Friday, October 2, 2009        Edition: #4113
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

Sunday late actor Patrick Swayze’s private memorial for family & friends will be held at Sony Studios in Culver City CA (the public memorial was held a couple weeks back in Lake Lure NC, where “Dirty Dancing” was filmed) . . . Actor Randy Quaid & wife Evi are dismissing that recent unpaid $10,000 hotel bill from the upscale San Ysidro Ranch in Santa Barbara CA as a mere ‘misunderstanding’, claiming they intended to pay it later (they can try that excuse in court October 19th but the prosecutor will likely mention – it’s not the first occurrence) . . . Former “Friends” star Matt LeBlanc has finally found work 3 years after his spin-off series “Joey” flopped, playing himself in a Showtime series called “Episodes”, a comedy about the television industry that begins shooting in London & Hollywood this winter (debuts 2010) . . . Sleazy “Girls Gone Wild” creator Joe Francis may lose his Bel Air CA mansion due to an unpaid gambling debt to Wynn Las Vegas casino resort which, with interest & legal fees, has now grown to almost $3 million (couldn’t happen to a nicer guy!) . . . Movie star Johnny Depp has recorded a cameo appearance on a new album by little-known British group Babybird, a band he says he’s loved for years (you can’t buy that kind of publicity!) . . . And 28-year-old hot tamale movie babe Jessica Alba has revealed that she was such a shy, awkward teenager at her LA high school that she ate lunch alone in the nurse’s office and her dad had to walk her to class so she wouldn’t be attacked by bullies (proving even the famous experience high school hell).


• “Billboard Women in Music Event” (NYC) – Tonight the 2009 version honors Beyoncé with the  ‘Woman Of the Year Award’ and salutes Lady Gaga with this year’s ‘Rising Star Award’.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Today The Who’s Roger Daltrey.
• Farm Aid (DirecTV) – Sunday this year’s benefit concert in the St Louis suburb of Maryland Heights MO includes Farm Aid board members Dave Matthews, John Mellencamp, Neil Young, and Willie Nelson, plus guests Jamey Johnson, Jason Mraz, and Wilco among others.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Tonight Shinedown (“The Sound Of Madness”).
• “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS) – Lynyrd Skynyrd (“Gods & Guns”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Today Selena Gomez & The Scene (“Kiss & Tell”).
• Mirage Hotel & Casino 20th Anniversary (Las Vegas) – Tonight Velvet Revolver guitarist Slash hosts an all-star show featuring Courtney Love, Jason Bonham, Joe Perry, Nicole Scherzinger, Rob Zombie, Tommy Lee, and many others.
• (RED) Campaign Benefit (NYC) – Sunday U2 takes a break from the “360” tour to join Scarlett Johannson, Rufus Wainwright, and Courtney Love for “An Evening With Gavin Friday & Friends” at Carnegie Hall. The Irish musician is a longtime U2 friend and collaborator. Proceeds go to the Global Fund to Fight AIDS, Tuberculosis & Malaria.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC/Global) – Actor Ryan Reynolds hosts; Lady Gaga is musical guest.
• Simon Cowell’s 50th Birthday Party (Hertfordshire UK) – Saturday the music mogul celebrates his half-century (October 7th) as billionaire pal Sir Philip Green hosts a lavish black-tie dinner at his estate that’s thought to be costing close to $1 million. Among those invited: David Hasselhoff, Elton John, Kevin Spacey,  Kylie Minogue, Piers Morgan, and some 400 others. Insiders say the party will have a 1920s theme. Cowell is said to be refusing to accept gifts.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Tonight Joshua Bell w/Tiempo Libre (“At Home With Friends”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Today Mariah Carey (“Memoirs Of an Imperfect Angel”).
• Zurich Film Festival – Saturday the annual Swiss salute to cinema closes with the presentation of the ‘Golden Icon Award’ to actor Morgan Freeman for career achievement.


• Billy Joel – “The Piano Man” has just signed a $2.25-million deal with HarperCollins to write his autobiography. Could be a real doozie as he’s battled depression, been in rehab, and dated and married some of the most beautiful women in the world.
• Johnny Ramone – Saturday fans of the late rocker (1948-2004) pay tribute to him and his band The Ramones by partying in LA’s Hollywood Forever Cemetery. Proceeds from the celebration of Johnny’s life benefit the prostate cancer research fund named in his honor.
• Kelly Clarkson – Tonight a tour to support her latest album, “All I Ever Wanted”, gets underway in Uncasville CT.
• Madonna – She’s denying recent rumors she’s set to wed boyfriend Jesus Luiz, claiming she’d rather get ‘run over by a train’ than wed again. (She’s a 2-time loser.)
• Michael Jackson – His money-grubbing brother Jermaine is confirmed to be a judge on a new TV talent show in the UK featuring contestants trying to dance like the late ‘King of Pop’.
• Stone Temple Pilots – Tonight they kick off a North American tour in Mobile, Alabama that runs through year-end.
• Them Crooked Vultures – Tonight the new supergroup featuring Foo Fighter Dave Grohl, Queens Of the Stone Age’s Josh Homme, and Led Zeppelin bassist John Paul Jones, kick off a North American tour at the “Austin City Limits” festival in Texas.

