October 16, 2000                                     Edition:  #1911

A private company called ‘Clonaid’ will attempt the first cloning of a human being. It plans to produce the copycat within 18 months at a secret lab somewhere in the USA. The wealthy American parents of a 10-month old girl who died in an accident are putting up $1 million to finance the manufacture of a ‘genetic twin’.  NET: http://www.clonaid.com/
ETHICAL QUESTIONS ABOUT CLONING:
• Would the pope and his clone both be infallible?
• If you have sex with your clone, will you go blind?
• Are Backstreet Boys, ‘N Sync and 98 Degrees evidence that human cloning has already been achieved?
• If Hare Krishnas start cloning themselves, how will the rest of us find out?
• If you cloned Henry IV, would he be Henry V or Henry IV Jr, or Henry IV part II?
• What will we do with genetic ‘factory seconds’ and ‘irregulars’?
• Is it possible to make a clone of Calista Flockhart and then attach the two together to make a regular-sized person?
• Would you lose weight if you binged and your clone purged?

BS TABLOID TRASH:
• According to “Sun”, muscular WWF wrestler Chyna says she can squash a man’s head between her legs like a pumpkin. (Begging the question what would she be doing with a pumpkin between her legs?)
• According to “Globe”, when Halle Berry heard Mariah Carey had eyes for her boyfriend, singer Eric Benet, she quickly flew across the country to tell that shameless hussy to keep her paws off. (Cat fight!)
• “Variety” says Mel Gibson’s new hairdo – none — makes him look so different that fellow actors failed to recognize him when he showed up for a movie screening last week. No word so far on why Mel’s gone ‘chrome dome’.
• He’s not the only one with less hair. According to “Sun” Jennifer Aniston has chopped hers, getting away from the once-hot ‘Rachel’ look.
• And “Star” informs us that her hubby Brad Pitt has a pair of custom-made boxer shorts with the words ‘Jen’s man’ in rhinestones across the front. (No word on what font size.)
• ‘Sporty Spice’ Mel C tells London’s “Daily Mirror” she’s been taking anti-depressants to help her cope with the blues brought on by her love life and her weight. (As in ‘lightweight’.)

OUCH!
UK newspaper “The Guardian” reports that body-piercing just isn’t enough anymore. Apparently the latest craze with a small segment of balmy Brits is slicing your tongue down the middle to create a forked effect and embedding small Teflon beads under its skin to create a scaly appearance. (Something you’ll be real proud of when you’re 40.)

WHY NOT CALL IT “TANKFUL OF GAS’?
The publisher of “Millionaire” magazine has changed its name to “Opulence”, because the word ‘millionaire’ just doesn’t have the clout it used to. (Especially in Italy.)

STALKING UP FOR SEX:
Top sexologist Dr Anders Hagdal says celery contains a powerful pheremone, a male hormone released through sweat that attracts females. He says men should eat lots of celery because it provides ‘fabulous side effects’.

THE BULL SHEET 10.16.00

TODAY’S CELEBRITY BIRTHDAYS . . .
1943    [57] Fred Turner, Winnipeg MB, classic rock musician (BTO-“Takin’ Care of Business”)
1958    [42] Tim Robbins, West Covina CA, movie actor (“Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me”, “The Shawshank Redemption”)/film director (“Dead Man Walking”)/Mr Susan Sarandon
1962    [38] Flea (Michael Balzary), Melbourne AUS, rock guitarist (Red Hot Chili Peppers-”Californication”) who got his nickname because he shaved his head in high school
1974    [26] Paul Kariya, Vancouver BC, NHL sniper (Anaheim Mighty Ducks)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
[UN] “World Food Day”

TODAY is officially “National Boss Day,” when employees are encouraged to honor the boss (which is guaranteed to make the ass-kissers really popular with other employees).

TODAY is “Dictionary Day,” celebrating the 1758 birth of Noah Webster, one of the most famous of lexicographers, who 1st published “Webster’s Dictionary” in 1828

ON THIS DAY IN THE ’90S . . .
1993    [07] 90th World Series begins with Phillies losing 8-5 in Toronto (Blue Jays win series)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1846    [154] 1st public demonstration of ‘surgical anesthesia’ (early anesthetics included hashish, opium and alcohol)
1955    [45] 1st “Ann Landers” advice column in newspapers (what is she now, about 102?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1968    [32] Toronto Maple Leaf Jim Dorey sets 2 NHL penalty records (48 minutes in a game, 44 minutes in a period)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Gaudy Day
[Wed] No Beard Day (I’ll have to speak to the wife)
[Wed] International Boost Your Brain Day
[Thurs] Evaluate Your Life Day
Shopping Cart Safety Awareness Week (oh no, something else to worry about!)
National Sarcastics Month (‘cause they’re special people, aren’t they?)

BULL’S BITS . . .
BS TRIVIA:

Q: 22 years ago TODAY (1978), Karol Wojtyla started a new job. What was it?
A: He became Pope John Paul II.

Q: What was the first man-made object to break the sound barrier?
A: Nope, not a bullet or a jet plane. It was the whip!

Q: In the 1950s, this TV and film star was paid $5,000 per week even though she never said a word.
A: Lassie.

BS TAG LINE:
People having the gift of gab don’t know how to wrap it up.


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