Friday, October 14, 2005        Edition: #3137
Either Sheet or Get Off the Air!

TODAY producers of the ‘James Bond’ movies will officially announce the new ‘007′ at a news conference in London (unless all the buzz is wrong, it will be “Layer Cake” actor Daniel Craig – as we reported WEDNESDAY) . . . TODAY the world’s most famous amphibian, ‘Kermit the Frog’, kicks off a worldwide tour to celebrate his 50 years in show biz in – where else? – the tiny Texas town of Kermit (he got his start in 1955 on a local Washington DC program called “Sam & Friends”) . . . Remember earlier THIS YEAR when comedian George Lopez’s wife donated one of her kidneys to him? Well now the duo are co-spokespeople for the National Kidney Foundation . . . There’s a photo of Michael Jackson on his Website showing him working on his hurricane relief charity song in a London studio – all alone (even though the likes of Lenny Kravitz, James Brown & Missy Elliott are said to be onboard the project, there’s still no sign of any other artists showing up to record) . . . “Rock Star: INXS” runner-up Marty Casey has been signed to open the upcoming INXS tour with his band the Lovehammers (tickets go on sale THIS WEEKEND for the tour beginning in JANUARY) . . . Police in Honolulu HI are investigating a robbery in which “Lost” star Josh Holloway and his wife were held at gunpoint, but later released uninjured (the robber escaped down the ‘hatch’)  . . . FOX-TV has cancelled the upcoming season of “The Simple Life” due to the ongoing feud between Paris Hilton & Nicole Richie (for really big ratings they ought to toss ‘em into a mud wrestling ring and let ‘em have at it) . . . Actor Kevin Bacon says he hadn’t heard the term ‘Bacon sandwich’ in reference to his 3-way sex scene in Atom Egoyan’s new film noir mystery “Where the Truth Lies” – but he has now! (opening in limited release THIS WEEKEND) . . . Brit actor Steve Coogan has finally admitted he DID in fact have a fling with Courtney Love, even though he previously denied reports they had an affair and she was expecting his child (well who wouldn’t be embarrassed?) . . . And “Two for the Money” actor Al Pacino has reportedly hooked up with “Fat Actress” Kirstie Ally, the terrible twosome spotted huddling at LA’s Chateau Marmont, she ‘stroking his thigh as she talked to him’ (ewww, how do you get that ugly mental picture out of your head?).

• Boy George – When he denied the cocaine found in his NYC apartment LAST WEEKEND was his, he was denying a lot … it seems 13 bags of the stuff were found by cops. He faces up to 15 years in prison if found guilty of possession. That’s likely why he’s flown the coop back to Britain.
• Dolly Parton – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien”.
• Gwen Stefani – SUNDAY she kicks off her 16-city “Harajuku Lovers Tour” in Phoenix AZ with the help of Black Eyed Peas. It’s Gwen’s first tour as a solo act.
• Patsy Cline – She’s been dead 42 years but she’s still racking up sales! The RIAA has just certified her “Greatest Hits” album as ‘Diamond’, with over 10 million units sold. The album was released in 1973, 10 years after she died in a plane crash at age 30.
• Rod Stewart – TONIGHT he does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”.
• Sara Evans – She says she can’t see herself on the road 150 days a year once her 3 kids get older. Then, instead of touring, she plans to spend most of her time taking her kids to football practice and other activities.

• “Domino” (R-Rated Bio-Drama): Keira Knightley stars in this recounting of Domino Harvey’s life story, the daughter of English actor Laurence Harvey who turned away from her career as a Ford model to become a bounty hunter. Co-stars Mena Suvari, Christopher Walken, Lucy Liu & Mickey Rourke. The former cast of “Beverly Hills 90210″ play parodies of themselves in the film.
The real-life Domino Harvey died JUNE 27, 2005 from an overdose at age 35.
• “Elizabethtown” (PG-13 Romantic Comedy): Orlando Bloom & Kirsten Dunst star in director Cameron Crowe’s latest effort, the story of a guy who hooks up with an assertive flight attendant while travelling back to his Kentucky hometown for his father’s funeral. Crowe has whittled some 20 minutes from the rough-cut version that screened (and underwhelmed) at both the Toronto and Venice film festivals.
• “The Fog” (PG-13 Horror Thriller): A quiet seaside town is engulfed by a thick fog precisely one century after a boat sank off the coast under mysterious circumstances. Now, the ghosts of the casualties are back for revenge. Stars Tom Welling and Selma Blair, who took over for Fergie (Black Eyed Peas) when she was forced to bow out by a last minute conflict. A remake of the 1980 thriller of the same name.

