Friday, October 4, 2002        Edition: #2392
Ain’t It Great to Be Full of Sheet?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Speculation is rife in Hollywood that Julia Roberts is pregnant after reports producers of her next movie “Mona Lisa Smile” are discussing how to disguise it with wardrobe and camera angles . . . U2′s Bono has been named the ‘Most Powerful Person’ in the music biz by “Q Magazine” in its upcoming NOVEMBER issue . . . Anna Nicole Smith has joined a dating agency to try and find a new boyfriend (Beef Breeders of America?) . . . Only in show biz – Liza Minelli has named her 3-month-old adopted baby ‘Serena’ after a hall where she used to attend AA meetings (thanks, mom) . . . Word is Michael Jackson is starting his own music label with the backing of a medical group (from now on, every Michael Jackson CD will come with a coupon for a discount nose job) . . . Billy Bob Thornton in talks to star as ‘Davy Crockett’ in the upcoming Disney movie “The Alamo” . . . “Elvis 30 #1 Hits” is now #1 in 16 countries, including
the US, UK, Canada, France & Australia . . . And Britain’s Prince William has moved out of the student residence at St Andrews University in Scotland and into a chic $2500-a-month pad which he’ll share with an old school pal – and, oh oh, his lingerie model friend.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
Anthony Hopkins reprises his most famous role as ‘Dr Hannibal Lecter’ in the “Silence of the Lambs” prequel, “Red Dragon”, co-starring Edward Norton as the FBI agent who originally put
the maneater behind bars . . . ‘Bob the Tomato’, ‘Larry the Cucumber’ and other talking vegetables are featured in the animated family film “Jonah: A VeggieTales Movie”, the 1st bigscreen release from the creators of the “VeggieTales” TV series (leading to the future Barbara Walters interview question: “If you were a vegetable, what would you be?”) . . . And the heist movie “Welcome to Collinwood” opens in limited release, starring George Clooney, Luis Guzman & Sam Rockwell as working-class schmoes from Cleveland who make a bumbling attempt to rob a pawn shop.

EVERYONE’S A CRITIC:
Three Japanese psychologists at Keio University have been honored for training pigeons to discriminate between the paintings of Picasso and those of Monet. (Makes you wonder – when a pigeon poops on a statue, is it a form of artistic criticism?)

WOMEN VS MEN:
Is this true? According to a new “WomenTrend” poll, 87% of female respondents believe that women get put down or ridiculed when they do something bad, but men get a ‘cool’ reputation for exhibiting the same kind of behavior. (Sleeping around, getting drunk, etc)

WHAT’S SO FUNNY?
An online poll by the British Association for the Advancement of Science asked Internet users worldwide to submit their favorite jokes and rate the funniness of other submissions. Some of the fun facts –
• Americans and Canadians favor jokes where people are made to look stupid, while Europeans like jokes that make fun of serious subjects like marriage, sickness and death.
• Germans, perhaps surprisingly, laugh the most. Canadians laugh the least.
• If you want to tell a funny animal joke, make it a duck – they’re apparently the funniest.
• The most frequently submitted joke, sent in a total of 300 times – “What’s brown and sticky? A stick.” (Isn’t that really lame – or am I just Canadian?)
May be you can find some actual funny ones here –
NET: http://www.laughlab.co.uk

THIS SUIT STINKS:
If you work all day, party all night and can only afford a limited wardrobe, you might be interested in a new ‘self-perfuming suit’ made of a special scratch-n-sniff fabric. South Korean manufacturer Hyuk-ho Kwon of Kolon is selling the peppermint-scented duds for about $400 a pop. It can be repeatedly dry cleaned without losing its unique feature – just rub the sleeves and your B.O. disappears! (When [your co-host] lifts his arms, EVERYBODY disappears.)

NECTAR OF THE GODS:
Texas-based Eros Drinks is looking for help naming a new soft drink that purportedly stimulates sex drive. The company recently released a soft drink for women which uses herbs and amino acids to create an aphrodisiac effect. It’s called ‘Aphrodite’. The problem is coming up with a ‘manly’ name for the male version. (They want to name a drink that makes men horny? How about ‘water’.)

