Friday, October 19, 2001        Edition: #2157
Beer: Helping ugly people have sex since 1862.

BS EGGSISTENTIALISM:
According to psychologist Dr Beryl West, how you like your eggs reveals a lot about your personality. For instance . . .
• Sunny Side Up — You are optimistic and easygoing.
• Over Easy — You are very precise and know exactly what you want out of life.
• Soft Boiled — You’re gentle, sensitive and neat, but not always easy to please.
• Hard Boiled — You’re a no-nonsense type, quick to form opinions.
• Scrambled — You’re agreeable and steady, you go with the flow.
• Poached — You are very orderly and don’t like to see anything out of its place.
• Omelette — You enjoy taking risks.

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY at noon, author Margaret Atwood and singer/songwriter Joni Mitchell will unveil their stars on Canada’s ‘Walk of Fame’ in front of Toronto’s Royal Alexandra Theatre (they were unavailable for a formal gala in JUNE recognizing this year’s inductees) . . . SUNDAY Playboy TV jumps on the reality TV bandwagon with the debut of “7 Lives Xposed”, a 13-episode series chronicling the intimate lives of young adults living together in an LA loft (including any ‘erotic events’) . . . 53-year-old Olivia Newton-John says she would take part in the proposed made-for-TV sequel to “Grease”, but only if everyone else from the original movie cast participates, including 47-year-old John Travolta and 57-year-old Stockard Channing (will it be set in a seniors’ home?) . . . David Hasselhoff is having trouble assembling the cast for his planned “Baywatch” TV reunion movie, tentatively titled “Baywatch Blast”, so it’s now been postponed until NEXT SPRING (leaving more time for implant lifts) . . . Mick Jagger’s daughters Elizabeth and Georgia May will appear on his new solo album “Goddess In The Doorway” . . . Meantime, Mick Jagger’s son James tells a British newspaper he thinks his dad should grow up (in fact according to the latest polls, 73% of Mick Jagger’s children think he should grow up).

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
The horror thriller “From Hell”, another bigscreen retelling of the story of infamous 19th-century serial killer ‘Jack the Ripper’, starring Johnny Depp & Heather Graham . . . Robert Redford plays a wrongfully court-martialed general who rallies his fellow inmates against the system that put him away in the action flick “The Last Castle” (co-starring James Gandolfini from “The Sopranos”) . . . Drew Barrymore stars in “Riding in Cars with Boys”, a ‘60s-era tale of a single mom who dreams of becoming a writer after a failed marriage with a drug-addicted loser.

ACCOMPLISHED ACTRESSES:
98% of women surveyed in a “Glamour” magazine poll say their partners have no clue when they’re ‘faking it’. According to the poll, the most popular methods of faking include ‘moaning’, ‘writhing around’, ‘yelling & screaming’, and ‘heavy breathing’. (And a really good clue is the post-tryst comment, “Wow! You were great!”)

WOMEN AS BOSS:
An international survey finds the majority of people see female bosses as more successful than males, because they work harder and are more likely to lead team efforts. (They’re also far less likely to hand out promotions based on who will sleep with them.)

PROFESSIONAL WAITERS:
For just under 30-bucks an hour, a new London agency will have someone stand in line for you. ‘Q4U’ (as in ‘Queue For You’) has already hired about 80 professional ‘queuers’ to wait for tickets or whatever else you just don’t have time to line up for. Company spokesman Patrick Young says, “It’s a job that doesn’t require a lot of skill or experience. All you need is plenty of patience.”

THE SILVER LINING:
Here’s a new term for the new millennium – ‘terror sex’. Rutgers University anthropologist Helen Fisher claims it’s a phenomenon resulting from recent world events. Fear, grief and vulnerability are causing many to seek feelings of security through having sex. (Finally, some good news!)

LOW-FAT LOW PRIORITY:
Retail observers say sales of low-fat products are falling for the 4th year in-a-row. Just 5 years ago, about 1 in 3 new food products had some sort of low-fat claim. Today, only 1 in 10 mentions low fat. (Hey, these days we have REAL things to worry about.)

FOR KIDS ONLY:
If you thought Heinz’s green ketchup was gross, check this out – NEXT MONTH the makers of Parkay will begin marketing its margarine in new squeezable bottles and in 2 new colors – ‘Electric Blue’ and ‘Shocking Pink’. (We can’t wait for the ads — “I can’t believe it’s not puss!”)

