Tuesday, October 30, 2001        Edition: #2164
BS – Sheet For Brains.

A recent study finds that most women begin noticing they’re taking on their mother’s characteristics in their late 20s or early 30s. Here are some of the signs . . .
• You take pictures at your kid’s school play after they’ve asked parents not to.
• You insist your kid wear a sweater when it’s you that is cold.
• You let your husband put a La-Z-Boy in the living room.
• As soon as someone walks in the house you ask if they want something to eat.
• Rock stars give you the creeps.
• You’ve caught yourself warning about something ‘poking out an eye’.
(Ask listeners to add more.)

TODAY Michael Jackson releases his 1st studio album in 6 years, “Invincible”, which reportedly cost a record $30 million to produce because he recorded about 50 tracks with some the most expensive producers in the biz before making final selections (as a sales incentive, the first 500 copies contain one of his old noses) . . . It’s in the tabs, so it must be true – Michael Jackson’s prosthetic nose reportedly fell off at one of his recent Madison Square Garden anniversary concerts when he snagged his little finger in it, accidentally flinging part of it into the audience (it’ll likely turn up on eBay any day now) . . . Steven Spielberg reportedly praised a security guard for doing a good job after he refused to let the boss into Dreamworks studio without a security pass (no word if the guard’s enjoying his new job asking “You want fries with that?”) . . . U2’s latest album “All That You Can’t Leave Behind” has now sold 9.5 million copies worldwide in its first year — more than their 1987 classic “The Joshua Tree”, which has now topped 19 million units . . . Former “Ally McBeal” cutie Courtney Thorne Smith, now starring as Jim Belushi’s wife in the new ABC-TV sitcom “According to Jim”, busted her wrist in a scene where she slipped getting out of a bathtub (this sitcom’s become almost as limp-wristed as “Will & Grace”).

Mike Myers, Eddie Murphy & Cameron Diaz raked in easy money providing the voices for the mega-hit animated family flick “Shrek”, the story of a reclusive ogre and a chatterbox donkey who go on a quest to rescue a princess for a tyrannical midget lord (a sequel is in development for 2004) . . . John Travolta plays the world’s most dangerous spy and Halle Berry became famous for flashing her tatas in the thriller “Swordfish”, which is highlighted by an opening sequence that climaxes in an FX-driven, 360-degree explosion (then it’s all downhill from there) . . . Rob Schneider stars in the comedy “The Animal” as a wacko who takes on the traits of various critters after receiving organ transplants from animal donors (features the bigscreen debut of “Survivor” contestant Colleen Haskell) . . . And, just in time for Halloween night viewing, the Canadian-made werewolf movie “Ginger Snaps”.

TONIGHT 38-year-old Michael Jordan makes his latest NBA comeback as the Washington Wizards open their season in New York against the Knicks. Normally that’d be a big deal. Trouble is, the first New York Yankee home game in the World Series against the Arizona Diamondbacks is also in town, with scalpers getting $2,000 for a field box seat (normally $300) and $300 for a spot in the bleachers (normally $60).

Danish research proves what you might have guessed — overweight people lie about what they eat. In a study of 400 people, the lean folks reported their consumption fairly accurately, while those who were overweight tended to lie or forget about fat-laden snacks. (“I haven’t had a thing all day, other than a couple doughnuts. Oh, and a half-dozen Mars bars . . . and that mug o’ gravy . . .”)

According to “Time” magazine, tattooing is now passe. The hot new fad is ‘skin branding’, where a design is burned right into your skin. (I got one of those a few days ago on my tongue — in the shape of a Tim Horton’s coffee cup rim.)

A global Internet survey by the Sleep Council has found that most workers want more flexible hours. Of the 12,000 respondents, 41% say they are most productive in the morning while 38% say they peak in the evening. Sleep expert Dr Chris Idzikowski says this indicates few of us are fully alert in the middle of the day, proving what a great idea the traditional Mediterranean ‘siesta’ is. (Or as they call it in Spain – ‘nookie time’.)

Members of the ‘Pumpkin Liberation Army’ in Belgium have stolen 53 Halloween pumpkins to turn into soup for the hungry. The activists sent a letter to a Belgian press agency saying they will continue to take action against the ‘improper use of pumpkins as long as there are poor regions in the world’. (Hey, let’s not stop there — Free the Gourds!)

Relationship expert Professor Petra Boynton of London’s University College has just completed a study of conversation topics by sex. It’ll come as no surprise that when men get together they mainly talk about 4 things — sports, work, women and jokes. Women on the other hand, will spend an entire evening talking about up to 40 different topics, including politics, property and music. 75% of the women polled say they’re more likely to discuss family and friends than gossip about men. (“Did you see that slutty dress Gloria wore at the party?”)