THE ART OF THE MEAL:
A new study on leisure time show that the food-loving French are actually increasing the time they spend eating each day. The average citizen of France now devotes a grand total of 2 hours and 13 minutes per day to meals.

DESK RAGE:
First road rage, then phone rage, now – ‘desk rage’. According to a new survey of 1,305 workers, stress and long hours are driving employees nuts at the office. Some highlights –
• 10% of workers say employees have come to blows because of stress at work.
• 12% say they now work in a cubicle like the cartoon character ‘Dilbert’.
• 12% say they’ve called in sick because of stress at work.
• 14% say machinery or equipment has been damaged as a result of workplace rage.
• 20% say they’ve quit a job because of stress.
• 23% say they have been driven to tears because of workplace stress.
• 42% say there’s yelling and verbal abuse in their office.

TOP ROCK ALBUMS OF ALL-TIME:
1. “Appetite For Destruction” – Guns N’ Roses
2. “Led Zeppelin IV”
3. “Toxicity” – System of A Down
4. “Master of Puppets” – Metallica
5. “Nevermind” – Nirvana
Source: new HMV poll

BS AMAZING FACT:
1 in 4 Canadians now carries a mobile phone. (1 in 20 carries a mobile phone into the toilet and flushes it accidentally.)

THE BULL SHEET 10.04.2K2

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [78] Charlton Heston (John Charles Carter), Evanston IL, 2nd-term National Rifle Association  President/movie actor (original & update of “Planet of the Apes”, “The Ten Commandments”, Oscar-“Ben Hur”)/recently diagnosed with a form of Alzheimer’s

1944 [58] Tony LaRussa, MLB manager (St Louis Cardinals, now involved in divisional series with Arizona)

1946 [56] Susan Sarandon (Tomalin), NYC, prolific movie actress (“Thelma & Louise”, “Bull Durham”, Oscar-“Dead Man Walking”) who’s simultaneously appearing in 3 movies now in theaters – “Moonlight Mile”, “The Banger Sisters”, and “Igby Goes Down”/actor Tim Robbins’ ‘partner’ since 1988

1949 [53] Armand Assante, NYC, TV actor (Mr Smooth-“Push, Nevada”, Emmy Award for “Gotti”)/movie actor (“Fatal Instinct”, “The Mambo Kings”)

1976 [26] Alicia Silverstone, San Francisco CA, movie actress (“Blast From the Past”, “Clueless”)/Broadway actress (“The Graduate”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1922 [80] Bil Keane, Philadelphia PA, comic strip cartoonist (“Family Circus” since 1960)

1954 [48] David Bryson, rock guitarist (Counting Crows-“Hangin’ Around”, “Mr Jones”)

1962 [40] Michael Andretti, Bethlehem PA, Indy-car race driver/son of racing legend Mario Andretti

1965 [37] Mario Lemieux, Montréal QC, NHL player/owner (consecutive Stanley Cup titles 1991, 1992-Pittsburgh Penguins)

1965 [37] Patrick Roy, Québec City QC, NHL goalie (2001 Stanley Cup champion Colorado Avalanche, 2 Stanley Cup titles-Montréal Canadiens)

1975 [27] Kate Winslet, Reading ENG, movie actress (“Titanic”, “Sense & Sensibility”)/on & off partner of director Sam Mendes

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY through October 15 is the “2002 Royal Visit to Canada” as Queen Elizabeth & Prince Philip cross the country in a celebration of her Golden Jubilee, beginning in Iqaluit and ending in Ottawa. (Should we be paying for this?) Get the entire itinerary here –

http://www.pch.gc.ca/royalvisit2002/index_e.cfm

TODAY is the 7th annual “National Denim Day”, an excellent little promotion in which Lee Jeans asks companies to allow employees to wear denim to work in exchange for a donation to breast cancer research.
NET: http://www.denimday.com

TODAY is “World Smile Day”, a day to do an act of kindness and help one person smile.
NET: http://worldsmileday.com

TODAY is “National Golf Day”. While much of the modern game is attributed to Scottish origins, the very first version of the game can be traced back much earlier. During the days of the Roman Empire, they played a game that involved hitting feather-stuffed balls with club-shaped branches. The oldest established golf club in North America is the Royal Montréal, officially founded in 1873.
The first 18-hole course in the USA was the Chicago Golf Club founded in 1893.