• “Capitalism: A Love Story” ( R-Rated Documentary ): Filmmaker Michael Moore sets out to uncover the truth behind the current economic crisis with interviews from Wall Street and government insiders. Originally planned as a follow-up to “Fahrenheit 9/11”, the focus of the film changed after the 2008 financial crisis and Wall Street bailout.
• “The Invention of Lying” ( PG-13 Comedy ): Brit comedian Ricky Gervais directs and stars in this comedy set in a world where no one has ever lied, until a writer seizes the opportunity for personal gain. Cast includes Christopher Guest, Jason Bateman, Jennifer Garner, Jonah Hill, Rob Lowe, and Tina Fey among many more.
• “A Serious Man” ( R-Rated Dramedy ): The Coen Bros latest stars Michael Stuhlbarg and Richard Kind in a black comedy set in 1967. It centers around a Midwestern professor who watches his life unravel as his wife prepares to leave because his inept brother won’t move out of the house. Shot entirely in Minnesota.
• “Whip It” ( PG-13 Dramedy ): Actress Drew Barrymore’ feature film directorial debut stars Ellen Page (“Juno”) in the story of small-town Texas misfit who discovers the roller derby league in nearby Austin. Written by Shauna Cross, a former member of the LA Derby Dolls who skated under the name ‘Maggie Mayhem’ (played in the film by “SNL’s” Kristen Wiig).
• “Zombieland” ( R-Rated Horror Comedy ): In a world overrun by zombies, a guy described as ‘the most frightened person on Earth’ (Jesse Eisenberg) musters the courage to lead a band of refugees on a cross-country pilgrimage to an amusement park where they think they’ll be safe. Co-stars Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin.

According to a new British study, left-handed children are more likely to enjoy school and get along with their teachers than those who are right-handed. The study of 2,000 kids aged 7-to-11 found a larger percentage of lefties look forward to heading off to school each day and are also more likely to describe their relationship with their teachers as ‘very good’. However, researchers found that right-handed kids are better at getting their homework done and also tend to have neater handwriting. (That’s cuz they’re not dragging their hand behind the pen.)
– “Daily Mail”


An anagram, as you may know, is a word or phrase made by transposing or rearranging the letters of another word or phrase. The following are exceptionally clever. Someone out there either has way too much time to waste or is deadly at the game of “Scrabble” …
• Dormitory – The anagram: Dirty room.
• Slot Machines – Cash lost in ’em.
• Mother-in-law – Woman Hitler.
• Snooze alarms – Alas! No more Zs.
• Eleven plus two – Twelve plus one.
• “To be or not to be: that is the question, whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.” And the anagram: “In one of the Bard’s best-thought-of tragedies, our insistent hero, Hamlet, queries on two fronts about how life turns rotten.”
– “Da Humorist Internet Archive”


There are lots of outdoorsy types who’ll brag they’d be able to navigate their way out of the middle of the wilderness, even without a compass or GPS. A new study suggests that’s not likely. Participants asked to walk a straight course in a forest or a desert for several hours  tended to walk in circles without even noticing, particularly when the Sun and Moon weren’t visible. When blindfolded, subjects often walked in very tight circles, within the dimensions of a basketball court. Researchers conclude the results suggest our internal compass is barely good enough for a few yards, much less a few miles. (Maybe they all had one leg that was shorter?)
– “Boston Globe”


• The amount of time that people spend on travel is consistent at an average 1.1 hours per person per day in all societies.
• Traffic jams in NYC, Paris, San Francisco, and Toronto are well known, beaten only by those in Seattle where a driver annually spends an average of 59 hours stuck in traffic.
• Traffic jams are nothing new. In 45 BC, Rome banned all vehicles from within the city and in other cities vehicles, including horses, were allowed only at night.


1948 [61] Donna Karan (Faske), Forest Hills NY, fashion designer (DKNY line of clothing)

1951 [58] Sting (Gordon Sumner), Newcastle Upon Tyne UK, rock musician (“Brand New Day”, Police-“Every Breath You Take”)/founder of the ‘Rainforest Foundation’ (1989)

1970 [39] Kelly Ripa, Stratford NJ, TV talk show co-host (“Live With Regis & Kelly” since 2001)/TV actress (“Hope & Faith” 2003-06, “All My Children” 1990-2002)

1982 [27] Mike Rodden, Oklahoma City OK, rock bassist (Hinder-“Better Than Me”, “Lips Of an Angel”)

Rock drummer Tommy Lee (Motley Crue) is 47; Rock singer Gwen Stefani (No Doubt) is 40; Pop singer Kevin Richardson (Backstreet Boys) is 38; Rock guitarist Mark King (Hinder) is 27; Pop singer Ashlee Simpson-Wentz (“Boyfriend”) is 25.

