Tuesday, October 21, 2003        Edition: #2648
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Game show contestant Will Wright of Lorton VA has filed a $2-million lawsuit against “Wheel of Fortune”, claiming he suffered back injuries after host Pat Sajak leapt on him and wrapped his arms and legs around him in a hug because he’d won $48,400 (ungrateful sod!) . . . Actor Robert Downey Jr says he’s been composing music for 21 years now and he thinks his future lies in more singing & less acting (‘cause you can sing in a cellblock) . . . Avant garde artist & rock groupie Cynthia Plastercaster has been asked to donate her – huh? – collection of bronze penis sculptures of rock legends, such as Jimi Hendrix & Frank Zappa, to the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame – for its private archives . . . A new Brit TV special, “The Great British Driving Test: Men v Women”, aims to settle once and for whether men or women are better drivers, using a mass audience driving test, real-life driving scenarios, and celebrity teams in driving competitions (cool idea!) . . . 61-year-old Harrison Ford has left an LA hospital after undergoing shoulder surgery to repair injured tendons (“Indiana Jones & the Sling of Pain”) . . . “NYPD Blue’s” ‘Detective Andy Sipowicz’ (played by Dennis Franz) will wed his onscreen girlfriend (played by Charlotte Ross) so the actress’s real-life pregnancy can be worked into the storyline . . . The ‘Fab Five’ from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy” are negotiating a deal with Pepsi that may include everything from product placement on the show to appearances in ads (when you’re hot you’re hot) . . . Andrew Lloyd Webber has reportedly offered Richard Gere the lead role in his upcoming London stage production of “The Sound Of Music” (can you see Gere as a former nun who becomes a nanny?) . . . And, because she just won’t shut up, Angelina Jolie says she’s missing sex and would be happy to have a fling rather than a serious relationship (the line forms on the left).

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Charlie’s Angels: Full Throttle” (Action Comedy – DVD/VHS): Drew Barrymore, Cameron Diaz & Lucy Liu return as the jiggly detectives, aided in more high-octane adventures by a new ‘Bosley’ (Bernie Mac), but it was Demi Moore’s return to the screen as a ‘fallen angel’ that stole all the buzz. Cameos by Bruce Willis, Pink, Jaclyn Smith, the Olsen twins, Carrie Fisher, Eve, and others.
• “28 Days Later” (Sci-Fi Horror – DVD): Chilling thriller about an ape experiment that goes wrong, infecting the population of England with a virus that instantly turns humans into blood-spurting, murderous zombies, something ‘Jim’ (Cillian Murphy) discoveries when he awakens from a coma 28 days after an accident and finds himself in a deserted London.
• “It Runs in the Family” (Comedy – DVD): Most notable as the movie incorporating most of Hollywood’s Douglas clan – grandfather Kirk, his ex-wife Diana, pop Michael, and his son Cameron. Patriarch Kirk plays a retired law partner fighting the effects of a stroke (as in real life) and battling with his lawyer son, who’s going through a mid-life crisis. It’s the bigscreen equivalent of vanity press.
• “George of the Jungle II” (Family Adventure – DVD): In this straight-to-video Disney sequel, ‘George’ is now a father and goes to Las Vegas to help out his family. To give you an idea on the caliber of entertainment, star Christopher Showerman actually explains to the audience that he’s the new ‘George’ because the producers were too cheap to re-hire Brendan Fraser.
• For collectors, there’s the Harrison Ford series, “The Adventures of Indiana Jones – The Complete DVD Movie Collection”, and a 6-disc set of TV’s ” Dark Angel: The Complete Second Season” starring Jessica Alba, which includes the short-lived series final episode.

TAPPING INTO POWER:
University of Alberta researchers have discovered how to make electricity from tap water by squirting it through microscopic channels. The technique offers a source of non-polluting power that could be used for small electronic devices such as calculators and mobile phones, as well as in large power stations that house millions of the tiny channels. (Future parents will be able to scold, “Turn off the tap, you’re wasting electricity!”)

