Monday, October 6, 2008 Edition: #3872
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!
WEEKEND BLOG BS:
• Nomvuto Mzmane, the former headmistress at Oprah Winfrey’s Leadership Academy for Girls has fired back at the Big O with a lawsuit claiming Oprah launched a defamatory campaign that implies she is untrustworthy, did not care about the students at the academy, and participated in a cover-up of the alleged abuse. Of course she’ll feel better about all that … in return for a quarter mil in damages.
• Misty May-Treanor’s mantle may only hold her Beach Volleyball gold medals as she may be forced out of “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC/CTV) due to an injury during FRIDAY rehearsal. May-Treanor was practising with partner Maksim Chmerkovskiy when she had to be taken to hospital. She’s now said to be resting comfortably at home. Doctors will reevaluate her condition TODAY and determine the likelihood of further participation on the show.
• Angelina Jolie showed off her post-baby figure on the red carpet at the NYC premiere of the new movie “The Changeling” on SATURDAY, her first public appearance since giving birth to twins THIS SUMMER. Accompanied by partner Brad Pitt, the MILF of 6 showed up in a figure-hugging black strapless dress for the Clint Eastwood-directed movie screening, in which she plays a mom whose son is kidnapped.
– “NY Daily News”
• A Los Angeles judge has issued a permanent injunction against Anna Nicole Smith’s plastic surgeon from attempting to sell a videotape showing the late model/actress undergoing a breast operation. Dr Gerald Wayne Johnson apparently filmed the 1994 breast augmentation without the star’s permission. After her death from accidental drug overdose in February 2007, he tried to sell the footage to an LA-based memorabilia dealer.
• In the past year “Harry Potter” author JK Rowling has earned more than $9.25 … per second. With a total of $300 million in annual earnings, she made more than 6 times the next highest-paid author, “Along Came A Spider” writer James Patterson. And she should do okay the next few years as well: The 6th film based on her books, “Harry Potter & the Half-Blood Prince”, is set for release NEXT SUMMER; the 7th and final movie, “Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows”, will be split into 2 films to be released in 2010 and 2011.
• Tina Fey, already one of the busiest people in show biz, is getting into the publishing game as well. The “30 Rock” Emmy winner will reportedly release a book of humorous essays to be published by Little, Brown & Co.
– “New York Observer”
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Classic rockers The Pretenders perform.
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Alicia Keys is a guest.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Amy Winehouse – Her incarcerated loser husband Blake Fielder-Civil has had his bid for early release turned down by prison officials. Get ready for another Amy meltdown.
• Dolly Parton – She’s confirmed she’s writing an autobiographical musical which will require 3 actresses to portray her at different points in her life. She says she’ll play the current Dolly if the musical is picked up as a movie.
• Janet Jackson – She’s bailed on 3 more shows, making it 6 altogether so far on her “Rock Witchu” tour. According to her rep, the further cuts, including TONIGHT’s scheduled show in Fort Lauderdale FL are because it’s ‘evident she’s not fully recovered’. Her doctor has ordered her to go home for further treatment.
• Madonna – Her “Sticky & Sweet” tour has already raked in more than $120 million and it hasn’t even left Europe yet. 16 of her 17 concerts so far have been sell-outs.
• Michael Buble – He admits he’s still pining for his actress ex-, Emily Blunt (“The Devil Wears Prada“), 2 months after they split, citing their hectic work schedules for the break-up.
• Rascal Flatts – Jessica Simpson will be the opening act for a circa 25-date new leg of the “Bob That Head” tour which launches in mid-JANUARY. Taylor Swift has been the opener so far.
• Rolling Stones – THIS WEEK 61-year-old Ronnie Wood will meet with estranged wife Jo for the first time since leaving her for his 20-year-old Russian lover in a bid to hash out a divorce deal. Word is he wants to settle out of court and is willing to give his wife of 23 years just about anything she wants.
