Monday, October 3, 2005        Edition: #3128
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

WEEKEND TABLOID BS:
• 19-year-old starlet Lindsay Lohan has apparently bared some flesh for an upcoming issue of “Vanity Fair”. Spies on the scene of the semi-nude photo-shoot that took place on a Malibu CA beach say Lindsay’s shots are very ‘Marilyn Monroe-esque’. (She looks ‘stiff’?)
– Sky News
• Here’s an odd bit of casting – “Austin Powers” star Mike Myers has been lined up to play rock wildman Keith Moon in a new bio-movie. The Who’s lead singer Roger Daltrey will be co-producing the film, based on the hell-raising life of the band’s late drummer. Moon died in 1978 at age 32 from a suspected drug overdose.
– “Daily Star”
• 41-year-old former “Friends” star Courteney Cox is in talks to guest on TV’s “Desperate Housewives”, playing an escapee from a mental institute in a future episode. If it comes to pass it would be her first TV appearance since the birth of her daughter Coco Riley LAST YEAR.
– “New York Post”
• Actress Claire Danes has been left red-faced after a ‘wardrobe malfunction’ during her Broadway show. She was performing an energetic dance routine on-stage in “Christina Olson: American Model” when her costume slipped, exposing a breast to the audience. Ever the pro, Danes waited till the dance was done before covering herself up.
– “The Sun”
• Has Jen dumped Vince for a younger guy? Jilted actress Jennifer Aniston seems to have found herself a bigger, stronger, hunkier replacement than Vince Vaughn, her 35-year-old co-star in the upcoming movie “The Break Up”. It’s 27-year-old former “7th Heaven” stud Geoff Stults, a 6′-3″ onetime pro wide receiver with an uncanny resemblance to Brad Pitt. Stults had only a small role in “The Break Up”, but apparently made a big impression on Jen.
– “Star Magazine”
• Former “American Idol” finalist Constantine Maroulis has signed a sitcom deal with ABC-TV, likely thanks in part to his hilarious portrayal of Greek waiter ‘Stephano Popodopolous’ during the “American Idol” finalé. The series is being produced by Kelsey Grammer’s production company.
– “People Magazine”
• The ex-lover of cocaine model Kate Moss has rushed to her side in a rehab clinic with their toddler daughter. Jefferson Hack & little Lila caught a flight from the UK to Arizona where the supermodel is being treated at the $4,000-a-day Meadows Clinic. Hack’s decision to fly to her side came after an emotional phone conversation LAST WEEK when Moss called to wish her daughter a happy 3rd birthday.
– “News of the World”
• The concept for the new season of “The Simple Life” has former best friends Paris Hilton & Nicole Ritchie – who are no longer speaking to each other – trying to be surrogate moms in strange households. A casting call has gone out to find families willing to be filmed, and a source familiar with the search says that the execs have declared the ‘friskier’ the fathers, the better.
– MSNBC’s “The Scoop”
• Meantime, Paris Hilton has confirmed that she’s ended her 5-month engagement to Paris Latsis. Quote: “We remain best of friends and I’ll always love him.”
– “Us Weekly” / “USA Today”
• Dominic Purcell of FOX-TV’s drama series “Prison Break” suspects that Illinois’ Joliet Prison, where the drama is filmed, might be haunted. He and other actors on the set have sensed spirits running amok in the 147-year-old facility. And here’s something really creepy – Purcell films his scenes from a cell once occupied by serial killer John Wayne Gacy.
– “National Enquirer”
• And this might make you cry ‘Uncle!’ Martha Stewart is now developing a 3rd TV show, reportedly a home-improvement program that’s due to hit the airwaves NEXT YEAR.
– “E! Online”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beck – TONIGHT he’s on the “Late Show With David Letterman”.
• Brad Paisey – TONIGHT he’s on ABC-TV’s “Jimmy Kimmel Live”.
• Coldplay – A friend of Gwyneth Paltrow claims the “Proof” actress & Chris Martin are expecting their 2nd baby in the spring. The snitch says the new addition was likely conceived backstage during the band’s current tour. (What will they call Apple’s little brother? Banana?)
• Elton John – The new Neiman Marcus “Christmas Book” catalogue is offering a private 90-minute concert at a fan’s house. Up to 500 people can attend as long as it’s not a commercial venture. The fee? A cool $1.5 million … but every cent goes to the Elton John Aids Foundation.
• Faith Hill –TODAY she guests on the “Oprah Winfrey Show”.
• Gorillaz – Their new single was supposed to titled “It’s There” but Shaun Ryder couldn’t get it out straight even after dozens of takes so the band simply decided to change the lyric to “Dare”.
• Liz Phair – TONIGHT she does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno”
• Michael Jackson – A source says he’s planning to record his charity song for hurricane victims in London, England and will release it within 2 weeks. (Odds it never sees the light of day?)
• Rolling Stones – Reports say there’s always an automated defibrillator backstage during the “A Better Bang” tour, presumably for use on Charlie, Mick, Ronnie or Keith if they keel over before the encore. (“2, 3… Clear! Zzt! OK, let’s rock!”)
• Rush – Two  sheriff’s deputies who arrested lead guitarist Alex Lifeson after a 2003 New Year’s Eve Party are suing, claiming he attacked them as they tried to force his son to leave the Ritz-Carlton hotel in Naples FL. Lifeson & his son pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge and received a year of probation for the incident.
• Toby Keith – He & former Dallas Cowboys coach Barry Switzer are among a group of  investors trying to establish a new bank in Oklahoma City OK. It’s estimated some $10 million will be needed to capitalize the bank and acquire a charter. (Time to cut a new album, Toby!)
• Whitney Houston – Buzz has it she developed a problem 2 hours before a performance in France with … her false teeth. A discreet dentist was reportedly brought in to install a serviceable new set so the show could go on. (“ … cush I’m shaving all my love for zhou …”)

