Monday, October 14, 2002        Edition: #2398
Sheet Happens, Dude!

BS TRASHY TABLOID TIDBITS:
• “National Enquirer” says the bitter divorce battle between “Sopranos” star James Gandolfini and his estranged wife Marcy has exploded – SHE calling HE a raging cocaine addict, alcoholic and adulterer, and HE calling SHE emotionally unstable and a risk to their 3-year-old son. (Yesiree – there’s no business like show business . . .)
• “NY Daily News” reports that Paul Falco, the 37-year-old brother of “Sopranos” star Edie Falco, has been accused of assaulting his legally blind fiancée and threatening her with a butcher knife. (Sounds like an episode from the show. Maybe it will be!)
• “Mirror” reports that 32-year-old Brazilian model & TV host Luciana Morad wants to have another baby with 59-year-old Mick Jagger. As you might remember, she gave birth to his baby son, Lucas, 3 years ago and has now approached the wrinkle rocker about getting her pregnant again. Mick doesn’t seem too interested – reportedly telling her she’s out of her mind. (And thanks to child support payments, he’s out of his wallet!)
• “Star” magazine claims Julia Roberts’ 33-year-old hubby Danny Moder played a sexy game of strip poker with 29-year-old stunning brunette Rosalie Rung, then hopped into the sack for a marathon sex session that lasted until dawn. And what’s this hot-to-trot home wrecker do for a living? She’s a magazine writer! (Well, that’s one way to get a scoop.)
• The less-than-reliable word from one tabloid is that Bruce Willis will pick up circa $40 million to star in “Die Hard 4″, making him the highest-paid actor in Hollywood history. According to the “Mirror”, the 47-year-old baldy initially refused to return as tough-guy cop ‘John McClane’ – but the money was just too good to turn down. (In this sequel McClane rescues his fellow residents in a tough cop retirement home.)
• “Charlie’s Angels” star and former Mrs Tom Green, Drew Barrymore, has a new guy in her life – guitarist Joel Shearer. Seems Alanis Morissette set the duo up, and “Mirror” claims Drew and the grunge rocker from Alanis’ back-up band have been an item ever since.
• And here’s the weird headlines of the week courtesy of “Weekly World News” – “Company Turns Dead Bodies Into Diamonds!”, “Giant Squid Taking Over the Earth!”, “Improve Your Sex Life Tonight – The Amish Way!”, “Was Marilyn Monroe Murdered By Space Aliens?”, “The Earth Is Really Flat”, and – horror of horrors – “Toilet Terror at 20,000 Feet!”

THE REVIEWS ARE IN:
A selection of reviews of Madonna’s new movie “Swept Away” –
• “As awful as you’ve heard, and as bad as you’ve imagined.” – “Washington Post”
• “A rough trade Punch and Judy act.” – ”LA Times”
• “The movie’s lighting emphasizes [Madonna’s] every line and sag.” – “LA Weekly”
• “Stay away from Swept Away!” – CNN

WHY WE WORRY:
A survey for “Ladies’ Home Journal” on obsessive-compulsive behavior asked women what they worry about on a daily basis. Top answers included leaving the iron, oven or coffee maker on and leaving the alarm clock off. (So what’s YOUR biggest daily worry? We know what you’re saying to yourself – Did I send a check to my show prep service?)

HEART ATTACK IN A BOWL:
“Self” magazine says the most popular salad in America is also the worst for you. The average Caesar salad contains 500 calories and 40 grams of fat! (Toss the salad, have a nice lean steak!)

POPULAR POINTERS:
EDK Forecast finds the most popular bra among women of all ages is a simple white cotton model, preferred by 36%. (So ask men what their favorite is – for women that is.)

MORE ASH HOLES ON LEFT COAST:
”Business Week” says about 20% of Americans now choose to be cremated, and that figure zooms to 50% on the trendy Pacific Coast. (Californians don’t mind making an ash of themselves.)

WHY’S THE PAINT MELTING?
Medical experts quoted in “Glamour” mag say bad breath may be worst first thing in the morning, but also peaks in late afternoon. (After lunch at Mama Rosa’s Garlic Buffet.)

UNDERCOVER PARTNERS:
A study in “Woman’s Own” magazine reveals that we’re more likely to be turned on by movie sex scenes if the characters involved are strangers rather than married. (You know I find that’s also true in real life . . . er, I mean someone told me . . . oh, never mind.)

NICE WORK IF YOU CAN GET IT:
A study by Britain’s Manchester University rates the stress factor of various professions on a scale of 1 to10. The most stressful occupations – Miner (8.3) and Police Officer (7.5). The least stressful jobs are Astronomer (3.4) and Librarian (2.0). Other low-stress gigs – Sleeper (people who nap while researchers study sleep patterns), Lotion Tester (tests sunscreens by lying in the sun), and Toy Enjoyment Controller (hired by toy-makers to play with toys all day and figure out which are likely to become popular with children).

CLEANLINESS IS NEXT TO IMPOSSIBLE:
• 13% of us would rather go to the dentist than clean the house.
• 14% say there’s no point in cleaning since things just get dirty again anyway.
• 25% say cleaning just isn’t high on their priority list.
• 41% of us admit we don’t clean as well as we used to, and MUCH less than our mothers.
• 45% say there’s more to life than cleaning.
• 51% blame lack of time for lack of cleanliness.
• 54% of women say men are messier. And 48% of men agree!
Source: Opinion Research International

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• One-fourth of the body’s 206 bones are located in the feet. (Almost as many as you find in a can of salmon.)
• If you walk twice as fast, you’ll burn more than twice as many calories. (But your dog will strangle!)

