Tuesday, October 22, 2002        Edition: #2404
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY auditions begin in Nashville for “Nashville Star”, a country version of “American Idol” to air on USA Network where the winner gets a recording contract from Sony Music Nashville . . . An as-yet-unnamed 4th judge will join Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson & Simon Cowell for the 2nd edition of ”American Idol”, and host Ryan Seacrest will be paired with a female co-host . . . Rolling Stones guitarist Ron Wood reveals the band may soon release an album of new material, selecting from some 25 tracks they recently recorded in Paris . . . Thick-skinned Madonna isn’t letting scathing movie reviews slow her down, she’s now talking with Andrew Lloyd Webber about starring in a musical written by him (the excruciatingly poor box office for “Swept Away” is being attributed to – strong word of mouth) . . . Rumors are flying that Beyonce Knowles has agreed to marry Jay-Z, her boyfriend of 3 whole weeks (they’ll soon release a new single together, “Bonny and Clyde”) . . . In order for his lips to sync with the words, Coldplay singer Chris Martin has had to learn to sing backwards for his new video which involves going back in time . . . The exclusive L’Ermitage Hotel in Beverly Hills won’t be rolling out the red carpet for Ja Rule and his entourage anytime soon after 2 floors were completely trashed during the filming of his new music video there . . . 69-year-old Brit actress Joan Collins says one of the best & cheapest beauty treatments you can get is – sex (yeah, but it’s in short supply) . . . Tacky tacky – Vitello’s, the LA restaurant where Robert Blake allegedly killed his wife, has announced it will hold a ‘Murder Mystery Party’ NEXT MONTH . . . And to honor their ‘7-Month Wedding Anniversary’, David Gest gave wife Liza Minnelli a ruby cross, 2 pairs of designer earrings and a $100,000 necklace made of aquamarine & diamonds (no wonder they celebrate their anniversary on a monthly basis – Liza’s not stupid!).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Adam Sandler & Winona Ryder in the romantic comedy “Mr Deeds”, about a sweet-natured, small-town guy who inherits a media conglomerate and begins to do business his way . . . The award-winning Mexican film, “Y Tu Mama Tambien”, the story of a pair of teenage boys and an attractive older woman who embark on a road trip and learn a lot about life, friendship, sex and each other . . . And there are ‘Special Editions’ of 1984′s “Star Trek III: The Search for Spock”, a newly packaged, 7-disc “James Bond Collection”, and the much-hyped “ET Limited Collector’s Edition DVD“, a re-edited and digitally-enhanced version of “ET: The Extra-Terrestrial” which is only available until DECEMBER 31 (also available in the extra-pricey “Ultimate Gift Boxed Set” version).

A PLETHORA OF POTTERS:
Author JK Rowling says she’s near to completing the long-awaited 5th ‘Potter’ book, to be called “Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”. Although she’s always said the mega-selling series would end with 7 books, 3 more ‘Potter’ titles have been registered with the British Patent Office. The titles “Harry Potter and the Alchemist’s Cell”, “Harry Potter and the Chariots of Light” and “Harry Potter and the Pyramids of Furmat” have all been registered as trademarks. So, could there be an 8th book?

FATHER FIGURES:
A new study by the Equal Opportunities Commission has identified 4 main types of fathers. So which are you?
• Enforcer Dad – Not involved with the day-to-day care of children. He sees the most important aspects of being a father as providing a role model and clear rules for his children.
• Entertainer Dad – Often entertains the children while the mother does things like cooking and cleaning.
• Useful Dad – Helps out with day-to-day childcare and household tasks but still tends to take the lead from the mother about what needs doing.
• Fully Involved Dad – Is equally involved with running the home and family, at least some of the time. The mother and father roles are virtually interchangeable in this family.

THE QUICKER DRIER UPPER:
It’s long been suggested that paper towels are more sanitary than hand blowers in public washrooms, but they’re so hard to get out when water’s dripping down your arms, right? Well Georgia-Pacific Corp has come up with a new invention that will soon change all that – the ‘Touchless Paper Towel Dispenser’. Waving a hand anywhere within the machine’s sensor range will automatically dispense a single paper towel, offering better hygiene and avoiding the problem of people yanking out wads of paper towels at a time.

