Tuesday, October 8, 2002                   Edition: #2394
Some days you’re the pigeon, some days you’re the statue!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TONIGHT A&E’s “Biography” will count down the 15 biggest sex symbols in Hollywood history, a list that includes – in no particular order – Halle Berry, Jon Bon Jovi, Sean Connery, Cindy Crawford, Audrey Hepburn, Marilyn Monroe,  Elizabeth Taylor, and (huh?) Anna Kournikova . . . TODAY a skimpy black mesh bra with pink straps from pop princess Kylie Minogue is among items in a London charity auction of celebrity underwear for Breast Cancer Awareness Month . . . TONIGHT the top 10 finalists from FOX-TV’s “American Idol” begin a 20-city tour in San Diego CA . . . Mick Jagger is donating $150,000 to a music & arts center at his old school, Dartford Grammar (unfortunately that’s all he had in his pocket when the canvasser came to the door) . . . A new version of the classic cop show “Dragnet” is coming to ABC-TV in JANUARY with former “Married With Children” pop Ed O’Neill as ‘Joe Friday’, the role made famous by Jack Webb in the ‘50s and ‘60s (“Just the facts, ma’m, just the facts”) . . . An as-yet-untitled album of Aaliyah songs will be released NEXT MONTH, including new tracks and remixes of older material (because there’s still loads of money to be made here!) . . . “Tuxedo” star Jackie Chan says he’s tired of being an action star and wants to be taken seriously as a ‘real actor’, so he’s already lined up a role in a musical and is searching for a good drama script like “Gladiator” . . . And George Clooney has reportedly forked out over 5 grand to buy himself a new model train set after his beloved pot bellied pig Max trashed the old one (gee, can you tell this guy’s single?).

TODAY’S DVD & VHS RELEASES:
Slim pickin’s this week – real-life newlyweds Freddie Prinze Jr & Sarah Michelle Gellar co-star with the computer-animated pooch in the family comedy “Scooby-Doo“, a bigscreen version of the vintage TV cartoon show (aroooo, does the plot really matter?) . . . And there are new DVD releases of the 1977 John Travolta disco flick ”Saturday Night Fever” (everybody now – “Ah ah, ah ah stayin’ alive, stayin’ alive….”) and Disney’s 1991 animated smash “Beauty and the Beast”.

FORKED-TONGUE FEMALES:
Researchers at Queen Margaret University College in Edinburgh claim women are better liars than men. That’s because, in general, women are more fluent speakers. Men are almost twice
as likely to pause or hesitate when they speak. And researchers say when they’re under the pressure of lying, the pauses increase in length and men have a tendency to fill them with ums and ahs. (Have an on-air ‘Lie-Off’ to see if this proves true.)

FOR THE RECORD:
A retired bricklayer in Vietnam has set an unofficial record by siring 86 children from 16 wives. 75-year-old Tran Viet Chu married for the first time at 17 but his wife died 10 years later. Chu soon tied the knot again and eventually brought another 14 wives into his household over the next 60 years he spent traveling the country working in the building trade. (Apparently bricks weren’t the only thing he laid.)

SEEMS PLASTIC AIN’T SO FANTASTIC:
Australian medical researchers who surveyed out-patients at a cosmetic surgery clinic found that nearly half the patients showed symptoms of ‘imagined ugliness disorder’. Even AFTER surgical enhancements they still felt ugly and had stress levels up to 6 times higher than normal. The study suggests that up to half the women who had cosmetic surgery suffered from depression and unhappiness. One researcher suggests that many women who go for cosmetic surgery have problems a surgeon cannot solve.

BOVINE BILLBOARDS:
Cows have been turned into walking ads in Switzerland. Company logos and slogans are being painted onto cows’ bodies before the animals are put out to pasture as part of a brand name marketing campaign. Frank Baumann, head of the ‘Cow Placard Company’, says he hopes the idea will help boost the rural Swiss economy. (What would be best advertised on a cow – dairy products? beef? leather? BS?)

