Thursday, October 24, 2002        Edition: #2406
More From the Sheethouse!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY – finally – the Winona Ryder shoplifting trial is scheduled to get underway (last time she was in court she showed up in a glamorous outfit, trying to impress the judge by showing the shoes matched the receipt) . . . Here’s an odd Breast Cancer fundraiser – TODAY’S the last day for fans of British actors, singers & athletes to bid on castings of their favorite body part – actor Jude Law’s 6-pack, plaster-cast and finished in gold, for example, or Atomic Kitten Jenny Frost’s butt – including G-string (various other fingers, feet, hands & knees are available at http://www.tiscali.co.uk) . . . Bjork is releasing a 6-CD box set covering all the music from her entire career (just a warning) . . . Ex-Stone Bill Wyman (celebrating his 66th birthday TODAY) has launched his new book “Rolling With The Stones” (just in time to capitalize on the band’s “Licks” tour) . . . Word up that in Whitney Houston’s new video “Whatchalookinat” her bod’ has been computer-enhanced to add a few extra pounds because she’s down to skin-and-bones and downright ‘too scary’ to look at otherwise . . . Seems the 4th judge on the upcoming 2nd edition of “American Idol” will be HOT 97 NYC radio personality and sometime hip-hop singer Angie Martinez.

MOVIES IN THE WORKS:
CTV is developing a TV movie called “Tracking the Hunters”, based on Vancouver criminologist Kim Rossmo’s career as one of the top profilers of serial killers (he’s currently working on finding the Washington-area sniper) . . . Vancouver actor Hayden Christensen is set to play a simpleton who turns out not to be so simple in the upcoming film “The Other Side Of Simple” (described as similar to “The Usual Suspects”) . . . Nicole Kidman will star in a remake of the 1975 thriller “The Stepford Wives”, about a group of husbands who transform their feisty wives into robots who cater to their every whim . . . “Spider-Man’s” Kirsten Dunst will next play a 19th-century hooker in a movie based on the best-selling novel “The Crimson Petal & The White” . . . Madonna is writing her first film script, a comedy about an incredibly famous woman who lives in Hollywood and is well known but not well respected – sound familiar? (even worse, she wants to direct!) . . . Original ‘Darth Vader’ actor Dave Prowse (not the voice) has reportedly begged George Lucas to give him his role back in the upcoming “Star Wars” films, the problem being he’s now 66 and recovering in a UK hospital after hip replacement (hey, a comedy Darth – this could be good!)

FULL FRONTAL:
TODAY American designer Tom Ford pushes the advertising envelope with the release of the first magazine ad using a full-frontal nude male model. The ad for the new Yves Saint Laurent men’s fragrance M7 appears in a handful of fashion mags, including the French edition of “Vogue”. It features a black-and-white – and totally buff – shot of former martial arts champion Samuel de Cubber. It’s the latest example of what the fashion industry is calling ‘porn chic’.

NO MORE TEARS:
Food scientists in Japan are working to genetically engineer an onion that doesn’t cause tears. Their research debunks the previous theory that modifying the tear-inducing qualities would affect the taste of onions. Now the goal is to eliminate the crying without changing the flavor.

I ♡ YOU:
Sociologists find it fascinating that the same people who are not comfortable saying ‘I love you’ in person are now finding it easy to say via e-mail and text messaging. (Unfortunately, these are the same people who usually follow it with the words ‘and I’m watching you.’)

I LIKE MY RADIO:
What’s your favorite appliance? Not surprisingly in these times of mobile phone mania a new survey by TracFone Wireless finds 50% of respondents say they are most thankful for their cell phone. 14% are most grateful for their laptop. (What they don’t tell you, of course, is it was a phone poll. If they’d called people on their toaster, things would’ve turned out much differently.)

HELPFUL HORMONE:
Researchers say women suffer less stress than men because of their hormones. The female
hormone estrogen seems to reduce levels of potentially harmful stress hormones such as cortisol and adrenalin. Stress hormones can help trigger major illnesses like cancer, Alzheimer’s disease and osteoporosis. (Women don’t get stress, they’re just carriers.)

PETER POINTER:
Hot on the heels of a recent study showing that a man’s shoe size has nothing to do with his penis size, a new Greek study claims there is another method to predict a man’s length – his index finger. Greek researcher Dr Evangelos Spyropoulos reports in the journal “Urology”
that his study found age and body measurements are not tied to the size of the penis – except for the length of the index finger, which correlated significantly with the dimensions of the flaccid, stretched penis. He emphasizes the findings are preliminary, however. (The idea fell into his hands at a urinal.)

DESPERATE DANCE:
There’s a new dance in the DC area called the ‘Sniper Shuffle’. That’s what the odd erratic moves many self-serve gas patrons are making have been dubbed. The ducking and weaving is an attempt to elude the sniper’s scope in suburban Washington.

WHAT WILL YOU WEAR?
Halloween is 1 week from TODAY. One big change in costume sales this year – fewer kids want to dress up as cops and firefighters. Here’s what’s hot in prepackaged kid costumes for 2002 (but homemade ones are better, right?).
FOR BOYS –
1. Spider-Man (best-selling Halloween costume since ‘Power Rangers’ first hit the market)
2. Batman
3. Superman
4. Gladiator
5. Power Rangers
FOR GIRLS –
1. Fairy Princess
2. Powerpuff Girls
3. Rock Diva
4. Spider Sorceress
5. Vampire Maiden

BS SHOCKING FACT:
Marilyn Monroe wore a size 14!

