Monday, October 25, 2004        Edition: #2894
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BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
• Ashlee Simpson looked great belting out “Pieces of Me” in her first segment on “Saturday Night Live” on the weekend, but when she came out to perform her new tune “Autobiography” whoever was responsible for piping in the recorded rendition for her to lip-sync to screwed up, and played “Pieces of Me” again. That left Ashlee mouthing words to the wrong song for a few moments until she slinked off stage. She later apologized to fans … and blamed her band for playing the wrong song.
– “NY Daily News”
• 28-year-old Hollywood bad-boy Colin Farrell has admitted taking heroin in the past and says it seemed pretty nice at the time. He also admits he smoked pot for the first time when he was 15 and tried ecstasy a year later. Already drug abuse groups are expressing anger at his candor.
– “GQ” magazine.
• Inmate number 55170-054, Martha Stewart, is treating her fellow inmates at Alderson Women’s Prison in West Virginia to daily cooking lessons – but she’s only allowed to use a microwave.
– “Daily Dish”
• “American Idol” judge Simon Cowell simply has no luck with cars. A TV production assistant has accidentally smashed up his half-million-dollar Bentley Azure sports car. The incident happened at Cowell’s West London home when the employee inadvertently opened the automated gates and they crashed into the side of the car, causing about $15,000-worth of damage. Cowell reportedly screamed: “You stupid f––er!”
– “The People”
•  Britney Spears was reportedly so eager to restore her credibility in Hollywood following the disastrous reviews and box office performance of her 2002 film debut “Crossroads”, that she auditioned for a role in the now-showing comedy “I Heart Huckabees” … 3 times! But it seems she failed to convince filmmaker David O Russell she possessed the right qualities and the role went to actress Naomi Watts instead.
– Teen Hollywood
• Mary Ambrose, the 12-year girlfriend of late rock singer Robert Palmer (“Addicted to Love”), is close to flat-broke and still fighting for a piece of his estimated $54-million fortune 14 months after his fatal heart attack in Paris. It seems Palmer removed his ex-wife Sue from his will and replaced her with Ambrose, but Switzerland, where Palmer was a tax exile, does not recognize common law wives so she’s yet to claim a penny … even though she paid for his funeral and still pays for the upkeep of his house.
– Daily Dish
• Was actor Richard Dreyfus fired from the London production of “The Producers”? Dreyfus recently announced he was quitting because of the physical demands of the role but sources say he was asked to the leave because he was behind in most of the dance moves, behind in the lines, and most importantly, he wasn’t funny. He’s been replaced by Nathan Lane, the original star of the NYC production.
– “Daily Mirror”

WEIRDEST SUPERMARKET TABLOID HEADLINES:
• “Beer Cans & Old Mattress Found on Mars!”
• “Pope Has Super Powers!”
• “Surgeon Removes Song from Man’s Brain!”
• “Elvis Brings Peace to Middle East!”
• “Donald Rumsfeld Sleeps with GI Joe Doll!”
• “Vikings Were Wimps!”
• “Beer Makes You Smarter!”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• TONIGHT’s “Radio Music Awards” on NBC-TV will feature Destiny’s Child, Elton John, Tim McGraw, and Big &  Rich among others.
• Tim McGraw – He’s profiled in the OCTOBER issue of “Reader’s Digest”, on newsstands now.
• Ozzy Osbourne – TONIGHT MTV launches “Battle for Ozzfest”, a new reality series/contest in which one of 8 competing bands will win a slot on the “Ozzfest 2005″ tour.
• Avril Lavigne – TONIGHT she kicks off her 24-city “Bonez Tour 2004″ at the American Airlines Arena in Dallas TX. It winds up NOVEMBER 25th in Kelowna BC.
• Rod Stewart – He was in a Los Angeles courtroom FRIDAY for jury selection for a lawsuit in which he’s being sued for $2 million by promoters of a canceled 2002 tour of Mexico and South America.
• U2 – A long-lost briefcase full of notes and lyrics that were intended for the 1981 U2 album “October” has been returned, 23 years after it was stolen at a Portland OR concert. Bono had to rewrite the lyrics from memory and the band called “October” their worst recording experience.
• Aerosmith – Boston native and Red Sox fan Steve Tyler sang the anthem to open the World Series SATURDAY night at Fenway Park.
• Eminem – His uncle and mentor, 42-year-old Todd Nelson, has shot and killed himself after a dispute with a neighbor over a dog. Nelson helped raise Eminem after his father walked out on the family.
• Lenny Kravitz – He’s being sued for causing ‘catastrophic water damage’ in his neighbor’s apartment due to an overflowing toilet in his big-buck Manhattan condo. An insurance company is seeking to recover more than $300,000.
• Travis Tritt – He’s written “Falcons Fever”, a theme song for the NFL’s Atlanta Falcons. Atlanta resident Tritt says the song is for fans who bleed red & black every Sunday at the Georgia Dome. The song will be played prior to home games and following Falcon TDs for the remainder of the season.