STRIP OFF THOSE POUNDS:
Sometime actress-model-dancer-media personality Carmen Electra is releasing a 5-part DVD series called “Carmen Electra’s Aerobic Striptease” that gives lessons on how to perform calorie-burning stripper moves like pole dancing & lap dancing. Carmen claims exotic dancers have great bodies because their occupation involves a good workout every night. She also says learning to strip boosts self-confidence, and makes you feel sexy. (Why not find some bump ‘n grind music and run your own morning workouts on-air?)

NO SPOONFUL OF SUGAR NEEDED:
American scientists have developed a new way to take medicine – a microchip implanted in the body that releases medication slowly so the patient no longer has to take any pills. The 1-cm-long microchip delivers exactly the right dosage at exactly the right time, thereby avoiding patient error. Tests show that a single chip can be used for up to 140 days. Clinical trials of the new implant are expected to begin soon. (To stay current with technology, Tommy Chong is working in his prison workshop on a micro-bong.)

THEATER FOR ONE:
Four nights a week, theater-trained New York actress Nicole Blackman does a one-on-one performance called “The Courtesan Tales” in a small gallery room. For $20, she tells a 5-minute story to a ticket holder who sits blindfolded in a throne-like rocking chair with hands restrained. She entertains up to 20 patrons per night, some who book several stories in a sitting. All of the tales involve touching the client in some way – feather tickling, hand-caressing, or just leaning against the client. So is this theater … or just a thinly-veiled sex show?
PHONER: 212.427.5888

LONG-DISTANCE GAWKING:
A hi-tech window between cities that allows people thousands of miles apart to meet and talk is being developed for London & Vienna as early as NEXT YEAR. ‘Tholos’ [TOE-lows], named after a circular ancient Greek temple, consists of a large round screen 10-ft-high and 23-ft-wide. The giant cylindrical screens will simultaneously transmit and receive high definition live images from each other. Thus, people standing in front of London’s Tholos will be able to talk live to people they see in a wrap-around live picture from Vienna – and vice-versa. Plans are to expand the system to 16 cities by 2008. (Multi-millionaire “Girls Gone Wild” creator Joe Francis is no doubt already looking for an angle on how to cash in.)

FOR THE RECORD:
• There may be a new record for ‘world’s largest breakfast’ as 38,660 people sat down for an hour-long simultaneous chow-down in 11 cities in Croatia. That’s 15,000 more than the current record set in Taiwan 2 years ago. “Guinness Book of Records” is reviewing the claim. (This seems like an easy one to break … no? Free listener breakfast?)
• The world’s ‘largest Ferris wheel’ is being built in time for the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, China. The $100-million wheel will tower 690-feet-high when it’s completed in 2007. (Now class, calculate the speed of the upchuck by the time it hits the ground.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
October is the most likely month for managers to be fired, according to employment stats. (Well, we can keep our fingers crossed!)

THE BULL SHEET 10.21.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1949 [54] Mike Keenan, Whitby ON, NHL coach (Florida Panthers, ex-Vancouver, St Louis, NYR, etc)/only the 2nd in NHL history to coach 7 different teams

1956 [47] Carrie Fisher, Beverly Hills CA, movie actress (‘Princess Leia’-“Star Wars”)/author (“Postcards from the Edge”)/screenwriter (“The Wedding Singer”, “Sister Act”)/Paul Simon’s ex-

1971 [32] Jade Jagger, Paris FRA, fashion model/daughter of Mick & Bianca Jagger

1978 [25] Will Estes, LA CA, TV actor (‘JJ Pryor’-”American Dreams”)

1992 [11] Benjamin Storm Keough, son of Lisa Marie Presley & Danny Keough/Elvis Presley’s grandson

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[Newfoundland & Labrador] Election Day

TODAY is “Babbling Day”, a day of tolerance for those who run off at the mouth … unless they’re on-the-air. Radio rule #1: It’s better to be brief than boring.

TODAY is “National Reptile Day”, a day of cold-blooded appreciation.

TODAY is “Overseas Chinese Day”, when thousands of Chinese go back to their homeland of Taiwan for special celebrations.

