Wednesday, October 29, 2008           Edition: #3889
Here’s Sheet In Your Eye!

The Flamingo Showroom in Las Vegas has announced Donny & Marie Osmond’s greatest hits show which opened LAST MONTH is being extended through OCTOBER 2010 because ‘they are timeless entertainers and cultural icons’ (BS translation: They haven’t had steady work in 30 years so we got ‘em dirt cheap) . . . “Dancing With the Stars” pro & wannabe country singer Julianne Hough was scheduled for an appendectomy YESTERDAY (the reason she was taken to hospital with stomach pain after LAST WEEK’s show) but hopes to be back dancing by NEXT WEEK (on the new series ‘My Guts Are Seeping Through My Dress!’) . . . TV actress Hayden Panettiere wants you to save the whales, and hopes to attract 1 million signatures on her petition to stop commercial whaling (what really needs saving is “Heroes”) . . . Emmy-winning ‘60s-era drama “Mad Men” has ended its 2nd season on a high note, an 89% hike in ratings over its 1st-season finalé (goes to show you – quality will out) . . . An internal memo circulated to all ABC-TV shows makes it clear that wardrobe stylistas are expected to tighten their belts and find less expensive ways to tart up stars, with $150 now the limit to be spent accessories and $250 on women’s shoes (that’s why you saw Teri Hatcher at Value Village) . . . And after horrific box office bombs like “Blonde Ambition” and “Employee Of the Month”, we’ll likely never get to see the latest Jessica Simpson movie “Major Movie Star” in this country, but it’s reportedly opened to top box office in Russia and is coming to Bulgaria NOVEMBER 9th (maybe she could relocate?).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Country singer Kellie Pickler (“Best Days of Your Life”) performs.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Pink promotes her new album “Funhouse”.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Gavin DeGraw (“In Love With a Girl”) is the guest.
• Phil Spector – Opening statements are scheduled in the murder retrial of the legendary music producer. He’s charged in the 2003 death of actress Lana Clarkson at his home. The defense will again suggest she committed suicide. Jurors in his first trial a year ago ended up deadlocked at 10-2 with the majority favoring conviction.
• “Quantum of Solace” – The latest ‘Bond’ film has its world premiere in London during the 52nd annual “London Film Festival” (which ends TOMORROW).

• Janet Jackson – In another setback to her “Rock Witchu” tour, she’s lost opening act LL Cool J ‘because of unnamed scheduling conflicts’. (BS translation: “I don’t care if you keep getting dizzy, I want to get paid regular.”)
• Led Zeppelin – Bassist John Paul Jones has confirmed the classic rockers will “Ramble On” a concert tour without frontman Robert Plant. Jones also promises that, as soon as they’ve decided on a new lead singer, they’ll let us know.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Carborexic’ – A person who’s become obsessed with minimizing the use of carbon. These carbon footprint worriers are hardcore recyclers and bigtime advocates of clean energy. (“She became so preoccupied with the environment, she went from green to dark green to carborexic.”)
• ‘Fauxmosexual’ – A person who pretends to be gay, as a way of garnering attention, to fit into a social scene, or to maintain platonic relationships with opposite gender non-gays. (“He had trouble landing a hosting gig on a home decorating show until he decided to go fauxmosexual.”)
• ‘Sharrow’ – A mix of chevron and bike logo symbols painted on a road to warn the lane is shared by both cars and bicycles. Now being used in California on streets that cannot accommodate a continuous bike lane. (“He lived dangerously: swimming immediately after eating; ripping the tags off his new pillows; and cycling in the sharrow lane.”)