DOWN TIME:
Not having a job is more stressful than having one you hate, according to a recent study. In fact, researchers found that unemployed men over 40 are twice as likely to die as those continuously employed.
– “Prevention” magazine.

SO LONG, WIRES!
A new Mori poll reveals that more and more of us prefer to use cellphones to land lines. Research by electronics giant Nokia shows that more than 45 million people in the US, UK, Germany and South Korea now use a cellphone exclusively.
– BBC News

NO MO BABY HO:
Brands On Sale, an Internet retailer based near Los Angeles, has stopped advertising ‘pimp’ and ‘ho’ Halloween costumes … for toddlers. Could it be that media backlash got to them? Or maybe the whole idea was just to draw attention to themselves?
NET: http://www.brandsonsale.com

2004′S HOTTEST HALLOWEEN COSTUMES:
The Center for Media Research reports that ‘Spider-Man’ will be the most popular Halloween costume purchased for kids THIS YEAR. Other popular costumes will include ‘Princess’, ‘Witch’ and ‘Vampire’. According to a National Retail Federation poll, ‘good guys’ will outnumber ‘bad guys’ when it comes to costumes. With an estimated $3.12 billion to be spent, Halloween ranks as the 6th-largest spending holiday of the year.
– “Daily Herald”

MADONNA & CELINE RELATED?
Celine Dion and Madonna may be kissing cousins. That’s the claim being made by genealogist Troy Dunn, who has traced the ancestry of the 2 singers and found they share roots. Dunn says both Madonna and Dion were contacted with the news – Madonna’s people had no comment, while Celine’s reps were horrified. Dunn also claims George W Bush and John Kerry are related, purportedly distant cousins, so the upcoming election is more than just a battle for the presidency – it’s a family feud!
– MSNBC

MORE TIME TO PAY YOUR MORTGAGE:
A new study at the University of Texas suggests that people will soon be living to the ripe old age of 150 and some of the children alive today will still be alive in 2150 because future evolutionary changes are going to make the aging process slow down. According to researcher Steve Austad, more people are already living to see their 90th or 100th birthdays than ever before and it’s not just due to better medical facilities – people in remote parts of the world where medicines are not available are also living longer.
– ANI

AMERICA’S FAVORITE SPORTS:
1. 30% . . . NFL
2. 15% . . . MLB
3. 11% . . . College Football
4. [TIE] 7% . . . NBA / Auto Racing
6. 6% . . . Men’s College Basketball
7. [TIE] 4% . . . Men’s Golf / NHL
9. 3% . . . Men’s Soccer
10. 2% . . . Women’s Tennis
Registering less than 1%: Women’s Soccer and WNBA.
– Newly-released Harris Poll.

THE BULL SHEET 10.25.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [46] Mark Miller, Dayton OH, country artist (lead singer/founder Sawyer Brown-“Did It For Love”, “Cryin’, Lovin’, Leavin’”)

1962 [42] Chad Smith, St Paul MN, rock drummer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“The Zephyr Song”, “Under The Bridge”)

1970 [34] Ed Robertson, Toronto ON, pop singer/guitarist (Barenaked Ladies-“Another Postcard”, “One Week”)

1970 [34] Chely Wright, Kansas City MO, country singer (“Single White Female”, “Shut Up & Drive”)

1985 [19] Ciara (Harris), Austin TX, pop singer (f/Petey Pablo-“Goodies”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Cartoonists Against Crime Day”. Huh? (OK varmint, on the count of 3 … draw!)

