Wednesday, October 31, 2007        Edition: #3645
Sheeters Always Prosper!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
NBC-TV has made it clear that Jay Leno is definitely on his way out as “Tonight Show” host as of 2009 (when Conan O’Brien takes over) but is likely to hang in at the network ‘in some capacity’ (regular comedy specials maybe?) . . . 39-year-old British actor Daniel Craig has just signed a $60-million contract to star in the next 4 ‘James Bond’ movies (meaning he can retire at age 47) . . . Paris Hilton’s upcoming romantic comedy, “The Hottie & the Nottie”, is actually going to hit the bigscreen, now scheduled for a FEBRUARY 8th limited-release (her projection room and her mommy’s DVR) . . . David Beckham is organizing a charity soccer game along with his team the LA Galaxy to benefit victims of the Southern California wildfires (it’s the hot new cause!) . . . Meantime, Beckham has dismissed reports his celeb pal Tom Cruise has tried to convert him & wife Victoria to Scientology, insisting the actor has never forced his religious beliefs on them (he then turned to his bud’ and asked, “Did I get that right, then?”) . . . Comedian ‘Larry the Cable Guy’ (Dan Whitney) & wife Cara have a new baby girl who’s been christened Reagan (‘Reagan the Cable Girl?’) . . . Actress Angelina Jolie has canceled plans to give a lecture in Italy THIS WEEK, amid reports she’s pregnant with her & Brad Pitt’s 2nd biological child (they can’t do this – Hollywood is running out of goofy given names!) . . . And a neighbor of Paul McCartney’s estranged wife, Heather Mills, is claiming that her dog died of a bloated gut brought on by stress due to an extravagant fireworks display that capped off a $200,000 4th-birthday bash for Mills & McCartney’s daughter Beatrice on the weekend (the dead dog’s name – no lie – was ‘Glow’).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Coolio (Artis Ivey Jr) – The one-hit-wonder “Gangsta’s Paradise” rapper will appear in a new reality series entitled “Coolio & the Gang” (Oxygen), which follows him as he raises 6 kids on his own while trying to keep his career afloat. (Well, let’s hope the parenting part is working out.)
• Gwen Stefani – She’s donating the proceeds from LAST NIGHT’s concert in San Diego to benefit victims of the recent fires in Southern California. (You know … rich people who lost their beachfront villas.)
• Keith Urban – Wife Nicole Kidman closed down her favorite Sydney, Australia restaurant to celebrate his 40th birthday with some 45 family & friends. Her gift? A home video tribute. (How cheap!)
• Kid Rock – The Clark County District Attorney’s Office has decided not to press charges against him for treating Tommy Lee to a knuckle sandwich at the “MTV Video Music Awards”. The decision was made after Lee declined to press charges. (He’s wimping out … again.)
• Lil’ Wayne – The “Duffle Bag Boy” rapper is being sued by a jeweler who claims he failed to pay for a $146,000-diamond ring & necklace that he purchased earlier THIS MONTH. (It’s a bling sting!)
• Notorious BIG – The late rapper has been immortalized in wax at Madame Tussauds in NYC. His figure was unveiled by his mom Voletta Wallace. (And no, there aren’t any bullet holes piercing the wax.)
• Rolling Stones – Mick Jagger’s longtime girlfriend L’Wren Scott has been spotted wearing a diamond & sapphire sparkler on her engagement ring finger. In the past, Jagger has continuously dismissed rumors that they would ever wed. (He’s already oh-for-two!)

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Backstreet Boys – This morning they guest on “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV).
• Barry Manilow – The 64-year-old crooner does the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• “Dirty Dancing” – A new stage version of the ’80s hit film opens in previews at the Royal Alexandra Theatre in Toronto. It’s already a hit in London, where it’s become the fastest-selling show in West End history.
NET: http://www.dirtydancingtoronto.ca/
• “Manhunt 2” – The new video game where characters use an array of weapons to kill, maim, and torture goes on sale. Child advocates are urging parents to steer clear of it. The game is rated ‘Mature’, meaning it’s intended for gamers age 17-and-up.
• Sex Pistols – The ‘70s punk icons are on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Glare Bombs’ – Bright roadside lights that blind drivers after dark. This kind of light pollution is a target of public-safety advocates. (“The starlet’s excuse for driving into a utility poll is she lost sight of the road due to glare bombs from all the paparazzi.”)
• ‘Onshoring’ – Having computer and/or call-center work performed in small markets in-country rather than ‘offshoring’ to other countries, typically India. It’s still far cheaper than basing operations in large cities and maintains jobs at home. (Now how about manufacturing actual products at home?)
• ‘VPL’ – Stands for ‘Visible Panty Line’, that horrific faux pas that leads to total public humiliation. (Not to be confused with ‘VFL’, the visible line of fat that oozes out above the waistband of your pants.)