THE BULL SHEET 10.14.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1926 [76] Winnie-the-Pooh, Hundred-Acre Wood, silly old bear, classic AA Milne character introduced in book titled simply, “Winnie-the-Pooh”

1927 [75] Roger Moore, London ENG, movie actor (‘James Bond’ from 1973-1985 including “A View to a Kill”, “For Your Eyes Only”, “Live & Let Die” & ”The Spy Who Loved Me”)  FACTOID: Despite playing ‘Bond’ in 7 films, he never ordered a vodka martini shaken not stirred.

1939 [63] Ralph Lauren (Lipschitz), NYC, fashion designer (Chaps)

1974 [28] Natalie Maines, Lubbock TX, country singer (Dixie Chicks-“Landslide”, “Wide Open Spaces”)  FACTOID: Group’s name comes from  the Little Feat song, “Dixie Chicken”)

1978 [24] Usher (Raymond), Chattanooga TN, pop/R&B singer (“U Got It Bad”, “You Make Me Wanna”)

1996 [06] Lourdes Maria Ciccone Leon, LA CA, Madonna’s daughter sired via Carlos Leon

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Columbus Day” in America, commemorating Christopher Columbus first setting foot in the ‘New World’ (actually October 12, 1492).
• It’s a lame excuse for a holiday if there ever was one – the so-called New World had already been discovered by Vikings, Siberians, Natives, Aztecs and many others centuries before. Even lamer, when Columbus first spied land, he thought he was looking at Japan but in fact was off the coast of the Bahamas.
• It’s a holiday in DC and for all federal employees, observed on the 2nd Monday in October since 1971. The odds of you having a holiday today seem to increase the closer you live to the Eastern Seaboard.
• The “Columbus Day Parade” is a tradition in NYC, made controversial this year because Mayor Michael Bloomberg asked “Sopranos” cast members Dominic Chianese, who plays ‘Uncle Junior’, and Lorraine Bracco, who plays psychiatrist ‘Jennifer Melfi’, to participate. Some Italian-American groups don’t like the show due to its portrayal of Italians as mobsters and FRIDAY a federal judge ruled that parade organizers CAN, in fact, stop the actors from appearing.

TODAY is “Be Bald and Be Free Day”, a day to be ‘shiny and proud’ and a day to hang up the old wig or toupée. (Ask listeners what celebrities wear the worst & most-obvious toupées.)

TODAY is “National Frump Day” honoring the ‘world’s largest silent majority’ – average, unpretentious, regular folks. (You know – losers.)

TODAY & tomorrow is the annual “Quarrel Festival” (aka “Rough House Festival”) in Japan, when people jostle one another to demonstrate their skill and balance in handling burdens. Take that . . . aieee! (Impress the boss by giving him a cross-body block today.)

TODAY is “National Train Your Brain Day”, a day to clean out the cobwebs, blast through the barriers and click on the light bulbs because humans use only a small percentage of their brain power. (Some less than others.)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1916 [86] 1st ‘nude movie scene’ (Annette Kellerman in “Daughter of the Gods”)

1947 [55] 1st ‘supersonic flight’ (test pilot Chuck Yeager in Bell XS-1 nicknamed ‘Glamorous Glennis’ makes Mach 1.015)

1978 [24] 1st ‘TV movie from a TV series’ (“Rescue from Gilligan’s Island”)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1986 [16] Tim Kides of West New York NJ performs record 25,000 leg raises in 12 hours

1993 [09] ‘Largest-ever lasagna’ weighs 8,188 lbs and measures 70′x7′ (Salinas CA)

1997 [05] Florida Marlins reach the World Series quicker than any expansion team (5 years)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Iraqi presidential election (gee, wonder who’ll win?)
[Tues] National Grouch Day
[Tues] 2002 VH1-Vogue Fashion Awards
[Wed] Boss’s Day
[Wed] School Librarian Day
[Thurs] Gaudy Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Teen Read Week
Kids Care Week
Veterinary Week
Pharmacy Week
Peace With Justice Week
Getting the World to Beat a Path to Your Door Week
Forest Products Week
Wolf Awareness Week
Business Women’s Week
Health Education Week

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS THINGS COLUMBUS WOULD SAY IF HE LANDED IN AMERICA TODAY:

• “Where is Mr Soprano? Before we disembark I must pay my respects.”
• “Ah, a Pizza Hut! Finally, a familiar sight.”
• “I’m here to ‘discover’ a 6-pack of Bud Light and some babes.”
• “I anchored my ship here just a minute ago . . . and now it’s gone!”
• “Take me to Queen Oprah.”
• “I’ve come for silks, spices, and a shot at Britney.”

ONLY IN AMERICA:
• Only in America can a pizza get to your house faster than an ambulance.
• Only in America are there handicap parking places in front of a skating rink.
• Only in America do people order double cheese burgers, a large fry, and a DIET Coke.
• Only in America do banks leave both doors open and then chain the pens to the counters.
• Only in America do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
• Only in America do we use the word ‘politics’ to describe the process so well – ‘Poli’ in Latin meaning ‘many’ and ‘tics’ as in ‘blood-sucking creatures’.

BS Q & A:
Q: This state’s official state bird is the California Seagull and official state tree is the Colorado Spruce.
A: Utah. (Weird, huh?)

Q: How many countries in the world do NOT use the metric system of measurement?
A: According to “Slate” magazine, just 3 – Myanmar, Liberia – and the USA.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: The US government buys 45 million of these each year.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Pencils.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.


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