TODAY is “International Greasy Foods Day”, a celebration of our love of fatty foods, foods cooked in oil, foods smothered in butter, etc. One of the grossest we’ve heard of is the Dutch tradition of saving bacon grease or ‘spek’, then spreading it cold on bread or toast. (Urgh, that noise you just heard was my stomach flipping.)

TODAY is “St Crispin’s Day”, the patron saint of shoemakers and leather workers. (Wouldn’t that be ‘St Nike’?)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1955 [49] 1st home ‘microwave oven’ is introduced by the Tappan Co, which slaps a $1,200 price tag on the new appliance that ‘cooks eggs in 22 seconds, bacon in 90 seconds’ (engineer Percy Spencer discovered microwave cooking 10 years earlier when he came too close to a magnetron tube and a chocolate bar in his pocket began to melt)

1960 [44] 1st ‘electronic wristwatch’ introduced by Bulova (before that, everyone had to wind their watch each day!)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1998 [06] Denver Bronco kicker Jason Elam boots 63-yard field goal in the thin air of Mile High Stadium, tying Tom Dempsey’s 28-year-old NFL record

COMING UP . . .
[Wed] Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Thurs] National Chocolate Day
[Thurs] Plush Animal Lovers Day
[Fri] International Internet Day
[Fri] “Ray” and “Saw” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Devils Night (aka Mischief Night)
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends (2 am)
[Sun] Halloween

THIS WEEK IS . . .
International Infection Control Week
Disarmament Week
Pastoral Care Week
Save Your Back Week
Peace, Friendship & Goodwill Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS GUIDE TO SINGING THE BLUES:

• Who: You have the right to sing the blues if you’re blind, if you shot a man in Memphis, if you just can’t be satisfied, or if your name is ‘Big Mama’ or ‘Little Willie’. You do not have the right to sing the blues if you’re deaf, if you have a trust fund, or if your name is ‘Gavin’ — no matter how many men you shot in Memphis.
• What: “Walkin” plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does “fixin’ to die”.
• When: Most blues begin “woke up this morning”. “Round about midnight” is also acceptable. You cannot have the blues during lunch.
• Where: Good places for the blues include the highway or the jailhouse. You can’t have the blues in an office or a shopping mall – the lighting is all wrong.
• Vehicles: Blues cars are Chevies and Cadillacs. Other acceptable blues transportation includes a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. You can’t have the blues in an SUV.
• Beverages: Blues drinks include wine, whiskey and muddy water. Non-blues drinks include any mixed drink or tea.

BS CANADIANA:
Q: 22 years ago TODAY (1982), our July 1st national holiday was renamed ‘Canada Day’. What was it called before that?
A: ‘Dominion Day’.

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Studies show that women live 5 years longer than men on average. It’s  not a health issue, they just take longer to get ready.
• Ever notice women fall in love through their ears and men through their eyes?
• How depressing! Now that Julia Childs is gone and Martha Stewart is in jail I have to get all my cooking tips from George Foreman.
• 42% of women have experienced sexual arousal while exercising. The other 58% want to know, “What machine do you use?”

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: If you’re average, you’re now doing about 13% more of THIS than you did during the summer.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eating.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

NEW SHEETERS:
A big moo-out to Brad Dryden @ CKQB [The Bear] Ottawa ON and Dick McDonough @ WMAS Springfield MA who’ve both re-upped their subscription to “BS”; and also to this week’s samplers that include Curtis Stailey @ KWNM Silver City NM; Brian McColl @ 98FM Dublin, Ireland; Colleen Carew @ WZBA [The Bay] Hunt Valley MD; Rick Campbell @ WEZJ Williamsburg KY; and Shereen @ KIX 106.1 Peace River AB. Welcome all! Remember BS-ers, we bonus you ONE FREE MONTH for each and every new subscriber you refer!


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