Wednesday, October 17, 2007        Edition: #3635
Don’t You Just Love the Smell of BS in the Morning?

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Speculation that Britain’s  Prince William & girlfriend Kate Middleton will soon announce their engagement is mounting after she’s been photo-ed alongside the royal family on a stag-hunting trip at their Balmoral estate in Scotland (well yeah, a stag is a sure sign of a wedding, no?) . . . Actors Jennifer Aniston & former boyfriend Vince Vaughn have also fueled speculation they are an item again after being spotted on a date night in Beverly Hills (be still our collective heart) . . . “Anne of Green Gables” is coming back to Canadian television yet again in 2008 in the form of the 3-hour prequel movie “Anne of Green Gables: A New Beginning” on CTV, which has acquired the entire “Anne” catalogue, including the original 1985 mini-series (young Toronto actress Hannah Endicott-Douglas will star) . . . “Global National” with Kevin Newman has won the “Gemini Award” for ‘Best TV Newscast’ (as well as ‘Best Anchor With Glasses’) . . . Donald Trump tells Larry King he’s unimpressed with the current batch of Hollywood heartthrobs & heartbreakers, insisting George Clooney is ‘short’ and Angelina Jolie is ‘no great beauty’ (a case of the comb-over calling the kettle black?) . . . It’s just been revealed that when Brad Pitt was a student at the University of Missouri, he used to participate in a quirky dance group that would strip & perform for girls on their birthdays (the reason women are praying for a time machine) . . . Pregnant actress Halle Berry says she plans to learn to speak French because she & French-Canadian partner Gabriel Aubry want their child to be bilingual (ah, a future Liberal leader in the making!) . . . A federal judge in Los Angeles has ordered a Pennsylvania company to stop creating, trafficking in, and facilitating the use of computer programs that enable ticket brokers to cut to the front of the line at Ticketmaster’s online site (hurray for the consumer!) . . . And 42-year-old actress Sarah Jessica Parker, now shooting the “Sex & the City” movie in NYC, claims she’s NOT a slave to fashion like her ‘Carrie Bradshaw’ character and has only 2 main outfits that she ‘wears to death’ (pants on fire!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Ashlee Simpson – Online rumors say the 23-year-old’s new look is the result of regular Botox injections to the face, but she insists she simply has a very good … eyebrow stylist.
• Bon Jovi – Jon Bon Jovi claims he’s never even been tempted to cheat on Dorothea, his wife of 18 years despite the constant groupies that surround a rock superstar.
• Britney Spears – Word is she’s turning to special Hoodia lollipops and asthma inhalers in what could be a dangerous bid to quickly lose weight. Both are said to trick the brain into suppressing appetite.
• Diddy – Police are investigating a report of assault after a man has accused him of punching him out & threatening his life during a dispute over a woman at a NYC club.
• Jennifer Lopez – She claims her reputation for extravagant backstage demands is all the fault of her former manager. In the past, her list of requirements has included white drapes & white sofas, yellow roses with red trim, and Evian water … at  room temperature if you please.
• Lauryn Hill – She’s expecting yet another child (her 5th) via late reggae star Bob Marley’s son Rohan, despite the fact they are no longer an item. It’s reported that he now lives in Ethiopia while she remains in the USA.
• Radiohead – Sceptics say their ‘pay what you want’ pricing to download the new album “In Rainbows” is just an elaborate publicity scam to encourage fans to buy the music twice, as the JANUARY release of the physical CD will feature extra tracks.

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• Avril Lavigne – She guests on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Janet Jackson – This afternoon she’s on the “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CityTV).
• Jully Black – The Canadian R&B singer is on “MTV Live” (MTV Canada).
• Keith Urban – He sings on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).
• LeAnn Rimes – She performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS).
• “London Film Festival” – Canadian director David Cronenberg’s thriller “Eastern Promises”, starring Viggo Mortensen & Naomi Watts, is set to open the 51st annual British film fest, which runs through NOVEMBER 1st.
• Sebastian Bach – The Canadian heavy metal singer, best known as the former frontman of Skid Row, make his first-ever appearance on MTV’s “TRL”.
• Seether – The South African alt-rockers are on “MuchOnDemand” (MuchMusic).

BS CUTTING-EDGE VOCAB:
New terms leaking into the lingo …
• ‘Car Condo’ – The hot new California must-have for the car collector who has run out of room to house vehicles. Car condos are part garage, part home away from home, part clubhouse. Many have a wet bar, bathroom, 24/7 security, and a concierge who arranges service appointments.
• ‘Mommy Makeover’ – Cosmetic surgery aimed at making a mother look the way she did before she had children. Relaxed and stress-free?
• ‘Stroller Envy’ – A feeling of inadequacy experienced by parents when spotting someone else’s high-end child transport. It seems that, at least for some, expensive has become synonymous with what’s best for children. Like the kid cares.
• ‘Upcycling’ – A process that involves taking used materials and increasing their value. For example, taking an old shirt and cutting it to fit with current trends. Or perhaps melting a polyester shirt and turning it into a necklace. Or making an old lamp into a piece of driftwood?

