Friday, October 25, 2002        Edition: #2407
Sweet Sheet!

TODAY “The Ketchup Song (Hey Hah)” video by Las Ketchup premieres on MTV’s “Total Request Live” (the nonsense song in ‘Spanglish’ has already been #1 in 18 countries) . . . They’ve had a secret 2-month romance and now it seems the rumors that Beyoncé Knowles will marry Jay-Z may be true . . . Beginning TODAY, Miramax Films is selling 75-cent, 2-inch-tall ‘action figures’ of comedians in gumball machines in select theaters, including Jay Leno & Ray Romano (it’s to promote Jerry Seinfeld’s comedy documentary “Comedian”) . . . . Here’s a couple of new reality TV shows in the UK (where they all seem to get hatched) – “The Salon” will put 9 hairstylists who are complete strangers together to work in a specially-built salon for 2 months (watch the fur fly!) and in “Wifeswap”, women will get to exchange their husbands, homes & bratty kids for 2 weeks (hey, this could be a cool radio contest!) . . . Métis leader Louis Riel has been found overwhelmingly not guilty of high treason in an Internet poll following THIS WEEK’S mock trial on CBC Newsworld (so now what – can we un-hang him?) . . . The biggest independent film of all-time, “My Big Fat Greek Wedding”, keeps hanging in the top 5 at the box office, now with a total take over $170 million since it opened, $20 million of it in Canada . . . And cotton-head crooner Tom Jones tells German magazine “Bunte” he’s insulted when women throw their panties at him – if they haven’t been wearing them (nowadays he’s more likely to get plastered with Depends).

“Jackass: The Movie”, a bigscreen version of the MTV series in which Johnny Knoxville and pals perform dangerous, gross & juvenile stunts . . . Gabriel Byrne & Julianna Margulies star in the horror thriller “Ghost Ship”, about a deserted passenger ship that’s discovered floating in the Bering Sea by a salvage crew leading to creepy, supernatural occurrences . . . In “The Truth About Charlie”, a remake of the 1963 mystery “Charade”, Mark Wahlberg, Thandie Newton & Tim Robbins replace Cary Grant, Audrey Hepburn & Walter Matthau in a story of a murdered man who had a stash of cash in his secret life . . . Three kids from Harlem become
big-time drug kingpins in the 1980s in the no-name drama “Paid in Full” . . . And out in limited release – Salma Hayek stars in “Frida”, a biopic about Mexican painter Frida Kahlo . . . Two Arkansas couples (Patrick Swayze & Charlize Theron, Billy Bob Thornton & Natasha Richardson) go on a road trip to a monster truck show in the romantic comedy “Waking Up in Reno” . . . Jesse Eisenberg plays a wet-behind-the-ears Midwestern boy trying to lose his virginity in NYC with the help of his seedy uncle in the dramedy “Roger Dodger”.

• Talk about a bungled stick-up! Two men in Brazil tried to rob a bus full of passengers armed only with – a hair dryer. The passengers struck back, not with brushes and combs, but with a real gun – shooting them both. (Proving you just can’t get money for a blow job anymore.)
• A quick-thinking policewoman in Recklinghausen, Germany snared a wanted criminal by arranging a blind date with him. Seems she found the fugitive’s mobile phone number, faked a wrong number call, then landed a date after flirting with him. The criminal not only showed up at a bar on time, he was reportedly ‘all dressed up’. Now he’s facing 3 years in the slammer. (Where he’ll be dating a big guy named Shirley.)

OK, hands up, who knows where the country of Suriname is? Well, don’t be embarrassed if you don’t – it’s just been declared the world’s least-known country. A recent poll by the Suriname Tourist Board found only 5% of people had heard of the country and only 1% could actually say where it is. An ad agency is now making the most of it with a campaign based on the slogan ‘What’s in a Suriname?’. Oh, by the way, it’s in South America next to Guyana. (Where’s Guyana?)

Columbia University researcher Dr Elaine Larson says those anti-bacterial soaps don’t kill any more germs than regular soaps. She claims effective hand washing has more to do with friction and the area covered. Not only are anti-bacterial soaps a waste of money, Larson says we should quit buying them because they may be contributing to the resistance of various bugs to antibiotics.