1936 [65] Dick Vermeil, Calistoga CA, NFL head coach (Kansas City Chiefs)/one of four coaches in NFL history to lead two different teams to the Super Bowl (2000 Super Bowl champ St Louis Rams, 1981 loser Philadelphia Eagles)

1939 [62] Grace Slick (Wing), Evanston IL, classic rock singer (Jefferson Airplane-“Somebody to Love”, “White Rabbit”, Jefferson Starship-“Miracles”)

1945 [56] Henry Winkler, NYC, former TV actor (Arthur ‘The Fonz’ Fonzarelli-“Happy Days”)

1960 [41] Joey Belladonna, Oswego NY, lead singer of thrash metal band Anthrax who, thanks to bio-terrorism, are getting more press than they have in 20 years  NOTE: They’ll play at a heavy metal 9/11 benefit concert NOVEMBER 28 at NYC’s Hammerstein Ballroom 

1969 [32] Snow (Darren O’Brien), Toronto ON, hip hop artist (“I’ll Do Anything For You”, “The Informer”)

1976 [25] Kassidy Osborn, Magna UT, country singer (SHeDAISY-“This Woman Needs”, “Little Good-byes”)/group’s name is Native American word meaning ‘my sisters’

TODAY is “Bodybuilders’ Day”, celebrating the 1893 birth of Charles Atlas (Angelo Siciliano) in Acri, Italy. Yes, a bully actually did kick sand in the former 97-lb weakling’s face and steal his girlfriend, leading him to develop a wildly popular mail-order body building course.

TODAY is “National Candy Corn Day”, celebrating the traditional Halloween candy that resembles corn kernels and can’t be resisted until you’ve finished off the entire 3-lb bag.

TONIGHT is “Devil’s Night” or “Mischief Night,” traditionally a night of pranks before Halloween.
(In Detroit this traditionally involves burning down the inner city each year.)

1995 [06] Federalists triumph over Separatists in Quebec referendum by a razor-thin 50.6 to 49.4% (Premier Jacques Parizeau blames defeat on ‘money and the ethnic vote’ and resigns the next day)

1894 [107] 1st employee ‘time clock’ patented, leading to the expression ‘punching the clock’

1925 [76] 1st ‘television transmission’, by John Baird of London ENG, using transmitter constructed of a tea chest, biscuit box, old electric motors, motorcycle lamp lenses, darning needles, piano wire, glue, string and sealing wax (he taught our station engineer everything he knows)

1938 [63] 1st radio broadcast of Orson Welles’ “War of the Worlds” convinces millions that Martians have invaded Grovers Mill NJ

1990 [11] 1st episode of Emmy-winning crime drama “Law & Order” on NBC-TV (still going, spawning 2 spin-off shows)

1989 [12] Smith Dairy of Orrville OH concocts ‘largest milkshake’ (1,575 gallons)

[Wed] Halloween
[Wed] National Magic Day
[Wed] Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
[Sun] Emmy Awards
Disarmament Week (um, not this year)


Q: You’re looking at a map and spot the ‘ideo locator’. What the heck is it?
a) ‘You Are Here’ arrow.
b) Numbers or letters along the edge that help you locate a specific place.
c) [Your co-host’s] house.
A: No, it’s not an ‘idiot locator’, it’s the technical term for one of those little ‘You Are Here’ arrows.

Q: You’ve been bitten by a vampire bat. What should be your biggest concern?
a) Turning into a vampire.
b) Rabies.
c) Falling in love.
A: Tiny vampire bats really do suck blood, usually preferring horses, cows and pigs. But if they’re really hungry, they’ll settle for human blood. If they’re lapping up yours, your biggest worry should be contracting rabies.

Q: What did the jack-o’-lantern originally represent in the Dark Ages?
a) A symbol of an abundant harvest.
b) A fiery spirit to scare away the plague.
c) A lost soul carrying a coal from hell.
A: A lost soul with a helluva souvenir. Kinda creepy ain’t it?

Q: For the ancient Celts (‘Kelts’), what special occasion did Halloween coincide with?
a) New Year’s Eve
b) Mardi Gras
c) Wife Swapping Night
A: October 31st was the last day of the year on the Celtic calendar, so you might say Halloween was also New Year’s Eve.

BS TAG LINE: A great idea needs landing gear, not just wings.

Printer Friendly Version