Monday, October 16, 2006        Edition: #3387
Deja Moo!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BITS:
• It’s a ‘reality relationship’ … “America’s Got Talent” judge & sometime singer Brandy and “Project Runway 3” finalist Michael Knight are dating. They met while she was promoting her reality series in his hometown of Atlanta GA and were introduced by an industry acquaintance. (Who scented out a possible premise for another lame series.)
– “Daily Dish”
• “Rock Star: Supernova” contestants Storm Large and Magni have reportedly been fired from the new group’s tour. The show’s ever-popular house band will also not be appearing, although Toby Rand and Dilana will apparently still perform. Storm claims the move is for ‘financial reasons’. The tour is scheduled to start New Year’s Eve in Las Vegas. (By which time we’ll all have forgotten who any of these people are.)
– “Reality Blurred”
• Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’ wedding may be just around-the-corner, with her dress all ready to go, but the persistent buzz is that Katie’s parents are still outraged that the nuptials (whenever and wherever they happen) will be conducted by the Church of Scientology, rather than in the Catholic tradition. And there have even been suggestions that the Holmes folks are threatening a last-minute boycott of the wedding to try to convince Katie to have a proper Catholic ceremony, even if she does one Scientology-style as well. (Give up people, your only hope is hiring a de-programmer.)
– TMZ.com
• The “American Idol 5” tour, which visited 55 cities in just under 3 months, earned a whopping $35.2 million (about a dollar-ninety-eight of which went to the contestants). That may rank it among the top 10 concert tours of the year even though the highest-priced ticket was just $72.50, pocket change compared to top tix for Madonna or the Stones. And while there were no SRO shows, 96% of seats for “AI5” were sold overall. (And we’re betting 96% were filled by females 50-plus.)
– “USA Today”
• 74-year-old screen legend Elizabeth Taylor is apparently considering marriage … for the 9th time! Her latest beau is portrait artist Firooz Zahedi who, at 57, is 17 years her junior. He has recently helped her through a string of health problems including congestive heart failure and crippling arthritis. (He’s also clairvoyant – he can see an inheritance in his future.)
– “Sunday Express”
• Kevin Federline is reportedly forbidding his wife Britney Spears from using male dancers in her new video. It seems she hired Matt Felker, one of the hotties from her “Toxic” video, to appear in her new video but her hubby has insisted that she fire him and all of the other male dancers she’d hired and replace them with females. K-Fed, once a back-up dancer for Britney himself, is said to be surprisingly insecure and secretly terrified that she’ll dump him if her career takes off again. (For once dude, you’re right.)
– “In Touch Weekly”
• Now we know who’s “Hard to Handle” … Black Crowes rocker Chris Robinson, angry and humiliated after learning about his wife Kate Hudson’s hush-hush hookup with actor Owen Wilson in Hawaii, is finally filing for divorce. Sources say he had hoped to work things out with Kate, but was so devastated by her sneaky rendezvous with Wilson that he’s hired Brad Pitt’s divorce lawyer to snip the ties that bind. (In Hollywood terms, Hudson & Wilson are already an ‘old couple’ of like 12 weeks.)
– “National Enquirer”

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Dierks Bentley – He’s basically spending TODAY at 30 Rock in NYC, appearing on both the “Today Show” (NBC) and “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• The Killers – TONIGHT …  again! … they’re on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC), where they’ve basically take up residence.
• Madonna – She & hubby Guy Ritchie have left the African country of Malawi without their newly adopted son, 1-year-old David Banda, because the boy’s passport is still being processed. He’s expected to be reunited with his new parents soon.
• Sara Evans – Word is she filed for divorce from her husband of 13 years (Craig Schelske) and abruptly dropped out of “Dancing with the Stars” (ABC) because she thinks it’s in her 3 children’s best interest. The divorce papers accuse her husband of ‘adultery & inappropriate conduct’.
• Tim McGraw – TONIGHT he’s on the “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel).
• Usher – He’s been sidelined from his final performances in “Chicago” on Broadway due to strep throat. Hundreds of disappointed ticket-holders are demanding their money back.

