Monday, October 29, 2007           Edition: #3643
Here’s Sheet in Your Eye!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• After 12 seasons, “The Amazing Race” (CBS) is about to feature its first lesbian couple, a pair of married Episcopal ministers who dated 7 years before tying the knot 3 years ago. At ages 49 and 65, Kate & Pat will also be the new season’s oldest team when it debuts this SUNDAY.
– RealityBlurred.com
• More evidence suggests that the ‘reality’ show “The Hills” isn’t exactly a documentary. After a faked airport shoot was dismissed by MTV as ‘a pickup shot’ a while back, the model/actor who went on a date with Lauren during LAST WEEK’s episode now reveals that the entire thing was contrived, from a producer setting up the date to a rented house that was used as the set. Gavin Beasley says the shoot represents some of the best acting he’s ever done.
– BestWeekEver.tv
• Britney Spears’ mom, Lynne, is putting her experience in writing. The showbiz mama is penning a tell-all tome titled “Pop Culture Mom: A Real Story of Fame & Family in a Tabloid World”. It’s due out – when else – on Mother’s Day.
– “E! News”
• 74-year-old producer-writer-performer Quincy Jones is said to be dating a webcam stripper who once had a bit of something going on with … Kevin Federline. If true, it wouldn’t be all that surprising. The terminally-frisky Jones was dating a 19-year-old aspiring fashion designer a year ago.
– “National Enquirer”
• Filmmaker-actor Edward Burns (“Saving Private Ryan”) is eschewing a traditional theatrical debut for his new movie in favor of releasing it via iTunes. “Purple Violets”, starring Selma Blair, Debra Messing & Patrick Wilson, will be the first feature film to premiere exclusively at the online store. It will be downloadable for $14.99 as of NOVEMBER 20th.
– CBC Arts
• Rats are quickly becoming popular pets in the UK thanks to “Ratatouille” [‘rat-a-TOO-ee’], the animated movie about a Paris sewer rat with ambitions to be a great chef. One British pet chain says demand for rats is up about 50%. The Disney film is currently atop the box-office in Britain and has become a much bigger hit worldwide than it was in its North American domestic release.
– “The Independent”
• And after 22-year-old actress Scarlett Johansson threw a lavish birthday dinner for her 31-year-old Vancouver-born actor-boyfriend Ryan Reynolds at LA’s Chateau Marmont hotel, she presented him with an unusual gift … a wisdom tooth she’d just had removed, dipped in gold and strung on a necklace. Thank goodness she didn’t have an appendectomy.
– “Now Magazine”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ace of Base – The Swedish band that enjoyed a string of pop hits during the ‘90s (“The Sign”, “All That She Wants”) has reunited for a string of tour dates, mostly in Russia so far.
• Amy Winehouse – She has promised fans she will now stay away from booze … but only before performing in concerts.
• Annie Lennox – She’s teamed up with 23 female superstars (including Celine Dion, Dido, Faith Hill, Fergie, Joss Stone, kd lang, KT Tunstall, Madonna, Pink, Sarah Mclachlan, and Shakira) for the AIDS charity single “Sing”. The track is now available on iTunes and gets a physical release on “World AIDS Day”, DECEMBER 1st.
• Christina Aguilera – Her family and friends threw a private baby shower for her in Malibu … and she hasn’t even confirmed her pregnancy yet!
• Duran Duran – British TV has refused to air their video for “Falling Down“, which Justin Timberlake co-wrote and produced. It seems the satire about celebs in rehab featured scenes of semi-naked models in distress. It’s been re-released in a toned-down version.
• Lorrie Morgan – She’s just filed for divorce from fellow country singer Sammy Kershaw, citing irreconcilable differences. They wed in 2001 … her 5th time, his 4th. They once released a duet together called “Maybe Not Tonight”.
• Pink Floyd – A 17-disc, 40th anniversary box set including every studio recording they made plus a feature-laden DVD is set for release DECEMBER 4th. Just 10,000 copies of the limited-edition package will be available worldwide. Price? About $300.
• TI – A federal judge has ordered him released on $3-million bond but he must remain in home confinement while he awaits trial on weapons charges. He’s being monitored 24/7 by a private service which he has to pay for.
• U2 – New stats show their music publishing company raked in $30 million-plus LAST YEAR and $25.8 million of it went directly to 5 unidentified ‘employees’, suspected to be the band members and their longtime manager, Paul McGuinness. What’s most amazing is the corporation is now based in the Netherlands so that it pays virtually NO TAXES.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Carrie Underwood – She sings on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• Josh Turner – The “Firecracker” singer does the “Today Show” (NBC).
• Seether – They perform a tune from the new album “Finding Beauty in Negative Spaces” on “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Taylor Hicks – He performs the anthem ahead of Game 5 of the World Series … if there is one.

