Wednesday, October 7, 2009        Edition: #4116
Ahhhh, Your Daily Bovine Colonic!


Director Roman Polanski has lost his first bid to win his freedom Tuesday as the Swiss Justice Ministry rejected an appeal by the 76-year-old to be immediately released from prison (by the time he’s extradited to the US to face charges for underage relations 30 years ago, he’ll be late director Roman Polanski) . . . Former “Late Show” intern Holly Hester now claims she’s also one of David Letterman’s former flings and the late night host keeps a ‘bachelor pad’ atop the Ed Sullivan Theater where his show is shot (someday this is all gonna make a helluva movie) . . . Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton’s foray into the music biz hasn’t gone well so far, his “Perez Presents” tour coming & going under the radar with tickets for some of the gigs being given away (music honchos are smirking, still miffed the gossip-monger managed to land his own record label at Warner) . . . “NY Daily News” reports actress Penelope Cruz has become engaged to her “Vicky Cristina Barcelona” co-star, Javier Bardem, amid stubborn rumors that she’s pregnant (a bid to comfort her conservative Catholic parents?) . . . “Kate Plus Eight” (TLC) star Kate Gosselin is bellyaching that estranged hubby Jon has drained their joint bank account of some $230,000, putting her back in the same cash-strapped position as when she had their sextuplets (causing them to invade our lives with their whiny reality show) . . . 36-year-old ”Project Runway” host Heidi Klum has filed paperwork to legally take hubby Seal’s last name and should be able to legally use the name ‘Heidi Samuel’ by November (who knew the guy was named Seal Henry Olusegun Olumide Adelo Samuel?) . . . And 44-year-old actress Jane Adams, star of the HBO show “Hung”, has reportedly not only stiffed a waiter on her meal tab (and tip) by pulling a ‘dine-and-dash’ at a Beverly Hills restaurant, but later contributed to his firing for Twittering while on-the-job (proving she’s one classy dame all the way around).

• “Bonnie Hunt Show” (syndicated/CityTV) – Miranda Lambert (“Revolution”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/A Channel) – Michael Franti & Spearhead (“All Rebel Rockers”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – KISS (“Sonic Boom”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Lenny Kravitz (“It Is Time For a Love Revolution”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Roseanne Cash (“The List”, out October 6th).
• “So You Think You Can Dance” (FOX) – Las Vegas call-backs begin.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Toby Keith (“American Ride”).


• Amy Winehouse – Recently-filed documents show the 3 companies the “Rehab” singer owns are now worth just £1 million, a sharp dip from her estimated fortune of £10 million in 2008. She’s allegedly spent the £9 million on partying and hasn’t released a record since 2006.
• Gretchen Wilson – The “Redneck Woman” country singer has launched own record label, Redneck Records. Her first single for the label, “Work Hard, Play Harder”, is out later this month.
• Guns N’ Roses – Axl Rose and company are being sued for $1 million by a couple of indie labels who claim portions of 2 songs by one of their artists were ripped off on a “Chinese Democracy” track.
• LeAnn Rimes – Today she’ll help build a playground in Murfreesboro TN alongside local volunteers. She accepted the ‘Humanitarian Award’ earlier this year at the “ACM Awards” in Las Vegas, allowing her to select the site for the playground to be donated by The Home Depot.
• Taylor Swift – The 19-year-old superstar has moved out of her parents’ home in Hendersonville TN and into her own penthouse in a downtown Nashville condo.