A University of Colorado at Boulder study has discovered the secret of making yourself more attractive to others … give them a hot cup of coffee! That’s the conclusion of researchers assessing the connection between physical and emotional heat. To their surprise, they found people who held a cup of hot coffee for 10-to-25 seconds ‘warmed’ to a perfect stranger. A cold beverage had the opposite effect. Researchers theorize the association between temperature and emotional warmth begins in infancy, when the physical warmth of being held is connected to food, safety, and parental love. Later in life, a hot cup of coffee or a warm bath may subconsciously activate memories of those feelings. (Coffee’s easier … it’s tough to get someone you just met to jump in the bath with you.)
– “Los Angeles Times”

Just in time for Halloween, a new ranking of the scariest bad guys ever …
5. ‘Jigsaw’ … “Saw” series.
4. ‘Dracula’ … too many movies to mention.
3. ‘Jason Vorhees’ … “Friday the 13th” series.
2. ‘Freddy Krueger’ … “A Nightmare on Elm Street” series.
1. ‘Michael Myers’ …. “Halloween” series.

Manuel Uribe, world’s heaviest man (who once weighed 1,230 lb/560 kg) has gotten married in a specially decorated bed … on a flatbed truck. The 43-year-old Mexican wore a white satin shirt and had a sheet wrapped around his legs as he wed longtime girlfriend Claudia Solis in Monterrey. The bed, which he hasn’t left in 6 years, was decorated with canopy, flowers, and gold-trimmed bows. Since earning the “Guinness Book of World Records” title in 2006, Uribe has shed about 550 lbs or 250 kg. (Wow, he’s down to a svelte 680!)
– “Daily Mail”

• In ancient times baths of human blood were prescribed as a remedy for leprosy.
• Greek Christianity has been credited by many as the origin of the vampire belief.
• In Diesdorf, Germany it is believed that if money is not placed in the mouth of a dead person at burial, he will become a ‘Nachzehrer’ (vampire) and his ghost will rise from the grave in the form of a pig.
• In addition to the wooden stake through the heart, another preventive measure is to break the neck of the dead body.
– “The Book of Vampires”

Former Nebraska state senator Ernie Chambers has had his lawsuit against God thrown out of court because legal papers cannot be served … God has no fixed address. LAST YEAR Chambers tried to file the permanent injunction to stop God from causing any more ‘fearsome floods, horrendous hurricanes, and terrifying tornadoes’. He’s now considering an appeal, claiming that an omniscient being wouldn’t need legal papers to know that He is being sued … He should know everything. (But where would you find a jury of His peers?)
– BBC News

• A pumpkin is really a squash, and comes from the same family as the cucumber.
• Black cats were originally believed to protect witches’ powers from negative forces.
• According to tradition, if you see a spider on Halloween it could be the spirit of a dead loved one watching you.
– SeeHear Blogspot

The Consumer Product Safety Commission reveals that there are some 120,000 clothing related injuries each year. Actual recorded injuries have included: ‘shoulder dislocation while putting on a T-shirt’, ‘falling and breaking nose while slipping off a nightgown’ and (the one mom warned you about) … ‘poking an eye while pulling on socks’. (And this doesn’t even include fly injuries.)

Dr Kristie Leong offers the following tips on detecting canine stress …
• Bad Behavior – A normally quiet dog suddenly snapping and/or growling can be a sure sign.
• Changes in Activity Level – Beware of an active dog unwilling to play or a quiet dog that becomes hyperactive.
• Changes in Eating Habits – Not eating or turning down treats can be an indicator of stress.
• Having ‘Accidents’ in the House – Anxiety can often cause bladder problems.
• Unusual Shyness – If a dog suddenly becomes shy or afraid of people, it may be reacting to some anxiety-provoking factor.
• Physical Signs – Other stress indicators can include hair-loss, chewing on legs and paws, a glazed facial expression, and a lack of emotional response.
(Funny, most of these apply to humans, too!)

The project “Thrill the World” has brought a record 3,960 ‘zombie dancers’ together around-the-world for a simultaneous “Thriller” dance, based on Michael Jackson’s iconic 1983 video. The largest group gathered in Austin TX, where 881 did the deed together. Similar events were staged in Kelowna BC and Regina SK.

• In an average lifetime, a person will spend 4 years traveling in a vehicle and 6 months waiting for red traffic lights.
• A small drip from a faucet can waste up to 50 gallons of water daily, enough water to run a dishwasher on full cycle … twice.