TODAY is “International Toot Your Flute Day”, to encourage the idea of selling yourself and telling others how good you are, while rejecting the idea that self-promotion is ‘bragging’.

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1898 [104] Harold Stilski patents the ‘refrigerated cow’, a life-size steel cow mounted on a wagon to deliver milk door-to-door

1952 [50] “Adventures of Superman” makes its TV debut, starring George Reeves as the ‘Man of Steel’

1957 [45] 1st ‘man-made satellite’ orbits Earth, beginning the ‘Space Age’ (‘Sputnik’-Russia)

1976 [26] 1st ‘female network news anchor’ on TV (Barbara Walters joins Harry Reasoner on “ABC Evening News” for a then-record $1 million/year)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [01] San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds ties Mark McGwire’s 1998 MLB single-season 70 home run record (finishes season with 73)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] National Story Telling Day
[Sun] International Frugal Fun Day
[Sun] Physician Assistant Day
[Sun] Lawyers Day
[Sun] German-American Day
[Mon] UN Universal Children’s Day
[Mon] Winona Ryder trial scheduled to begin
[Nov 24] 90th Grey Cup (Edmonton)
This Week is – Walk a Child to School Week / World Space Week
This Month is – Computer Learning Month / National Apple Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:

• Ten years from now we’ll laugh at the shoes women wear today, but can we hold it that long?
• Why is it that no one ever sees ghosts of lower life forms?
• Is a dog man’s best friend because it wags its tail….not its tongue?
• How come whatever doesn’t kill me will make me fatter?
• Why is it that over the last 200 years more than 100 billion pens have been manufactured
yet we still can’t keep ONE by the phone?
• I keep getting mail for ‘Pre-Approved Credit Cards’. If its pre-approved, why don’t they just send you the card?
• Why do they put locks on cemetery gates? Are they afraid someone will try and leave?
• Isn’t every morning the dawn of a new error?
• Wouldn’t it be nice if whenever we messed up our life we could simply press ‘Ctrl, Alt, Delete’ and start all over?

BS ‘WHICH IS LONGER?’:
• The gestation period of an elephant or Julia Roberts? [An elephant’s gestation period is 22 months while the rumor Julia is pregnant will likely only last a week or two.]
• An ‘attosecond’ or a ‘millisecond’? [1 ‘attosecond’ (a billionth of a billionth of a second) is the briefest time period science can clock, much shorter than a ‘millisecond’. In computer science, 10 milliseconds is known as a ‘jiffy’.]
• The attention span of a goldfish or Tom Green’s movie career? [The memory span of a goldfish is said to be just 3 seconds. After “Stealing Harvard”, Tom Green’s movie career won’t last that long.]
• The reign of Prince Rainier of Monaco or the marriage of Britain’s Queen Elizabeth & Prince Philip? [Rainier took over the throne of Monaco in 1949. Liz & Phil wed two years earlier.]
• “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” or “Four Weddings & a Funeral”? [The former has a run time of 96 minutes while, as you’d expect, “Four Weddings” take longer – 117 minutes.]

BS ‘FIND THE FAKE’:
2 of the following are actual headlines from tabloid magazines, the other a total fake. But which one?
GAME #1 –
• Alien Probe Cured My Hemorrhoids!
• Cow Pee Removes Wrinkles!
• Chicken Gravy Cures Acne! [FAKE]

GAME #2 –
• Yogurt Lunches Cause Kindergarten Boys to Grow Beards! [FAKE]
• Ancient Parking Lot Found on Mars!
• Petting Your Dog Can Kill You!     

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 44% of men polled say that when they meet a woman, this is the first thing they notice about her.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Her smile.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There’s enough leisure time for everybody, but the wrong people seem to have it.


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