Friday, October 11, 2002        Edition: #2397
BS – Always Fresh!

LAST NIGHT Bryan Adams, Sarah McLachlan, Barenaked Ladies, Jann Arden & Chantal Kreviazuk all performed for free at a sold-out BC Cancer Foundation Benefit Concert in Vancouver’s GM Place . . . THIS WEEKEND Guernsey’s auction house in NYC will sell off Elvis Presley’s 1st guitar (a gift from his parents in 1946) as well as guitars owned by Jimi Hendrix, Waylon Jennings & BB King, and what’s billed as the world’s oldest guitar – dating from 1590! . . . ICM Management has announced it no longer wishes to represent Jennifer Lopez, but J-Lo’s people insist the feeling is mutual (are we difficult?) . . . ABC-TV has cancelled the extremely weird Ben Affleck-produced drama “Push, Nevada” (hey, who gets the million-dollar prize for solving the mystery?) . . . A former personal aide to Steven Seagal says he quit the gig because he was forced to ‘pimp’ for the wooden-faced actor, and also claims Seagal once brought in a Brazilian medicine man to turn him into a ‘superstud’ (should’ve brought in an acting coach instead) . . . Russia’s state-owned First Channel has created a new game show that will send the winner on a mission to the International Space Station (stealing an idea first pitched by Pepsi) . . . And in case you really care, Christina Aguilera has denied rumors she is romantically linked with Justin Timberlake and says she’s still on the lookout for a boyfriend (any trash collectors looking?).

Holy overpriced popcorn, look at ‘em all! It’s Thanksgiving weekend, must be time to clear out the turkeys –
• “White Oleander” (Drama) – A 14-year-old (Alison Lohman) becomes a foster-care kid after her mom (Michelle Pfeiffer) is imprisoned for killing her loser boyfriend and Renée Zellweger & Robin Wright Penn play surrogate mothers who try to tame the wild teen.
• “Swept Away” (Romantic Comedy) – Guy Ritchie’s remake of a 1975 Italian satire features Madonna as a snobby upper-class socialite on vacation in the Mediterranean who ends up stranded on an island with a scruffy, lowly fisherman – guess what happens?
• “The Transporter” (Action Thriller) – Jason Statham plays a mule whose job is to deliver packages without asking any questions, but complications arise when he breaks that rule.
• “The Rules of Attraction” (Satirical Drama) – A group of New England college students (James Van Der Beek, Shannyn Sossamon, Ian Somerhalder) mix drugs, booze, and sex while neglecting their schoolwork. (Is this the movie version of reality TV?)
• “Brown Sugar” (Romance) – A hip-hop music critic (Sanaa Lathan) and a hip-hop label exec (Taye Diggs) who have known each other since childhood, consider whether or not they were meant to be more than just friends as his wedding date approaches.
• “Knockaround Guys” (Crime Comedy) – 4 sons (Vin Diesel, Seth Green, Campbell River BC-native Barry Pepper, Andrew Davoli) of gangsters (Dennis Hopper, John Malkovich) who think they’re not getting a  chance at the big time finally convince the bosses to give them a shot.
• “Tuck Everlasting” (Family Fantasy) – A 10-year-old girl (Alexis Bledel) discovers a neighboring family (William Hurt & Sissy Spacek) has a precious secret – a fountain of youth in the backyard.
• “Below” (Sci-fi Thriller) – Sailors on a WWII sub under attack from U-boats discover there may be a much more horrible fate awaiting them – and it isn’t Nazis.
• “Pokémon 4Ever” (Kidflick) – The latest installment in the gripping “Pokémon” series introduces ‘Celebi’, a winsome, time-traveling critter thingy.

• Elvis impersonator Gary Jay from Devon, England has set a new world record by singing hits of ‘The King’ at Planet Hollywood in London – for 26 hours non-stop.
• TOMORROW off the coast of the Dominican Republic, 29-year-old French diver Audrey Mestre will attempt a new world’s record for ‘freediving’ by descending 541 feet below the surface of the ocean on a single breath of air. She’s counting on having 3 minutes to accomplish the feat. If she does, it would break the previous record of 531 feet – set by her husband, Francisco Ferreras.

At the annual “Beer & Health Symposium” in Berlin, German professor Hans Hoffmeister has made the startling claim that women who drink beer are more likely to stay slim than non-drinkers. He says evidence suggests that beer drinkers have greater life satisfaction and the ingredients in beer, particularly malt and hops, contribute to a healthy diet. (Yeah, if you want to meet some really hot looking babes, just head down to your local draft parlor.)

