Monday, October 1, 2007        Edition: #3624      
Sheet Rocks!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• The 2008 nominees for induction into the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame include Afrika Bambaataa, Beastie Boys, Chic, Dave Clark Five, Donna Summer, John Mellencamp, Leonard Cohen, Madonna, and The Ventures. Out of that disparate bunch, 5 inductees will be announced in JANUARY. The incredibly un-rock ‘n roll induction ceremony will take place MARCH 10, 2008.
– antiMusic.com
• Why did Heidi Montag get breast implants and a nose job? “The Hills” star says bullies in school made fun of her appearance. (Looks like she – and a boatload of money – finally did something about it!)
– “Cosmo Daily”
• 21-year-old Lindsay Lohan will be spending 5 days of ‘quality time’ with her father this week, reportedly in a secret location away from the Cirque Lodge clinic in Utah. Ex-con Michael says he’ll be whisking her away as part of the rehab center’s out-patient therapy program. (Now there’s a recipe for trouble!)
– “NY Daily News”
• Filmmaker Ang Lee’s controversial new thriller “Lust, Caution” has broken box office records in both his native Taiwan and in Hong Kong. The sex scenes are so graphic it’s been given a rare NC-17 rating in the US, while censors in China insist a total of 30 minutes must be cut before the film will even be considered for release there.
– World Entertainment News Network
• 61-year-old actor Sylvester Stallone claims he’s suffered a series of death threats on the set of his upcoming movie sequel “John Rambo”. Stallone and his crew have been shooting the movie near the Thai/Burmese border. Burma (aka Myanmar) is currently in the midst of political crisis, which Stallone describes as ‘full-scale genocide’. (Why not send in Rambo?)
– StarPulse News Blog
• 29-year-old former “Lost” actress Michelle Rodriguez is accused of violating probation again by failing to complete community service and by not enrolling in an alcohol education program. She was ordered to perform 30 days of community service for previously violating probation on her 2003 DUI charge. She’s now facing a $2,000 fine … and up to a year-and-a-half in the slammer. (Isn’t it time celebrity drunk drivers started getting for-real punishment?)
– Fox News

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Beyonce Knowles – Her upcoming concert in Malaysia has been canceled, reportedly because she refused to ‘tone down her stage show’. Translation: those costumes are too skimpy.
• Britney Spears – Despite all the bonehead moves she continuously pulls, her new single, “Gimme More”, has climbed to #1 on the iTunes singles chart.
• Christina Aguilera – The reportedly pregnant 26-year-old says she’s done with the Hollywood party scene, opting instead for quiet nights at home with her husband Jordan Bratman.
• Kanye West – Ever wonder where his outrageously overblown ego comes from? Blame it on mommy. In a recent interview, she compared her tantrum-prone son to some of the greatest men in history, such as Jesus, Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr.
• Ozzy Osbourne – His 54-year-old wife Sharon says they’ve agreed to a suicide pact because she doesn’t want to go through the pain her father did when he suffered from Alzheimers. She says they believe in euthanasia 100% and have drawn up plans to go to an assisted suicide center in Switzerland if they ever have an illness that affects their brains.
• Sara Evans – After a year of nasty allegations, the 36-year-old country star was finally granted a divorce FRIDAY on the generic grounds of ‘irreconcilable differences’. She’s agreed to pay ex-husband Craig Schelske alimony of at least $500,000 over 10 years.
• Uncle Kracker – He’s pleaded guilty to a misdemeanor assault charge stemming from an incident LAST MONTH at a Raleigh NC nightclub. He’s been sentenced to 12 months’ probation, a $1,500 fine, and ordered to undergo an alcohol assessment. He was accused of slapping a 26-year-old woman after she objected to his hand … up her skirt.
• U2 – Bono says the “Spider-Man” musical he & The Edge are currently working on will dazzle audiences, because it will be something ‘the likes of which no one has seen or heard’. The stage production will be directed by Julie Taymor (“Across the Universe”).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Aliens in America” (CW) – Dan Byrd & Amy Pietz star in the premiere of this new sitcom about a Wisonsin high school that hosts a 16-year-old Muslim exchange student from Pakistan. (It’s “Little Mosque in the Midwest”.)
• “Playboy” – The magazine’s NOVEMBER issue hits newsstands, featuring a buff pictorial of 37-year-old Kimberly Bell, baseball slugger Barry Bonds’ former mistress. In an interview, she discusses her relationship with Bonds and what she told a grand jury investigating perjury allegations against him in 2005.
• “National Geographic Kids” – Actress Cameron Diaz is pictured alongside a polar bear on the front cover of the OCTOBER edition. That’s because she’s guest editor of the mag’s first-ever ‘Green Issue’.
• “Radio 1. Established 1967” – Britain’s BBC Radio 1 is celebrating its anniversary with the release of a compilation album featuring covers of tunes from each of its 40 years, recorded by contemporary artists (ie: The Streets, The Kaiser Chiefs, etc).
• Tori Amos – TONIGHT she performs on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC).