LEAST FAVORITE AIRPORTS:
A new poll conducted by the travel group TripAdvisor asks which is the least favorite airport. The survey of 2,500 travelers rated 36 airports worldwide in categories such as ‘ease of navigation’, ‘quality of parking facilities’, and ‘cleanliness’. Two of the world’s busiest airports, London’s Heathrow and  Chicago’s O’Hare, share the ‘honors’ in a tie. On the other end of the scale, the best-rated in the survey was Schiphol International Airport in the Netherlands. (Slightly ahead of Baghdad International.)
– M&C News

LET’S PUT SOMETHING YOU CAN NEVER KILL IN SPACE:
A Russian cockroach named ‘Nadezhda’ (‘Hope’) has given birth to the first animals ever conceived in space. The experiment aboard the ‘Foton-M’ bio-satellite ended with the successful birth of 33 cockroaches which are said to be eating and drinking normally. (This would make a great opening scene for a crappy new sci-fi horror flick!)
– “Daily Telegraph”

RICH STIFFS:
According to the 7th annual ‘Top-Earning Dead Celebrities’ list, here are the wealthiest who aren’t with us anymore, based on earnings over the past year …
5. Scientist Albert Einstein ($18 million)
4. Former Beatle George Harrison ($22 million)
3. “Peanuts” creator Charles Schulz ($35 million)
2. Former Beatle John Lennon ($44 million)
1. Elvis Presley ($49 million)
– “Forbes Magazine”
    
SWIMMING WITH THE FISHES:

The Whale & Dolphin Conservation Society has called for dolphin-assisted therapy – one of the few treatments that’s believed to help children with disabilities such as autism – to be banned. The group claims the practice is potentially harmful, has no place in medicine, and is an unnatural environment for the animals. It cites a recent case where 28 dolphins were exported from the Solomon Islands to Dubai, reportedly for therapy purposes. (We’re betting you can now swim amongst them for like 250 bucks a pop.)
– “The Times”

NOW THAT’S A GREAT COSTUME!
A Halloween reveler’s gore-covered zombie costume has proven so believable, passengers on a German train mistook him for a murder victim. The 24-year-old apparently fell into a drunken stupor on his way home from a Halloween party in Hamburg. After observing his hands & face smeared with blood, and getting no response from him … passengers called the cops. (Today he’s posing as a hangover victim.)
– Reuters

SCARIEST MOVIES EVER MADE:
According to a new poll of more than 5,000 moviegoers …
5. “Jaws”
4. “The Omen”
3. “The Shining”
2. “The Exorcist”
1. The “Saw” series, with 17% of all votes.
– MSN Movies

7-YEAR-ITCH DEVALUED:
A new study of divorce trends in several countries finds that married couples are now at the greatest risk of divorcing just before their 5th anniversary. Researchers suggest there may be several reasons things have changed in the past 50 years: these days more women are pursuing careers which can place extra stress on a relationship; plus divorce has become increasingly acceptable. The stats show those who marry at a young age are most likely to divorce. On the upside, the study finds that those who make it to 10 years in a relationship are likely to remain married for good. (That’s when it officially becomes a life sentence.)
– “Daily Mail”

THE BUSINESS OF EXCUSES:
Feel like playing hooky but don’t wanna get caught? Well, the ‘Excused Absence Network’ has got your back. For $25, students or employees can buy excuse notes that appear to come from doctors or hospitals. Other options include a fake jury summons or an authentic-looking funeral service program, complete with comforting poems and a list of pallbearers. The company’s disclaimer advises that the notes are ‘for entertainment purposes only’. (It’s the no-sue clause.)
NET: http://www.myexcusedabsence.com/
– “Social Studies”

BS AMAZING FACT:
The ‘Tootsie Roll’ was named after the 5-year-old daughter of an Austrian immigrant, Leo Hirshfield, who originally produced the candy in a small store in NYC. (He had a daughter named ‘Roll’?)
– tootsie.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.31.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1931 [76] Dan Rather, Wharton TX, retired TV anchor who’s suing his old boss (CBS News)

1961 [46] Larry Mullen Jr, Dublin, Ireland, rock drummer (U2-“Vertigo”, “Beautiful Day”)
 
1961 [46] Peter Jackson, Pukerua Bay NZ, filmmaker (“King Kong”, “Lord of the Rings”)  UP NEXT: “The Lovely Bones” (2008), and “Halo” (2009).

