Wednesday, October 1, 2003        Edition: #2634
Don’t Take Any Sheet, Unless It’s Pure Bull!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT the Game Show Network airs “Who Wants to Be Governor of California? The Debating Game” with “Diff’rent Strokes” child star Gary Coleman and porn star Mary Carey among the California candidates expected to compete for a campaign donation of $21,200 (maximum allowed by law) . . . 50-year-old Pierce Brosnan is reportedly planning to announce the next ‘Bond’ film will be his last at a press conference in JANUARY or FEBRUARY, and word has it Brit actor Clive Owen (who turns 39 this FRIDAY) will be announced as the next ‘007′ . . . For her role in the upcoming Quentin Tarantino movie “Kill Bill” (opening OCTOBER 10th), 33-year-old actress Uma Thurman says she lost 25 lbs in 6 weeks by stuffing herself with chocolate, ice-cream and pudding – and nothing else (hey Uma, nice zits!) . . . Word has it P Diddy has met with NYC officials to discuss the city’s school system and find areas where he can provide assistance, such as moola (finally, he does something admirable!) . . . Amazingly, 838 people have registered themselves as music download pirates after the RIAA offered amnesty for those who confessed in its “Clean Slate Program” . . . And Hollywood wildman Colin Farrell tells “Radio Times” that drugs & booze caused him to spiral into depression before he achieved fame, and when a psychiatrist asked him to list his weekly intake it included – 20 E’s, 4 grams of coke, 6 of speed, half-an-ounce of hash, 3 bottles of Jack Daniels, 12 bottles of red wine, 60 pints of beer and 280 cigarettes (geez, this guy’s still alive?).

BS BUZZWORDS:
New terms that are leaking into our lingo –
• ‘Hookah Bars’ – Places where people can smoke flavored tobaccos through water pipes.
• ‘Smacktard’ – A lousy computer gamer whose poor play constantly undermines the success of his team.
• ‘Yoga Booty Ballet’ – A new combined form of yoga, aerobics & ballet that zeroes in on toning the butt.
• ‘Headshoe’ – New headgear that shields wearers from almost all sight and sound, thereby allowing them to meditate.
NET: http://www.headshoe.com

MORE MONEY, MORE MALES:
A University of California at Berkeley study in the journal “Human Reproduction” suggests that bad economic times may result in lower ratios of male babies being born. The study seems to support a longstanding theory in biology that stressed populations yield fewer males.

MAJORING IN MOTHER-IN-LAW:
A new course called ‘Family Relations Between Mothers-in-Law & Daughters-in-Law’ began THIS WEEK at a university in Sao Leopoldo, Brazil. Its goal is to foster better family relationships, thereby helping to lower divorce rates.

BEING A GUY IS A RISKY BUSINESS:
A new study by the Canadian Institute for Health Information shoots down the widespread belief that women live longer than men because of some kind of biological advantage. The study concludes that men would live just as long if they dropped risky behaviors and bad habits. In fact, when deaths from preventable causes are excluded from statistics, life
expectancy for men is actually slightly higher than for women.

EAT YOUR WHEATIES, GIRLS:
Girls need a more filling breakfast than boys in order to do their best at school, according to memory and attention tests conducted by researchers at Northern Ireland’s University of Ulster. The study shows boys actually perform better when they’re feeling a little hungry.

HAPPY COLD CURE:
A recent study in “Psychosomatic Medicine” finds that happy people are less likely to catch colds or complain of cold symptoms than those who experience negative emotions, such as
depression, nervousness and anger. Researchers say it further proves that optimistic people are more likely to have healthy lifestyles.

CRUEL PARENTS:
According to a recent study, at least 10,000 different English-language given names are now in use, two-thirds of which were largely unknown before World War II. Recently there seems to be a trend for naming children after consumer products. Records show that over the past 3 years newborns have been named Canon, Bentley, Chanel, Jaguar, Xerox, Camry, and (voted most likely to axe-murder mommy & daddy) Timberland, after the boots.

PREVENTING ‘THE BIG C’ THE FUN WAY:
New research from Australia’s Cancer Council Victoria suggests that one way for men to diminish their risk of prostate cancer is to – have sex more often. The study of over 2,000 men aged 20 to 50 finds that the risk of prostate cancer decreases by a third if men get off on a daily basis. It’s thought that sexual activity flushes out potential carcinogens in the system. (“What am I doing in here? It’s OK mom, just a little cancer prevention.”)

BIG BROTHER’S IN YOUR PC:
A company called Lover Spy is selling $89 software that records anything done on a target computer, including all keystrokes, passwords, e-mail, chats and screen shots. It even turns on the Webcam! What may be illegal is how the software is being activated. The company sends an e-mail greeting card to lure your victim to a Website where a trojan program surreptitiously loads into their computer. The company claims the software is already being used worldwide by private investigators, suspicious spouses, and parents who want to protect their children.

HOOKER HEELS ARE HEALTHY:
British researchers at Oxford Brookes University have found that high-heels do NOT lead to knee arthritis in women. After studying more than 100 women in need of knee surgery, it was found that choice of shoes was not a factor as is commonly thought. Being overweight, smoking, and previous knee injury were found to be the main risks.

