Monday, October 26, 2009         Edition: #4129
We’ve Got Our Sheet Together!

• Donald Trump’s daughter Ivanka was wed at the family’s Trump National Golf Club in Bedminster NJ on Sunday. The model-turned-businesswoman exchanged vows with publisher Jared Kushner after a whirlwind 3-month courtship. Among the 500 guests at the Orthodox Jewish ceremony (she’s taking her newly-minted Judaism seriously!), TV personality/family friend Regis Philbin, who sang at the reception. (“Please, everyone … put down the tomatoes.”)
• 61-year-old composer/theater impresario Andrew Lloyd Webber has been diagnosed with prostate cancer. A rep says he’s now undergoing treatment and expects to be back at work before the end of the year. Webber has most recently been preparing “Love Never Dies”, a sequel to his mega-hit “Phantom Of the Opera”, due to premiere in London’s West End next March. (If Webber recovers his form, he’ll no doubt write “Cancer: The Musical”.)
• Ashlee Simpson-Wentz has been axed from “Melrose Place” (CW). She had been playing ‘Violet Foster’, a smalltown girl new to Los Angeles, in the remake of the 1990s primetime soap. But her part has now been cut, along with the character ‘Auggie Kirkpatrick’, played by Colin Egglesfield. Why? Producers say their ‘storylines had been resolved’ and ‘the tone of the show is going to shift’. (BS translation: If we don’t find some viewers soon, we’re all getting axed!)
• 51-year-old actress Andie MacDowell stars as District Attorney ‘Monique Lamont’ in the new TV movies “At Risk” and “The Front”, based on the mystery books by Patricia Cornwell. She says she’s okay with her age and really comfortable in her skin. Guess that’s how she manages to play a narcissistic nympho who sleeps with young men and peels her clothes off in front of a mirror each night. We all get older, she says, so she’s celebrating it. (In other words, for a couple hundred grand I’ll get naked for you anytime.)
– Fox News
• Fans of soccer star/fashion model David Beckham will soon be able to take him to bed. That’s because his face will be featured on a new line of condoms. The Thyssen-Bornemisza Museum in Madrid, Spain will start selling the prophylactics later this month as part of an exhibition called ‘Tears of Eros’. It’s unclear if Beckham granted permission for his image to be used. (We always thought he was a real pr—.)
• And just as the Michael Jackson doc “This Is It” is set to premiere, Jackson family patriarch Joe Jackson is claiming the filmmakers are attempting to fool theatregoers by using body doubles in the film. He claims some of the footage was faked, using impersonators. The elder Jackson predicts fans and critics alike will ‘tear this movie apart’. (You know what this means … he’s not getting a cut of the action.)


• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Motorhead (“Motorizer”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Like (“Are You Thinking What I’m Thinking?”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – Har Mar Superstar (“Dark Touches”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) – Rod Stewart (“Soulbook”).
• Mark Twain Prize for American Humor – Tonight Bill Cosby becomes the latest recipient at the Kennedy Center in Washington DC. Among those saluting him: Carl Reiner, Chris Rock, Danny Glover, George Lopez, Jerry Seinfeld, and Willie Nelson. The program is being taped for a PBS-TV special, “Bill Cosby: The Mark Twain Prize”, scheduled to air in November.
• “Tonight Show With Conan O’Brien” (NBC/A Channel) – Wolfmother (“Cosmic Egg”).