1947 [61] Richard Dreyfuss, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“W”, “Mr Holland’s Opus”)

1957 [51] Dan Castellaneta, Chicago IL, voice-over actor (‘Homer’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1965 [43] Peter Timmins, Toronto ON, alt-rock musician (Cowboy Junkies-“Misguided Angel”, “Sweet Jane”)

1971 [37] Winona Ryder (Horowitz), Winona MN, movie actress (“Zoolander”, “Girl Interrupted”) convicted on shoplifting charges in 2002  COMING UP: “Star Trek“ (2009).

1984 [24] Eric Staal, Thunder Bay ON, NHL center (Carolina Hurricanes)

• “Basketball Coaches Day”, honoring those dedicated people who teach us to dribble & shoot.

• “Hermit Day”, a salute to the solitary lifestyle … whether or not you planned on living it.

• “Laugh a Lot Suddenly For No Reason Day” … just before they lock you up in a padded room.

• “International Internet Day”, observed on the 39th anniversary of the 1st connection on what would become the ‘Internet’. On October 29, 1969 bits of data flowed between computers at UCLA and the Stanford Research Institute. Within a year, 10 sites were connected and there were soon applications such as e-mail.

1983 [25] Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” becomes ‘Longest-Charting Album of All-Time’ as it logs its 491st week on the “Billboard” ‘Top 200′ album chart (lasts 740 weeks altogether until July 13, 1988)

1889 [119] Vancouver’s popular Stanley Park is dedicated

1945 [63] 1st ‘Ballpoint Pen’ goes on sale, 57 years after it was first patented ($12.95)

1947 [61] 1st ‘Artificial Rain’ created by seeding clouds with dry ice (Concord NH)

1966 [42] National Organization of Women (NOW) is founded

1929 [79] Montréal and Toronto Stock Exchange shares plummet in their worst drop to date, as the New York market crash spreads quickly worldwide and leads to the Great Depression

1929 [79] Prices plummet on the New York Stock Exchange, leading to panic selling, lost billions, and the Great Depression

1998 [10] 77-year-old return astronaut, US Senator John Glenn, becomes ‘Oldest Person to Travel in Space’ aboard the space shuttle “Discovery”

[Thurs] Devils Night or Mischief Night
[Fri] Bring Your Jack-o-Lantern to Work Day
[Fri] Halloween
[Fri] National Magic Day
[Fri] Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
[Fri] UNICEF Day
[Sat] Vegan World Day
[Sun] NYC Marathon
[Sun] Daylight Saving Time ends (2 am)
This Week Is … Disarmament Week
This Month Is … Domestic Violence Awareness Month

• Coughs up a hairball during the morning staff meeting.
• Newly-installed keg of ‘Nair’ in men’s room.
• ‘5 o’clock shadow’ appears around 8:30 am.
• Says, “Great job on the Chalmers account!” … then humps your leg.
• In lieu of an annual bonus, prefers a good scratch behind the ears.
• Suddenly sports a beard when mooned at an office party.
• Has more hair on his back than you’ve got on your head.
• Only GUY at work who circles days in red on his desk calendar.

Which TV show does your family pet like most? (Compile ‘pet ratings’ for dogs, cats, etc.)

• What percentage of all pumpkins sold are used as jack-o-lanterns at Halloween?
a. About 99%. [CORRECT]
b. Around 50%.
c. Precisely 37.6%.

• According to folklore, what should you do to meet a witch on Halloween night?
a. Tap on a mirror with a willow stick at midnight.
b. Put your clothes on inside out and walk backwards. [CORRECT]
c. Knock on Heather Mills’ front door.
– SeeHear Blogspot

• In Scotland, instead of ‘trick or treat’ what are costumed kids more likely to demand?
a. ‘The sky is blue, the grass is green, may we have our Halloween?’ [CORRECT]
b. ‘Don’t be tight and don’t be cheap, I’d like to get a treat to eat.’
c. ‘A midge in your hand is worth two up your kilt!’

Anyone in good enough shape to run 3 miles a day is in good enough shape not to have to.

Today’s Question: 59% of people say THIS is the worst thing a kid can receive in their trick or treat bag.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Popcorn balls. (Hey, we like ‘em!)

The problem is that children last so much longer than marriages.

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