Thursday, October 21, 2004        Edition: #2892
“There’s No BS Like Show BS …”

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the “Canadian Urban Music Awards” are handed out on CBC-TV live from Toronto, with k-os leading nominations with 3 . . . Pictures have surfaced online of “Survivor Vanuatu” contestant Ami Cusack, one of the show’s first 2 openly lesbian contestants, originally shot for a “Playboy” magazine pictorial back in 1996 (how to put this delicately … holy crap, has she changed!) . . . Paris Hilton is said to be negotiating a deal with Skechers to design her own line of shoes; she’s also the namesake of ‘Club Paris’, a new nightclub opening New Year’s Eve in Orlando FL and scheduled to expand to Vegas, NYC, Miami Beach, London and – of course – Paris (so little talent, so much fame!) . . . Comedian Jeff Foxworthy has written a new collection of recipes and barbecue tips called “The Redneck Grill: The Most Fun You Can Have With Fire, Charcoal & a Dead Animal” set for publication in FEBRUARY . . . A new Food Network special, “John Cleese’s Wine for the Confused” (airing several times THIS WEEK), is designed to take the snobbery out of wine appreciation (unfortunately, the former “Monty Python” trouper fails to mention the best wine to have with Spam).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• P Diddy – Sean Combs is looking for a new butler. He says he’s keen to be an equal opportunity employer … so he’s looking to be served by a white man.
• Destiny’s Child – They’re reportedly refusing to allow Beyoncé to be pictured in the middle of the trio in all press releases for their new album.
• Elton John – A British embassy staffer who has had to deal with Elton’s tantrums in Taiwan confirms that the name on his passport is now ‘Elton Hercules John’.
• Howie Day – The 23-year-old singer-songwriter from Bangor, Maine recorded his “Stop All The World Now” album in London UK with help from ex-Verve bassist Simon Jones and a 25-piece orchestra on the tune “Collide”.
• Katrina Carlson – The LA singer-songwriter who’s covered the Cars hit “Drive” is no dummy; she graduated with honors from Brown University with a degree in International Relations, Foreign Policy & Diplomacy with a focus on nuclear arms.
• Miranda Lambert – She’s set an all-time record for a female country single debut with “Me & Charlie Talking”.

BS COMING ATTRACTIONS:
Seems “Passion Of The Christ” star Jim Caviezel lost the lead in the “Superman Returns” movie to Brandon Routh because director Bryan Singer wanted an unknown actor (no worries, Jim – playing Superman after Jesus … that’d be typecasting) . . . Disney’s developing a new comedy to be called “Stick It”, about a rebel in the uptight world of gymnastics . . . A prequel to Brian DePalma’s 1993 drama “Carlito’s Way” is coming, cleverly titled “Carlito’s Way: The Beginning” and featuring wannabe thespian Sean ‘Puffy’ Combs in a key role . . . Colin Farrell is being talked about for the role of ‘Sonny Crockett’ & Jamie Foxx for ‘Ricardo Tubbs’ in the bigscreen version of ‘80s TV show “Miami Vice” (which starred Don Johnson & Philip Michael Thomas) . . . Danny DeVito & Kathy Bates have signed on to star as Ron Livingston’s DNA donors in the upcoming uptight-guy-hunts-for-biological-parents comedy “Relative Strangers” (rumor has it they’ll be involved in a love scene … ewww!) . . . Former “Sex & the City” star Kristin Davis is in negotiations to star opposite Tim Allen in a remake of “The Shaggy Dog”, about a guy who morphs into a canine (geez, already we’re forgetting – is she the slutty one or the gay one?).