BETTER HOME FOR GARDEN:
NYC’s legendary Madison Square Garden is facing demolition if a new development plan gets the go-ahead. The $14-billion plan would see the less-than-wildly-popular current version of the venue (built in 1968) knocked down and a new 5th incarnation of MSG built 2 blocks away. The move would make room to revamp Penn Station and convert the nearby General Post Office building into another train station. (“Are you ready to tummmmmbleeeee?”)
– “A Day in Rock”

HOW TO RELIEVE CONGESTION:
After research warned that volume on highways could increase by 25% before 2025, Britain’s Department of Transport is set to introduce a new plan to reduce both traffic and vehicle emissions in and around London in 2008. Among the changes, a new policy called ‘Active Travel Management’ whereby the speed limit varies according to traffic conditions. For instance, during rush hour the limit is expected to be just 40 mph, which will be enforced by speed cameras on all highways. Another change designed to ease traffic jams: drivers will be allowed to use the paved shoulders on highways when needed. (You already have to pay a fee of about $16-a-day just to drive in central London weekdays.)
– “The Times”

BACK AT YA, LOSER:
Paris, France mayor Bertrand Delanoe has been battling to end the unsightly and unsanitary practice of public urination by men for years. Making all portable potties on streets and in parks free failed to solve the problem, nor did slapping fines of up to $600 on offenders. But this just might do the trick – an innovative company has developed a prototype of a high-tech undulating wall that … fires the urine right back in the direction of the offender. (It’s the ‘Whiz Weturn’.)
– “The Telegraph“

CLOTHING THAT MAKES SCENTS:
You’ll never have to worry about your shirt being a little ripe again! 75-year-old Italian textile company Tessitura Tainia is set to launch a collection of shirts & blouses early NEXT YEAR that are permeated with various aromas – orange, lemon, strawberry, mint, even coffee. The firm claims the concept is more about dressing with distinction than masking odor. The scents will be incorporated right into the garments’ fibers and have proven in testing to last through more than 10 washes. (Ironically, you’ll know your shirt’s worn out when it DOESN’T smell anymore.)
– Reuters

THE CHANGE OF LIFE:
A new survey suggests that having a baby will destroy your social life. No, really? According to the poll of 2,000 new moms, 70% say their social life is either non-existent or a mere fraction of what it was before the baby arrived. What may be worse news is 25% say their relationship has also gone downhill since giving birth, with 5% having split up, 8% coming close to separating,  and 47% arguing more. (Babies aren’t just little poopers … they’re party poopers!)
– “Mother & Baby Magazine“

AUTOMATIC G-STRING:
Great news for ham-fisted guitarists! Instrument maker Gibson is launching a self-tuning electric guitar that uses piezoelectric crystals under each string to sense the frequency of its vibrations. If a string needs tuning, a built-in chip sends an electrical signal to a tiny motor at one end, which tightens or loosens the string. (You’ll still play crap … but it’ll be in-tune crap!)
– “New Scientist”

SLEEPING ON-THE-JOB:
Working longer than 16 hours at a stretch exponentially increases the risk of accidents, according to Australian fatigue expert Dr Phillip Swann. And spending 24 hours on-the-job is equivalent to having a blood alcohol content of 0.1% … over the legal driving limit in most places. Swann also cautions that rest is not the same as sleep when it comes to reducing accident risk. We all need about 6-to-7 hours of sleep each night to function properly. (Well, that’s certainly good news when you’re hauled into the ER to be cared for by a resident who’s been working … 34 hours straight.)
– “Weekly Times”

BS LAW & DISORDER:
• A Cincinnati, Ohio man has been arrested after being busted sleeping in some other guy’s car … without any pants. His excuse? He’d done drugs the night before and had been let into the car by … a leprechaun. (Whatever, just put your pants on … your lucky charms are showing!)
• A Pinjarra, Australia bartender has been fined for crushing beer cans … between her bare breasts. The barkeep and her manager have each been fined $872 for breaching licensing laws. (Isn’t composting supposed to be a good thing?)
• A Woodland, California dentist is trying to save his dental license by arguing that … chest massages are an appropriate procedure. He’s accused of fondling the breasts of at least 27 female patients. (All oh whom asked him to stop by mumbling, “Gehyahansovameyaperf.”)
• An Ayr, Scotland man has been placed on the sex offenders’ registry and charged with breach of the peace. His crime? He was discovered by a pair of maids in a hotel room having intimate relations with … a bicycle. (Talk about speed-dating!)

