October 7, 2008

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Tuesday, October 7, 2008        Edition: #3873
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!

Pink Floyd’s David Gilmour, Radiohead, and The Verve are among over 60 artists who’ve founded what’s called the Featured Artists’ Coalition, a group that aims to retain more control over the rights to their music and secure a bigger cut of the royalties from digital distribution (their first goal – getting the horse back into the barn) . . . Director Steven Spielberg has formally quit Paramount Pictures and will reportedly produce some 35 movies in the next 5 years as part of a multi-billion deal with India’s Reliance ADA Group (seems he won’t be strapped for cash then) . . . What a surprise, a report in the “National Enquirer” claiming TV personality Rachael Ray is battling throat cancer has been shot down by the foodie/talk show host, who insists she’s the ‘picture of health’ (BS translation: I’m planning to quit smoking this week) . . . 82-year-old Hugh Hefner has been granted a restraining order against a man who has been twice arrested for allegedly ramming his car into the gates of the Playboy mansion (Hef says he’s still not letting Bill Maher into any more parties) . . . This oughta cause a line-up: Lindsay Lohan’s obnoxious dad Michael is stepping into the boxing ring NOVEMBER 24th when the winning bidder in a charity auction gets to pound away at will on the pompous pop (bidding starts at a seemingly modest 5-grand) . . . And Larry Flynt’s ever tasteful Hustler Productions has a new project in the works that will feature adult film star Lisa Ann in the role of someone who looks an awful lot like Republican VP candidate Sarah Palin in a cinema masterpiece to be titled – “Nailin’ Paylin”.

• Big & Rich — They release a new CD/DVD collection featuring many of their hits, performed live. The DVD was filmed for a DirecT-V special in Fort Laramie, Ohio and features favorites like “8th of November” and “Save A Horse (Ride A Cowboy)”.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Panic At The Disco guest.
• “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC) – Death Cab For Cutie performs.
• Sarah McLachlan – Her 1st ‘best-of’ collection is released. The 16-track “Closer” album includes 2 new songs, “U Want Me 2” and “Don’t Give Up On Us”. TODAY she promotes the new album on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Tim McGraw – He releases his “Greatest Hits 3”compilation, which includes live versions of “If You’re Reading This” and “Real Good Man”.
• “VH1 Hip Hop Honors” – The 5 honorees at the 5th annual salute are Cypress Hill, De La Soul, Slick Rick, Naughty By Nature, and Too $hort.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC) – Veteran singer/songwriter James Taylor is on.

• Britney Spears – “NY Daily News” reports she’s looking for the right role to make her stage debut on Broadway. She checked out a performance of the musical “In The Heights” during her trip to NYC LAST WEEK.
• Kid Rock – He’s changed his mind and gone digital … on his own terms. He’s signed a deal with Rhapsody to release his music but only entire albums, not individual tracks.
• Nirvana – In case you were wondering where all of Kurt Cobain’s money has gone, Courtney Love is using a whack of it to buy a $4 million-plus  riverside home in Marlow UK that comes with its own boathouse.
• Rolling Stones – The grandmother of 61-year-old Ronnie Wood’s 20-year-old girlfriend has reportedly begged her to dump the ‘old fool’. Lyudmila Ivanova says her granddaughter Ekaterina ‘should get her head screwed on’. Besides, at 75, she’s more in Ronnie’s demo bracket.
• Toby Keith – “She Never Cried In Front Of Me” has broken the record for first-week digital sales of a country track.
• Van Halen – Eddie Van Halen is set to marry his girlfriend Janie Liszewski, who also happens to his manager. Eddie popped the question in a private viewing room at Tiffany’s in NYC and now the plan is to wed next JUNE.

