Wednesday, October 27, 2004        Edition: #2896
The Sheet Hits the Fans!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Model Jerry Hall (the long-suffering former Mrs Mick Jagger) will star in the upcoming VH1 reality TV show “Kept”, in which 15 guys compete to be her ‘kept man’ (the casting call for contestants notes: “No guarantee is made by VH1 or Jerry Hall that contestants or winners will be supported by Ms Hall or share in her lifestyle following completion of the competition.”) . . . NEXT WEEK “Billboard” magazine begins charting sales of cellphone ringtones, a weekly listing of the top 20 ringtone sellers (they’ve been doing this in Britain for years – current #1 is “Call On Me” by Eric Prydz) . . . Oscar-winning actress Halle Berry has told the ‘Carousel of Hope’ benefit in LA that she’s battled diabetes most of her life and takes insulin shots daily, which she claims has given her ‘strength and toughness’ . . . Full-figured actor Steve Schirripa, who plays ‘Bobby Bacallieri’ on “The Sopranos”, has just inked a deal with Disney to star in his own prime-time comedy based on his book “A Goomba’s Guide To Life” . . . 18-year-old “Mean Girls” actress Lindsay Lohan has been hospitalized with a ‘high fever’ and her wacked father Michael says she may be suffering from meningitis (is that what they’re calling alcohol poisoning these days?) . . . Angelina Jolie is being called a ‘Womb Raider’ in Russia for going directly to orphanages to find a child to adopt rather than through a central registrar, and she’s also accused of turning down several babies before selecting the one she wanted . . . And an on-line auction site has pulled a license plate that was being offered for sale, calling it a hoax – it was touted as the first plate made by recently jailed Martha Stewart (would the number happen to be KCHN M8RUN?).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dierks Bentley – TONIGHT he kicks off the “High Times & Hangovers Tour” in Columbus OH, co-headlining with Cross Canadian Ragweed.
• Ashanti – She has a cameo role as an Indian songstress in the Bollywood adaptation of Jane Austen’s “Pride And Prejudice”, to be called “Bride And Prejudice”.
• Bon Jovi – They’ll release a new album in the spring to be followed by a massive world tour.
• Gretchen Wilson – The St Louis Cardinal fan has recorded an alternate version of her mega-hit “Redneck Woman” called “Redbird Fever” that’s available at her Website … for a fee.
NET: http://www.gretchenwilson.com
• Alanis Morissette – TODAY she’s on TV’s syndicated “Ellen DeGeneres Show”.
• Black Eyed Peas – They’ll perform NEXT MONTH in Johannesburg and Cape Town as part of South Africa’s 10th Anniversary of Democracy celebrations.

NEW ENGLISH 101:
New terms leaking into the lingo –
• ‘Dropping Your Pants’ – Retail-speak for lowering the price of a product in order to close a sale. (“To make my month-end quota, I had to drop my pants and take 500 off that old Pontiac beater.”)
• ‘Kissed Onto’ – Getting a  screen credit as a movie producer on a project thanks to the clout of the movie’s star. (“Benny only got kissed onto ‘MI-3′ because he manages Tom Cruise.”)
• ‘Pope Sex’ – Erotic activity that stops just short of intercourse. (“I can’t be pregnant … we never did anything more than pope sex!”)

ECLIPSE OVERSHADOWS WORLD SERIES:
TONIGHT’S Game 4 between the Boston Red Sox and the St Louis Cardinals will make World Series history, no matter what happens on the field. For the first time, a total lunar eclipse will occur during a World Series game. It’s the last chance to see a total lunar eclipse for more than 2 years for most residents of North America and Western Europe. The event wraps up a series of 4 total lunar eclipses in the past 18 months, but there won’t be another until March 3, 2007. The eclipse will evolve over several hours, peaking at 11:04 pm EDT.
– “Rocky Mountain News” / space.com

SIGN LANGUAGE FOR BABIES:
A new program offered in Jacksonville FL helps babies and toddlers learn how to communicate through sign language. Research shows it not only helps them indicate what they want, but also can help improve verbal skills and overall IQ. Parents are taught about 70 words that they can in turn teach their children. Simple words like ‘drink’, ‘eat’, or ‘toy’ are learned during the 4-week course. For babies to learn, parents say the word while simultaneously doing the hand movement for it. (Dumb! Any mom will tell you she can interpret what baby wants from a single gurgle or cry.)
PHONER: 904.279.0875. (Childbirth Education Association)
– “First Coast News”