• Elton John – The 62-year-old was forced to scrap 2 weekend concerts in Britain at the last minute due to a ‘serious bout of influenza’. His schedule this week remains unchanged … so far.
• Kanye West – He’s agreed to 50 hours of community service for his involvement in an LAX airport scuffle with photographers last year. In return, an LA judge has dismissed criminal charges. At the hearing, West’s attorney revealed that Kanye’s already completed 12 sessions of anger management counseling following the incident. (Why not try AA?)
• Kings of Leon – All of their album titles have 5 syllables (“Youth and Young Manhood”,”Aha Shake Heartbreak”, “Because Of the Times”, “Only By the Night”). What began as coincidence is now done purposefully. (Some sort of good luck charm?)
• Lady Gaga – The 23-year-old tells her followers that her father has successfully undergone open-heart surgery and she was there to comfort him afterward. Quote: “At the hospital. Giving daddy a foot rub while he falls asleep. He’s my hero.”
• Morrissey – The Brit alt-rocker has been rushed to hospital after suffering breathing problems onstage. The former Smiths frontman collapsed after his opening song at a gig in Swindon, England Saturday. He’s since reassured fans he’s recovering and in stable condition.
• Rihanna – Pro wrestler-turned-promoter Paul Heyman claims she’s stolen the cover concept of his 1998 heavy metal fight song compilation for her new single “Russian Roulette”. Heyman appeared topless, wrapped in barbed wire, and sporting an eyepatch on the cover of “ECW: Extreme Music”, which featured Motorhead and Megadeth. See if you can tell the difference …
• Taylor Swift – She completely sold out 15 of her upcoming “Fearless 2010” tour dates within minutes when they went on sale Friday.

• A Cornell University survey shows it’s statistically true – women DO take longer than men to go to the washroom. Average time for females – 79 seconds, for males – just 45 seconds. (Not including preening and primping … and gossiping.)
• When do most of us rise and shine? According to a Sharp Watch poll, 7am is wake-up time for 27% of us, followed by 6am (15%), and 7:30am (11%). (Well that’s a real eye-opener!)
• A recent poll of food service workers finds that customers who tip well seem to be generally better-looking and more respectable-looking than those who don’t. (They’re also healthier, because no one’s spitting in their food.)


Beginning today a coalition of atheist groups called the Big Apple Coalition of Reason has begun a month-long campaign that features a series of poster ads in a dozen busy subway stations throughout Manhattan. They say it’s part of a coordinated advertising campaign designed to raise awareness about people who don’t believe in a god. One poster picturing an image of a blue sky with wispy white clouds is emblazoned with the question: “A million New Yorkers are good without God. Are you?” (Ethical question: Can the religiously devout vandalize or even protest the ads and still remain ‘tolerant’?)


• 500 cubic feet of air passes through your nose every day. (And most of it has already been through someone else’s nose … ewww!)
• Men get hiccups more often than women. (Well like mom said, if you’d quit shoveling it in and chew more …)
• Women laugh at men more than men laugh at women. (That’s because guy humor is so sophisticated.)
• More than 200 species of creatures live on the outside and inside of the human body. (Did you just get itchy?)
– Yahoo! Answers

Whether auditioning, performing, or job seeking, odds are you’ve asked yourself the question: Is it better to go first or last? New research at Brock University in Niagara ON suggests both have their advantages. The study on ‘The Effects of Position Order on Preference’ finds that early-goers always have an advantage; late-goers have an advantage in longer sequences where there are more options to choose from; and being either first or last is far better than being stuck in the middle. (Oh no, another reason for middle children to whine!)
– “Globe & Mail”

• Humans certainly aren’t the only creatures who fight over females. Humpback whale mating rituals can be downright deadly. That’s because during a ‘heat run’, 15-m (50-ft), 40-tonne (44-ton) males fight it out to mate with even larger females.
• Bagged salad is photographed 4,000 times-a-second. An optical sorter machine uses cameras and software to identify any insects or defects on the leaves. If it spots a problem it sends a blast of air to the exact spot on the conveyer belt, thereby ejecting the defective leaf.
• A new study has found that 3 pm on Tuesday is the best time to call a meeting. It’s apparently the ‘sweet spot’ on the office agenda when the most prospective attendees will be free, and also when they’ll be at their weekly height of motivation and willingness to attend.
– “BBC News Magazine”


1946 [63] Pat Sajak, Chicago IL, TV game show host (“Wheel of Fortune” since 1981)

1947 [62] Hillary Rodham Clinton, Park Ridge IL, US Secretary of State 2009, 2008 Presidential candidate/US Senator (2001-08)/former First Lady (1992-2000)/Mrs Bill Clinton since 1975

1954 [55] James Pickens Jr, Cleveland OH, TV actor (‘Chief-of-Staff Dr Richard Webber’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2005)

1963 [46] Natalie Merchant, Jamestown NY, classic rock singer (“These are Days”, “Jealousy”)/former 10,000 Maniacs lead

1967 [42] Keith Urban, Whangarei, New Zealand, country singer (“Only You Can Love Me This Way” [this week’s #1 Country Song], “Better Life”)

1977 [32] Jon Heder, Fort Collins CO, movie actor (“Blades of Glory”, “Napoleon Dynamite”)

• “Bring Your Jack-o-Lantern to Work Day”, a day to show the boss what a punkin’ head you really are.

