Wednesday, October 3, 2007        Edition: #3626
Ah, the Sweet Smell of BS!

TODAY at noon PDT Britney Spears officially loses physical custody of her sons to Kevin Federline until further notice from an LA Superior Court (who would have thought he’d turn out to be the more dependable one?) . . . Nicole Richie & her baby daddy Joel Madden (Good Charlotte) may have finally set the date, reports saying they’ll wed in a small ceremony in Laguna Beach CA OCTOBER 13th . . . 19-year-old movie actress Evan Rachel Wood is planning to launch a singing career but admits she’s afraid she’ll be criticized & any success will be attributed to her creepy boyfriend, Marilyn Manson (well, seems she’s 2-for-2 there!) . . . NBC-TV is on a retro kick, bringing back recycled versions of “Bionic Woman” & “American Gladiators”, and now planning a 21st-Century version of “Knight Rider”, the 1982-86 show about a super-car that launched David Hasselhoff’s mediocre career (don’t worry, the Hoff won’t be in it) . . . A “Blender” magazine ‘scientific’ comparison of the wild lives & unhealthy habits of Britney Spears vs Lindsay Lohan predicts that Spears’ life expectancy is 34 years (2016), while Lohan’s is just 24 (2010) . . . A British charity has sold a complete set of “Harry Potter” books autographed by author JK Rowling on e-Bay for $37,100 . . . Brit actors Rhys Ifans (“Elizabeth: The Golden Age”) & Sienna Miller (“Stardust”) have further fueled rumors they’re dating by getting matching tattoos of swallows inked on their wrists (seems she’s not a spitter then) . . .  45-year-old “American Idol” judge Paula Abdul says a baby is definitely on her agenda within the next 2 years (she’s currently cradle-robbing a 32-year-old) . . . And Paula also says that doing the reality show “Hey Paula” (Bravo) was ‘disturbing’ and that’s the reason she didn’t agree to a 2nd season even though she was asked (now there’s a crock of … uh, spin).

• Elton John – A week after a photo from his personal collection of the works of American photographer Nan Goldin led to questions regarding underage nudity, he’s asked the Baltic Centre for Contemporary Art in Gateshead, England to shut down the entire 149-picture retrospective called “Thanksgiving”. It had been scheduled to run until JANUARY 20.
• George Harrison – Martin Scorsese, the Oscar-winning director whose recent subjects have included Bob Dylan and the Rolling Stones, is next set to make a feature-length documentary about the late Beatles guitarist’s life. Filming is scheduled to begin later THIS YEAR.
• Jimmy Buffett – He’s suing the Six Flags theme park chain, claiming it stole the name for its ‘Carrothead Club‘. A Six Flags rep says it’s unlikely kids running around in foam carrot hats would be mistaken for ‘Parrotheads’, the trademarked name for Buffet’s Hawaiian-shirt-wearing, margarita-guzzling fans.
• Keith Urban – He’s been involved in a George Clooney-like minor motorcycle mishap in Sydney, Australia. Seems he dropped his bike to the ground to avoid a collision while being pursued by a paparazzo. Urban was on his way to an AA meeting.
• Mariah Carey – She reportedly now has a personal assistant who is solely responsible for her … breast tape. The aide’s main job is to ensure the diva’s ‘girls’ remain covered at all times.
• U2 – Bono has reportedly written a song for the Spice Girls for their upcoming reunion which is also expected to appear on their greatest hits album pencilled in for a NOVEMBER 5th release.

• Faith Hill – She performs on “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS) to promote her new album, “The Hits”.
• Janet Jackson – She’s a guest on the “Oprah Winfrey Show” this afternoon (syndicated/CTV).
• “Little Mosque on the Prairie” (CBC) – The premiere of the 20-episode 2nd season. The comedy originated in Regina, but CBC has ended up moving more than half of the production to a soundstage in Toronto. Interesting that US network CW has a new comedy called “Aliens in America” about a Muslim exchange student in a Midwest high school. Rip-off?
• “Pushing Daisies (ABC) – Premiere of a new fantasy series described as a ‘forensic fairytale’, about a joe-average guy (Lee Pace) who has an extraordinary talent: he can bring people back from the dead … but only for about 60 seconds.
• Willie Nelson – His older sister Bobbie Nelson has just released her debut album. TONIGHT the 76-year-old pianist is on the “Tonight Show with Jay Leno”, alongside her li’l bro’.