THE BULL SHEET 10.24.02

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [55] Kevin Kline, St Louis MO, movie actor (“Wild Wild West”, Academy Award-“A Fish Called Wanda”)

1975 [27] Corey Dillon, Seattle WA, NFL RB (Cincinnati Bengals)/set NFL single-game rushing
record of 278 yds in 2000

1980 [22] Monica (Arnold), Atlanta Park GA, pop singer (“Angel of Mine”, “The Boy Is Mine”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Bologna Day”, a good day to fry up a slice to add to your peanut butter sandwich. Yum!

TODAY is “United Nations Day” in honor of the UN’s founding 57 years ago in 1945.

10 YEARS AGO . . .
1992 1st Canadian team to win baseball’s World Series (Toronto Blue Jays defeat Atlanta Braves 4-3 in Game 6)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1836 [166] 1st ‘friction safety match’ patented (Alonzo Dwight Phillips-Springfield MA)

1857 [145] World’s 1st ‘football club’ (soccer) founded (Sheffield Football Club-England)

1901 [101] 1st to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel – and live (43-year-old Annie Edson Taylor of Bay City MI expects fame and fortune, but later dies in poverty)

1939 [63] 1st ‘nylon stockings’ go on sale, developed by DuPont (ok, but who’s to blame for pantyhose?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1921 [81] Lunenburg NS fishing schooner “Bluenose” defeats US vessel “Elsie” to win International Schooner Championship (the reason it’s on the Canadian dime)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Punk For A Day Day
[Fri] Frankenstein Friday
[Sun] Mother-In-Law’s Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends
[Sun] Make a Difference Day
[Mon] National Chocolate Day
[Mon] Plush Animal Lovers Day
This Week is – Consumers Week / Disarmament Week
This Month Is – National Pharmacy Month / Do-It Yourself Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
YOU KNOW YOU GOT A BAD HAIRCUT WHEN: 

• After finishing with you, your stylist decides on the spot to go into another line of work.
• As you pass people on the street, you hear parents reminding their children it’s not nice to stare.
• Your poodle is jealous because it thinks you’ve brought another dog home.
• People are asking you how long you’ve had a toupee.
• You’ve been asked to pose for a haircutting textbook for the chapter entitled, “What Can Go Wrong.”

BS HORRIBLESCOPES:
• Aries – Something is about to become overly intimate with you. Intimacy can be good. Just not with fungus.
• Taurus – Today you will notice yet another large freshly-dug mound of dirt in your neighbor’s backyard. It’s probably nothing – he likely just digs at night when he can’t get to sleep.
• Gemini – Today is a good day to bring an asparagus sandwich and a nice thermos of Cream-of-Meatloaf Soup for lunch.
• Cancer – You will declare war on drugs today by glaring menacingly at your pharmacist.
• Leo – Nobody knows the trouble you’ve seen. Well, except for Larry. You know, the quiet neighbor with the binoculars?
• Virgo – A man wearing 2 left shoes and a shirt with only 1 sleeve will approach you today and try to interest you in a no-load mutual fund. Trust him – he knows what he’s doing.
• Libra – Today assa a joke, you willa make fun ofa how somebody talk. You willa get beata up.
• Scorpio – Today is a terrific day to saunter. Just don’t let it turn into a mosey.
• Sagittarius – Noticing a picture on a colleague’s desk you will comment, “I’ve never cared for those hairless cats.” That might not be a good thing to say. New parents can be touchy.
• Capricorn – The light bulb in your head will flicker for half-a-second today, leaving you to wonder if it goes completely out when you close the refrigerator door.
• Aquarius – You’re fussing with your hair too much. Perhaps you should temporarily cut back on shampoo. Or at least demand real poo.
• Pisces – Today you will be mooned by a cat. Fortunately, you won’t notice.

WHO SAID IT?
“It’s a dirty job being ridiculous, but I’ll do it.”
a) Ozzy Osbourne
b) Cher
c) Anna Nicole Smith
d) Jean Chrétien
ANSWER: Cher, currently on her ‘farewell’ tour.

IT STARTS WITH ‘J’:
The one-word answers to each of the following begin with the letter ‘J’ –
• When told well, they make you laugh. [Jokes]
• What you do every day unless you’re rich or retired. [Job]
• Winona Ryder has an appointment with one these TODAY. [Judge]
• Feel-good philosophers always say it’s not the destination, it’s the _____. [Journey]
• In this book-turned-movie, 2 kids play a magic board-game and set a wild herd of jungle animals loose. [“Jumanji”]
• Weightlifters practise both their snatch, and their clean and _____. [Jerk]
• What the ‘J’ in actor Michael J Fox’s name stands for. [Nothing. He picked it ‘cause it sounded good.]

BS BRAIN BUSTER:
Q: Only ONE WORD in the English language has a single letter repeated 6 times. What is it?
A: Indivisibility.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Most of us know it’s probably a bad idea but 68% of us have done it anyway.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Dated a co-worker.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Sex is like air. It’s not important unless you aren’t getting any.


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