JAVA LATHER THIS MORNING?
A company called Think Geek is marketing a soap called ‘Shower Shock Caffeinated Soap’ that purportedly delivers 2 coffee cups-worth of caffeine per shower as it’s absorbed through the skin. The 4-oz bars of soap, available online, cost a whopping $7. They also offer ‘Mountain Dew’ shower gel for just $13.
NET: http://www.thinkgeek.com/caffeine/accessories/5a65/
– CBC News

SOCIAL STUDIES:
• New research shows that people are often more likely to be persuaded by what they hear through the grapevine than when they hear the truth. Gossip, it seems, has a strong influence … even when we have access to the correct info at the same time. (The reason TMZ, Perez Hilton and E! exist.)
– Reuters
• A new study finds that women are more likely to be depressed in their jobs. The professions that report the most depressed women? Child-Care Workers and Food Servers. (Worse than Sewer Divers?)
– “Cosmopolitan”
• Exotic dancers make more money during the week or so before they start menstruating than at any other time of the month. That’s according to New Mexico psychology prof Geoffrey Miller, who studied the ovulatory cycle of a sample group of dancers. (At least that’s what he told the wife he was doing.)
– “Las Vegas Sun”
• The average breast size has gone from 34B to 36C over the past 15 years, thanks to augmentations, birth control pills, and increased obesity. (Unfortunately, the average waistline has gone from 28 to … 2 yards.)
– “Press Herald”
• Sons reduce a mother’s lifespan by an average of 34 weeks. How so? A combination of factors, including heavier birth weights, amplified testosterone levels, and hair-raising hijinks as they get older. (So guys, be nice to mom … you’re killing her!)
– “Scientific American”

STEPFORD WIVES:
A British scientist has been awarded a doctorate for a paper predicting that humans will one day marry robots. Maastricht University in the Netherlands awarded David Levy a PhD for a thesis titled “Intimate Relationships with Artificial Partners”. The thesis, based on 450 scientific publications, concludes that human attitudes toward affection, love and sexuality are just as applicable to robot interactions as they are to human relationships today. (For more information, see “Lars and the Real Girl”.)
– “Globe & Mail”

THE HEIGHT OF FASHION:
Observers say towering 6-inch (15-cm) heels like this season’s cult shoe, the Yves Saint Laurent ‘Tribute’, are expected to be in for at least another year. The look has already trickled down from high-end boutiques to chain stores, making them affordable and popular. But podiatrists warn the highest heels are dangerous and can cause long-term damage to the lower back and feet. Calluses, corns, and bunions are likely. There’s also risk of ankle sprains, fractures, and shortened leg muscles, leading to Achilles tendonitis. (Yeah, but they look hot, right?)
– “Sun-Herald”

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• In Perth, Australia a 35-year-old man has survived a 30-meter (about 100-ft) fall from his 9th-floor apartment after trying to walk to a neighbor’s balcony while balancing on a plank. Thanks to a garden gazebo that broke his fall, he’s still alive but in serious condition. To add insult to injury, he was discovered wearing only … his underpants.
• In Tacoma WA a woman has been sentenced to 3 months of home detention after she posted an online ad on Craigslist offering absolutely everything in her aunt’s home … for free. People took the ad at face value and carried off nearly everything in the vacant house, including a front picture window and the kitchen sink.
• In Winnipeg MB a 46-year-old man sitting in his pickup outside a local Ukrainian center handed over his keys to a pair of girls claiming they were cops. He was then tied up and robbed of cash and the truck. When the perps were apprehended, it was discovered they were just 15 & 16-years-old. They’re charged with robbery, forcible confinement, impersonating a police officer, driving without a licence, and drug possession. The man is charged with criminal gullibility.
• In Tulsa OK a suspicious-looking young guy sauntering past the county courthouse wearing handcuffs with one end dangling free has been questioned by cops after several reports were called in. Turns out the steel bracelets are just the young lad’s idea of a fashion statement … topping off his ‘goth’ apparel.

HE VS SHE:
Oxford University scientist Deborah Cameron has just written “The Myth of Mars & Venus”, which refutes the commonly-held idea that men & women are distinctly different. Among the many myths she shoots down as hogwash …
• Women Talk More: Some studies have suggested this is fact, but a number of others have found that men speak more than women. Call it a draw.
• Men & Women Communicate Differently: Linguistic studies show the genders share a 99.75% overlap in the way they communicate. The only real difference is women tend to smile more and spell better on average.
• Men Interrupt More: Documented evidence suggests that women interrupt just as much as men.
– “Times of London”

DID YOU KNOW?
• Your tongue is the sole muscle in your body that is only attached at one end.
• THIS WEEK America’s first Baby Boomer applied for Social Security benefits, signaling the start of an expected avalanche of applications from the post WW2 generation. (Hey, save some for us!)
• In 2007 dollars, George Washington’s presidential salary is higher than that of George W Bush.