France is preparing to test satellite technology that will automatically slow speeding cars by overriding the drivers. Here’s how it would work – since fuel injection systems in today’s vehicles are regulated by an on-board computer, connecting that computer to a global positioning system satellite would allow for 2-way communication. Speeding drivers could be sent a flashing warning message or it’s possible that a cut-off signal could be sent, rendering the accelerator inoperable until the legal speed is reached. It’s estimated the system could be ready by 2010.

THIS WEEK’S annual “Frankfurt Book Fair” has an unusual exhibit from a German publisher – books printed on toilet paper. A spokesman for the Klo-Verlag company says studies show about half of all people like to read while er, indisposed, so bathroom tissue literature is a sure way to get books read. Among the offerings – fairy tales, poems and detective stories. (Problem is, if you forget what happened in the last chapter – there’s no going back!)

Spanish electronic engineer Pedro Monagas has invented a machine that tells parents within 20 seconds why their baby is crying. After studying 100 babies, Monagas says he identified 5 distinct crying types, which the sound-sensitive ‘Why Cry’ device is able to recognize. The hundred-dollar gadget is the size of a calculator and has 5 faces on a screen representing the possible reasons why Junior could be upset – hungry, bored, tired, stressed or uncomfortable. (There’s a free way to determine the same thing in less than 20 seconds – it’s called Mommy.)

• Police in Kalmar, Sweden are looking for a man who tried to rob a post office – dressed like a chicken. Seems the robber, disguised in a yellow chicken outfit and wielding a baseball bat, failed to steal any money but did smash windows and traumatize a female clerk who is now undergoing psychological treatment. (Never had anyone rob the joint in a chicken suit before? What a small town that must be.)
• Maybe it’s contagious. Eyewitnesses called police in Bozeman MT THIS WEEK to report a man in a chicken suit and a man in a cow suit wandering around a parking lot. The man in the cow suit was allegedly also wearing an afro wig. (Man, those Masonic Temple meetings are getting weird.)
• 45-year-old Robert Cusack of Palm Springs CA is facing up to a year in jail for taking a 17-hour, 8,200-mile flight from Thailand to Los Angeles while hiding two MONKEYS in his pants! Customs officials searched him after they opened his suitcase and a tropical bird flew out and found the rare 10-inch pygmy monkeys next to his crotch. He has pled guilty to smuggling endangered species.
• A Cavendish, Vermont couple returned home from vacation to find many of their valuables missing. Seems the neighbor they asked to house-sit faked a burglary, then sold off $30,000-worth of their stuff at a neighborhood yard sale – for a little over 500 bucks. The man is now facing theft charges. (The good news is, somewhere there’s a really happy bargain hunter who picked up a new DVD player for a quarter!)
• Jan Elzenga went outside for a breath of fresh air with his colleagues who were taking a cigarette break at Steeg Packaging in Enschede, the Netherlands. He had already been warned that only smokers were allowed to leave the building and non-smokers have to take their breaks inside – so the company canned him! This must be the first-ever case of someone losing a job for NOT smoking.


1925 [77] Elmore Leonard, New Orleans LA, best-selling novelist whose books get made into movies (“Out of Sight”, “Jackie Brown”, “Get Shorty”)  UP NEXT: Don Cheadle will star in the bigscreen version of Leonard’s latest novel “Tishomingo Blues” in 2003  QUOTE: “I try to leave out the parts readers skip.”

1962 [40] Joan Cusack, Evanston IL, movie actress (“Where the Heart Is”, “Runaway Bride”)/actor John Cusack’s sister  NEXT MOVIE: Co-stars with Brendan Fraser, Jenna Elfman and Heather Locklear in “Looney Tunes: The Movie”, coming NEXT FALL

1985 [17] Michelle Trachtenberg, NYC, TV actress (Buffy’s little sister Dawn Summers-“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”)

1935 [67] Luciano Pavarotti, Modena ITA, big opera singer (“The Three Tenors”) who has announced he’ll retire on his 70th birthday in 2005/2001 Kennedy Center Honoree

1968 [34] Hugh Jackman, Sydney AUS, movie actor (“Kate & Leopold”, Logan/Wolverine in “X-Men”)  NEXT MOVIE: The sequel “X-Men 2″, coming MAY 2)

1969 [33] Martie Seidel Maguire (Martha Elenor Erwin), York PA, country singer/fiddle player (Dixie Chicks-“Landslide”, “Wide Open Spaces”)/sister of Dixie Chick Emily Robison/married Gareth Maguire in 2001

TODAY is “Emergency Room Nurses Day”. (How do you celebrate? Suture self!)