IT’S TWO … TWO DISCS IN ONE:
THIS WEEK Warner Music Group launched their 2-sided ‘DualDisc’ with the release of The Donnas’ “Gold Medal” and Simple Plan’s “Still Not Getting Any”. One side holds CD tracks that are playable in most CD or DVD players, while the flipside contains the tracks in Surround Sound plus video and other multimedia for DVD players and PCs. No new equipment is needed to play DualDiscs, but your music system must support surround and high-resolution music to play the special tracks. (It’s sort of the Swiss Army Knife of media.)
– “USA Today”

THIS CD STINKS:
Procter & Gamble claims it’s new product ‘Scentstories’ can play aromas like you play music. You just select a ‘scent disc’, insert it into the CD-like player and push play. A fan then blows out 5 different scents, one every 30 minutes over the course of 2.5 hours. You can stop the player or skip through ‘scent tracks’ at any time. Insert ‘Barefoot on the Shore’ and you’re surrounded by the smells of salty ocean air and palm trees. The aromas of wildflowers come and go, as if you were really walking past them along the beach. The $35 gizmo comes with 5 different discs, allowing you to ‘Explore a Mountain Trail’ with honeysuckle and fir trees or ‘Stroll Through a Garden’ with lilac and roses. (“Okay, we’ve got ‘Grandma’s Kitchen’ here and we’re gonna plop that in. Ahh, smell those warm cinnamon buns baking …”)
– ABC News

2004′S HIGHEST-EARNING CELEBRITY STIFFS:
1. Elvis Presley, for the 4th year in-a-row. ($40 million)
2. “Peanuts” creator Charles Schulz ($35 million)
3. “Lord of the Rings” author JRR Tolkien ($23 million)
4. John Lennon ($21 million)
5. Theodor ‘Dr Seuss’ Geisel ($18 million)
– New listing in “Forbes” magazine.

YOU CAN BET KERRY’S A CHEESEHEAD:
The outcome of Washington Redskins football games has correctly predicted the winner of every US presidential election since 1936. The Redskins have proved to be a time-tested election predictor. In the previous 15 elections, if the ‘Skins have lost their last home game prior to the election, the incumbent party has lost the White House. When they have won, the incumbent has stayed in power. This election year, that deciding game takes place this SUNDAY vs Green Bay. (Go Brett!)
–  Ben Maller

NO MORE MR & MR DOLCE:
Italian fashion design duo Domenico Dolce & Stefano Gabbana have reportedly ended their 20-year relationship. Word is they are each dating new boyfriends who look like themselves and they all just went on safari together in  Africa. While they may have parted company in the bedroom, they’ll still be meeting in the office … continuing to jointly run their $540-million fashion empire. (Beyoncé can breathe a sigh of relief.)
– “Daily Star “

WORLD’S THINNEST FABRIC:
Researchers at the UK’s University of Manchester have developed the world’s first single-atom-thick fabric. Called ‘graphene’, the world’s thinnest fabric is formed by extracting carbon atoms from graphite crystals. The resulting material is flexible, strong and a good electrical conductor. It could lead to micro-computers that are made from a single molecule. (And some really, really hot fashions next spring.)
– “Science Daily”

BS AMAZING FACT
It’s illegal to sell a haunted house in New York without telling the buyer.

AND WE QUOTE:
“As a POW in Vietnam, I was kept in the dark and fed scraps. Why would I want to do that again?”
– Senator John McCain on rumors he turned down both US presidential candidates when offered the opportunity to share the ticket as candidate for V-P.