SPAM CAN’T BE CANNED:
In his new book “Don’t Be A Victim! How To Protect Yourself From Hoaxes, Scams & Frauds”, author Michael Chesbro suggests that almost ALL e-mail spam is some kind of scam. To prove it, he spent $100 purchasing 6 random items marketed by spam. He never received ANY of them. And unfortunately, he says, in many cases following instructions to ‘unsubscribe’ from a spammer only increases the volume of unsolicited e-mail you receive.

WANNA SMELL LIKE A MUMMY?
Scientists in France say they’ve successfully recreated the ancient perfume of the pharaohs which was used by Egyptians to boost their love-lives. French researcher Sandrine Videault spent years learning to concoct the formula of ‘Kyphi’ perfume which was said to be an aphrodisiac that helped its users relax. The numerous ingredients discovered in samples included cinnamon, incense, juniper, pistachios, mint, and myrrh. Oh, and one more of note – cannabis! For that reason, ‘Kyphi’ will never be sold commercially. Word is the smell is a tad too pungent for the modern market anyway. (In other words, this stuff sphinx!)
                                 
DRINK YOURSELF SMART:

A study at the National Institute for Longevity Sciences in Tokyo finds that men who drink alcohol moderately have an IQ that’s 3.3 points higher on average than those who don’t drink at all. Women drinkers average 2.5 points higher. Moderate drinking is considered 1 or 2 drinks per day. (It’s obvious drinking makes you smarter. Just talk to any of the patrons down at [local dive] around closing time.)

PICK-UP TIPS:
Gabe Fischbarg’s new book “The Guide to Picking Up Girls” offers tips on how to meet somebody, what to say, how to get a phone number, and how to ask somebody out. Some highlights –
• Don’t be desperate. A girl can smell a desperate guy a mile away.
• Understanding body language is important. For example, if a girl starts touching her arm while she is talking to you, it means she is very interested.
• The best time to start hitting on a woman is early – 10 to 10:30pm is ideal – because as a general rule, girls like to go home early.
• Identify a girl’s ‘type’ – there are those with their switches ‘on’ who are looking for a boyfriend, and those with switches ‘off’ who are unavailable.
• Talking to your female friends in a social setting will automatically make you desirable to other girls.
• Having a good ‘wingman’ is crucial. He must often take the grenade – in other words, talk to the less attractive friend.
(Not to question your expertise, Gabe, but maybe another tip might be to quit referring to women as ‘girls’ all the time?)

BEST BAD GUYS:
Who’s the all-time top movie villain? According to a new poll by the Online Film Critics Society, the creepiest creeps are –
5. ‘Frank Booth’ (Dennis Hopper) from “Blue Velvet” (1986).
4. ‘Hans Gruber’ (Alan Rickman) in “Die Hard” (1988).
3. ‘Norman Bates’ (Anthony Perkins) from “Psycho” (1960).
2. ‘Hannibal Lecter’ (Anthony Hopkins) in “Silence of the Lambs” (1991), “Hannibal” (2001) & “Red Dragon” (now showing).
1. ‘Darth Vader’ (voiced by James Earl Jones) in the “Star Wars” series (since 1977 and coming back in “Episode III” due in 2005).

THE BULL SHEET 10.08.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1939 [63] Paul Hogan, Lightning Ridge AUS, movie actor (“Crocodile Dundee 1-3″)

1941 [61] Rev Jesse Jackson, Greenville SC, civil rights leader/politician/ladies’ man

1943 [59] Chevy Chase (Cornelius Crane), NYC, movie actor (“Vacation I-IV”, “Caddyshack”)

1943 [59] RL Stine, Columbus OH, scary children’s author (“Goosebumps” series)

1949 [53] Sigourney Weaver, NYC, movie actress (“Alien” series, “Ghostbusters”)

1970 [32] Matt Damon, Cambridge MA, movie actor (“The Bourne Identity”, “Ocean’s Eleven”, “Good Will Hunting”)  FACTOID: As a  teenager he earned extra money as a sidewalk break-dancer!