New jargon entering the lingo …
• ‘Fucci’ – A contraction of ‘fake Gucci’. (“Martha thinks she’s all hot with that coat, but it’s fucci … I checked the label when she wasn’t looking.”)
• ‘Pwn’ [pronounced ‘pone’ to rhyme with own] – A slang term that implies domination and/or humiliation of a rival, used primarily in the Internet gaming culture. (“Jason could have beaten the Argonauts in a sword fight but they really pwned him in Super Mario Brothers.”)
• ‘Stoozing’ – Borrowing money from a credit card during its introductory no-interest period and then investing it in order to earn interest as a profit. (“I’m no Warren Buffet yet, but I’ve put away a few thou’ by stoozing 6 different cards.”)
• ‘Turkey Breakup’ – The tendency for former high school sweethearts to split when they go back home from separate out of town schools for Thanksgiving weekend. (“Adam says he & Laura are headed for a turkey breakup, ‘cause he’s loving the smorgasbord of college co-eds.”)

British marriage councilor Denise Knowles says couples who don’t have spats may seem to have the perfect relationship but, in reality, the opposite is likely true. How so? If you never argue, at least one person’s needs aren’t being met, which can eventually lead to resentment and/or emotional distance. The solution? Think about what you want from your relationship and constantly ‘fight’ to achieve those things with your partner. (What if what you want is someone else?)
– “Daily Mirror”

Australian farmers could soon be managing their flocks not with trusty sheepdogs but via their PCs. Scientists Down Under are currently pioneering the concept of ‘E-farming’ whereby herd animals wear an electronic tag which relays details of their weight and whereabouts back to the base. The technology would remove the need for physical barriers as the livestock would feel a ‘gentle’ electric shock when veering too close to ‘virtual fences’ only visible on the computer screen. (How handy. If you want barbecue, you just crank up the juice!)
– “GQ”

New stats out of China this week show that some 400,000 Chinese children have been given the same name, ‘Guoging’, the name of the country’s national day. ‘Guoging Day’ (OCTOBER 1st) kicks of THIS WEEK’s 7-day holiday celebrating the founding of the People’s Republic of China in 1949. (This wouldn’t go over here … “This is my daughter, ‘Canada Day’.”)
– Reuters

Scientists from Harvard, Florida State, and McMaster universities have discovered that men with low-pitched voices have more children than those with higher voices. That’s the result of a study of an African tribe in Tanzania, who were easier to monitor because they have no modern birth control. It seems women subconsciously find deeper male voices more attractive because they’re considered to be dominant, older, healthier, and more masculine sounding. Women are particularly drawn to a booming voice when they’re at peak fertility. (Well, to that we say …HEY NOW!)
– “Social Studies”

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 93% of employees say they have experienced ageism in the workplace.
• 60% of drivers have memorized their license plate number; the rest have no clue.
• 37% of female employees claim that they have NEVER used the washroom at work.
• 31% of us don’t go away on vacation because we can’t find someone to take care of pets.
• 16% of us hide our money in the fridge or freezer.
• 10% of children snore on most nights.

A San Diego CA man has started a website which allows visitors to vent their frustrations about those who live around them and thereby warns potential new neighbors about what they’re getting into. Brant Walker says his site has yielded thousands of posts and more than 250,000 hits since it went live 8 weeks ago. He hopes it will become a tool for both real-estate developers and potential home buyers. The site allows users to check for complaints in specific neighborhoods by punching in a zip code and then clicking on red balloons that mark spots on a map where complaints have been made.
– “New York Post”

• A golfer in Suffolk, England has hit his 3rd hole-in-one … at the age of 8! David Huggins sank his latest ace with a 9-iron on a 105-yard 7th hole. It was his first hole-in-one during competition. He scored his very first ace in 2003, when he was only 4. By comparison, Tiger Woods didn’t manage to get his first until age 6.
– Ananova News Service
• “Guinness World Records” has certified a Venango County PA man as the world’s top aquatic stone skipper. Russell ‘Rock Bottom’ Byars, who stands 6-2 & weighs 253 lbs, bested the previous record of 40 skips by tossing a stone that skipped 51 times and traveled an estimated 250 ft before sinking into the crossing waters of the Allegheny River and French Creek.
– “Pittsburgh Post-Gazette”

• If you’re watching your weight, you should never eat by candlelight. Dim light can trigger binge eating.
– “Women’s Health”
• Gasoline prices have broken the £1-a-litre barrier (about $2.04 CDN) at dozens of filling stations in the UK, hitting the record high in part because of a new tax hike of 2 pence.
– “Daily Telegraph”
• Simply walking wastes energy. The stomp of every footfall gives off enough power to light 2 60-watt bulbs for 1 second.
– “Christian Science Monitor”
• Swedish researchers have found that if a pregnant woman has an ultrasound scan, her chances of giving birth to a left-handed child are increased by 30%.
– “Times of London”

“Not only does Feist deserve our support, but she is incredibly talented and an amazing singer/songwriter/performer, in stark contrast to Spears.”
– Celebrity blogger Perez Hilton, urging music fans to boycott Britney and throw their support behind Canadian indie singer Feist (“1234”).


