Thursday, October 9, 2003                       Edition: #2640
100% Grade A Bull!

Popular kids TV show “Bob The Builder” is about to undergo a major reno, with ‘innovative new episodes’, new characters & locations, and – the reason behind all this – a fresh line of toys with corporate partners like Lego (did you have merchandise from your favorite TV show as a pre-schooler?) . . . Colin Farrell is in Morocco filming “Alexander the Great” but word is he just can’t resists calling LA every day to listen to the cooing sounds of his 2-and-a-half week-old son, James (guess he figures, what the heck, I paid for him!) . . . In Norway, they’re already lining up for “Lord of the Rings: Return of the King” and tickets for the DECEMBER 17th premiere don’t even go on sale until OCTOBER 27th . . . Courtney Love has decided to enter rehab following that suspected drug overdose LAST WEEK (hey Court, what took ya?) . . . Director Woody Allen is shopping a tell-all book, which will reportedly lay open the secrets of his affairs with actresses Louise Lasser, Diane Keaton, Mia Farrow and current wife/step-daughter Soon Yi (ewww, I don’t wanna know) . . . The women of late R&B legend Barry White are fighting over his will – his 1st and 2nd wives are said to be at each other’s throats and his long-term partner Katherine Denton says she wants a cut of the cash too . . . Wrinkle rocker Rod Stewart has been persuaded – with $5 million – to sign up for a 12-episode “Osbournes”-style MTV reality show, with the promise of another $20 million if “Rod: Live and Uncensored” becomes a hit.

Getting lots of buzz this week …
• Movie: Critics are falling all over themselves with praise for Clint Eastwood’s latest directorial effort, “Mystic River”, opening next WEDNESDAY, October 15th.
• TV Show: Carla Gugino in the new ABC-TV drama “Karen Sisco”, based on a character from Elmore Leonard books.
• Music: Word is actor Kevin Spacey, currently recording the soundtrack for “Beyond The Sea”, his upcoming biopic of ‘50s singer Bobby Darin, can really sing!

Indian sitar master Ravi Shankar & his jazz singer daughter Norah Jones are said to be upset by the script of a new Bollywood production, which they claim mirrors their story in an exploitative manner (translation: where’s our cut?) . . . In the upcoming comedy sequel “Weekend at Bernie’s 3″, the guys will still be dragging their dead boss around, but this time it’s a Mafia boss in Vegas who may be played by former “Sopranos” star Vincent Pastore (‘Big Pussy’) . . . Queen Latifah makes an appearance in the upcoming sequel “Barbershop 2”, in which her character was scheduled to be introduced before appearing in her own spin-off movie, but the Queen is now so busy she’s been replaced in the soon-to-shoot “Beauty Shop” by actress (and 50 Cent friend) Vivica A Fox . . .  Ice Cube will not only star in the “Barbershop” sequel but will replace Vin Diesel in the sequel to “XXX”, to be cleverly titled “Triple X 2”.

36-year-old Brit Andi Bell has defended his title against 53 competitors at the “World Memory Championships” in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia. During the 3-day event, he memorized 21 decks of cards in an hour, and won the final by memorizing a single deck of cards in just 57 seconds. He’s now been crowned champ 3 times in-a-row. (How tough can this be? Let’s see … in spades you’ve got the 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 …)

• Sony Corp has unveiled its new ‘PSX’, a beefed up PlayStation 2 video-game machine that also works as a DVD recorder, analog TV, digital photo album and music player. It goes on sale in Japan late THIS YEAR for a little over $700. (Toaster attachment extra.)
• Here’s a result of the trend toward random drug testing – ‘The Whizzinator’. It’s an artificial male organ that squirts synthetic, drug-free pee. The $150 gizmo is worn with a jock-strap-like undergarment. There’s also a ‘Whizzinator’ model especially designed for women. The manufacturer says the product isn’t illegal, it’s just meant to protect privacy. (Where do you get refills?)

Fashionistas say that shoes are like jewelry nowadays (and cost about as much), which may explain the new trend toward ‘toe shortening’. The procedure involves cutting a small piece of bone out of the joint, then reattaching the tendon. The most likely candidates – those darn 2nd and 3rd toes that poke out beyond the big toe (how embarrassing!). Rather than getting clipped, the 4th and 5th toes are more often being straightened.
Source: “Globe & Mail”

• Apparently men in skirts aren’t allowed in Rome. Four Italian men have been charged with ‘altering and defacing the environment and decor of the Coliseum’ after they were caught outside – posing for tourist photos while dressed as gladiators. They face up to a year in jail and a $50,000 fine. The men say they were just trying to make a living. (Cripes, they gave Russell Crowe an award!)
• TONIGHT is the exciting “Miss Condom Asia Pacific” beauty pageant in Bangkok, Thailand. There’s just one problem – not a single contestant has entered.
• Women in Hamburg, Germany who are fed up with their men grumbling during shopping trips can now dump them off at a special ‘kindergarten for men’. The men are given a name badge on arrival and for a fee of about 12 bucks get 2 beers, a hot meal, and sports on TV. The women are issued a receipt when they drop them off. (We already have this here – the corner bar.)
• 449 women named ‘Maria del Pilar’ [PEE-lahr] got together in Madrid, Spain for the largest-ever gathering of women with the same given name. They ranged in age from 8 days to 91 years, and even a dog called ‘Maria del Pilar’ attended the event in a neighborhood called ‘Pilar’. Organizers say the event beats the previous record gathering of 122 women named ‘Shirley’ in Australia 2 years ago. (This seems like an awfully easy record to beat as a station promotion. What about getting all the local ‘Jennifers’ into a club?)
• A man in England was worried when he started hearing voices in his head. Turns out the metal fillings in his teeth were acting as a radio receiver, picking up broadcasts from a transmitter located near his home. (If you’re listening to this show on your teeth, remember that regular flossing will improve reception.)