GOOD EXCUSE FOR SLACKING:
Keep your weight under control, eat breakfast daily, exercise 2 or 3 times a week, get 8 hours of sleep, don’t smoke, don’t drink, don’t snack. These rules are often cited as the basics of healthy living. However, a study of some 7,000 people by the Jikei University Health Medical Center in Tokyo suggests that strict adherence to these 7 health canons will actually push your blood pressure up to an unhealthy level. The researchers’ conclusion – trying TOO HARD to be healthy isn’t good for you!

WEB ADDICTS ANONYMOUS:
A new survey by Internet-monitoring software company Websense finds that about 25% of workers think they’ve become addicted to the Web. But here’s a surprising twist – 23% of the anonymous respondents claim that news sites are the most addictive, while just 18% pick ‘adult content’. (Apparently a lot of people have a hard-on for news.)

WHAT WOMEN WANT:
A new poll by India’s “Outlook” magazine finds that most Indian women are looking for a man who understands women, is intelligent, faithful, honest and responsible, treats women as equals, a homemaker and good father who doesn’t have a violent temper, doesn’t talk loosely about women and doesn’t drink too much. Oh, and he must also be good in bed. (If this guy actually exists, he could likely have his pick of women worldwide!)

BS FROM AROUND-THE-WORLD:
• A bar owner in Belgium has been forced to close down 5 gardening sheds he had converted into – brothels. A judge has ordered the man to remove beds, mirrors, showers and TVs from the sheds and now he’s not allowed to store anything but plants and gardening tools in them. (They’re gardening sheds – isn’t that where everybody keeps their hoes?)
• Tequila with a worm is nothing compared to this treat from China – rice wine with pickled snakes! Well, hopefully pickled. A peasant in central China has been hospitalized after a snake that was supposed to be dead slithered out of his wine bottle and bit him. It’s believed the wine was bottled incorrectly, leaving enough air for the snake to survive for OVER A YEAR. (He ain’t the first guy who’s been bitten by the bottle.)
• A 79-year-old UK man has been banned from putting his chosen inscription on his wife’s headstone. Martin Hardy, who was married to wife Tosca for 49 years, was told by his local council that it would ‘cause offence’ to other visitors to the municipal cemetery and ‘might set a dangerous precedent’. The offensive epitaph? “A good mother, a good wife and a GREAT LOVER.” (Aww, ain’t it sweet?)
• Superstitious grooms in Serbia are using broomsticks to check whether their brides are witches. Husbands-to-be have been taking their brides to Djundjerski Castle in Kulpin for the ‘broom test’ in which women are weighed and then weighed again sitting on a broomstick. If they weigh more the 2nd time around, it’s thought they are not being supported by the broom and therefore ‘certainly not a witch’.
• Australian scientists have discovered that lemon juice can be used as a contraceptive. (Here’s how it works – when a guy makes a move on you, you squirt it in his eye.)

BS AMAZING FACT:
A new Leger Marketing poll finds that 20% of Canadian women and 17% of men are afraid to ride in a vehicle driven by their spouses.

THE BULL SHEET 10.22.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1938 [64] Christopher Lloyd, Stamford CT, movie actor (“Back to the Future I-III”, “Addams Family I & II”)/former TV actor (Emmy Awards-“Taxi”, “Avonlea”)

1952 [50] Jeff Goldblum, Pittsburgh PA, film actor (“Independence Day”, “Jurassic Park I & II”)

1968 [34] Shaggy (Orville Richard Burrell), Kingston JAM, hip-hop artist (“Angel”, “It Wasn’t Me”)/Gulf War vet

1968 [34] Shelby Lynne, Quantico VA, country singer (“Killing Kind”, “Things Are Tough All Over”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “National Barber Day”, honoring the scissor-handed folks who run clip joints.

TODAY in Vatican City is “Holy See Day”, the tiny country’s national day. (When the pope takes a day off and lounges around in jeans and a sweatshirt, suckin’ back brewskies.)

TODAY is the anniversary of “World’s End Day”. In 1844, religious zealot William Miller, who created the ‘Millerism’ movement, predicted the world would come to an end on this day and convinced thousands who sold all their possessions and moved to higher ground.