• “The Happening” ( Sci-Fi Thriller ): Mark Wahlberg stars in M Night Shyamalan’s thriller about a family on the run after a killer airborne toxin threatens the entire planet. Co-stars Zooey Deschanel (“Bridge to Terabithia”) and John Leguizamo (“Love In the Time of Cholera”). Reviews weren’t all that great; even director Shyamalan (“The 6th Sense”) refers to it as a ‘fun B-movie’.
• “You Don’t Mess With the Zohan” ( Comedy ): Adam Sandler plays a secret agent in Israel’s Mossad who fakes his own death and moves to NYC where he reinvents himself as a hairstylist. But it doesn’t take long for his former enemies to track him down. Co-written by Judd Apatow (“Knocked Up”). Mariah Carey has a cameo. Also comes in a ‘2-Disc Fully Loaded Extended Version’.
• Also released TODAY: “A Charlie Brown Thanksgiving – Remastered Deluxe Edition” (Animation); “Halloween: 30th Anniversary Box Set”; “ The Munsters: The Complete Series” (Classic TV); “Psycho – 2-Disc Special Edition”; “The Simpsons: The 11th Season” (TV); and “30 Rock: Season 2“ (TV).

An article called “Will We Merge With Machines?” makes predictions about how new technologies will change our bodies. Among the goodies to look forward to: a cellphone implanted in your jawbone; a bionic ear surgically attached to your inner ear; microchips to enhance memory and reverse Alzheimer’s; and microchips implanted just beneath the skull to enable you to control electronic devices with your thoughts. Technology geeks also promise to make dieting easier with a device that delivers mild shocks to the stomach, to make the brain believe you’re already full. All of this within 10-to-15 years!
– “Popular Science”

A BS snapshot of who we are and what we do …
• 75% of women say they spend money buying shoes every month.
• 70% of pet owners sign their animals’ names on greeting cards. (Only 3% of pets do.)
• 41% of women apply body and/or hand moisturizer at least 3 times a day.
• 40% of us end up marrying our first love.
• 26% of adults never went to a school dance when they were teens.
• 18% of the population is prone to sleepwalking.

Gregg Lewandowski, a colorist for Clairol Professional, says grey hair needs special care. Among his recommendations …
• Condition, condition, condition. Grey hair tends to be dry, so this is key.
• Shampoo with a purple-hued shampoo specifically designed to keep grey hair looking bright and radiant.
• Always rinse your hair immediately after getting out of the pool. It prevents grey hair from turning a greenish shade.
• Wear a hat. The sun dries out grey hair very easily.
– “Milwaukee Journal Sentinel”

Japanese retail giant Aeon has begun marketing dwarf-sized vegetables to cater to Japan’s growing population of single people. About 41% of all households in Tokyo are singles and those numbers continue to climb. The retail chain is now offering quarter-size cauliflowers and half-size radishes. Next they’re planning to launch mini-pumpkins. (Perfect for making little itty bitty jack-o-lanterns.)

A few tips from the BBC-TV special, “The Survivor’s Guide to Plane Crashes” …
• Sit within 7 rows of an exit and hope a crash does not disable it.
• Practice undoing your seat belt.
• Study the safety card so you can brace yourself properly. It could save your life.
• Don’t take a sleeping pill or drink too much. You have only 90 seconds to get out.
• Don’t try to find all your friends or family. Leave the plane with those nearest to you.
– “The Independent”

The world’s first commercial wave farm is now operational 3 miles off the shore of Portugal. The trio of  generators known as ‘sea snakes’ convert the kinetic energy of wave motion into electricity … enough to power 1,000 homes. Each of the semi-submerged devices is 142 meters (155 yds) long and made up of 4 articulated sections that move up and down as the waves pass along it. At each of the hinges between the sections, hydraulic rams use the wave motion to drive generators and produce up to 750 kilowatts of power at peak output. The wave farm will eventually add another 25 generators, enough to produce up to 21 megawatts of power … with absolutely no CO2 emissions. (If the sea snake’s rockin’, it’s power we’re talkin’!)
– Guardian.co.uk

A recent study has found that people who snore are at a greater risk of suffering depression and marital breakdowns, even though they may not realize it. Researchers have found that virtually undetectable breaks in the sleeping patterns of those with sleep apnea are enough to leave sufferers feeling listless and irritable. Few are aware that the condition is the source of their problems and many blame them on other factors in their lives. (One thing for sure, snoring sure causes depression … in spouses.)
– ANI Science & Health