BANNED IN BEIJING:
China has now banned television and radio ads for push-up bras, figure-enhancing underwear, and sex toys in the communist government’s latest move to purge the nation’s airwaves of what it calls ‘social pollution’. (So we’re guessing “Desperate Housewives” won’t be airing anytime soon.)
– AP

10-DOLLAR COFFEE AND WI-FI:
TODAY Starbucks will begin testing its iTunes Wi-Fi Music Store in some 600 of its coffee shops in NYC and Seattle. Not only will Starbucks customers be able to use their laptops, iPhones, or iPod Touch devices to download music, they’ll also be able to take advantage of a ‘Now Playing’ feature enabling them to download the music being played. Some analysts are predicting Starbucks will soon install terabyte-size media servers in their stores with fast connections that would also allow video downloads.
– “Wired”

WEIRD SCIENCE:
The new book “Elephants on Acid: And Other Bizarre Experiments” by Alex Boese has collected some of the most unusual experiments ever carried out by mad scientists. Among them: 2-headed dogs, a human-ape hybrid, a remote-control bull, and the electrification of human corpses. The book’s title describes an incident in which 2 researchers ended up killing an elephant with a dose of LSD about 3000 times stronger than what a human could ingest.
NET: http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/hoax/top/experiments
– “Curious Times”

NO JOY FROM JOURNALING:
People who keep diaries are more likely to suffer from headaches, sleeplessness, digestive problems and even social dysfunction according to a recent study. When a group of devoted  diarists were compared with non-diary-keepers, it was expected there would be healthful advantages to keeping a daily journal. In fact, the opposite proved true. Researcher Elaine Duncan of Glasgow Caledonian University concludes we are probably much better off if we don’t write anything at all. (Thereby setting back literature by a thousand years but helping to prevent blackmail from snoopy little brothers the world over.)
– “New Scientist”

GOOD GRAVY:
If you consider Jell-O wrestling too demeaning here’s a new sport to consider – the world’s first ‘Gravy Wrestling Championships’ have been staged in Lancashire, England and the inaugural title was taken by the Shukokai Karate Club. The winning captain says he knew the championship was in the bag when the opponents were reduced to … throwing lumpy gravy at them.
– “Daily Mail”

PIE IN YOUR FACE:
A so-called ‘anti-wrinkle pizza’ created by a nutritionist in southern Italy has caused a stir, with pizza purists protesting against the desecration of the national dish. The ‘primula’ pizza is made up of 3 times the amount of fiber found in a classic pizza and contains more magnesium and iron, thanks to its whole-meal flour. The other ingredients: tomatoes, garlic, zucchini, basil, mushrooms, carrots, and spinach are also said to provide antioxidant powers against aging.
– “La Stampa“

ACT OF GOD:
Nebraska Senator Ernie Chambers has filed a lawsuit asking for a permanent injunction against … God. The charges include causing widespread death, destruction and terrorization of millions through fearsome floods, horrendous hurricanes, and terrifying tornadoes. The point of the lawsuit? To raise awareness of the out-of-control litigiousness in America where anyone can file a suit against anyone else, regardless of how stupid the case. Now just watch, someone will sue him for defamation!
– MSNBC

AND WE QUOTE:
“I love my grey hair. I actually think my face has more of an edge and a lot more character than it did when I was in my early 30s. So I think I can have 20 more good years as an actor, if that’s what I want and if the public aren’t fed up with me.”
– 46-year-old George Clooney in “Daily Mirror”.