TODAY is “National Coming Out Day”, a day to ‘announce your sexuality and be proud of it’, part of the Human Rights Campaign’s “National Coming Out Project”. Here’s a ‘coming out’ you may not have heard of – apparently it is possible in “The Sims” computer game to create a gay couple. And here’s a new marketing trend – single-sex parents having babies has evolved into what’s now being called the ‘gayby boom’, a $22-billion new market for baby products.

TODAY the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh travel to Fredericton during “Royal Visit 2002″. TOMORROW’S schedule includes Sussex and Moncton before returning to Ottawa for an evening at Rideau Hall, where no official events are scheduled. (Hey, sounds like poker night!)

TODAY is “Bring Your Teddy Bear To Work Day”. (Then, after your appointment with the company psychologist, it’s clean out your desk and go home day.)

SATURDAY is “International Moment of Frustration Scream Day” when we’re all encouraged to go outside at 12 noon and bellow for 30 seconds to vent our frustrations. (That way when they’ve locked you up, you’ll feel completely cleansed.)

SATURDAY the 51st annual “World’s Wristwrestling Championships” grapple in Petaluma CA. The world’s top 500 wrists will compete for over $5,000 in cash & prizes.
PHONER: 707-537-7373 (Dave Devoto, United States ArmSports)/406-248-4508

“Thanksgiving Day” is observed on the 2nd MONDAY in October, by proclamation of Parliament in 1957. Canadian Thanksgiving is a national holiday rather than a religious one.
• The original festivities date back 2,000 years to Celtic priests, the Druids, who celebrated a harvest festival.
• According to “Grolier’s Encyclopedia”, the first Canadian Thanksgiving was celebrated in 1763 in Halifax. (Locals gave thanks they weren’t in Sydney.)
• It became an annual Canadian tradition in 1879, celebrated on the same day as in the USA. It was later moved ahead to reflect the earlier harvest season.
• The term ‘turkey’ was used by New England pilgrims to mean any sort of wild fowl. It could actually have been seagull. (Yum!)

5 YEARS AGO . . .
1997 Elton John’s “Candle in the Wind 1997” debuts at #1 on pop singles charts

1919 [83] 1st ‘in-flight meals’ on an airplane (box lunches)

1952 [50] 1st televised hockey game in Canada (Detroit at Montréal)

1975 [27] 1st edition of “Saturday Night Live” on NBC-TV is hosted by George Carlin

1972 [30] Australian Michael Gallen devours record 63 bananas in 10 minutes

1987 [15] World’s largest pizza (94,248 slices)

1992 [10] Deion Sanders plays pro football AND pro baseball on the same day, for the Atlanta Falcons and the Atlanta Braves (now a CBS-TV football commentator)

[Sat] Farmers Day
[Sat] World Egg Day
[Mon] Be Bald & Be Free Day
[Mon] Columbus Day
[Tues] 2002 VH1-Vogue Fashion Awards
[Tues] National Grouch Day
This Week is – Fire Prevention Week / Credit Union Week
This Month is – Polish History Month / Child Health Month


Imagine if major international corporations started producing condoms. It would give their marketing slogans whole new meaning!
• Nike condoms – Just do it!
• Toyota condoms – Oh what a feeling!
• Ford condoms – The ride of your life!
• Microsoft condoms – Where do you want to go today?
• KFC condoms – Finger lickin’ good!
• M&Ms condoms – Melt in your mouth, not in your hand!
• Duracell condoms – Keep going and going and going . . .
• Pringles condoms – Once you pop you can’t stop!
• Hyundai condoms – All day, every day.
• Panasonic condoms – Even more than you expected!
• McDonald’s condoms – There’s a little McDonald’s in everyone!

Q: You sit down to Thanksgiving dinner and pop carves up the bird, giving your siblings the drumsticks, mom the wings, himself the breast and you the ‘snood’. What the heck are you getting?
A: The snood is that fleshy projection just above the bill on a turkey. Bon appétit!

The William Morris talent agency has put dozens of samples of celebrity voiceover work online for advertisers who might be interested in hiring Hollywood stars. Bruce Willis, Halle Berry, Russell Crowe, Kevin Spacey, Lisa Kudrow – they’re all here hawking this-and-that, often in ads that never appeared in North America. You can pirate your favorites to play ‘Name the Star’ or hack ‘em up to create some cool IDs for your show.

Today’s Question: In a recent survey, 67% of people said they could take up to a week to do this.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Eat Thanksgiving leftovers.

At the dinner table, the only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Today’s Question: Adult women are the fastest growing market for this product.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Game Boys.

Growing old is inevitable, growing up is optional.

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