• All penguins live south of the Equator.
• Mice will nurse babies that are not their own.
• The rhinoceros beetle can carry up to 850 times its weight on its back. This is equivalent to a person carrying over 50 cars on their back.
– GreatFacts.com

1951 [57] John Mellencamp, Seymour IN, pop singer (“Jack & Diane”, “Hurts So Good”)/Farm Aid co-founder/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2008)

1952 [56] Vladimir Putin, St Petersburg, Russia, Prime Minister of Russia (Russian President 2000-08)

1953 [55] Tico (Hector) Torres, NYC, rock drummer (Bon Jovi-“Always”, “Livin’ On a Prayer”)

1959 [49] Simon Cowell, Brighton UK, TV personality (“American Idol” since 2002)/TV producer (“The X Factor” [UK] since 2004, “American Inventor”, “America’s Got Talent”)

1968 [40] Toni Braxton, Severn MD, R&B/pop singer (“Unbreak My Heart”, “Breathe Again”)

1968 [40] Thom Yorke, Wellingborough UK, rock singer/guitarist (Radiohead-“Bodysnatchers”, Creep”)

1976 [32] Rachel McAdams, London ON, movie actress (“Wedding Crashers”, “The Notebook”)

1979 [29] Shawn Ashmore, Richmond BC, movie actor (‘Iceman’ in “X-Men” movies)

One of the very few days of the year when there is no observance or celebration of any kind.

2003 [05] In State of California recall election, Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected Governor

1995 [13] Alanis Morrissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” album reaches #1

1828 [180] 1st ‘Bathtub’ introduced, in England

2001 [07] The US invasion of Afghanistan starts with an air assault and covert operations on the ground

1916 [92] ‘Most Lop-Sided Victory in College Football’ as Georgia Tech beats Cumberland College 222-0 (there are no first downs by either team as Cumberland does not make any and Tech scores on every offensive play)

[Thurs] “Eleventh Hour” series debut (CBS)
[Thurs] Yom Kippur (Jewish)
[Fri] Bring Your Teddy Bear to Work Day
[Fri] International Day for Natural Disaster Reduction
[Sat] Emergency Nurses Day
[Sat] Dessert Day
[Sun] Farmers Day
[Sun] World Egg Day
[Mon] Thanksgiving Day (no BS service)
This Week Is … School Bus Safety Week
This Month Is … Celebrate the Bilingual Child Month

Famous fairytale characters and what they earn …
• Miller … Pittance.
• Huntsman … Wolf skin.
• Tailor … Pittance.
• Poor peasant lad who cleverly overcomes multiple challenges … The king’s daughter’s hand in marriage.
• Woodcutter … Pittance.
• Evil stepmother … Her comeuppance.
• Fisherman … Pittance.
• Anonymous substitute spinner of straw into gold … Your first-born child.
– Thanks to Lance Waller.

Once you get old, life is like a box of whatchamacallits.

This is “Squirrel Awareness Week”. Aren’t you sick and tired of seeing the little rodents running around in the buff? Have you had to cover your children’s eyes when a tiny streaker rears its naked butt? Want to help him hide his nuts for the winter? Well here’s something you can do to help promote small animal decency … buy squirrel underpants (also good for hamster, frogs, and gerbils). Only $9.50 … shipping included. Proving once again … people will buy anything.
NET: http://www.squirrelunderpants.com

You’re shaken up in an car accident. Your lawyer can get a large settlement if you exaggerate your aches and pains. So do you?

These people are more prone to having surgical tools left inside of them …
a. Poor people.
b. Male people.
c. Fat people. [CORRECT. Fatter patients are more prone to having surgical tools left inside of them due to the additional amount of space in their bodies.]

Today’s Question: Of all of life’s little mishaps, a survey shows THIS is the one most likely to put people in a bad mood.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Spilling something on their clothes.

Forgive your enemies … but remember their names.

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