Advocacy group Reporters Without Borders has published its first Worldwide Index of Countries according to their respect for press freedom. Finland, Iceland, Norway and the Netherlands tied atop the list of countries offering the most freedom of the press. Canada is next at 5th, Australia is 12th and the USA surprisingly ranks 17th. North Korea came in last at #139.

• File this under embarrassing ways to die – a Vietnamese man has drowned and 3 of his co-workers barely escaped after trying to rescue him when he fell into vat of fish sauce. (Gawd, the stink would kill ya.)
• Gunn-Britt Marklund logged onto the Internet to check her bank balance and found she’d become Sweden’s richest person – temporarily. She was just checking to see whether her child benefit had been deposited and was staggered to read her balance was $9.9 billion! After 24 hours she contacted the Ica Bank and was quickly told it was a computer mistake and the money was withdrawn, including the $1.5 million in interest it had earned. (You know that Chance card in “Monopoly” that says ‘Bank error in your favor’? Fuhgetaboutit.)
• A British paint store owner has decreed he will only sell paint to husbands if they bring a signed note from their wives. He says he’s fed up with men coming back to exchange paint because their wives hated the color they bought.
• A street beggar in Melbourne, Australia has decided to make his business totally legal by issuing tax receipts to anybody who puts cash in his donation box. He says likes to do things properly and this way, all donations are fully tax deductible!
• New research in Scotland finds that chickens that watch TV grow quicker on less food, lay larger eggs and appear to be happier. Half-an-hour of TV a day “made them more rounded and less self-conscious”, Edinburgh researcher Dr Bryan Jones said. (As they were securing him in a straightjacket.)

30-year-old Thai performance artist Kanchana Ketkeaw has set an unofficial world record for ‘longest stay in a room full of poisonous scorpions’ after spending 32 DAYS in a 40-sq-ft glass box crawling with 3,400 scorpions.

34% of Quebeckers install winter tires in OCTOBER.
1 in 3 of all cattle bred for meat in the USA is used by McDonald’s.


1962 [40] Chad Smith, St Paul MN, rock drummer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“The Zephyr Song“, “By the Way”, “Californication”)

1970 [32] Ed Robertson, Scarborough ON, rock singer/guitarist (Barenaked Ladies-“Pinch Me”, “One Wee”)

1970 [32] Chely Wright, Kansas City MO, country singer (“Single White Female”, “Shut Up And Drive”)

1946 [56] Pat Sajak, Chicago IL, TV game show host (“Wheel of Fortune” since 1981)

1946 [56] Ivan Reitman, Komarmo SLOV [raised in Canada], movie producer/director (“Six Days Seven Nights“, “Ghostbusters”, “Animal House”)/1985 Special Achievement Genie Award

1947 [55] Hillary Rodham Clinton, Park Ridge IL, US Senator [D-NY]/former First Lady

1961 [41] Dylan McDermott, Waterbury CT, TV actor (Bobby Donnell-“The Practice”)

1963 [39] Natalie Merchant, Jamestown NY, rock singer (“Jealousy”, “Carnival”)/former 10,000 Maniacs lead

1967 [35] Keith Urban, born in Whangarei NZ [raised in Caboolture, Australia], country singer (“Somebody Like You”, “But For The Grace of God”)

1968 [34] Tom Cavanagh, Ottawa ON, TV sitcom actor (‘Ed’ Stevens-“Ed”)

TODAY is “International Denim Day”, honoring one of the world’s most popular cloths. The word ‘denim’ traces back to France prior to the 17th century, from a fabric called ‘serge DE NIMes’.

TODAY is “Cartoonists Against Crime Day”. Huh? (“OK varmint, on the count of 3 – draw!!!”)

TODAY is “International Greasy Foods Day”, a celebration of our love of fatty foods, foods cooked in oil, foods smothered in butter, etc.

TODAY is “Frankenstein Friday”, honoring the ‘mother’ and ‘father’ of “Frankenstein” – spooky author Mary Shelly and creepy actor Boris Karloff. Darmstadt, Germany is home to the annual “Frankenstein Festival” THIS WEEKEND. It’s the site of the actual ‘Frankenstein Castle’ that inspired Mary Shelley’s famous horror novel.

Hey, it’s a long weekend! SUNDAY at 2 am, clocks officially go back to “Standard Time” (‘Spring forward, Fall back’). Experts say about 20% of us notice significant changes in mood as seasons change, accentuated by the switch from Daylight Saving Time. What used to be called ‘winter blues’ is now ‘Seasonal Affective Disorder’ or ‘SAD’. (Drivers: Don’t forget to adjust your hands to the 9 and 1 o’clock positions on your steering wheel until Spring.)