AND THE WINNER IS:
The 18th editions of the Nobel Prize parody “Ig Nobel Prize Awards” have been announced by Harvard U’s science humor magazine, “The Annals of Improbable Research”. They honor people whose achievements ‘cannot or should not be reproduced’, usually far-fetched scientific studies that somehow received funding. THIS YEAR’s winners include …
• Nutrition Prize: Massimiliano Zampini of the University of Trento & Charles Spence of Oxford University for electronically modifying the sound of a potato chip to make the person chewing the chip believe it to be crisper and fresher than it really is.
• Peace Prize: The Swiss Federal Ethics Committee on Non-Human Biotechnology & the citizens of Switzerland for adopting the legal principle that plants have dignity.
• Archaeology Prize: Astolfo Mello Araujo & José Carlos Marcelino of Universidade de Sao Paulo for measuring how the course of history, or at least the contents of an archaeological dig site, can be scrambled by the actions of a live armadillo.
• Biology Prize: Marie-Christine Cadiergues, Christel Joubert, and Michel Franc of Ecole Nationale Veterinaire de Toulouse for discovering that the fleas that live on a dog can jump higher than the fleas that live on a cat.
• Medicine Prize: Dan Ariely of Duke University for demonstrating that high-priced fake medicine is more effective than low-priced fake medicine.
• Cognitive Science Prize: Toshiyuki Nakagaki of Hokkaido University and colleagues for discovering that slime molds can solve puzzles.
• Economics Prize: Geoffrey Miller, Joshua Tybur, and Brent Jordan of the University of New Mexico for discovering that a professional lap dancer’s ovulatory cycle affects her tip earnings.
• Physics Prize: Dorian Raymer of Scripps Institution of Oceanography & Douglas Smith of the University of California at San Diego for proving mathematically that heaps of string or hair or almost anything else will inevitably tangle themselves up in knots.
WHAT WE WANT FROM WORK:
A recent poll of 10,000 employees in 32 countries finds workers worldwide are looking for the same qualities in an employer: trust, fairness and training. The survey also finds that employee loyalty is not based on salary, benefits, or stock options. We’re most likely to stay with a company if it ‘behaves ethically’. (So how come so many people work for the government?)
GET YOURSELF A GURU:
Recruiting technology expert Gerry Crispin says the old adage ‘it’s who you know not what you know’ is truer than ever. The first step in landing a position these days is getting recommended by someone on the inside. Some surprising facts …
• The odds that someone with authority actually sees your résumé when you apply for a job is less than 5%.
• 1 out of every 3 hires has been referred by a company employee.
– Cox News
THAT’S THE WAY THE COOKIE CRUMBLES:
It’s widely assumed that packaged cookies break apart because they’re mishandled before reaching the buyer. But the problem is due to baking techniques and moisture, according to British researchers. The scientists used a laser beam to monitor the fault lines of cookies coming out of an oven. (My cookies never crumble. In fact, we use ‘em for hockey pucks.)
– PA News
YOU NEED STANDING ROOM:
Thanks to automation, computers and commutes, the majority of us spend some 6 months out of every year … on our butts! Experts say all that sitting increases the pressure on discs by a whopping 300%. The solution? Stand up every 30 minutes to reset the back and normalize discs. (Notice how the increase in butt time has led to an increase in butts?)
BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Humans shed about 600,000 particles of skin per hour, about 1.5 pounds a year or 105 pounds of skin by the time we are 70-years-old. This translates to an entirely new outer layer of skin cells every 27 days, or almost 1,000 new skins in an average lifetime.
• The average human has about 5 million hair follicles, 1 million of them on the head. There are hair follicles all over the outside of our bodies except for the soles of our feet and the palms of our hands.
BS CHRONOMETER 10.06.08
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1955  Tony Dungy, Jackson MI, NFL head coach (Indianapolis Colts 2002-present, Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1996-2001)
1963  Elisabeth Shue, Wilmington DE, movie actress (Oscar-“Leaving Las Vegas”)
1966  Tim Rushlow, Midwest City OK, country singer (Little Texas-“Kick a Little”)
1966  Tommy Stinson, Minneapolis MN, rock bassist (Guns N’ Roses since 1998-“IRS”)
1973  Ioan Gruffudd [‘YO-an GRIFF-ith’], Cardiff, Wales, movie actor (“Fantastic Four”)
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Child Health Day”, a day to highlight the prevention of juvenile illness and injury in order to build a healthier, safer, brighter future for every child.