Feel like there just aren’t enough hours in the day? Trying to beat the clock and get everything done that we think needs to be done is a real stressor for over 18% of people over age 15. Here’s a breakdown by gender & age group showing who’s most likely to suffer from high levels of time-stress –
Women 25-34 … 29%
Women 35-44 … 27%
Men 25-34 … 25%
Men 35-44 … 23%
Women 15-24/45-54 … 22%
Men 45-54 … 20%
Women 55-64 … 14%
Men 15-24 … 10%
Men 55-64 … 8%
Source: Statistics Canada


1923 [80] Fyvush Finkel, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (‘Principal Harvey Lipschultz’-“Boston Public”, Emmy Award-“Picket Fences”)

1938 [65] Russell Myers, Pittsburg KS, comic strip cartoonist (“Broom Hilda”)

1948 [55] Jackson Browne, Heidelberg GER, classic rock musician (“Running On Empty”)

1953 [50] Tony Shalhoub, Green Bay WI, TV actor (2003 Emmy Award as ‘Adrian Monk’-“Monk”)

1954 [49] Scott Bakula, St Louis MO, TV actor (‘Captain Jonathan Archer’-“Star Trek: Enterprise” since 2001)

[UN] “World Post Day” (honoring the boss’s personality?)

TODAY is “International Alan Day”, celebrating anyone with the name ‘Alan’, ‘Allan’, ‘Alannis’, Al, ‘Allen’ or anything vaguely in the area.

TODAY the new peach-colored US $20 bill goes into circulation. The new note includes enhanced security features and background colors. (Tomorrow is the day the first counterfeit version is released.)

TODAY is “National Dessert Day”. OK, what’s the all-time most sinfully delicious, can’t stop snortin’ it dessert? Cherry cheesecake? Tiramisu? (It’s been called ‘Heaven In Your Mouth’.)

TODAY is “Leif Erikson Day” in Norway and Iceland, commemorating the Viking explorer’s discovery of North America (‘Vinland’) circa 1000 AD – almost 500 years BEFORE Columbus!

SATURDAY is the 25th annual “Turkey Testicle Festival” in Byron IL. It includes a rock concert, a motorcycle poker run called the ‘Run For The Nuts’, plus lotsa beer and deep-fried … well, er turkey testicles – yummers! The big bash’s slogan is ‘Let’s All Get Nuts!’

SATURDAY is the “North American Wife-Carrying Contest” at the Sunday River ski area in Newry, Maine. Husbands carry wives through an obstacle course of log hurdles and a muddy water hole. The competitors with the best time are crowned the champs. The winner earns his wife’s weight in beer plus 5 times the wife’s weight in cash.
PHONER: 207-824-3000 (Bethel ME)

1872 [131] 1st ‘mail order catalogue’ (1 page, published by Aaron Montgomery)

1946 [57] 1st ‘electric blanket’ (Simmons Co charges $39.50)

1986 [17] ‘FOX’ TV network debuts (“The Late Show”, starring Joan Rivers)

1996 [07] World’s ‘largest grilled cheese sandwich’ (a 3,000-lb monster made by Kraft Foods)

[Fri] Full Moon (Hunter’s Moon)
[Sat] National Coming Out Day
[Sat] Emergency Nurses Day
[Sun] International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day
[Sun] Farmers Day
[Sun] World Egg Day
[Mon] Canadian Thanksgiving Day (no BS service)
[Tues] Be Bald & Be Free Day
[Wed] National Grouch Day
[Wed] National Poetry Day
This Week Is – Adult Immunization Awareness Week
This Month Is – National Seafood Month

THIS WEEK is “National Pet Peeve Week”, a good time to vent some of yours and let listeners air out theirs. Here’s a few primers …
• When someone calls you and then asks if they can put you on hold.
• Trying on sunglasses with that stupid little plastic thing in the middle of them.
• Elevators that stop on every floor but nobody gets on.
• When you’re slowing down trying to find an address, there’s always some bumper hugger riding your tail.
• Guys who try to talk football when they know nothing about it.
• When you open a can of soup, the lid always falls in.
• Slicing your tongue when you lick an envelope.
• Those one or two ice cubes that just won’t pop out of the tray.
And what’s eating you today?

Q: Within 5 lbs, what’s the biggest-ever turkey to tip the scales?
A: The biggest turkey ever recorded was raised in the UK and weighed in at a phenomenal 86 lbs! Most domesticated turkeys weigh 14 to 45 lbs live. They weigh less once they’re ‘dressed’ (how ironic).

Q: Why is it an insult to call someone a ‘turkey’?
A: It can be taken as an offence in several ways – 1. Turkeys are really stupid (you’ve likely heard about them drowning in a rainstorm from looking up & holding open their beaks?). 2. Turkeys are also mean when they are in a flock, known to attack even the family dog. 3. Turkeys smell bad, especially when they’re wet.

Q: What do you call the bright red thing that hangs under a turkey’s chin?
A: The loose skin that hangs below a turkey’s beak is called the ‘wattle’. If you thought ‘snood’, you would have been close. It’s also red, but starts at the base of the turkey’s beak and hangs over the top. (The part my little brother always got stuck with at Thanksgiving dinner.)

“Who makes absolutely the best doughnuts?”

Today’s Question: We spend over $50 million on THIS Halloween product.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Greeting cards. Really? Have you ever sent one?

If all the world’s a stage, I want to operate the trap door.

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