2006 GEMINI AWARDS:
The 21st annual awards for Canadian television entail not 1, not 2, but no less than 4 separate events. TONIGHT in Toronto, awards for ‘News, Sports & Documentaries’ will be handed out. TOMORROW it’s ‘Lifestyle, Children’s & Youth’. WEDNESDAY the awards are for ‘Drama, Variety & Comedy’ Then NOVEMBER 4th, the actual broadcast gala (Global-TV) airs from Vancouver, the first time it’s originated outside Toronto. (Could they possibly make this more complicated? And why don’t they change the name so we’re not continually confused by the difference between “Geminis” and “Genies”?)
NET: http://www.geminiawards.ca
– CBC Arts

THIS IS COSTING AN ARM & A LEG:
US military agency DARPA (Defense Advanced Research Projects Agency) has given 2 competing groups of scientists $7.6 million in grants to figure out how humans might … regrow their limbs! The researchers are trying to isolate the genes which enable regenerative abilities in many amphibians. In fact, there are actually more species that can replace lost body parts than there are animals who can’t. But don’t throw away the prosthetics just yet, it’s estimated the big breakthrough in human regeneration might not come for 20 years. (About the same time as the last disabled soldier gets home from Iraq.)
– “Wired”

NEW BS GADGETS & GIZMOS:
• An Italian professor has devised a solution for weight-watchers unable to stick to their diets – a belt that flashes and beeps when the wearer has eaten too much. The ‘Cintura di Vastita’ or ‘Vast-ity Belt’ has an electronic microchip which causes lights to flicker and bells to ring when the belt tightens beyond a certain limit. The special belt is pre-adjusted for the wearer and can be put on just before tucking in at the table. (“Warning! Warning! Maximum Load Exceeded!”)
• “The Business Bib” is simply the top third of a suit which you can throw on over your T-shirt for that professional look when you need to appear in a video conference. It allows you to look perfectly put-together in a fraction of the time it takes to boot your computer and you can fool your colleagues into thinking your actually give a darn! (Wearing pants is optional.)
NET: http://businessbibs.com

HE’S A SOLE MAN:
It seems you can tell your fortune by reading your feet. An Argentine ‘foot reader’ says people with large big toes are ‘logical’, while those with a longer 2nd toe tend to be more ‘impulsive’. And if the pad beneath your toe is red, you are ‘passionate about life’. (Or maybe have some kind of ucky infection.)
– “Fitness Magazine”

CAN WE SHOP?
Shopaholics are almost as likely to be men as they are women, according to a new study at California’s Stanford University. Previous research had suggested that 90% of shopaholics are women. The new study also finds that compulsive buyers tend to be younger, on low incomes and 4 times as likely as others to make only the minimum payment on their credit-card balances. (What a fortuitous combination of loser traits.)
– “The Guardian”

STANKY RANKING:
What has the foulest odor you can think of? According to an online poll, here are the items most of us find most fetid …
5. Dairy Farms (32%)
4. Bathroom Odors (38%)
3. Dirty Diapers (45%)
2. Rotten Eggs (47%)
1. Skunks (60%)
– AP

BANNED AT THE AIRPORT:
Techno artist Casey Smith has created an ‘artwork’ entitled the “Suspicious Looking Device”, a bright orange box with an electrical switch and countdown timer on the top. If you touch it, it lets out a loud siren and then scoots away on a set of hidden wheels. The only function of the “Suspicious Looking Device” is to … well, look suspicious. One of Smith’s other new inventions – the “Solar Powered Light”. (His next exhibition will likely be in a prison yard somewhere.)
NET: http://junkfunnel.com/sld/
– “Curious Times”

BS AMAZING FACT:
A ‘jiffy’ is an actual unit of time equal to one one-hundredth of a second.

THE BULL SHEET 10.16.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1941 [65] Tim McCarver, Memphis TN, FOX-TV Major League Baseball analyst (St Louis vs NY Mets NLCS)/ex-MLB catcher (played in the 1950s, ‘60s, ‘70s & ‘80s)

1958 [48] Tim Robbins, West Covina CA, movie actor (2004 Oscar-“Mystic River”, “Shawshank Redemption”)/movie director (“Dead Man Walking”)/Susan Sarandon’s partner since 1988

1962 [44] Flea (Michael Balzary), Melbourne, Australia, rock bassist (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Dani California”)  FACTOID: He got his nickname because he shaved his head in high school, making him ‘bald as a flea’.

1974 [32] Paul Kariya, Vancouver BC, NHL winger (Nashville Predators)

1977 [29] John Mayer, Bridgeport CT, pop singer/songwriter (“Waiting On the World to Change”, 2003 Grammy Award-“Your Body Is A Wonderland”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Bosses Day”, an observance since 1958 in which employees are encouraged to ‘honor the boss’ (aka ‘Brown Nosers Day’). What makes a good boss? Attributes most people select in a recent poll: fair, honest, understanding, approachable, a good communicator.

• “Dictionary Day”, celebrating the 1758 birth of Noah Webster, one of the most famous of lexicographers, who 1st published “Webster’s Dictionary” in 1828.

