Thursday, October 17, 2002                          Edition: #2401
Wanna Have a Good Show? Get Sheet-Faced Every Morning!

TONIGHT a special edition of FOX-TV’s “America’s Most Wanted” joins the search for the Washington DC-area serial sniper (hey, maybe it’ll work – the show’s helped nab over 700 criminals in 16 years) . . . What do you do when you’re rich & famous? Justin Timberlake & Christina Aguilera reportedly rented the entire 8th floor of the Sanderson Hotel in London for a private party and played ‘Truth or Dare’ into the wee hours . . . Christina Aguilera is no slouch when it comes to being demanding, arriving at a studio with an enormous entourage and demanding 25 burgers, 20 buckets of KFC, organic milk and mineral water – at the correct temperature, of course (she’s a down-market version of J-Lo) . . . Russell Crowe spent $15,000 to have an Australian auto race beamed live to his hotel suite in Mexico, where he is filming (ironically) “The Far Side Of The World” . . . Usher celebrated his 24th birthday by throwing himself a party to which he demanded all guests wear masks and show up in black limos or black SUVs . . . Verne Troy (‘Mini Me’ in “Austin Powers” movies) has revealed he almost died from alcohol poisoning after a drinking binge LAST MONTH (he apparently inhaled a whole teaspoonful) . . . Valerie Bertinelli tells “Redbook” that it was alcoholism that broke up her 20-year marriage to Eddie Van Halen (his, not hers) . . . Vin Diesel got miffed with childhood friends during a NYC bash to celebrate the success of his hit movie “XXX” because they insisted on calling him by his real name – Mark (there’s no Me & Mrs Diesel – he was christened Mark Vincent) . . . And Elton John’s Toronto-born partner David Furnish has spilled the beans that the boss employs a hairdresser full-time – to keep his hair-weave in perfect shape.

Guess what? More sequels are on the way! They haven’t even made “Scooby-Doo 2″ yet and already screenwriters are working on a 3rd dose of “Doo” . . . LAST MONTH’S surprise hit “Barbershop” has received the greenlight for a follow-up, likely with Ice Cube back behind the barber chair . . . Diego Luna, star of Mexico’s hit independent film “Y Tu Mamá También”, will play the lead in the long-awaited sequel to 1987’s “Dirty Dancing” to be called “Havana Nights” but there’s no word on who’ll be dancing opposite . . . “Everybody Loves Raymond’s” Ray Romano will play a hardware store owner and Dustin Hoffman a former US president who are both running for mayor of a small town in the upcoming comedy “Mooseport” . . . Angelina Jolie will next play a female werewolf who tries to lead a normal life as a journalist but is lured back to her old lifestyle in the thriller “Bitten” . . . And the classic ‘80s primetime  soap opera “Dallas” is being turned into a feature film, featuring an all-new cast (seeing as Larry Hagman is over 70, Barbara Bel Geddes is over 80, and Charlene Tilton’s over 300 – pounds, that is).

TODAY in NYC, a trio of 10-year-old finalists from across the USA will meet for the “Chew & Walk-A-Thon” that requires them to walk as long as possible while continuously chewing a piece of Juicy Fruit gum. The last to spit out their wad wins a $10,000 college savings bond.
As it may take all day, there will be timed breaks during which contestants will be required to hold their gum in a hand. (Ewwww!)

British researchers are working to develop the world’s first ‘automatic ironing machine’. A team of robotics, mechanical engineering and textile experts hope to produce a working ironing
robot by 2006. As well as ironing, the machine will also be designed to fold your laundry. (But can it sort socks?)

Nice they figured this out afterwards – University of Pennsylvania researchers have calculated the effects of riding on 3 of the world’s largest roller coasters and found that the forces experienced by the head are not nearly enough to cause brain injury. (Coaster designers have promised to do a better job in the future.)                 

Dr Mahesh Yadav of Bhopal, India is likely the world’s foremost artist using the medium of – blood. His specialty is portraits of world leaders using his own blood as paint. He’s already created bloody renderings of the Dalai Lama, Bill Clinton and Osama bin Laden, and is now working on a plasma painting of Saddam Hussein to send to Iraq as a plea for peace.

Researchers at Britain’s Institute of Social & Economic Research have found that unmarried couples who have children are more likely to split up than those who remain childless. Parenthood seems to have a negative impact on co-habiting partners, especially if they’re having a baby to help them decide whether or not to get married. The study also finds that 51% of live-in hetero partnerships result in marriage, while 28% split up within a year.

Check out this reality TV special – Lithuania’s LNK-TV will broadcast the first-ever “Miss Captivity Pageant” in NOVEMBER, a contest to pick the country’s most attractive female inmate serving prison time (the warden’s looking for a date?). 36 contestants have already applied. Wonder what the talent competition involves? (It will likely be won by someone named ‘Pretty Hal’.)

The popular “Backyard Wrestling” video series which features teenage amateurs beating up on each other with all manner of crude props is being made into a video game – because the games presently on the market apparently just aren’t violent enough. Game creator Kevin Gill says he’d rather have his own kids beat up their friends in the backyard than beat up smaller kids while hanging out (giving an indication of the warped thinking that’s gone into this effort). The “Backyard Wrestling” game will be released by Edidos in early 2003.