• “International Red Cross Day”, in honor of its founding on this date in 1863 in Geneva, Switzerland.

• “International School Library Day”, the 11th annual celebrated on the 4th Monday in October to honor the place students so often use … to serve out detentions.

• “Mincemeat Day”. Odds are you either love it or you can’t stand the stuff. Mincemeat is a mixture of chopped dried fruit, distilled spirits & spices, and sometimes beef suet. Originally, mincemeat always contained meat; many modern recipes use vegetable shortening in its place.

• “Worldwide Howl At the Moon Night”, an annual pre-Halloween tradition. Owoooooo!

• “World Pasta Day”, honoring one of Italy’s greatest gifts to the world. This year’s ‘International Pasta Organization Annual General Assembly’ is being held in New York City.

1970 [39] “Doonesbury” comic strip by Garry Trudeau debuts in 28 newspapers

2002 [07] Pop singer Jessica Simpson weds boy-band singer Nick Lachey (leading to MTV show “Newlyweds” and more fame & money than either deserve)


1975 [34] ‘Heimlich Maneuver’ 1st approved as aid for people choking on food (named for its developer, Dr Henry Heimlich)

1982 [27] ‘Canadian Baseball Hall of Fame’ organized in Toronto (permanent site in St Mary’s ON includes regulation diamond nicknamed ‘Field of Dreams’)

2001 [08] Microsoft launches “Windows XP” computer operating system

1990 [19] 1st NHLer to reach 2,000 career points (Wayne Gretzky, while playing for LA Kings)

[Tues] Michael Jackson’s “This Is It” movie premieres & album is released
[Tues] Taylor Swift’s “Fearless Platinum Edition” released
[Tues] Cranky Co-Workers Day
[Wed] Day of International Concern About Young People & Gun Violence
[Thurs] Internet Day
[Fri] Frankenstein Friday
[Sat] Halloween

Disarmament Week / Give Wildlife a Break Week / International Magic Week / Pastoral Care Week / Peace, Friendship & Goodwill Week / Respiratory Care Week / World Hearing Aid Awareness Week


A highlight bit culled from 16 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
Psychologists say Halloween is an occasion for people to either dress up as someone they like and want to emulate, or someone they hate and want to mock. According to a panel of experts, here’s what various costume types say about the wearer …
• Animals: May represent some real aspect of a person’s identity, or some admired animal characteristic. May be chosen as a symbol of one’s essential nature or potential.
• Comic/Cartoon Characters: Represents whimsy, playfulness and youth. Chosen by people who want to leave their serious nature behind for awhile.
• Evil Characters: These allow people to safely express their dark side without guilt. May be used to consciously or unconsciously alienate others, indicating vulnerability and anxiety about intimacy.
• Sexy Characters (French maids, hot nurses, hos, etc): Often someone expressing repressed sexuality. An opportunity for very reserved people to display their sensuality.
• Celebrities: Wearers may use them to express personality traits or social issues that are associated with the celebrity’s image (intelligence, power, corruption, rebellion, etc).
• Scary Characters (zombies, vampires, skeletons, monsters, etc): Shows a fascination with the macabre, the grotesque. Death has always been something we are afraid of, yet drawn to.
• Innocents (fairies , princesses, etc): Represents one’s lost innocence or beauty, or a desire to return to a safer and simpler time.
• Powerful Characters: These offer a fantasy of omnipotence. They can express underlying feelings of helplessness and insecurity.
– “Seattle Post-Intelligencer”

That’s such a dumb comment, Ghandi would have smacked you in the head.


Which show would you most like to see return to television?

Today’s Question: Humans share THIS practice with polar bears, kangaroos, and chimpanzees. Answer to Give Out Next Show: Kissing.

Experience is what you get when you don’t get what you want.

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