• “Frugal Fun Day”. What can you do for free that’s a real blast? How about going to the mall to try on fancy dresses just for fun? Take a camera along to record your spree! Or maybe test drive all the vehicles you couldn’t possibly afford to buy?
• “German-American Day”, honoring the likes of Albert Einstein, Lou Gehrig, John Steinbeck & Levi Strauss. In fact, German-American make up 16% of the total US population. Prosit!
• “Get Organized Week”. The Association of Professional Organizers finds that managers spend an average of 6 weeks each year searching their desks for misplaced information.
TIPS FROM PROFESSIONAL ORGANIZERS:
• Organize surface clutter first. Visible results will keep you going.
• Organizing is not a game of catch-up. Sort, identify and place, but don’t use this time to catch up on unfinished chores.
• Start with one corner of a room. Do only one area at once, and never zigzag.
• Work with a box or bag labelled ‘goes elsewhere’ for things that don’t belong where they’re found.
• Surround yourself only with useful, inspiring things. Donate unneeded items.
• “Mad Hatter Day”, described as “April Fool’s Day” without the pranks, it’s an opportunity to celebrate silliness. The date was chosen from illustrations depicting the Mad Hatter wearing a hat with a slip of paper that reads: ‘In this style 10/6′.
• “Physician Assistant Day”, honoring all those nice people who order you to take off all your clothes and put the gown on. And make sure the opening’s at the back!
• “World Habitat Day”, an annual UN observance focusing this year on ‘Harmonious Cities’.
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2000  Hit comedy “Meet the Parents”, starring Robert De Niro, Ben Stiller, Teri Polo, and Blythe Danner, opens in movie theaters
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1996  Country stars Tim McGraw & Faith Hill get married, then postpone the honeymoon in order to resume their joint tour 4 days later
TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1893  Breakfast staple “Cream Of Wheat” is introduced by Nabisco Foods
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1967  Canada’s ‘Greatest Precipitation in 24 Hours’ as 489.2 mm falls at Ucluelet/Brynnor Mines BC
COMING UP . . .
[Tues] 5th VH1 Hip Hop Honors
[Thurs] “Eleventh Hour” series debut (CBS)
[Thurs] Yom Kippur (Jewish)
[Fri] Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
[Fri] International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Sat] Emergency Nurses Day
[Sat] Dessert Day
[Sun] International Moment Of Frustration Scream Day
[Sun] Farmers Day
THIS WEEK IS . . .
Carry A Tune Week / Customer Service Week / Emergency Nurses Week / Financial Planning Week / Fire Prevention Week / Get Organized Week / Health Care Food Service Week / Higher Education Week / Kids’ Goal Setting Week / Mental Illness Awareness Week / Metric Week / Mystery Series Week / Nuclear Medicine Week / Physicians Assistant Week / Port Week / Spinning & Weaving Week / Temp Help Week / Universal Children’s Week / Work From Home Week / World Space Week
BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 15 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS SHE’S NOT THAT INTO YOU:
Guys, you should likely take the hint if …
• She declines an invitation to go out. Even once.
• She hasn’t introduced her friends after several dates.
• Or the flipside – she always brings her friends along, no matter what you’re doing.
• She talks about other men.
• She pays more attention to other men in a group setting.
• She avoids intimate settings.
• She hasn’t made any sort of physical contact with you.
• She doesn’t engage in body language, trying to look her best around you.
• She plays up other girls, trying to set you up with a friend.
• She doesn’t return your calls.
BS RANDOM JOKE:
I’m a morning person … that’s when I get my best sleep in.
BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
128 years ago today (1880) the Cincinnati Reds were kicked out of the National League. For what minor offense that now occurs at EVERY ball game did they get the boot?
a. Having pitchers warm up.
b. Selling beer. [CORRECT]
c. Allowing women to attend.
BS PHONE STARTER:
Does it bother your partner that you are making more money than he/she is?
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Women say THIS is the #1 gift they never want to receive from their spouse.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: A gym membership.
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Half of the people in the world are below average.