89-year-old retired construction worker Richard Zimmerman (aka ‘Dugout Dick’) has begun advertising ‘Cave Stays’ in central Idaho for $5 per night, or $25 a month. Zimmerman has spent decades carving out a dozen caves as deep as 100 feet into a hillside overlooking the Salmon River and is himself a cave resident. He says his dwellings can double as bomb shelters or mining sites for people who bring their own picks. So far, one tourist from the UK and another from Spain have taken him up on the offer … but didn’t last long. (It seems neither was a fan of playing ‘What’s That Crawling on My Face’ at 3 am.)
– Yahoo! News

The Vatican is attempting to strike a deal with the Israeli government in a bid to regain propriety of the room in which it’s believed Jesus held ‘The Last Supper’ in Jerusalem. In exchange for the site, the Vatican will hand over a historic synagogue in Toledo, Spain which at present is a Catholic Church. (A few more trades of this type would prevent a heckuva lot of wars!)
– “Times of London”

A new study of over 2,000 kids finds that babies under age 1 spend an average of just under an hour watching TV daily, while 2-to-3-year-olds average 2.3 hours daily. The study concludes that one of the negative affects of all that tube time is that tiny tots who watch TV are more likely to have irregular napping and bedtime schedules. (That goes for big people too, doesn’t it?)
– “Pediatrics”

The remains of what are thought to be the world’s oldest noodles have been unearthed in China. The 50-cm-long (20-inch) yellow strands were found in a pot that had probably been buried during a giant flood. Radiocarbon dating of the material taken from an archaeological site on the Yellow River indicates the food was about 4,000-years-old. (Wait, this just in – even older food has been found … a moon pie on the back shelf of a local 7-11.)
– BBC World News

Hollywood’s hottest trend is now 20-years-old. The 1980s, the decade of big hair, big shoulder pads and big robots, is making a comeback as producers resurrect TV shows and cartoons from the  era. But just when does out-of-fashion pop culture become retro-cool? Apparently it’s when the children of a specific era grow up and settle down. VH-1 VP Michael Hirschorn says that because we’re most impressionable when aged 12-to-24, what we wore, watched and listened to has greater import at that time, before we were distracted by other things like jobs and families. (That’s why almost everyone can answer the question: What song was #1 when you were 16?)
– “USA Today”


1927 [78] Sir Roger Moore, London UK, movie actor (‘James Bond’ 1973-1985 including “A View to a Kill”, “The Spy Who Loved Me”)

1939 [66] Ralph Lauren (Lipshitz), Bronx NY, fashion designer (CK Jeans)

1946 [59] Justin Hayward, Swindon UK, oldies singer/songwriter (Moody Blues-“Nights in White Satin”)

1974 [31] Natalie Maines, Lubbock TX, country singer (Dixie Chicks-“Landslide”)
1978 [27] Usher (Raymond), Chattanooga TN, pop/R&B singer (w/Alicia Keys–“My Boo”, “Yeah”)

1996 [09] Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon, LA CA, Madonna’s daughter via fitness trainer Carlos Leon

TV chef Emeril Lagasse is 46; Britain’s Duchess of York, Sarah Ferguson is 46; TV actress Vanessa Marcil (“Las Vegas”) is 36; Hip-hop artist Ginuwine (“So Anxious”) is 35.

Actress Angela Lansbury (“Beauty & the Beast”) is 80; FOX-TV baseball analyst Tim McCarver is 64; Movie actor Tim Robbins (“Shawshank Redemption”) is 47; Rock guitarist Flea (Red Hot Chili Peppers) is 43; Pop singer/songwriter John Mayer (“Your Body is a Wonderland”) is 28.