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY “Royal Visit 2002″ continues with the Queen and Duke of Edinburgh arriving at Vancouver International Airport for a brief ceremony then jetting off to Winnipeg for a multicultural youth event at the Forks, a dinner at the Legislative Building and an evening of performances by Manitoba artists including the Royal Winnipeg Ballet. (Is it our imagination or has her maj’ been smiling more than usual on this tour? Perhaps the ramrod is loosening?)

WEDNESDAY is ‘International Alan Day’, created by the International Forum of Alans to salute the ‘Alan of the Year’ and anyone with a name that’s a variation, ie: Allan, Alannis, Allen, etc.

THIS WEEK is “National Metric Week”, promoting American conversion to the system that has become the standard in the rest of the world. Ask why the concept isn’t very popular in the US.
PHONER: 703-620-9840 (National Council of Mathematics Teachers -Reston VA)

THIS WEEK is “National Home-Based Business Week”, recognizing the proliferation of small businesses run from households, a trend that’s expected to mushroom. Ask listeners for the most unusual way they’ve heard of someone making money from home.

THIS WEEK is also “National Get Organized Week”. A business survey by the National Association of Professional Organizers finds that the average manager spends about 6 weeks per year looking for misplaced information.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1896 [106] 1st ‘Dow Jones average’ reported (“And the Dow was up today to….2”)

1906 [96] Hairdresser Karl Nessler introduces the ‘permanent wave’ at his salon in London

1967 [35] 1st ‘Breathalyzer’ test for alcohol consumption used on speeding motorist (and 1st driver explains, “Hones’ occifer, I ony had one!”)

1988 [14] Lirida Paz of Elizabeth NJ patents the ‘Musical Potty Chair’ which automatically plays music when a child-trainee successfully uses it (suggested songs?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1956 [46] Only ‘perfect game’ ever pitched in World Series (NY Yankee Don Larsen vs Brooklyn)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] UN International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Thurs] National Dessert Day
[Fri] Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
[Sat] World Egg Day
[Mon] Columbus Day
[Mon] Canadian Thanksgiving Day (no BS service)
This Week is – Fire Prevention Week / Credit Union Week
This Month is – Dessert Month / Cosmetology Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
ACTUAL SCHOOL EXCUSE NOTES:

• “Jason was at his grandmother’s yesterday and she did not bring him to school because he couldn’t remember where the school was.”
• “Eric hurt his knee in a karate tournament over the weekend. He won his age group but was in too much pain to do his math assignment.”
• “Amy did not do her homework last night because we went out to a party and did not get home until late. If she is tired, please let her sleep during recess.”
• “It was my fault Michael did not do his math homework last night. His pencil broke and we do not have a pencil sharpener at home.”
• “Scott didn’t practice last night because he lost his tooth in the mouthpiece of his trumpet.”
• “Diana was late on Wednesday because she fell asleep on the bus and was taken back to the bus yard.”
• “Cody wasn’t in school yesterday because he thought it was Saturday.”

BS ROYALTY QUIZ:
In honor of “Royal Visit 2002″, see if you can identify the following kings and Queens –
• “The King of Pop” [Michael Jackson]
• “The King of Swing” [Benny Goodman]
• “The Queen of Crime” [Agatha Christie]
• “The Queen of Disco” [Donna Summer]
• “The Queen of Soul” [Aretha Franklin]
• “The King of the Cowboys” [Roy Rogers]
• “The Queen of the Blues [Dinah Washington]
• “The Queen of Country Music” [Kitty Wells]
• “The King of the One-Liners” [Henny Youngman]
• “The King” [Elvis Presley]

BS ‘FACT OR CRAP?’
Two of the following statements are true, one is pure BS. But which one?
1. The human body produces about 350 miles of hair in a lifetime.
2. 80% of all body heat escapes from the head.
3. If you burn your fingers your fingerprint changes pattern. (BS)

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Surprisingly, over three-quarters of you say that you like this.
Answer to Give Out Tomorrow: Your boss.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.


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