THE BULL SHEET 10.19.01

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [70] John Le Carré (David John Moore Cornwell), Poole ENG, top-selling author ( “The Tailor of Panama”, “The Russia House”, “Little Drummer Girl”)

1945 [56] John Lithgow, Rochester NY, movie actor (“Shrek”, “A Civil Action”)/TV actor (3 Emmy Awards-“3rd Rock From the Sun” [1996-2001])

1960 [41] Dawn Coe-Jones, Campbell River BC, LPGA golfer

1969 [32] Trey Parker, Conifer CO, TV producer/writer (“South Park”, “That’s My Bush!”)/movie producer/director (“South Park: Bigger Longer & Uncut”)

SATURDAY’S BIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [66] Jerry Orbach, Bronx NY, TV actor (Detective Lennie Briscoe-“Law & Order”, since 1992)/Broadway song & dance man (Tony Award-“Promises, Promises”)

1950 [51] Tom Petty, Gainesville FL, classic rock singer (“Free Falling”, “I Won’t Back Down”)

1964 [37] Jim Sonefeld, Columbia SC, rock musician (Hootie & the Blowfish-“Let Her Cry”)

1972 [29] Snoop Dogg (Calvin Broadus), Long Beach CA, rap artist (“Tha Last Meal”, “Doggystyle”) who was busted for marijuana possession near Cleveland THIS WEEK/movie actor (“Training Day”)  NOTE: Nickname came from his resemblance to “Peanuts” character ‘Snoopy’

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
TODAY is “Evaluate Your Life Day”, a time to ‘sit back and reflect on your contribution to humanity and see if you’re really heading toward where you want to be’. (Then, head off to the drug store for some Prozac.)

THIS WEEKEND promises to be the biggest for live mega-concert events in history. Here’s the latest on the greatest . . .
• SATURDAY (VH1/MuchMoreMusic 7 pm ET/PT) Paul McCartney’s 5-hour “CONCERT FOR NEW YORK” benefit at Madison Square Garden includes performances by Eric Clapton, Mick Jagger, Billy Joel, Marc Anthony, Bono and The Edge from U2, David Bowie, Elton John, Destiny’s Child and Janet Jackson (via satellite).
• SATURDAY (BBC) “2001: A MUSICAL ODYSSEY”, a giant AIDS benefit described as ‘Live Aid II’ at Millennium Stadium in Cardiff, Wales, has scheduled a line-up that includes Madonna, Robbie Williams, Atomic Kitten, Charlotte Church, S Club 7, George Michael, the Bee Gees, Steps, A1 and Damage. Artists will perform 2 or 3 songs from a musical, with Madonna expected to do tunes from “Evita”.
• SUNDAY (CMT 8 pm ET) “THE COUNTRY FREEDOM CONCERT” with George Strait, Alan Jackson, Brooks & Dunn, Tim McGraw, Vince Gill, Clint Black, Lee Ann Womack, George Jones, Lonestar, Charlie Daniels, Sara Evans and Martina McBride teaming up in Nashville for a show to pay tribute to the terrorism victims and benefit the Salvation Army.
• SUNDAY (MuchMusic 6 PM ET) “MUSIC WITHOUT BORDERS LIVE”, a 3-hour show to benefit the United Nations Donor Alert Appeal at Toronto’s Air Canada Centre, features Alanis Morissette, Tragically Hip, Barenaked Ladies, Our Lady Peace and Bruce Cockburn.
• SUNDAY (12 noon ET) “UNITED WE STAND”, an 8-hour all-star concert in Washington DC’s RFK Stadium to benefit 9/11 victims, is headlined by Michael Jackson, the Backstreet Boys, ‘N Sync, Ricky Martin, Destiny’s Child, Mariah Carey, Bon Jovi, the Goo Goo Dolls, James Brown and Carlos Santana. ABC-TV will air an edited-down 2-hour version NOVEMBER 1st.

THIS WEEKEND the 5th annual “Beefeater International Bartenders Competition” shakes and stirs in Copenhagen, Denmark. The 2-day competition to find the world’s top bartender features 4 different challenges — ‘speed mixing’, ‘new cocktail creation’, ‘general knowledge questions’ and a ‘freestyle event’ (as in the movies “Cocktail” and “Coyote Ugly”). (There should be another event in which they’re tested for patience while listening to the woeful problems and life stories of hopeless drunks.)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1919 [82] 1st team to ‘throw’ a World Series (Chicago’s loss to Reds becomes known as ‘Black Sox Scandal’)

1957 [44] 1st NHLer to score 500 career goals (Maurice “Rocket” Richard-Montreal Canadiens)

1970 [31] 1st tenants move into NYC’s World Trade Center (upper stories not completed until 1972)

1977 [24] Supersonic Concorde makes 1st transatlantic flight, landing in NYC (British and French Concordes, grounded for months due to worries over mechanical safety, begin flying regularly again NEXT MONTH)

TODAY’S RECORDS . . .
1872 [129] ‘World’s largest gold nugget’ found in New South Wales AUS (215 kg)

1980 [21] Steve McPeak rides ‘world’s largest unicycle’ (101′- 9″)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Sat] National Brandied Fruit Day
[Sun] Babbling Day
[Nov 4] Emmy Awards rescheduled (again)
International Pinball Week
International Doll Collectors’ Month

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:

Q: What did Ancient Roman men hold in their right hand when taking an oath?
A: Their testicles, the derivation of the word ‘testimony’.

Q: What animal did researchers study when designing the first football helmets?
A: The woodpecker. Football helmets were designed with air spaces to act as shock absorbers, just like a woodpecker’s skull.

Q: It’s composed mostly of discarded human skin, dead insect parts and bits of fabric. What the heck is it?
A: Common household dust. (Ewwww!)

BS TAG LINE:
Money will buy a pretty good dog, but it won’t buy the wag of its tail.


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