TODAY is –
• “Be Bald & Be Free Day”, a day to hang up the old wig or toupée and be shiny and proud. Which celebrities wear the worst and most-obvious toupées? What are the advantages of being bald? (Money saved on haircuts, shampoo, conditioner, combs, etc.)
• “Frump Day,” honoring the world’s largest silent majority – those average, unpretentious, regular folks. You know … riffraff.
• “Train Your Brain Day,” a day to ‘clean out the cobwebs, blast through the barriers and click on the light bulbs’ because humans use only a small percentage of their brain power.
• “Quarrel Festival” (or “Rough House Festival”) in Japan when people jostle one another to demonstrate their skill and balance in handling burdens. Impress the boss by giving her a cross-body block today.
• “School Librarian Day” … but don’t say anything about it too loud or you’ll get a detention.

• “Grouch Day”, a day to be grumpy, ungrateful and cantankerous, and a day to allow grouches everywhere time to spout off.
• “My Mom is a Student Day”, when kids are to show support for moms who’ve gone back to school by giving gifts of school supplies. Be sure to ask mom if she finished her homework.
• “Sweetest Day”, born out of a project instigated by a confection company employee some 70 years ago to distribute candy to the sick, shut-ins & orphans in Cleveland OH. The objective has become to do something nice for someone on this day.
• “World Poetry Day”, a good excuse to sample some ‘modern poetry’ by reading the inane lyrics to a hit song over a mushy violin background track. You can find dumb lyrics on CD liner notes or online here …

• “Dictionary Day,” celebrating the 1758 birth of Noah Webster, one of the most famous of lexicographers, who 1st published “Webster’s Dictionary” in 1828.
• “National Boss Day”, conveniently observed on a weekend so most workers will miss seeing theirs.

1916 [89] 1st ‘Nude Movie Scene’ (Annette Kellerman in “Daughter of the Gods”)

1926 [79] Author AA Milne’s silly old bear of ‘Hundred-Acre Wood’ is introduced in the children’s classic “Winnie-the-Pooh”

1947 [58] 1st ‘Supersonic Flight’ (Chuck Yeager reaches mach 1.015 in Bell XS-1 nicknamed ‘Glamorous Glennis’)

1990 [15] ‘Fast Eddy’ McDonald successfully executes 21,663 loops with a yo-yo in 3 hours (Toronto)

1993 [12] ‘Largest Lasagna’ weighs 8,188 lbs and measures 70 feet x 7 feet (Salinas CA)

[Sun] World Food Day
[Sun] Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day
[Mon] The new “TV Guide” launches
[Mon] Gaudy Day
[Mon] Hurricane Thanksgiving Day (Virgin Islands)
[Tues] Persons Day (Canada)
[Tues] No Beard Day
[Tues] “Batman Begins” released on DVD
This Week Is . . . International Pinball Week
This Month Is . . . Alternate History Month


• At least one of every pair of identical twins is born evil.
• The cops never show up during massive gun battles in city streets that involve bystanders and
exploding cars. After the fact, you might just hear a siren in the distance.
• The first shot from a bad guy always misses. It’s just there to announce that a fight will soon be taking place.
• Women will always have shaved legs and armpits, even in caveman movies.
• If you start dancing in the streets, everyone you bump into will know the steps.
• A teenager will always have a drainpipe outside the bedroom window. It will be specially reinforced to hold a person’s weight.
• Whenever people are chased to a staircase, they will run upstairs rather than down.
• All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only waist level on the guy lying beside her.
• Doors always squeak.

The week’s most requested music files online –
1. Black Eyed Peas – “My Humps”
2. Mariah Carey – “Shake It Off”
3. Rihanna – “Pon De Replay”
4. David Banner – “Play”
5. Chris Brown – “Run It”
– BigChampagne online music measurement.

Did you hear there was a power outage at [local] department store? 29 people were trapped on the escalators!

Today’s Question: Researchers have discovered that people 65-and-older who participate in THIS activity live longer and healthier than those who don’t.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Gambling.

Love is a matter of chemistry, but sex is a matter of physics.

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