MONKEY BUSINESS:
Scientists believe they have discovered a new species of giant ape in the jungles of the Congo which could be the result of gorillas mating with chimpanzees. The apes have large black faces and nest on the ground like gorillas but eat mainly fruit, like chimps. Local villagers say the 7-ft-tall apes are so ferocious they’re capable of killing lions. (The Chicago Bears are already trying to sign them.)
– PopBitch.com

SCREEN CHEMISTRY:
What makes for great sexual chemistry onscreen? Scientists from Kings College in London have come up with a formula to calculate how much chemistry onscreen lovers give off. Psychiatrist Stephanie Charters says voice, eye contact, body language and excitement – or ‘vibe’ – can all be used to measure sexual chemistry. Using their formula, the best all -time screen pairing is Meg Ryan & Billy Crystal in “When Harry Met Sally” (1989), slightly ahead of Ingrid Bergman & Humphrey Bogart in “Casablanca”(1942). One of the worst match-ups – Kate Winslet & Leonardo DiCaprio in “Titanic” (1997). (Better recheck the old formula … the ‘bad match-up’ seemed to do okay at the box office.)
– Ananova

WHAT’S THE WORD?
For her new book, “Larpers & Shroomers: The Language Report”, author and wordsmith Susie Dent has researched the creation of new words over the past 100 years and listed a specific word for each year from 1904 to 2004. Each word made its first appearance in the “Oxford English Dictionary” in its year of designation. A few highlights …
• 1904 … hip
• 1922 … wizard
• 1943 … pissed off
• 1945 … mobile phone
• 1951 … fast food
• 1956 … sexy
• 1961 … awesome
• 1962 … spliff
• 1974 … punk
• 1996 … ghetto fabulous
• 2001 … 9/11
• 2004 … chav (a derogatory term for young guys who wear cheap gold jewelry, tracksuits and baseball caps)
If you’re trying to figure out the book’s title: A ‘Larper’ is a ‘Live Action Role Player’, someone who loves acting out fantasy adventures. A ‘Shroomer’ is someone who grows wild mushrooms, the hallucinogenic kind.
– “The Guardian”

TAKE NOTE, WINOS:
Not brushing their teeth is the best way for professional wine tasters to prevent their teeth from rotting, an Australian dentist claims. Diane Hunt, a senior lecturer in restorative dentistry at the University of Adelaide has advised wine tasters not to brush their teeth the morning before a testing session, as this would remove plaque that would otherwise prevent acidic wine from eroding the tooth enamel. (And besides, purple teeth are so chic, aren’t they?)
– ANI

SMART PERFUME:
How much perfume is too much? British design company PDD has unveiled the prototype of a tiny, wearable device known as ‘SNIF’ (‘Sexy New Intelligent Fragrance’). Attach it to your clothing and it releases perfume based on the environment you’re in – low output in a confined space like a car; high output on an open dance floor. (And extra heavy-duty, full-blown, fumigation power for professional lapdancers.)
– ABC News

AN EVEN VASTER WASTELAND:
Astronomer Laura Danly claims that TV transmissions from Earth have now crossed the light years to reach as many as 50 planets. No one can say if life exists on any of them, she says, much less if there are any intelligent beings with the ability to decipher and reply to the broadcasts. (Somewhere there’s a little green guy with 3 eyes yelling, “Someday Alice, to the moons!”)
– “Denver Post”

A CANADIAN SNAPSHOT:
Highlights of a new Philips Index cross-country poll on healthcare, lifestyle & technology …
• 88% of Canadians expect to face at least one serious illness in the next 5 years.
• 86% believe technology makes life better, but 59% have lost interest because it’s too complex.
• 84% currently rate their health as ‘excellent’ or ‘generally good’.
• 81% are ‘completely’ or ‘mostly content’ with life.
• 72% would want more money if they could make a change to their current lifestyle.
• 57% expect to live longer than 80 years, 19% beyond 90.
• The maladies we fear we’re most likely to suffer: arthritis (44%), obesity (36%), declining vision (28%) and high cholesterol (26%). (What about death?)
– “Globe & Mail”

REPUBLICANS ARE SEXIER:
A new poll entitled ‘American Sex Lives 2004′ establishes a new, detailed picture of sexual attitudes and behavior in America. The full results will be presented during an hour-long “Primetime Live” special TONIGHT on ABC-TV. A few highlights …
• Are you ‘very satisfied’ with your significant relationship? Republicans (87%); Democrats (76%).
• Are you ‘very satisfied’ with your sex life? Republicans (56%); Democrats (47%).
• Have you ever worn something sexy to enhance your sex life? Republicans (72%); Democrats (62%).
• Have you ever faked an orgasm”? Democrats (33%); Republicans (26%).
– ABC News