Studies show most women begin noticing they’re taking on their mom’s characteristics in their late 20s or early 30s. A few of the signs –
• You take pictures at your kid’s school play after they’ve asked parents not to.
• You insist your kid wear a sweater when it’s you that is cold.
• You let your hubby put a La-Z-Boy in the living room.
• As soon as someone walks in the house you ask if they want something to eat.
• Keith Richards gives you the creeps.
Source: “McCall’s”


1948 [54] Margot Kidder, Yellowknife NT, movie actress (“Maverick”, “Superman”)

1958 [44] Alan Jackson, Newnan GA, country singer (“Work In Progress”, “Don’t Rock the Jukebox”)

1963 [39] Norm Macdonald, Québec City QC, stand-up comedian/movie actor (“Dr Doolittle 2″, “Man on the Moon”)/ex-“SNL” cast member

1971 [31] Chris Kirkpatrick, Clarion PA, pop singer (‘N Sync-“Girlfriend”, “Bye Bye Bye”)

1972 [30] Eminem (Marshall Mathers III), Kansas City MO, rap artist (“Cleaning Out My Closet”, “Without Me”, “Stan”)/movie actor (“Eight Mile”, opening NOVEMBER 8th)

1972 [30] Wyclef Jean, Croix-des-Bouquets HAITI, R&B/rap artist (“It Doesn’t Matter”, Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”)

1972 [30] Sharon Leal, Tucson AZ, TV actress (Marilyn Sudor-“Boston Public”)

[UN] “International Day for the Eradication of Poverty”

TODAY is “Gaudy Day”. (Well, nice to see [your co-host] is dressed for the occasion.)

FRIDAY-October 27th the 23rd annual “Fantasy Fest” parties in Key West FL. Renowned for its outlandish ‘adult’ costumes and wild bashes, it’s truly one of the most bizarre celebrations in North America.
PHONER: 305-296-1817

4 YEARS AGO . . .
1998 The single “One Week” by Barenaked Ladies hits #1 – for one week

1968 [34] Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau introduces Official Languages Act, making English and French the country’s 2 official languages

1974 [28] 1st person to run coast-to-coast across Canada (Mark Kent-102 days)

1982 [20] 1st Russian to score goal in the NHL (Victor Nechaev-LA Kings)

1860 [142] 1st ‘professional golf tournament’ held, in Scotland (Wee Willie Park wins)

1987 [15] 1st World Series game in a domed stadium (Minnesota Metrodome)

1989 [13] 1st World Series game canceled by an earthquake (Game 3-Oakland in San Francisco)

1990 [12] 1st #1-selling CD that’s NOT also available as a vinyl album (Vanilla Ice-“To The Extreme”)

1995 [07] ‘Largest video boxed set’ ever released (58 episodes of classic TV show “The Monkees” on 21 videocassettes)

2000 [02] Patrick Roy of Colorado Avalanche racks up record 448th win, passing Terry Sawchuck for career victories by an NHL goalie

[Fri] No Beard Day
[Sat] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Mon] Babbling Day
[Mon] National Reptile Day
[Mon] Canada Post symbol for NF becomes NL
This Week is – Peace With Justice Week / Getting the World to Beat a Path to Your Door Week
This Month is – Domestic Violence Awareness Month / Depression Education & Awareness Month


• Aries – Today will not be your lucky day. As a matter of fact, you don’t have a lucky day scheduled this year.
• Taurus – It’s a good day to buy a microscope and examine that stuff under your toenail. Well, as good a day as any.
• Gemini – You will invent a new type of foundation garment and make millions. The stripes will be the key to your success. You will call it ‘Ze Bra’.
• Cancer – Today it is wise to remember that 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Try 3.
• Leo – Today an old man with bad teeth will whack you with his cane as you walk past. Try not to take it personally.
• Virgo – Good day to use the expression ‘just dandy’ as often as possible. Tomorrow will be an ‘okey dokey’ day.
• Libra – You will spend a lot of time contemplating 4-dimensional space. Unfortunately, you’ll keep getting distracted by things popping into non-existence around you.
• Scorpio – Another one of those excruciatingly boring meetings today. Try to liven things up by summoning one of the people back from the dead.
• Sagittarius – It’s OK to whistle while you work. Your co-workers will draw the line at yodeling while you work, however. They’re probably just jealous.
• Capricorn – Today you will read a small booklet which will change your life entitled “How To Make A Fortune in Frog Farming”.         
• Aquarius – You will flirt with the idea of changing your religion because subconsciously you’re envious of the really cool hats people in other religions get to wear.
• Pisces – You will develop a severe craving for peanut butter cookies today. You know, the fresh homemade kind that you squish down on the cookie sheet with a fork, making a cross-hatch pattern? They are incredibly yummy when they’re still warm like that, huh? It’s unclear where your craving will come from. Possibly from something you hear.

The fright flick “Red Dragon” has topped the box office for 2 weeks now. Here’s a few BS thrillers that weren’t quite as popular –
• “Invasion of the Potty Snatchers”
• “Attack of the Receding Hairline”
• “The Non-Sterilized Cotton Swab”
• “Winnie-the-Pooh in Tigger’s Stew”
• “The Methane Monsters of Fraternity Row”
• “She’s Wearing White After Labor Day!”
• “They Drove in [Your Town]!”

Q: 64 years ago TODAY (1938) in the cartoon “Donald’s Nephews”, Donald Duck’s sister walked out, leaving poor Uncle Donald to raise his 3 nephews Huey, Duey & Louie. So, here’s the brain buster – what’s Donald Duck’s sister’s name?
A: Dumbella Duck, never seen onscreen.
Source: Internet Movie DataBase

Contestant gets 10 seconds to list 5 things in each category –
• Excuses for showing up late.
• Luncheon specials at a greasy spoon diner.
• Reasons to end a date early.
• Items given to the world’s most spoiled pet.
• Worst winter vacation destinations.

Today’s Question: In a recent poll, men say this is the best place to pick up women.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Laundromat.

My entire family are workaholics. I’m the only relaxaholic.

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