TODAY is “National Nut Day”. Ask anyone to name a nut and most will start their list with ‘peanut’, which isn’t a nut at all – it’s a legume. Definition of a nut – “A hard, dry, indehiscent fruit formed from two or more carpels but containing only one seed.” Alrighty then.

TODAY “Gourmet” magazine’s “Celebration of Food & Culture” takes place in NYC as chefs from across North America prepare dishes inspired by art, literature and movies. The creations will include ‘Potage Parisien’ based on Ernest Hemingway’s “A Moveable Feast”, ‘Lasagna with White Sauce’ inspired by the 1996 film “Big Night”, and ‘Smoked Holiday Turkey’ inspired by Norman Rockwell’s painting “Freedom From Want”. (Tonight we’re having ‘Leftovers in a Blender’, inspired by Picasso.)

ONE YEAR AGO . . .
2001 It’s a love match! Tennis power couple Andre Agassi & Steffi Graf are married in a private ceremony in Las Vegas

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1897 [105] 1st ‘used car dealership’ opens, in London ENG (1st tires are kicked)

1938 [64] 1st ‘photocopy’ made by inventor Charles Floyd Carlson of Astoria NY (next day, the 1st photocopy of an employee’s butt is made)

1939 [63] 1st ‘televised pro football game’ features Brooklyn Dodgers beating Philadelphia Eagles 23-14, picked up by a total of 500 TV sets

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1995 [07] ‘Largest gathering of world leaders’ in history marks 50th anniversary of United Nations in NYC

2000 [02] Cincinnati Bengals’ Corey Dillon sets NFL ‘single-game rushing record’ of 278 yards vs Denver Broncos

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] TV Talk Show Host Day
[Thurs] United Nations Day
[Fri] Punk For A Day Day
[Sun] Mother-In-Law’s Day
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends
This Week is – National Character Counts Week / Business Women’s Week
This Month is – Communicate With Your Kid Month / Fantasy Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS ‘B REAL’:

Here’s a list of ‘B-movie’ titles, some that actually got made. Ask a contestant to try to decide whether each is a real B reel or fake.
GAME #1 –
• “Creature From the Black Lagoon” [REAL]
• “Amazon Girls on the Hoops Court” [FAKE]
• “Godzilla vs the Telemarketer” [FAKE]
• “Switchblade Sisters” [REAL]
• “Attack of the Eye Creatures” [REAL]

GAME #2 –
• “Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill!” [REAL]
• “Maniac Nurses Find Ecstasy” [REAL]
• “Attack of the Carnivorous Sorority Creature” [FAKE]
• “Invasion of the Saucermen” [REAL]
• “Son of Blob” [REAL]

GAME #3 –
• “Teenage Caveman” [REAL]
• “Children of the Zucchini” [FAKE]
• “Vampire Circus” [REAL]
• “Head Cheerleader, Dead Cheerleader” [REAL]
• “Revenge of the Killer Burrito” [FAKE]

WEB GOODIES:
• Are you a workaholic? Find out with the online ‘Workaholic Quiz’. Simple yes-or-no answers are automatically tabulated to give you, a co-worker or listener a workaholic rating.
http://content.netscape.monster.com/wlb/articles/stressmanagement/workaholic/
• THIS WEEK is “Employee Appreciation Week”. How do employers and fellow employees see you? Here’s a simple, 10-step online ‘Human Resources Test’ that will provide a profile of you or a listener.
NET: http://www.geocities.com/dpbspace/Know_thyself/Human_Relations_Test.html

WIN HER MAJESTY’S MEAL:
An Atlanta station is taking bids on the remains of a turkey sandwich Mariah Carey took a bite from. The winning bidder will receive the sandwich as well as a plastic knife used by Mariah’s handlers to lift the bread, allowing her to inspect the meat inside. Bidding so far has topped 200 bucks.

PUMPKIN PROPULSION CONTEST:
WRZX Indianapolis asked listeners to rig up methods to propel a pumpkin through the air. Among the entries – a 2-ton ‘Pumpkin Cannon’ that uses a 30-foot-long barrel and 700-gallon air tank to launch a 10-pound pumpkin at over 800 mph. Just goes to prove you should never underestimate the creativity of your listeners!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 3% of Canadians say they can only do this for a few days at the most.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Keep a secret.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbour’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.


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