SHE SAID IT:
“I’m scared, yeah. I’ve heard it’s really dangerous. I’ve never been on a trip like this before.”
– 26-year-old Paris Hilton, telling “Newsweek” about her planned ‘goodwill mission’ to the African country of Rwanda NEXT MONTH … which will be filmed in its entirety.

HE SAID IT:
“My girls are looking for ‘Hannah Montana’ tickets. They’re like, ‘Dad, don’t you know somebody?’”
– Country star Garth Brooks, admitting his upcoming KC shows aren’t the hot ticket for his 3 young daughters.

BS CHRONOMETER 10.17.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1958 [49] Alan Jackson, Newnan GA, country singer (“A Woman’s Love”, “Don’t Rock the Jukebox”)

1963 [44] Norm Macdonald, Québec City QC, TV comic (“Saturday Night Live” 1993-98)/movie actor (“Deuce Bigalow”, “Doctor Dolittle”)

1971 [36] Chris Kirkpatrick, Clarion PA, washed-up pop singer (*NSYNC-“Bye Bye Bye”, “Pop”)

1972 [35] Eminem (Marshall Mathers III), St Joseph MO (raised Detroit MI), rapper (“Stan”)/sometime movie actor (“8 Mile”)

1972 [35] Wyclef Jean, Croix-des-Bouquets, Haiti, R&B/rap artist (w/Shakira-“Hips Don’t Lie”, The Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Businesswomen’s Week”, as declared by the Business & Professional Women’s Foundation … ever since 1928! The purpose is to promote full participation and equity for women in the workplace; and to publicize the achievements of professional women.
NET: http://www.bpwusa.org/i4a/pages/Index.cfm?pageid=3606

• “International Day for the Eradication of Poverty”, a UN observance since 1993.

• “Wear Something Gaudy Day”. Well, nice to see [co-host] is dressed for the occasion!

• “World Rainforest Week”, an annual observance by the Rainforest Action Network, which seeks to protect forests and the rights of their inhabitants by campaigning to break our addiction to oil, promoting sustainable logging, and bringing ‘green ethics’ to business.
NET: http://ran.org/what_we_do/world_rainforest_week/wrw_2007/

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1995 [12] 58 episodes of the classic TV show “The Monkees” are released on 21 videotapes in the ‘Largest Video Boxed Set’

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1998 [09] Barenaked Ladies single, “One Week”, hits #1 … for one week

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1968 [39] Prime Minister Pierre Trudeau introduces ‘Official Languages Act’, making English and French the country’s 2 official languages

1974 [33] 1st ‘Coast-to-Coast Run Across Canada’ (Mark Kent in 102 days)

1982 [25] 1st Russian player to score a goal in the NHL (Victor Nechaev, LA Kings)

1860 [147] 1st ‘Professional Golf Tournament’ held, in Scotland (Wee Willie Park wins)

1987 [20] 1st World Series game in a domed stadium (Minnesota Metrodome)

1989 [18] 1st World Series game cancelled by an earthquake (Game 3-Oakland in San Francisco)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Thurs] Persons Day (Canada)
[Thurs] No Beard Day
[Thurs] Ozzy Osbourne-Rob Zombie tour begins (Seattle)
[Fri] “Search for the Next Great American Band“ debuts (FOX)
[Fri] “The Comebacks”; “Gone Baby Gone”; “Rendition”; “Sarah Landon & the Paranormal Hour”; “The Ten Commandments”; “Things We Lost in the Fire”; and “30 Days of Night” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Sun] Western Canadian Music Awards (Moose Jaw SK)
This Week Is … Getting The World to Beat a Path to Your Door Week
This Month Is … Long Term Care Planning Month

BULL’S BITS

IRAQ-WAR CLICHÉ OR NEW EUPHEMISM FOR TAKING A CRAP?
• Giving the surge time to work.
• Pursuing an exit strategy.
• Setting a timetable for withdrawal.
• Cut and run.
• Spreading democracy.
– Thanks to Kevin Griffith.

BS PHONE STARTER:
If you had to name the one thing that most frightens you about growing old, what would it be?

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• You’re lobster fishing and your juicy catch is winged by a stray bullet. What color is its blood?
a. Blue. [CORRECT. Lobsters are the real ‘blue bloods’.]
b. Red, just like ours.
c. Mmmm, buttery yellow.

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Why can’t you be a non-conformist like everyone else?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: When asked in a recent survey what they wished their car had, 75% of drivers said THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: New car smell.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Conservatism: you’re either Right or you’re wrong.
Republicanism: you’re either Right or you’re wrong.


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