A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Kaboom” – Virtual unknowns Roxane Mesquida, Thomas Dekker, Kelly Lynch, and Rooney Mara are set to star in this upcoming indie feature that follows the sexual awakening of a group of college students. If the pic takes off, they’ll soon become household names … in the sorority house, at least.
• Ramones Movie – A biopic about legendary punk band The Ramones (1974-96) is in the works, based on the upcoming book, “I Slept With Joey Ramone”, co-written by Joey’s brother Mickey Leigh and longtime band associate Legs McNeal. The story centers on the life of Joey Ramone, real name Jeffrey Hyman, the late lead singer of the seminal punk act.
• “Reykjavik-Rotterdam” [WRECK-ya-vick’] – Mark Wahlberg is set to star in a remake of this Icelandic thriller that centers around a security guard and former alcohol smuggler who is tempted back into illicit business after encountering financial problems. The English version will likely be relocated to other locations. The original film is Iceland’s submission for this year’s foreign-language “Academy Award”.
• “Satisfaction” – 51-year-old Sharon Stone & 28-year-old Chris Evans have signed on to star in this upcoming drama about a male prostitute and the older woman who looks after him. Evans will play a gigolo who becomes involved with a ‘cougar’, all the while going through a traumatic relationship with his agency.
• “Will You Be My Black Friend?” – Chris Rock will star in this upcoming comedy based on a “GQ” magazine article written by a white, married Manhattan journalist who began a search for black friends on Craigslist … with unexpected results. Oprah Winfrey’s Harpo Productions is making the picture.

New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Bleachorexia’ – An obsession with having one’s teeth whitened. (“I don’t care if they’re whiter than the toilet bowl, I want them to blind people!”)
• ‘Group Coupon’ – A consumer discount that only applies if a minimum number of people sign up for the deal. (“Book the entire airliner and Tightwad Airlines gives you a whopping 7% off … meal charges and extra baggage fees extra.”)
• ‘Suck Sites’ – Internet websites created to mock or denigrate people, places, and/or things. (This one, for instance:

• Japan – A would-be convenience store robber has called police and … turned himself in! Apparently when the man entered the store in Fukushima Tuesday morning and demanded cash, a 59-year-old female clerk glared at him and yelled, “What the hell do you think you’re doing?” Though the perp was threatening her with a wooden stick, he ended up sheepishly leaving without any money, and became so ashamed he called the cops on his cellphone to confess. (The moral of the story … never try to rob a store where your mommy works.)
• Iowa – He wasn’t a bandit … he was just bombed! A man walked into a convenience store in Waterloo, acted suspiciously and kept his hands in his pockets. The clerks, who had been held up before, figured he must be a robber and threw a bag of money at him. The ‘perp’ just looked at it briefly, then walked out. He was later busted for public intoxication. (The store has since thanked their employees for putting their collective ass on the line.)
• Romania – A pregnant woman has filed a paternity suit against inmates of a prison near Iasi … 6 of them, in fact. The mom-to-be admits that any one of the convicts she met while working as a part-time cleaner at the jail could be the father because she frequently enjoyed steamy sessions with inmates in the prison laundry room. The cons will now be forced to submit to DNA testing to determine which is the expected child’s father. (So he can provide child support … 3 packs of smokes a month.)


As concern over H1N1 flu grows, germophobes are in full fear-monger mode. Sales of alcohol-based hand sanitizers were up nearly 17% as of the first week of September compared to the same period last year, according to Chicago-based research firm Information Resources. And marketers are taking full advantage of our paranoia, introducing anti-bacterial dishwasher-safe keyboards, machine-washable leather shoes, germ-resistant paper file folders, even hands-free communion wafer dispensers for churches. (What odd method are you using to stay germ-free? Pushing disabled buttons with your elbow instead of opening doors in public buildings, perhaps?)
– “Wall Street Journal”


An Australian researcher claims our brains generate unconscious messages every 10-to-15 seconds during speech and if speech is played backwards it can reveal our true thoughts. He also suggests ‘baby talk’ from toddlers is actually backward speech. (Make your own ‘samples’ by playing fake recordings backwards to reveal that when your co-host said ‘Good morning, great to be here again!’ she was actually thinking ‘Damn I’m tired and I’ve gotta make it through another day at this dead-end job.’)

• A ‘Nobel Prize Sperm Bank’, set up in 1981 to sell the seed of Nobel winners and other men with high IQs resulted in the birth of more than 200 children. It shut down in 1999 amid longstanding accusations of elitism and racism.
• Albert Einstein lost most of his Nobel Prize money in bad bond investments on Wall Street.