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Residents of Ontario will spend almost $20 dollars less on Halloween THIS YEAR than those in British Columbia, shelling out $59 per person compared to $77 per capita on the West coast.
– RetailCouncil.org
• The ‘loonie’ was supposed to feature a 1935 voyageur design of fur-laden paddlers by Emanuel Hahn (1881-1957), who also created the Bluenose dime and the caribou quarter. But the master dies were lost by a courier, so to head off possible counterfeiting the bird design was substituted instead. Had all things gone to plan, we’d have a pocket full of ‘canoeies’.
– “Toronto Star”
• A portrait dismissed as a copy of a Rembrandt and valued at circa $3,000 has sold at an auction in Britain for $4.5 million to an anonymous bidder after just 15 minutes. Why would someone pay that much for a fake? If it turns out to be the real deal, it could be worth as much as $25 million.
– DigitalJournal.com
• A Seymour WI woman who petitioned to change her last name to ‘bin Laden’ has failed to appear in court as scheduled and her case has been dismissed. 49-year-old Caren Ann Burke filed a name-change petition to legally change her name to Caren Ann bin Laden. Her reason? Divorce from Rory S Burke.
– “Capital Times“
• Of the 22 US states with the highest obesity rates, 19 voted for George W Bush in 2004.
– National Health & Nutrition Examination Survey

BS CHRONOMETER 10.29.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1947 [60] Richard Dreyfuss, Brooklyn NY, movie actor (“Mr Holland’s Opus”, Oscar-“The Goodbye Girl”)

1948 [59] Kate Jackson, Birmingham AL, former TV actress (‘Sabrina‘ on “Charlie’s Angels” 1976-79)

1957 [50] Dan Castellaneta, Chicago IL, voice-over actor (‘Homer’ on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1965 [42] Peter Timmins, Toronto ON, alt-rock musician (Cowboy Junkies-“Misguided Angel”, “Sweet Jane”)

1971 [36] Winona Ryder (Horowitz), Winona MN, movie actress (“Mr Deeds”, “Girl Interrupted”) convicted on shoplifting charges in 2002

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Basketball Coaches Day”, honoring those dedicated people who teach us to dribble & shoot.

• “Hermit Day”, a salute to the solitary lifestyle … whether or not you planned on living it.

• “Karva Chauth”, an observance by Hindu women who spend the day fasting and praying for the long life of their husbands.

• “Laugh a Lot Suddenly For No Reason Day” … just before they lock you up in a padded room.

• “International Internet Day”, observed on the 38th anniversary of the 1st connection on what would become the ‘Internet’. On October 29, 1969 bits of data flowed between computers at UCLA and the Stanford Research Institute. Within a year, 10 sites were connected and there were soon applications such as e-mail.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1983 [24] Pink Floyd’s “Dark Side of the Moon” becomes ‘Longest-Charting Album of All-Time’ as it logs its 491st week on the “Billboard” ‘Top 200′ album chart (lasts 740 weeks altogether until July 13, 1988)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1889 [118] Vancouver’s popular Stanley Park is dedicated

1945 [62] 1st ‘Ballpoint Pen’ goes on sale, 57 years after it was first patented ($12.95)

1947 [60] 1st ‘Artificial Rain’ created by seeding clouds with dry ice (Concord NH)

1966 [41] National Organization of Women (NOW) is founded

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1998 [09] 77-year-old return astronaut, US Senator John Glenn, becomes ‘Oldest Person to Travel in Space’ aboard the space shuttle “Discovery”

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Devils Night
[Tues] Mischief Night
[Tues] The Eagles release “Long Road Out of Eden” album
[Wed] Halloween
[Wed] International Magic Day
[Wed] Increase Your Psychic Powers Day
[Wed] UNICEF Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Disarmament Week / Give Wildlife a Break Week / International Magic Week / Pastoral Care Week / Prescription Errors Education & Awareness Week

BULL’S BITS

BS WAYS TO PASS THE TIME IN AN ELEVATOR:
• Walk on with a cooler that says ‘human head’ on the side.
• Stare, grinning, at another passenger for a while and then announce: “I’ve got new socks on!”
• Greet everyone who gets on with a warm handshake and ask them to call you ‘Admiral’.
• Whistle the first 7 notes of “It’s a Small World” incessantly.
• Stand silent in the corner, facing the wall. Never get off.
• Make explosion noises when anyone presses a button, then say ‘Ding’ at each floor.
• Play the harmonica.
• Stare at your thumb and say, “I think it’s getting larger!”
• Shave.

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you could have a romance with any fictional character, who would it be?

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Sharing is fun, unless its your own stuff.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: There are now more than 300 million of THESE and the number is growing every day.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Email addresses.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Diarrhea also happens.


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