• “Hurricane Thanksgiving Day” in the Virgin Islands, an observance since 1726 in which locals celebrate having survived another hurricane season.

• “World Food Day”, declared annually by the United Nations, which this year is encouraging investment in worldwide agriculture in order to enable food security. Most of the world’s farmers are small-scale farmers, the UN notes, so supporting them can help feed the world.
NET: http://www.fao.org/wfd/2006/index.asp?lang=en

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1846 [160] 1st public demonstration of ‘Surgical Anesthesia’ (early anesthetics include ether, hashish, opium and alcohol)

1916 [90] 1st ‘Birth Control Clinic’ in America is opened by Margaret Sanger in Brooklyn NY

1921 [85] 1st (and only) mid-game NFL coaching change (Rock Island Independents fire Frank Coughlin at half-time)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1968 [38] Toronto Maple Leaf Jim Dorey sets 2 NHL penalty records (48 minutes in a game, 44 minutes in a period)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Tues] Gaudy Day
[Wed] Persons Day (Canada)
[Wed] “Project Runway” season finalé
[Wed] 50th London Film Festival (UK)
[Wed] 2nd Black Movie Awards
[Wed] No Beard Day
[Thurs] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Sun] Western Canadian Music Awards
[Sun] Mother-In-Laws Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
International Credit Union Week / Teen Read Week / Character Counts Week / Food Bank Week / Forest Products Week / School Bus Safety Week / Getting The World To Beat A Path To Your Door Week / YMCA Week Without Violence / Freedom From Bullies At Work Week / Businesswomen’s Week / Health Education Week / Infection Prevention Week / World Rainforest Week

BULL’S BITS

Beginning OCTOBER 26th, Microsoft will reportedly offer a ‘Vista Upgrade Coupon’ that gives buyers of any new ‘Windows XP’-based PC a free or discounted upgrade to the new ‘Windows Vista’ through MARCH 15th next year (one way of covering off the heavy-buying holiday season). The release date for the long-delayed follow-up to ‘Windows XP’ is now vaguely targeted for ‘the first quarter of 2007′. So here’s a BS look at …
REJECTED NAMES FOR WINDOWS VISTA:
• ‘Windows Whenever’
• ‘Broken Windows’
• ‘Windows XXXP’
• ‘Windows Siesta’
• ‘Windows 2004′

BS TRIVIA:
Q: Which is the one & only US President to be granted a patent?
A: Abraham Lincoln, who invented a hydraulic device for lifting ships over shoals.

BS PHONE STARTER:
Using some form of convoluted logic, NBC decided to greenlight not 1 but 2 TV series this season based on a behind-the-scenes look at a “Saturday Night Live”-type program. Despite enormous hype, both “Studio 60” and “30 Rock” are tanking big-time. Why do you think? How about …
• When you get ‘behind-the-scenes’, you discover show biz people are even less likable than you imagined. The words ‘self-centered’, ‘posturing’, and ‘ego-centric’ come to mind.
• It doesn’t matter whether you’re talking about “Studio 60” or “30 Rock”, the key number is ‘20′. That’s at least how many years it’s been since anyone gave a hoot about “Saturday Night Live”.

BS “DICTIONARY DAY” QUIZ:
• While a-sea in a sailboat you spot a ‘Dagon’ [‘DAY-gawn’]. What have you seen?
a. A beautiful sunset.
b. A male mermaid. [CORRECT]
c. An abandoned pirate ship.
– “Balderdash”

• At university you’re majoring in ‘Garbology’. What are you studying?
a. Greta Garbo’s film career.
b. The history of clothing and fashion.
c. Garbage. [CORRECT]
– “Webster’s College Dictionary”

• Your Australian friend has asked you to fix her ‘Gurgler’. What needs repair?
a. Her toilet. [CORRECT]
b. Her aquarium.
c. Her garborator.
– “Macquarie Australian Dictionary”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Thanks for being on the show; we have a lovely parting gift for you. It’s a comb.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: THIS happens to 42% of men during the first 5 years of marriage.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: They lose their wedding rings.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
The beginning is always today.

BS FRESH MEAT:
Welcome to new subscribers Jeff Jeffries @ 94.5 Peace FM [CHET] Chetwynd BC; and Chris Kuchar @ KBC [CJAT] Trail BC; and we welcome samplers that include Stevette Wood @ B97 [WBWB] Bloomington IN; Victor @ Continent Radio in Kiev, Ukraine; Matt Wallace @ The New Heat 90.1 [CRNC] Welland ON; and Robin Heare @ 106.9 CHMA Sackville NB. Remember BSers, we bonus you ONE MONTH FREE service for each and every new subscriber you refer!


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