Salem, Massachusetts, home of the infamous ‘witch scare’ 300 years ago, is again hosting its annual month-long “Haunted Happenings” through October 31st, touted as the world’s largest Halloween celebration. Scary events include broomstick-flying and gravestone-rubbing.
PHONER: 877.SALEM.MA/978.744.3663
NET: http://www.hauntedhappenings.org

THIS YEAR is the 40th anniversary of the ‘lava lamp’, invented by the UK’s Edward Craven Walker in 1963. The entertainment gadget that involves oozing goo floating inside a lighted glass flute has evolved through 3 transitions – as a mass-market pop icon in the ‘60s & ‘70s, as collectible retro kitsch in the ‘80s and ‘90s, and then reintroduced in the 21st century as a modern classic that’s won design awards.

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2002 Canada Post symbol for Newfoundland changes from ‘NF’ to ‘NL’, standing for ‘Newfoundland & Labrador’

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1997 [06] Elton John’s tribute to Princess Diana, “Candle in the Wind 1997″, is declared the ‘Biggest-Selling Single Record’ of all-time by the “Guinness Book of Records” after it surpasses Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas” by selling 31.8 million copies

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1849 [154] 1st ‘tattooed man’, James O’Connell, is put on exhibition at NYC’s Franklin Theater

1879 [124] 1st practical ‘electric light bulb’ demonstrated by Thomas Edison (before that, what appeared over peoples’ heads when they got an idea?)

1887 [116] Québec threatens to pull out of Canadian Confederation (becomes an annual event)

1976 [27] 1st team to ‘sweep’ MLB playoffs and then the World Series (Cincinnati Reds over NY Yankees)

1996 [07] 1st ‘Internet record label’ (J-Bird Records)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1918 [85] ‘Typing speed’ record of 170 wpm set by Margaret Owen of NYC (on a manual typewriter – with no errors!)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Fri] National Bologna Day
[Sat] Punk For A Day Day
[Sun] Mother-In-Laws Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends (2 am)
This Week Is . . . Toastmasters Week
This Month Is . . . Depression Education & Awareness Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS THINGS NOT TO SAY AT A JOB INTERVIEW:

Ask listeners to call in job interview faux pas, things you should never say when applying for work. A few primers –
• “So, how frequently do your accountants audit petty cash?”
• “Does your med insurance cover sex-change operations?”
• “I’ve been a stripper for 5 years, but I’d really like to teach kindergarten.”
• “I brought my own cup to pee in.”
• “How many sick days before you stop paying someone for not being here?”
• “Could I get an office really close to the exit?”
• “What’s the company policy on severance pay?”
• “Computer experience? I’ve downloaded over 4,000 Mp3s and porn movies!”
• “I once shared a cell with your CEO. He spoke highly of you.”
• “Can I have a raise?”

BS QUICK-PICK QUIZ:
• Why are tennis balls fuzzy?
a. So players have better racquet control. [CORRECT]
b. So they absorb sweat from players’ fingers.
c. So you can tell them from rubber balls.

• Why does shampoo lather so much better the second time you use it?
a. Few people use enough the first time. You need a whole handful to create lather.
b. Fewer oils are left in the hair after the first washing. [CORRECT]
c. It takes up to 2 minutes for shampoo to completely interact with water and create bubbles.

• What causes bags under your eyes?
a. The natural sagging of facial muscles when they are tired.
b. Excess tissue and fluid around the eyes. [CORRECT]
c. [Your time here] years of getting up to do a morning radio show.

BS INTERVIEW:
Asia Voight is an ‘animal communicator’ who charges $1.75 a minute to cure dogs, cats, horses, even hedgehogs of their hang-ups. She says her first-ever consultation was with a dog who told her he kept running away from home because there was too much yelling in the house. Ask her how she ‘senses’ what animals are feeling, and what have been her most unusual patients.
PHONER: 608.877.1191 (Stoughton WI)
NET: http://www.hitsquad.org/Asia.htm

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 68% of women say they’ve caught a man doing THIS. Some think it’s rude, while others enjoy it.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Looking down their top.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s never good to second guess yourself. Or then again, maybe it is …


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