Wednesday, October 12, 2005        Edition: #3135
Ahhh, Some BS to Look Forward to in the Morning!

Word has it we’ll be officially informed of which actor will be the new ‘James Bond’ by the end of THIS WEEK and it’s come down to relatively unknown Brit actors Henry Cavill and Daniel Craig (insiders say it’s Craig, Dan Craig) . . . Newly-single actress Renee Zellweger has reportedly convinced Angelina Jolie to take her along on a visit to Africa in order to help her adopt a child (there are 5 million orphans to pick from in Ethiopia) . . . Word has it Britney Spears has a new nanny – Kevin Federline’s 29-year-old ex-, Shar Jackson – who has temporarily moved in along with her kids to help the struggling new mom care for her baby and patch things up with Kevin (there’s a sit-com in here somewhere) . . . “Survivor” host Jeff Probst has confirmed that his contract expires at the end of the NEXT SEASON (if the ratings go down another 20%, it could be the last) . . . Meanwhile, in the wake of the recent devastating Guatemalan mudslides, there’s a dark joke making the rounds locally – “Everybody’s now a ‘Survivor’ in Guatemala” . . . One of Tom Cruise’s bodyguards reportedly got into an altercation outside the Scientology Celebrity Center in LA after paparazzi followed Cruise during a break in the shooting of “Mission Impossible 3″ . . . The wardrobe department of FOX-TV’s “The OC” has partnered with clothing maker Necessary Objects to launch a new line of junior wear inspired by or actually worn on the show, including  $28 tanks and $48 shrunken vests . . . 42-year-old movie star Johnny Depp admits he developed a bit of a fetish for women’s clothing while playing cross-dressing film director Ed Wood in the 1994 film of the same name (at next year’s Oscars he’ll be wearing Oscar de la Renta) . . . And actress Melanie Griffith, who plays a dumb blonde in the new TV series “Twins” (what a stretch!), is having trouble remembering some of her lines because of last minute script changes – Quote: “It’s harder than I thought it would be!”

• Alicia Keys – TODAY she appears on ABC-TV’s “The View”.
• The Beatles – The original wax head likenesses of them, created for Madame Tussauds and used on the cover the “Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club” album, are going to auction and are expected to fetch upwards of $35,000.
• Billy Joel – In the new book, “Billy Joel: The Life & Times of a Young Man”, he reveals he was once so depressed he attempted to kill himself … by drinking furniture polish.
• Eminem – He’s releasing a greatest hits package titled “Curtain Call” on DECEMBER 6th, fueling more rumors of his retirement. Sure sounds like a final effort, doesn’t it?
• Green Day – NEXT MONTH they’ll screen their upcoming live DVD, “Bullet in a Bible”, in select movie theaters.
• Marilyn Manson – The shock rocker is looking to bring out his own fragrance, then follow it up with an entire cosmetics line. Well, why not? He certainly has expertise with makeup.
• 3 Doors Down – TONIGHT they’re on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.

Richard Wallace, a former Connecticut cop and author of “An Educated Guide to Speeding Tickets and How to Beat and Avoid Them”, advises: “When you see an officer and you think you may have been caught, wave when you go by. The officer’s thinking, well, either this guy’s acknowledging that he’s speeding and is slowing down, or I know him.” (Or, even more likely,  “I’m gonna nail that cheeky bastard!”)
– “Social Studies”

A 20-year study in England suggests that youngsters whose school desks are in rows and face the blackboard work twice as hard as those who study in groups around a big table. (They would have finished the study a long time ago … but they were sitting in a group around a big table.)
– “Focus”

In her new book, “Hello Laziness: Why Hard Work Doesn’t Pay”, author Corinne Maier mercilessly mocks the structure, politics and inside terminology of today’s corporate world. Here’s a look at her ‘Slacker’s 10 Commandments’ …
1. Remember that salaried work is the new slavery, not a place for personal fulfillment. You work for your pay cheque … period.
2. It’s pointless trying to change the system. Opposing it simply makes it stronger.
3. The work you do is fundamentally pointless. You could be replaced any day of the week by any cretin off the street. So work as little as possible.
4. You’re not judged on merit, but on your ability to conform. The more jargon you speak, the more people will think you are ‘in the loop’.
5. Never, under any circumstances, accept a position of responsibility. You’ll only have to work harder for what amounts to peanuts.
6. Seek out the most useless positions (adviser, consultant, researcher) where it is impossible to assess your ‘contribution to the wealth-creation of the company’.
7. Once you’ve found one of these plum jobs, never move. It is only the most exposed who get fired.
8. Learn to identify kindred spirits who, like you, believe the system is absurd through discreet signs (quirks in the clothing they wear, peculiar jokes, warm smiles).
9. Be nice to people on short-term contracts. They are the only people who do any real work.
10. Keep telling yourself that the absurd ideology spread by the world of big business cannot last forever.
– “Macleans”

• Man’s best friend can apparently also be his worst traitor … a 22-year-old suspected burglar in Hannover, Germany fled out the back door of his home as police showed up at the front door to arrest him. But the man left behind his American Staffordshire Bull Terrier and the quick-thinking cops simply encouraged the pooch to find his owner. ‘Lumpi’ quickly sped into the yard next door and stood wagging his tail directly in front of where the suspect was hiding in the bushes. The man’s now in custody, while ‘Lumpi’ is living the high-life with relatives.
• Talk about your ‘dog date’ … under the motto ‘A Date on All Fours’, a new dating agency called ‘Date-A-Dog’ allows singletons to use their pets to help them meet potential human partners. The online dating agency allows dog owners to post pictures of their pooches alongside a description of the owner. Anyone interested can then arrange a date to walk dogs together. And for those who do not own a dog but would like to try out the flirt factor of walking one, the Website also offers … dogs for rent.
• You might call this stuff ‘Ready Mix Dog Doo’ … German architect Friedrich Lentze has filed to patent a new type of cement made of pooch poop. His ‘odorless heating and building material’ is made from dog doo cleaned from the streets of Berlin each day. It’s said to make a great mortar with fantastic insulating properties. But then … you might end up with a crappy looking house.