1963 [44] Johnny Marr, Manchester UK, rock guitarist (Modest Mouse-“Dashboard”, “Float On”)

1963 [44] Rob Schneider, Pacifica CA, movie actor (“Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo”)/former TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1990-94)

1964 [43] Darryl Worley, Pyburn TN, country singer (“Awful Beautiful Life”, “Have You Forgotten?”)

1966 [41] Adrock (Adam Horovitz), South Orange NJ, rock musician/rapper (Beastie Boys-“Ch-Check It Out”, “Intergalactic”)

1967 [40] Adam Schlesinger, Montclair NJ, power-pop bassist (Fountains of Wayne-“Stacy’s Mom”, “Radiation Vibe“)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Halloween”, a tradition in Canada, the USA, the UK, Ireland, Australia, and the Philippines. In recent years, the celebration has spread to other countries around-the-world.
– The observance originated with 5th-century-BC Celtic Druids who believed that on October 31st, all persons who had died in the previous year assembled to choose the body of a person or animal they would inhabit for the next 12 months.
– After the 9th century AD, the day became known as “All Hallows’ Eve” or “Halloween” since it was the night before “All Saints’ Day”.
– The Irish brought the Halloween custom to North America in the 1840s. Of the countries that celebrate Halloween, only in Ireland is it considered a national holiday.
– According to the Ghost Research Society, there are 789 real haunted houses in the USA.

• “Increase Your Psychic Powers Day”. Did you sense we were going to say that?

• “International Magic Day,” traditionally a day for magicians to meet, celebrated on the anniversary of Harry Houdini’s death on October 31st, 1926. Every year, spiritualists hold a seance on Halloween to try and contact the late magician. So far, no answer!

• “International UNICEF Day”, observed on October 31st since 1967, the reason many trick-or-treaters collect donations in UNICEF coin boxes.

• “Knock-Knock Jokes Day”, in honor of their momentous contribution to the comedy world. Knock-knock. Who’s there? Control freak … now you say, ‘Control freak who?’

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
0834 [1173] 1st ‘All Hallows Eve’, established by Pope Gregory IV to honor saints

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1987 [20] ‘Longest Singles Tennis’ match lasts 80 hours, 21 minutes in Coventry UK (“Geez, I can’t believe it’s frickin’ deuce AGAIN!”)

1990 [17] ‘Largest Jack-O-Lantern’ carved from 816-lb pumpkin

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Vegan World Day
[Thurs] Men Make Dinner Day
[Thurs] 14th MTV Europe Music Awards (Munich)
[Fri] Zero Tasking Day
[Fri] Plan Your Epitaph Day
This Week Is … International Magic Week
This Month Is … Computer Learning Month

BULL’S BITS

BS INAPPROPRIATE HALLOWEEN COSTUMES:
• Vlad the HIV-Positive Vampire
• Spidey Without His Spidey Suit
• White Trash
• Low Self-Esteem Princess.
• Child Exotic Dancer
• Wal-Mart Greeter With Dementia
• The Masochistic Pinata
• The Projectile Vomiting Bulimic
• Randy, Your Overage Internet Chat-Room Pal
• Michael Vick’s Last-Place Fighting Dog

BS HALLOWEEN TRIVIA:
• What does the word Halloween mean? [‘Hallow’ is an old word meaning holy, while ‘e'en’ is Scottish slang for evening.]
• Why are orange & black the traditional colors of Halloween? [Likely because orange is associated with harvests and black is associated with death.]
• If you suffer from samhainophobia (SOW’-an-o-foh-bee-uh), what do you fear? [Halloween]
• What Christian holiday is celebrated the day after Halloween? [All Saints Day]
• Instead of pumpkins, what did the Irish originally carve? [Turnips]
• This popular Halloween game started as a way of determining your future spouse. [Bobbing for apples.]

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the absolute worst Halloween costume you ever wore? (There’s a ‘Child Toilet ‘costume retailing online for $49.99. NET: http://tinyurl.com/ysto7g)

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Due to climate change and other environmental issues, the light at the end of the tunnel will be turned off until further notice.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: 16% of adults have 2 or more of THESE.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Jobs.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The email of the species is deadlier than the mail.


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