THE BULL SHEET 10.01.2K3

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [79] Jimmy Carter, Plains GA, 39th US President (1977-1981)

1935 [68] [Dame] Julie Andrews (Wells), Walton-on-Thames ENG, Broadway actress (“Victor/Victoria”, “My Fair Lady”)/movie actress (“The Princess Diaries”, “Mary Poppins”, “The Sound of Music”)/2001 Kennedy Center Honoree  UP NEXT: The sequels “Shrek 2″ and “The Princess Diaries 2″.

1950 [53] Randy Quaid, Houston TX, TV actor (Hank Shaw-“The Brotherhood of Poland New Hampshire”/movie actor (“Independence Day”, “Vacation” series)/actor Dennis Quaid’s brother

1962 [41] Esai Morales, Brooklyn NY, TV actor (Lt Tony Rodriguez-”NYPD Blue”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[China] “National Day” (1949)

OCTOBER actually means ‘eighth month’ but it has been the 10th month since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus.

TODAY is “Homemade Cookie Day”. We don’t care who came up with it or why or how. The only question we have is – where are they? Hand ‘em over!!!!

TODAY is the 26th annual “World Vegetarian Day”, established to bring awareness to the benefits of the vegetarian lifestyle. (When’s ‘World Carnivore Day’?)

TODAY is “United Nations Day of Older Persons”. The Governor General’s office sends out over 1,000 birthday greetings annually to Canadians celebrating birthdays of 100 or more years.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1888 [115] 1st issue of “National Geographic” magazine

1962 [41] Johnny Carson hosts NBC’s “Tonight Show” for the 1st time

1903 [100] 1st MLB ‘World Series’ (Pittsburgh Nationals & Boston Americans)

1961 [42] 1st telecast by CTV network (back when Lloyd Robertson was only 72)

1971 [32] ‘Disney World’ 1st opens in Orlando FL

1988 [15] Canada’s 1st Olympic boxing gold in 56 years (Lennox Lewis-Seoul KOR)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Ontario election
[Thurs] 14th International Bluegrass Music Awards
[Thurs] Name Your Car Day
[Thurs] Custodial Workers Day
[Sun] World Teachers Day
[Mon] Yom Kippur
[Mon] UN World Habitat Day
[Tues] California election
This Week Is – Bank Teller Appreciation Week / Customer Service Week
This Month Is – Family History Month / National Clock Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS PSA:

“Teenagers, are you tired of being harassed by your stupid, uncool parents? Act now! Move out, get a job, and pay your own bills … while you still know everything. This message from your local PAMS council, ‘Parents Attempting to Maintain Sanity’.”

BS PHONE STARTERS:
• “If $19 million isn’t enough to run the ceremonial office of Governor-General, isn’t it time to dump the job?”
• “What was your best Halloween costume ever?”
• “Where is the strangest place you ever did it?”
• “Are you suffering from technology overload? What single modern technology would you get rid of, given the choice?”
BS TECHNOLOGIES THAT DESERVE TO DIE:
5. Land Mines
4. Incandescent Light Bulbs
3. Internal Combustion Engine
2. Coal-Based Power
1. Nuclear Weapons
Source: MIT’s “Technology Review” magazine.

TOP SWAPS:
The Web’s most traded music files THIS WEEK –
1. Chingy – “Right Thurr”
2. 50 Cent – “PIMP”
3. Beyonce Knowles – “Baby Boy”
4. The Ataris – “Boys of Summer”
5. Beyonce Knowles – “Crazy in Love”
Source: “Big Champagne”

MORNING MATCHMAKER:
New Zealand DJ Jay-Jay Feeney, host of the “Morning Madhouse” on THE EDGE, has managed to hook up some successful couples by putting together a panel of matchmaking experts on her show. TODAY her biggest success, Paula & Zane Nicholl, celebrate their 4th wedding anniversary after being matched by the morning show. How good is this panel? The first time the Nicholls met each other in person was at their wedding!

BS BLATANT JOKES:
• Last night I went to a meeting on premature ejaculation but missed hearing about solutions because I left early.
• I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it sure PO-ed my landlord.
• I’ve often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can’t get my wife to go swimming.
• She’s a philosophy graduate. That means she can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

FIND THE BS FAKE:
Two of the following are actual headlines ripped from supermarket tabloids. The other is a total fake. But which?
GAME # 2 –
• “Man’s Life Spared After Passing Gallstones the Size of Bowling Balls!” [FAKE]
• “Cannibals Market Horrific New Dog Food: People Chow!”
• “Statue of Al Gore Cries Real Tears!”

GAME # 2 –
• “I Found Jesus Under My Wallpaper!”
• “Businesswoman Gets First Cellphone Implant!”
• “Holy Cow! Farmer Gives Favorite Holstein Fashionable Piercing!” [FAKE]

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 1 in 4 pet owners do THIS even though they really shouldn’t.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Overfeed their pet.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Time is nature’s way of keeping everything from happening at once.


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