DID YOU KNOW?
• If you could use up all the unredeemed frequent flyer miles of everyone in the world, you could take 42,500 round-trip flights to the Sun.
• The average American aged 2-and-up watched 4 hours, 32 minutes of TV per day over the past year, according to new stats from Nielsen Media Research. That’s the most since audience measurement began in the 1950s.

WHAT’S THE WORD FOR A …
In his new book “The Meaning of Tingo”, Adam Jacot de Boinod has compiled a collection of words & phrases from around-the-world that have no English equivalent. Among them …
• Aviador (Spanish), meaning a government employee who only shows up on payday.
• Bakku-Shan (Japanese), a girl who appears pretty from behind but not from the front.
• Drachenfutter (German), peace offerings made by guilty husbands to their wives.
• Gigi Rongak (Malay), the space between the teeth.
• Katahara Itai (Japanese), laughing so much that one side of your abdomen hurts.
• Koshatnik (Russian), a dealer in stolen cats.
• Kummerspeck (German), the excess weight gained from emotion-related overeating.
• Uitwaaien (Dutch), walking in windy weather for the fun of it.
Oh, and by the way, the title word ‘tingo’ is a word from the Pascuense language of Easter Island meaning to borrow objects from a friend’s house, one by one, until there’s nothing left. (A handy expression that can be used thusly – “Where da heck did dat tingo?”)
– BBC News

WHO’S MINDING THE KIDS?
Average hours per week spent bathing, feeding, reading, playing, etc –
Employed Women … 6.6
Employed Men … 2.5
Stay-at-Home Women … 12.9
Stay-at-Home Men … 2.6
– “Newsweek”

NAMES THAT MEAN TROUBLE:
An online discussion site for British teachers has discovered that many have a shared ability: Predicting how good or rotten students will turn out to be in the classroom based solely on – their first names. One teacher who visited “The Times Educational Supplement” Website claims a 75% success rate at matching given names with personalities. Names that inspire the most dread include anything with a hyphen (‘Bobby-John’), weirdly-spelled variants of common names (‘Ashlee’), and names favored by the so-called ‘lower class’ such as ‘Britney’, ‘Courtney’ and ‘Tyler’. The name indicating the most difficult student? ‘Paige’. Nice to see teachers aren’t showing favoritism based on flimsy preconceived notions. (What other names might mean trouble? ‘Butch’ … for a girl?)
– “The Independent on Sunday”

HE SAID IT:
“There isn’t anything in me that wants to replicate. I always thought it is such a great responsibility and not something I could just do half-assed. I don’t have that interest in me.”
– Actor George Clooney telling ABC-TV’s Diane Sawyer he has no intention of getting married or having kids.

THE BULL SHEET 10.03.2K5

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [64] Chubby Checker (Ernest Evans), Spring Gulley SC, oldies singer (“The Twist”)

1944 [61] Roy Horn, Nordenham, Germany, former Vegas magician (Siegfried & Roy)/tiger bait (still recovering from onstage mauling by ‘Montecore’ on October 3, 2003)

1949 [56] Lindsey Buckingham, Palo Alto CA, oldies singer/guitarist (Fleetwood Mac-“Dreams”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1962 [43] Tommy Lee (Bass), Athens, Greece, rock drummer (Motley Crue-“Girls Girls Girls”)/reality TV star (“Tommy Lee Goes to College”)/ex-Mr Pam Anderson/ex-Mr Heather Locklear