BS CHRONOMETER 10.01.07

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [83] Jimmy Carter, Plains GA, 39th US President (1977-1981)

1935 [72] [Dame] Julie Andrews (Wells), Walton-on-Thames UK, movie actress (“The Princess Diaries”, “The Sound of Music”)/Broadway actress (“Victor/Victoria”, “My Fair Lady”)

1947 [60] Stephen Collins, Des Moines IA, TV actor (‘Rev Eric Camden’ on “Seventh Heaven” since 1996)

1950 [57] Randy Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“Independence Day”, “Vacation”)/actor Dennis Quaid’s brother

1968 [39] Kevin Griffin, Monroe LA, alt-rock singer/guitarist (Better Than Ezra-“A Lifetime”, “King of New Orleans”)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Child Health Day”, a day to highlight the prevention of juvenile illness and injury in order to build a healthier, safer, brighter future for every child.
NET: http://mchb.hrsa.gov/childhealthday/

• “Homemade Cookie Day”. Nummers! What’s the absolute best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal & raisin? Peanut butter? Shortbread? Dirt balls? Mmm can’t you just smell ‘em coming out of the oven all hot and soft and gooey?

• “October”, which actually means ‘8th month’ but has been the 10th month ever since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus.

• “World Habitat Day”, an annual UN observance focusing this year on urban safety and security. An international conference on the topic is being staged in The Hague, The Netherlands.
NET: http://www.unhabitat.org/

• “World Vegetarian Day”, the 30th annual designed to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health & humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. Enjoy your bark and leaves! (When’s ‘World Carnivore Day’ anyway?)

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1961 [46] CTV television network signs on (back when Lloyd Robertson was only 72)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1888 [119] 1st issue of “National Geographic” magazine

1903 [104] 1st MLB ‘World Series’ (Pittsburgh Nationals & Boston Americans)

1971 [36] ‘Disney World’ opens in Orlando FL

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Name Your Car Day
[Tues] World Farm Animal Day
[Tues] Custodial Workers Day
[Tues] 3-CD retrospective “Dylan” is released
[Tues] Bruce Springsteen releases “Magic” album
[Tues] “Queer Eye” final season begins (Bravo)
[Wed] “Little Mosque on the Prairie” season debut (CBC)
[Thurs] International Bluegrass Music Awards (Nashville)

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Customer Service Week / Get Organized Week / Higher Education Week / Mental Illness Awareness Week / Minority Enterprise Week / Health Care Food Service Week / Pickled Pepper Week / Remanufacturing Week / School Bus Safety Week / Spinning & Weaving Week / Temp Help Week / Universal Children’s Week

BULL’S BITS

ALL-TIME WORST AD SLOGAN TRANSLATIONS:
• Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux!”
• Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that ‘mist’ is slang for ‘manure’. Not too many people had use for a “Manure Stick.”
• Coors translated its slogan “Turn It Loose” into literal Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea”.
• When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather 1st class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its “Fly In Leather” campaign as “Fly Naked” in Spanish.
• The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to also expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are You Lactating?”
• The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “Bite the Wax Tadpole” or “Female Horse Stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translating into “Happiness in the Mouth.”
– MoronLand.net

BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the worst hairstyle on a guy? According to a recent “Razor” magazine poll, 56% say ‘comb-over’; 33% ‘mullet’; 6% ‘Mohawk’; and 5% ‘faux hawk’.)

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
• You’re an ‘ecdysiast’. What do you do for a living?
a. Model clothes.
b. Design clothes.
c. Take off your clothes. [CORRECT. You’re a stripper.]

• What does a pilot drop to slow the plane so it can land?
a. Rudder
b. Flaps [CORRECT]
c. Pants

BS ‘BEST BEFORE CONTEST’:
Have a look in your fridge & cupboards – we have a prize for the oldest expiry date!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Men say you should do THIS after 5 dates, while women say you should wait until after 10 dates.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Meet the parents.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
It’s not about what you do, but how awesome you feel doing it.


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