Movie actress Susan Sarandon (“Dead Man Walking”) is 63; Movie actress Alicia Silverstone (“Clueless”) is 33; Rock singer-guitarist Marc Roberge (OAR) is 31.

• “Custodial Workers Day”, honoring those who clean up after the rest of us. Nicer names for ‘Janitor’ include: ‘Caretaker’, ‘Cleanliness Resource Supervisor’, ‘Maintenance Coordinator’, and ‘Sanitation Engineer’.
• “Diversity Day”, celebrating who we are, no matter what race, religion, gender, age, nationality, or disability. The official motto is, ‘Embrace diversity, embrace our world’.
• “Fallen Firefighters Weekend”, honoring smoke-eaters who’ve given their lives while attempting rescue.
• “Name Your Car Day”. Polls show that about 15% of people have a pet name for their vehicle. What’s the best-named car model? Diablo? Lamborghini? Cayenne? Hummer?
• “Okanagan Wine Festival” through October 11th, the annual Autumn celebration of fabulous wine and great food with over 150 events throughout BC’s Okanagan Valley.
• “Techies Day”, the 10th annual observance to heighten the profile of IT careers and show appreciation for technology professionals. (Hurray, it’s “Geek Day”!)
• “World Farm Animal Day”, as declared by the ‘Farm Animal Reform Movement’ to memorialize the ‘needless suffering and death’ of billions of innocent farm animals each year. The date honors the birthday of Mahatma Gandhi, who was a champion of humane farming.
• “World Smile Day”, observed annually on the 1st Friday in October. (Another observance of the Association of the Hopelessly Optimistic.)

• “Alternative Fuel Vehicle Day”, when we’re encouraged to consider options to traditional gas-guzzlers. As well as hybrids, electric cars, and vehicles that run on recycled cooking oil, there are experimental cars being developed that run on water and even … air.
• “Chinese Moon Festival” (aka “Mid-Autumn Festival”), a popular Chinese & Vietnamese celebration of abundance and togetherness on the 15th day of the 1st lunar month for over 3,000 years. In Malaysia and Singapore, it is referred to as the “Lantern Festival” or “Mooncake Festival”. Traditions include lighting lanterns and eating round food, such as mooncakes.
• “German Unification Day”, celebrating the 1990 reuniting of East & West Germany to once again become a single country. It was one of the benchmarks of the end of the ‘Cold War’.

• “Toot Your Flute Day”, to encourage the idea of selling yourself and telling others how good you are, while rejecting the idea that self-promotion is ‘bragging’.

1950 [59] Charles Schultz’s comic strip “Peanuts” (originally titled “Li’l Folks”) debuts in 9 newspapers, introducing the characters ‘Charlie Brown’, ‘Snoopy’, ‘Patty’ & ‘Sherman’ (even though Schultz is dead, “Peanuts Classics” are still published in over 2,000 newspapers)


1995 [14] Alanis Morissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” reaches #1 on album charts

1961 [48] 1st ‘Pre-Moistened Hand Towel’ is introduced (what did moms do before ‘wipes’?)

1991 [18] 1st team in sports history to draw 4 million fans in a single season (Toronto Blue Jays, who also clinch Major League Baseball’s AL East on this day)

1997 [12] ‘World’s Shortest Man’, 22-inch-tall Gul Mohammed, dies at age 36 in New Delhi, India without achieving his dream of marrying a tall woman (like maybe a strapping 3-footer)


[Mon] “Let’s Make a Deal” debuts (CBS)
[Mon] Child Health Day
[Mon] Improve Your Office Day
[Mon] World Habitat Day
[Mon] World Teachers Day
[Mon-Fri] 2009 Nobel Prizes announced
[Tues] Ecological Debt Day
This Week Is …  No Salt Week
This Month Is … Dryer Vent Safety Month


Looking for a little pre-paid gift card to stuff in a greeting card to make it seem more worthwhile? Don’t choose any of these …
• “Queller & Queller Mortuary” – $25.
• “Miters ‘n Stuff: The Catholic Clergy ‘Everything’ Store” – $250.
• “24/7 Bikram” – $25.
• “Drive-Thru Skin-Grafting” – $50.
• “El Dicey’s: The Strange Smelling Taco Place” – $75.
• “Nose Hair Removal Emporium” – $100.
• “Certified Bail Bonds” – $300.
• “The Lonely Existentialist Pub ‘N Grub” – $4.
– Thanks to Ken Krimstein.

You can get by on charm for about 15 minutes. After that, you’d better have a good body.

At what age do you become a ‘senior’? How young can you die of ‘old age’?

Today’s Question: If you do THIS you will likely spend up to 20% more in a store.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Use a credit card.


If ignorance is bliss, there should be more happy people.

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