1949 [58] Lindsey Buckingham, Palo Alto CA, classic rock singer/guitarist (Fleetwood Mac-”Dreams”, “Rhiannon”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (1998)

1962 [45] Tommy Lee (Bass), Athens, Greece, reality TV personality (“Rock Star: Supernova”)/rock drummer (Motley Crue-“Girls Girls Girls”)/ex-Mr Pam Anderson/ex-Mr Heather Locklear/Kid Rock’s byotch

1969 [38] Gwen Stefani, Anaheim CA, pop singer (“The Sweet Escape”, No Doubt-“Underneath It All”)/fashion designer-marketer (LAMB)/movie actress (“The Aviator”, “Zoolander”)/Mrs Gavin Rossdale since 2002/mom to Kingston (2006)

1971 [36] Kevin Richardson, Lexington KY, former pop singer (ex-Backstreet Boys-“Incomplete”, “I Want It That Way”)

1973 [34] Neve Campbell, Guelph ON, movie actress (“Scream I-III”, “Wild Things”)

1976 [31] Seann William Scott, Cottage Grove MN, movie actor (“Mr Woodcock”, “American Pie”)

1984 [23] Ashlee Simpson, Waco TX, pop singer (“Boyfriend”, “Pieces of Me”)/movie actress (“The Hot Chick”, “Undiscovered”)/sometime girlfriend of Fall Out Boy’s Pete Wentz

• “Customer Service Week”, to highlight the business advantages of providing top-notch service.

• “German Unification Day”, celebrating the 1990 reuniting of East & West Germany to once again become a single country. It was one of the benchmarks of the end of the ‘Cold War’.

1987 [20] France’s Michel Pruffer becomes ‘World’s Fastest Skier’ by clocking 135.26 mph at Portillo, Chile

1988 [19] ‘World’s Largest Cocktail’ is concocted … a 327-gallon pina colada

1997 [10] 69-year-old Hockey Hall of Famer Gordie Howe skates with Detroit Vipers in their International Hockey League opener, becoming 1st ‘Hockey Pro to Compete in 6 Decades’

1997 [10] Japan’s Maglev bullet train breaks ‘World Train Speed Record’ at 280.3 mph

[Thurs] International Bluegrass Music Awards (Nashville)
[Thurs] Toot Your Flute Day
[Thurs] “30 Rock” 2nd-season premiere (NBC)
[Fri] Techies Day
[Fri] World Teachers Day
[Fri] Story Telling Day
[Fri] 13th National Denim Day
[Fri] “Feel the Noise”; “The Heartbreak Kid”; “The Seeker: The Dark Is Rising” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … No Salt Week
This Month Is … Go On A Field Trip Month


Ask a phone contestant to try and finish these famous movie lines …
• “Frankly, my dear, I don’t … (… give a damn!” – “Gone With the Wind”)
• “I’m going to make him an offer he … (… can’t refuse.” – “The Godfather”)
• “The name is Bond … (… James Bond.” – “Dr No”)
• “Of all the gin joints in all the towns in all the world … (… she walks into mine.” – “Casablanca”)
• “Well, it’s not the men in your life that counts, it’s the … (… life in your men.” – “I’m No Angel”)
• “My Mama always said life was like a box of chocolates … (… you never know what you’re gonna get.” – “Forrest Gump”)
• “Toto, I’ve got a feeling we’re not … (… in Kansas anymore.” – “The Wizard of Oz”)
• “Here’s looking at … (… you, kid.” – “Casablanca”)
• “You talkin’ to me? Well, I’m the … (… only one here.” – “Taxi Driver”)
The original audio clips are here …

A lesbian is any woman who doesn’t like me.

• Approximately how many bubbles are there in a standard bottle of champagne?
a. About 300 per glass or 3,000 per bottle.
b. A total of 7 million. [CORRECT. Thanks to a $500,000 research project in California LAST YEAR.]
c. Don’t’ be fooled, it’s just 1 big one trapped in a vapor lock.

• 10% of women will NOT allow this in their home for Thanksgiving.
a. Turkey.
b. A particularly offensive relative.
c. Football [CORRECT. So much for the CFL double-header on CBC!]

• How many lemons does the average lemon tree yield in a year …
a. 15
b. 150
c. 1500 [CORRECT. Lemon trees bloom throughout the year and fruit can be picked 6-10 times.]

• Which high-tech devices & gadgets designed to ‘save time’ are more of a pain than a pleasure? (Telephone menus? Automated airline check-ins? Blackberries?)
• What’s your best tip for preventing your lunch from being stolen out of the office fridge? (One suggestion is slapping on a misleading label, ie: ‘veal-brain soup’.)

Today’s Question: 41 is the magic age to start doing THIS.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Motorcycling.

We need people with multiple personalities to offset all the people who don’t have any.

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