THE BULL SHEET 10.27.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [65] John Cleese, Weston-Super-Mare UK, movie actor (“Shrek 2″, ‘Q’-‘James Bond’ films)/former TV actor (“Monty Python”, “Fawlty Towers”)

1958 [46] Simon LeBon, Bushey UK, classic rock singer (Duran Duran-“Hungry Like the Wolf”, “The Reflex”)

1967 [37] Scott Weiland, Santa Cruz CA, rock singer (Velvet Revolver-“Fall To Pieces”, Stone Temple Pilots-“Plush”)/rehab veteran

1984 [20] Kelly Osbourne, London UK, TV personality (‘Deborah’ on “Life As We Know It”, “The Osbournes” 2002-04)/pseudo-’singer’ (“Papa Don’t Preach”)/daughter of Ozzy & Sharon Osbourne

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[US] Navy Day (1922)

TODAY is “Cranky Co-Workers Day”, in honor of all the complaining and just plain cranky people you work with and have to endure all year. This is the day to let them go with it and enjoy their misery!

TODAY is “Plush Animal Lover’s Day”, in honor of Teddy Roosevelt’s birthday (1858), namesake of the ‘Teddy Bear’. Ask listeners what animals they have saved from their childhood, where they keep them and what they do with them.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [09] Gloria Estefan becomes only pop artist to receive a call from the Pope to perform

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1901 [103] 1st ‘boxer shorts’ introduced (and the argument begins!)

1904 [100] NYC ‘subway’ 1st opens (fare set at one nickel)

1991 [13] 1st ‘Planet Hollywood’ restaurant officially opens (owners Bruce Willis & Arnold Schwarzenneger do the honors)

1998 [06] Conrad Black launches new national newspaper “The National Post”

NEW WORDS COINED ON THIS DAY . . .
1906 [98] ‘Jazz’ – “Variety” magazine prints the first article on the new music form.

1938 [66] ‘Nylon’ – DuPont Corp announces the name for its new synthetic yarn.

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] National Chocolate Day
[Fri] Hermit Day
[Fri] International Internet Day
[Sat] Devils Night / Mischief Night
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends (2 am)
[Sun] Halloween
[Mon] Vegan World Day
This Week is . . . Magic Week
This Month Is . . . Communicate With Your Kid Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
DUMB THINGS TO SAY YOUR KID AT BEDTIME:

• “Hurry up and get to sleep so I can have some ice cream.”
• “Maybe tomorrow we’ll get a new puppy.”
• “You’re gonna keep your Halloween candy next to your dresser again, right?”
• “I know you need to go, but if you fall asleep that feeling will go away.”
• “How’s that song ‘It’s a Small World’ go again?”
• “Don’t let the bed bugs bite.”

ALL-TIME SCARIEST MOVIE MOMENTS:
1. “Psycho” (1960) … the shower scene.
2. “Carrie” (1976) … Carrie’s hand pops out of the grave.
3. “The Shining” (1980) … Danny rides his Big Wheel down the hall.
4. “Alien” (1979) … alien pops out of human chest.
5. “Poltergeist” (1982) … toy clown attacks boy under bed.
– retroCRUSH.com

BS BLATANT JOKES:
•  If Paris Hilton was a hotel, would the rooms ever be vacant?
•  What do Paris Hilton and a doorknob have in common? Everyone gets a turn.

BS ‘WHO’S FAKING IT?’
You and your co-host alternate headlines while your phone contestant or studio guest tries to determine which are actual current articles from women’s magazines and which are total BS.
• “These Bedroom Tricks Turn Into Treats!” (BS)
• “My Worst Date Ever!” (“Ladies’ Home Journal”)
• “Try Our Cool Halloween Tool!” (“Better Homes & Gardens”)
• “Five Ways to Cheat So He’ll Never Know!” (BS)
• “Are You a Desperate Housewife?” (“Cosmopolitan”)
• “You, Him & Money: What You Need to Know” (“Redbook”)
• “When It Comes to Faithfulness, Shoe Size Doesn’t Matter” (BS)
• “Best Candy for Your Waistline” (“Chatelaine”)
• “The 20 Best Sex Ideas In the World” (“Glamour”)
• “Land That Man, Ace Your Job, And Look Your Sexiest Ever!” (“Cosmopolitan”)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When women were asked what they found most unattractive about guys, #1 was ‘ugly nails’. What was #2?
Answer to Give Out Next Show: ‘Nose and ear hair’.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Winning isn’t everything, it’s also important to humiliate your opponent.


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