acre. Nowadays, millions of dollars worth of oil is piped out of Alaska EVERY DAY.

TODAY is “No Beard Day”, an observance likely started by somebody’s wife somewhere.

TODAY is “Watch a Squirrel Day” to which we say, nuts to you!

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1992 [13] Before Game 2 of Toronto-Atlanta “World Series”, US Marine Corps color guard marches onto the field accidentally flying the Canadian flag upside down

1954 [51] Comic strip “Hi & Lois” 1st appears in newspapers, created by “Beetle Bailey” cartoonist Mort Walker (now a collaboration of Brian & Greg Walker and artist Chance Browne, it appears in more than 1,100 newspapers in 37 countries in 10 languages)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1776 [229] 1st ‘Cocktail’ served when the back of a NYC bar is decorated with bird tail feathers and a customer jokingly asks for ‘a glass of those cock tails’

1898 [107] Puerto Rico 1st becomes a US colony (hey, thanks for Ricky Martin)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1989 [16] ‘World’s Largest Cake’ weighs in at 128,238 lbs (Fort Payne AL, in celebration of its 100th birthday)

COMING UP . . .
[Wed-Sat] Canadian Comedy Awards (London ON)
[Wed] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Wed] Saddam Hussein’s trial scheduled to start
[Fri] Reptile Day
[Fri] Babbling Day
[Sun] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Sun] Make a Difference Day
[Sun] 3rd Western Canadian Music Awards (Vancouver)
[Sun] Canned Food Day
[Sun] Mother-In-Laws Day
This Week Is . . . Pickled Pepper Week
This Month Is . . . Alternate History Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
SIGNS YOU’VE STAYED TOO LONG IN YOUR JOB:

• Boredom: The work doesn’t challenge you and time really lags.
• Death By a Thousand Cuts: Things keep changing but seemingly never to your advantage.
• You’re Taken for Granted: You’re known as the good corporate citizen who’ll do whatever you’re asked.
• You’ve Pigeonholed Yourself: You’ve lost confidence that you could succeed anywhere else.
• You’re Always Angry: No matter how well-regarded your work is, if you develop a reputation as a depressing crank, bosses and colleagues will distance themselves.
• You Feel Like Hell. Unhappiness can undermine your health. Early signs of excess stress include stomach aches, headaches and insomnia.
– CNN/Money

BS BLATANT JOKE:
• I found a great way to lose weight … I put the scales in front of the fridge.
• You should do your kids a favor … don’t have any.
• And here are the weather stats from a year ago … the part of the forecast that makes you feel even more miserable …

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Just one of THESE will cost you approximately $250,000.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A child … that’s the average cost of raising one.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.


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