1951 [58] John Mellencamp, Seymour IN, pop singer (“Jack & Diane”, “Hurts So Good”)/Farm Aid co-founder/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2008)

1952 [57] Vladimir Putin, St Petersburg, Russia, Prime Minister of Russia (Russian President 2000-08)

1953 [56] Tico (Hector) Torres, NYC, rock drummer (Bon Jovi-“Always”, “Livin’ On a Prayer”)

1959 [50] Simon Cowell, Brighton UK, TV personality (“American Idol” since 2002)/TV producer (“The X Factor” [UK] since 2004, “American Inventor” 2006-07, “America’s Got Talent” since 2006)/entertainment mogul (Greenwell Entertainment)

1968 [41] Toni Braxton, Severn MD, R&B/pop singer (“Unbreak My Heart”, “Breathe Again”)

1968 [41] Thom Yorke, Wellingborough UK, rock singer/guitarist (Radiohead-“Nude”, Creep”)

1975 [34] Damian Kulash, Washington DC, rock singer/guitarist (OK Go-“Here It Goes Again”, “Get Over It”)

1979 [30] Shawn Ashmore, Richmond BC, movie actor (“The Ruins”, “X-Men” movies)


“Bald & Free Day”, honoring those of us with a beautiful, shiny top. You don’t’ have to be bald to celebrate; people who are married to, or related to a bald headed person are encouraged to celebrate with the honoree. So who’s the best-looking bald celeb?

2003 [06] In a State of California recall election, Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected Governor (or maybe ‘Governator’?)


1995 [14] Alanis Morrissette’s “Jagged Little Pill” album reaches #1


1828 [181] 1st ‘Bathtub’ introduced, in England

2001 [08] The US invasion of Afghanistan starts with an air assault and covert operations on the ground


1916 [93] ‘Most Lop-Sided Victory in College Football’ as Georgia Tech beats Cumberland College 222-0 (there are no first downs by either team as Cumberland does not make any and Tech scores on every offensive play)


[Thurs] New Zealand Music Awards (Auckland)
[Thurs] Depression Screening Day
[Thurs] World Sight Day
[Fri] “Couples Retreat” opens in movie theaters
[Sat] BET Hip-Hop Awards (Atlanta)
[Sat] International Newspaper Carrier Day
[Sat] Universal Music Day
This Week Is … Squirrel Awareness Week (Look, a tree rodent!)
This Month Is … Celebrate the Bilingual Child Month (Hey enfant, felicitaciones!)


• Google Maps gives you directions before you enter the address you’re going to.
• Google Picasa deletes all the pictures of your boyfriend a week before you break up with him.
• It puts ‘Angelina Jolie nude’ in the search box before you can type it.
• Your blind dates know more about you than your mom.
• Instead of showing up for job interviews, you tell prospective employers to Google you, and they’re fine with that.
• Google Voice has been calling and canceling meetings because they conflict with your schedule.
• Google turns the TV off after you fall asleep on the couch.
– Adapted from


A child of 5 could understand this. Fetch me a child of 5!


This week is “Work From Home Week”. We often hear about the advantages of homework, but what about the downside? Ask listeners who work at home to share problems they’ve encountered. (Having your 4-year-old delete computer files, being caught in a bathrobe when a courier shows up, the dog barking during an important phone call, etc)


• Buy socks all the same color so when one gets lost or worn out you can still find a match.
• Don’t brush your teeth. Bad breath will keep people away, saving money on deodorant.
• Trade old clothes with a friend who wears the same size and you’ll get a whole new look … free!
• Keep a plastic squeeze bottle half-filled with water in the bathroom and fill it with those leftover little pieces of soap for a soap jelly that makes an efficient hand soap.
• Use the color comics as wrapping paper for children’s gifts.
• Use an old-fashioned clothespin as a ‘key’ for rolling up a tube of toothpaste and squeezing every last bit out of it.
• Conserve water! When you shower, stack dirty dishes at your feet.


• Which legendary NFL quarterback once appeared in a TV commercial wearing women’s pantyhose?
a. Joe Namath. [CORRECT]
b. Troy Aikman.
c. Joe Montana.

• 68-year-old singer/songwriter Bob Dylan once advised us never to trust anyone …
a. Wearing a uniform.
b. Carrying a briefcase.
c. Over 30. [CORRECT]


Today’s Question: If you want to successfully lose weight you should not do THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Tell anybody.


Anything that begins well, ends badly. Anything that begins badly, ends worse.

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