Gisele Bundchen, Vin Diesel, Ashton Kutcher, Keifer Sutherland and Scarlett Johansson all have twin brothers or sisters.

A 97-year-old Colombian woman has been mistakenly declared dead … 4 times! Dona Ramona from Sampues has become a bit of a local celebrity after she appeared on TV showing her various death certificates. Physicians say it’s most likely she repeatedly slipped into a diabetic coma which could have fooled hospital staff. Ramona says: “I feel fine!” (Because she forwarded a copy of the paperwork to her life insurance company each time.)
– “Las Ultimas Noticias”

Forget about those old-school blow-up dolls. Thousands of men are now shelling out a whopping $6,500 for hyper-realistic ‘Real Dolls’ that are said to answer all their ‘needs’ – without talking back. The 100-lb solid silicone doll is touted as the ultimate ‘prosthetic lover’ and a ‘teddy bear with benefits’.

“I’m proud to be the husband of Demi Moore and the stepfather of her 3 wonderful girls. I hope the love that we share can resonate around-the-world so that someday I can hear its echo.”
– Ashton Kutcher, apparently expecting tremendous impact from his marriage to an old woman.


1935 [70] Luciano Pavarotti, Modena, Italy, operatic singer (“The Three Tenors”) who has announced he’ll retire TODAY on his 70th birthday

1935 [70] Sam Moore, Miami FL, oldies singer (Sam & Dave-“Soul Man”)

1962 [43] Carlos Bernard, Evanston IL, TV actor (‘Tony Almeida’ on “24″ since 2001)

1968 [37] Hugh Jackman, Sydney, Australia, movie actor (“X-Men”)

1969 [36] Martie Maguire (Martha Erwin), York PA, country singer/fiddle player (Dixie Chicks-“Landslide”)/sister of Dixie Chick Emily Robison

TODAY is “Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work or School Day”, celebrating the common teddy bear’s ability to relieve stress and bring happiness to people of all ages. Some cops actually carry teddy bears in their cruisers for use in emergencies.

TODAY is “Farmers Day”, to honor all farmers and celebrate all they do.

TODAY is “World Egg Day”, to celebrate the many uses of chicken embryos.

TODAY is “International Moment of Frustration Scream Day” when we’re encouraged to go outside at 12 noon and bellow for 30 seconds to vent our frustrations. That way when they’ve locked you up, you’ll feel completely cleansed.

TODAY in Mexico and throughout Latin America is “Dia de la Raza” (Day of the Race), celebrating Hispanics everywhere.

TODAY the Jewish observance of “Yom Kippur” begins at sundown and continues through TOMORROW. The observance, also known as the “Day of Atonement”, is the holiest day on the Jewish calendar and focuses on asking forgiveness for transgressions. On “Yom Kippur”, Jews are encouraged to perform no work and abstain from food, drink & sex.

THIS WEEK is “Pet Peeve Week”, a great opportunity to allow listeners to give voice to the little things that annoy them.

1997 [08] 53-year-old singer John Denver is killed when his home-built plane crashes into California’s Monterey Bay

1872 [133] 1st game for ‘Montréal Foot Ball Club’ (an exciting 0-0 tie vs Québec City)

1901 [104] US ‘Executive Mansion’ renamed ‘The White House’

1934 [71] 1st ‘Cheeseburger’ (Kaelin’s Tavern, Louisville KY)

1972 [33] Pamela Ness of Kansas City MO belly dances for record 27 hours

1991 [14] BC Lions QB Doug Flutie breaks Warren Moon’s CFL record for yards passing in a season after 582-yard performance vs Edmonton

[Thurs] International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Fri] Be Bald & Be Free Day
[Fri] Dessert Day
[Fri] School Librarian Day
[Sat] Grouch Day
[Sun] Sunday School Teacher Appreciation Day
This Week Is . . . American Beer Week (aka ‘Pony Piss Week’) / Newspaper Week
This Month Is . . . Seafood Month / Crime Prevention Month


• You feel trapped.
• You create a web of excuses and stories.
• You are suddenly forgiving of your cheating friends.
• You have sexual thoughts of being with others.
• You tell your partner it’s okay to cheat.
• You put yourself in prime situations for meeting others.
• You exchange phone numbers with potential mates.
• You keep your new ‘friend’ a secret.

Q: How did the term ‘blockbuster’ come to be used for a hit movie?
A: Blockbuster as a Hollywood term began in the 1920s, coined to describe any film whose line of customers could not be contained on a single city block.

Q: What’s the worst day for fatal traffic accidents?
A: Weekends are worse than weekdays, summer and fall months have more deadly crashes than winter or spring months, but holidays top the list for crash deaths.

• What you would do if you were the opposite gender for a day?
• 25-year-old Houston Astros fan Shaun Dean caught TWO home runs, including the game winner, from his spot in the stands during the record-setting, 18-inning Game 4 between the Atlanta Braves & Houston Astros (longest post-season game in MLB history). He’s giving them to the Baseball Hall of Fame … gratis! Would you be able to give up this golden opportunity to cash in?
• What’s the worst uniform you’ve ever had to wear?

Today’s Question: The average household has 14 of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Pairs of jeans.

The old know more about being young than the young know about being old.

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