1969 [36] Gwen Stefani, Anaheim CA, pop singer (“Cool”, No Doubt-“Underneath It All”)/fashion designer-marketer (LAMB)/movie actress (“The Aviator”)/Mrs Gavin Rossdale since 2002

1969 [36] Janel Moloney, Woodland Hills CA, TV actress (‘Donna Moss’ on “The West Wing” since 1999)

1971 [34] Kevin Richardson, Lexington KY, pop singer (Backstreet Boys-“Incomplete”)/cousin of bandmate Brian Littrell

1973 [32] Neve Campbell, Guelph ON, movie actress (“Scream I-III”, “Wild Things”)

1976 [29] Seann William Scott, Cottage Grove MN, movie actor (“The Dukes of Hazzard”)

1984 [21] Ashlee Simpson, Dallas TX, bad pop singer (“Boyfriend”)/bad movie actress (“Undiscovered”)  FACTOID: SATURDAY she’ll be the musical guest on “Saturday Night Live”, which returns her to the scene of the crime where she was caught lip-synching LAST YEAR.

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through Sunday the “New York Underground Comedy Festival” yucks it up at venues all over NYC. It’s the world’s biggest showcase of emerging comedians & established comedy acts. There are performances, workshops, awards, improv … over 100 side-splitting events.
NET: http://www.nycundergroundcomedy.com

TODAY at sundown the Jewish observance of “Rosh Hashanah” begins, commonly known as Jewish New Year. In Hebrew it means, literally, ‘head of the year’ and occurs on the 1st and 2nd days of Tishri. L’ Shanah Tovah to all!
NET: http://www.jewfaq.org/holiday2.htm

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [10] OJ Simpson is found innocent of the murders of estranged wife Nicole Brown Simpson & Ronald Goldman (but he’s later found liable for their deaths in a civil trial)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1990 [15] Germany becomes a single country again as East & West Germany are reunited

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1987 [18] France’s Michel Pruffer becomes ‘World’s Fastest Skier’ by clocking 135.26 mph at Portillo, Chile

1988 [17] ‘World’s Largest Cocktail’ is concocted … a 327-gallon pina colada

1997 [08] 69-year-old Hockey Hall of Famer Gordie Howe skates with Detroit Vipers in their International Hockey League opener, becoming 1st ‘Hockey Pro to Compete in 6 Decades’

1997 [08] Japan’s Maglev bullet train breaks ‘World Train Speed Record’ at 280.3 mph

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Toot Your Flute Day
[Tues] Universal Children’s Day
[Tues] MLB Division Series begin
[Wed] Ramadan begins [Islam]
[Wed] Techies Day
[Wed] World Teachers Day
[Wed] “Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit” opens in movie theaters

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Divorced Parents For Children Week / Universal Children’s Week / No Salt Week / Mental Illness Awareness Week / Mystery Series Week / 4-H Week / Carry A Tune Week / Nuclear Medicine Week / Work From Home Week / Squirrel Appreciation Week / Customer Service Week / Spinning & Weaving Week / World Space Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
ACTUAL “WEEKLY WORLD NEWS” HEADLINES:

• “Einstein’s Brain Comes to Life … And Goes on Rampage!”
• “Drunk Ghost Ruins Own Funeral!”
• “Secondhand Fat Kills!”
• “Man’s Pajamas Are Haunted!”
• “Exorcism Cures Monstrous Zit!”
• “Scientists Reveal Lawyers & Leeches Have Identical Genetic Makeup!”

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• I’d go on welfare but I’m not used to living that well.
• Donald Rumsfeld is briefing the President, “Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed. “OH NO!” cries the President, “… how many is a brazillion?”

BS ‘BEST BEFORE CONTEST’:
Ask listeners to find their most ancient ‘Best Before’ date – “Have a look in your fridge and kitchen cupboards … we have a prize for the oldest expiry date!”

BS PHONE STARTER:
What male celeb most needs a ‘fashion makeover’? (Among the ‘messy men’ named in a new poll – Kate Moss’ drugged-out ex-, Pete Doherty, “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell, and TV chef Jamie Oliver.)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 40% of the people who own one of THESE inherited it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A new car dealership.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Good enough never is.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
“BS” welcomes new subscriber Alan Wells @ Classic Rock 106.5 [WSFL] Greenville NC; and samplers this week that include Rick Tamblyn @ 105.1 JACK FM Kansas City MO; Rita MacInally @ Lite 92 FM [CHMX] Regina SK; and Gerard Murphy @ Good Time Oldies 720 CHTN Charlottetown PEI. Remember BSers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH of service for each and every new “Bull Sheet” subscriber you refer!


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