SUNDAY is “Mother-in-Laws Day”, honoring their ‘contribution to family life and good humor in enduring humiliating bad jokes’. (At the funeral, a priest consoles the bereaved son-in-law, “My good man, tears cannot restore your mother-in-law.” “Yes, I know,” the son-in-law responds. “That’s why I’m crying.”)
THIS WEEKEND is the biggy for Halloween parties, particularly adult parties at dances and in clubs. Each year, the ‘Home Sewing Association’ comes out with a list of Halloween costume ideas that are supposedly easy to throw together at home. Here are their recommended costume themes for 2002:
• Traditional Takes (witches, cats, goblins and ghosts)
• Fun in Numbers (group get-ups as the Osbournes family, ‘Dr Evil’ & ‘Mini-Me’, “Star Wars” characters or the cast of your favorite film)
• Singing Sensations (Britney, Elvis, Rolling Stones)
• Real Life, Real Heroes (firefighters, police, doctors and nurses)
• Superheroes (Superman, Batman, Spider-Man, etc)
• Fabulous Fantasies (anything or anyone you’ve ever dreamed of being)
• Add a Twist (‘Austin Powers’-goes-tropical, Marilyn Monroe in Army fatigues, a cat from outer space, etc)

1993 [09] Jean Chretien’s Liberals sweep to power, virtually wiping out PC party in general election

1955 [47] 1st home ‘microwave oven’ is introduced by the Tappan Co, which slaps a $1,200 price tag on the new appliance that ‘cooks eggs in 22 secs, bacon in 90 secs’ (engineer Percy Spencer discovered microwave cooking 10 years earlier when he came too close to a magnetron tube and a chocolate bar in his pocket began to melt)

1960 [42] 1st ‘electronic wristwatch’ introduced by Bulova (before that, everyone had to wind their watch each day)

1982 [20] Canada’s national holiday officially changed from “Dominion Day” to “Canada Day”

1998 [04] Denver Bronco kicker Jason Elam boots 63-yard field goal in the thin air of Mile High Stadium, tying Tom Dempsey’s 28-year-old NFL record

[Sat] Make a Difference Day
[Mon] National Chocolate Day
[Mon] Plush Animal Lover’s Day
[Tues] International Internet Day
[Wed] Devils Night or Mischief Night
[Thurs] Halloween
This Week is – World Rainforest Week / Peace, Friendship & Goodwill Week
This Month is – Consumer Information Month / World Chocolate Awareness Month


1. It is important to find a man who works around the house, occasionally cooks and cleans, and who has a job.
2. It is important to find a man who makes you laugh.
3. It is important to find a man who is dependable and doesn’t lie.
4. It is important to find a man who’s good in bed and who loves to have sex with you.
5. It is extremely important that these 4 men never meet.

Q: Anaheim Angels are playing in the franchise’s first-ever World Series. Of the existing MLB teams, 6 have NEVER made it to a World Series. Name them.
A: Colorado Rockies, Houston Astros, Montreal Expos, Seattle Mariners, Tampa Bay Devil Rays and Texas Rangers.
Source: “Sports Illustrated for Kids”

“What’s the most important factor in determining if you’ll go see a movie – ads, reviews, stars, the subject, or word of mouth?”

You can guess someone’s age by their given name. For instance, 60 years ago Betty, Mildred and Bea were among the most popular names for girls. Today, three of the most popular are Madison, Taylor and Ashley. Amaze your audience by using a baby-name Website to guess listeners’ ages. (Try to avoid perennially popular names like John, Michael, Anne, etc.)

The first mass-market retail outlet for anti-terrorism equipment has opened in NYC. Safer America sells a wide array of products, such as hazardous-materials suits and the Executive-Chute parachute for jumping out of tall buildings. Harvey Kushner claims he’s selling ‘peace of mind to ordinary Americans who are increasingly concerned about homeland security’. What’s his most popular item? Is he going to franchise?
PHONER: 212-374-4055

Today’s Question: Two-thirds of woman say that they worry about this when they’re on a date, while only 4% of men worry about the same thing.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Their underwear.

The fact that no one understands you doesn’t mean you’re an artist.

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