BS AMAZING FACT:
Circus families usually travel 51 weeks a year but, when Ringling Bros & Barnum & Bailey is on the road, 2 teachers travel alongside to instruct 28 circus kids in kindergarten through 12th grade. The youngsters are in class 4 hours a day, 6 days a week learning from an established curriculum used in other show biz venues. (With the addition of fire-eating and plate-spinning.)
– “Rocky Mountain News”

AND WE QUOTE:
“We relax, watch TV, have dinner. There’s nothing too crazy. No swinging from chandeliers. No rock stars coming over to party. It’s very mellow.”
– Jennifer Lopez attempting to persuade us she’s just like everybody else, despite “Fortune” magazine naming her richest American woman under age 40 for her $255-million fortune.

THE BULL SHEET 10.21.2K4

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1956 [48] Carrie Fisher, Beverly Hills CA, movie actress (‘Princess Leia’ in original “Star Wars” trilogy)/author (“Postcards from the Edge”)/screenwriter (“The Wedding Singer”, “Sister Act”)

1971 [33] Jade Jagger, Paris FRA, fashion model/daughter of Mick & Bianca Jagger

1978 [26] Will Estes, LA CA, TV actor (‘JJ Pryor’ in “American Dreams” since 2002)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Babbling Day”, a day of tolerance for those who run off at the mouth … unless they’re on-the-air. Radio rule #1: ‘Tis better to be brief than boring.

TODAY is “National Reptile Day”, a day of cold-blooded appreciation for radio sales reps … no, that’s not right. Sorry..

TODAY is “Overseas Chinese Day”, when thousands of Chinese go back to their homeland of Taiwan for special celebrations.

Salem, Massachusetts, home of the infamous ‘witch scare’ 300 years ago, is again hosting its annual month-long “Haunted Happenings” through October 31st, touted as the ‘World’s Largest Halloween Celebration’. Scary events include broomstick-flying and gravestone-rubbing.
PHONER: 877.725.3662 (Destination Salem)
NET: http://www.hauntedhappenings.org

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [07] Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana, “Candle in the Wind 1997″, is declared the ‘Largest-Selling Single Record’ of all-time by the “Guinness Book of Records” after it surpasses Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” by selling 31.8 million copies

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1849 [155] 1st ‘tattooed man’, James O’Connell, is put on exhibition at NYC’s Franklin Theater

1879 [125] 1st practical ‘electric light bulb’ demonstrated by Thomas Edison (before that, what appeared over peoples’ heads when they had an idea?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1918 [86] ‘Typing speed’ record of 170 wpm set by Margaret Owen of NYC (on a manual typewriter – with no errors!)

COMING UP . . .
[Fri] Frankenstein Friday
[Fri] “Surviving Christmas” & “The Grudge” open in movie theaters
[Sat] Make a Difference Day
[Sun] National Bologna Day
[Sun] Mother-In-Laws Day
This Week Is . . . Pickled Pepper Week / YMCA Teen Week
This Month Is . . . International Doll Collectors Month / Marine Travel Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS SFX THEATER:

You read the story, a caller or guest provides the appropriate sound effects as best they can. Today’s story is called “Raking the Leaves” …
    You walk outside and take a deep breath of the crisp, fall air (SFX). You hear geese overhead flying south for the winter (SFX). You open up the garage door (SFX), and knock over a bunch of shovels and rakes leaning against the wall (SFX), causing you to mutter under your breath (SFX). You select a rake and begin raking at the far side of the yard, whistling while you work (SFX). You’re startled when you poke the neighbor’s yappy Yorkie who’s hiding under the leaves (SFX). You finally have all the leaves raked into one big pile, and let out a sigh of relief, (SFX), just as a giant gust of wind blows them back all over your yard (SFX), causing you to mutter under your breath (SFX).

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• What’s the first thing you notice on a man? (A recent poll of women finds that fully 61% first notice clothing. Other first impressions – hair and shoes.)
• What do your parents do on a regular basis that really embarrasses you?

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Learn from your parents’ mistakes … use birth control!
• I always give 100% at work … 12% on Monday, 23% on Tuesday, 40% on Wednesday, 20% on Thursday, and 5% on Friday.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 62% of us say THIS greatly affects our ability to perform at work.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Allergies.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Thou shalt not steal – the government hates competition.


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