Thursday, October 5, 2006        Edition: #3380
Sheet Happens!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
TODAY through Saturday, CBS Paramount Television is auctioning some 4,000 items from its “Star Trek” archives for the first time, including costumes, props, sets, weapons & models in a Christie’s NYC sale tagged “40 Years of Star Trek: The Collection” (does this mean no more TV series or movies? NET: http://www.christies.com/special_sites/startrek/overview.asp) . . . TONIGHT the 2 most-popular shows on TV, “CSI” (CBS) and “Grey’s Anatomy” (ABC), battle it out head-to-head again (LAST WEEK the crime lab guys shaded the frisky doctors by a hair) . . . Picture this while watching “The Office” TONIGHT (NBC) – Jenna Fischer (‘Pam’) once auditioned for the role of ‘Sydney Bristow’ on “Alias” (the role Jennifer Garner got) but was told she ‘wasn’t hot enough’ (at least 1 guy in the office disagrees) . . . 59-year-old former “Charlie’s Angels” star Farrah Fawcett is said to be facing chemotherapy & radiation treatments after recent surgery to remove a malignant tumor in her lower intestine . . . “Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip” is dying a slow death, losing 35% of its audience over 3 weeks and drawing just 9 million viewers MONDAY night . . . A company named Emerson Electric is suing NBC-TV for using their ‘In-Sink-Erator’ garbage disposal unit without permission on THIS WEEK’s episode of “Heroes”, in which ‘Claire Bennet‘ mangled her hand while retrieving a ring (like anyone other than an Emerson engineer would ever notice) . . . And homewrecker Tori Spelling is expecting her 1st child with Canadian actor hubby Dean McDermott (if you’re doing the math, their quickie wedding was on the 7th of May so we’re guessing it’s due … let’s see, 6 months after … November!).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Diana Krall – TONIGHT she’s on “Late Late Show With Craig Ferguson” (CBS).
• Elton John – Bath & Body Works is creating the “Elton John Fireside Home Fragrance Collection”, which includes scented candles, oils & scented stones known as ‘Elton Rocks’. 10% of sales will go to the Elton John AIDS Foundation.
• Eric Clapton – On his current tour he’s playing his controversial hit “Cocaine” again, deciding it can be seen as an anti-drug song. (Or at least a potential ad jingle for a new energy drink.)
• Evanescence – TONIGHT they kick off a fall tour in support of the new album “The Open Door” in Toronto at Kool Haus. TOMORROW they play Montréal’s Metropolis.
• James Blunt – TODAY he’s on “MuchOnDemand” (MuchMusic).
• Jerry Lee Lewis – TONIGHT the R&R pioneer does “Late Night With Conan O’Brien” (NBC).
• Madonna — She’s in the African country of Malawi as part of a humanitarian mission to help AIDS orphans. A government official claims she & hubby Guy Ritchie will adopt a child during their stay.
• The Killers – TONIGHT they perform on “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC).
• Trace Adkins – TONIGHT his 30-city string of “CMT on Tour” concerts begins in Jacksonville FL. Jason Aldean & Billy Currington are the support acts.

COMING ATTRACTIONS:
A sampling of movies in the making …
• “The Bourne Ultimatum” – Shooting has begun THIS WEEK on the 3rd installment of the popular action franchise starring Matt Damon (“The Bourne Supremacy”, “The Bourne Identity”). But – oops – there’s no bad guy yet! Mexican actor Gael Garcia Bernal (“Babel”, “The Science of Sleep”) has apparently been offered the role, but so far no deal. Joan Allen & Julia Stiles are reprising their roles but, alas, not smoldering German actress Franka Potente, who appeared in the first 2 films.
• “Iron Man” – Robert Downey Jr has been signed to star as ‘Tony Stark’, a wealthy industrialist who, upon being kidnapped, invents a hi-tech suit of armor that gives him superpowers and allows him to escape. Based on the Marvel Comic, the flick is due out in MAY 2008.
• “Mary Queen of Scots” – Scarlett Johansson has the title role in this story of the antagonistic relationship between Queen Mary and her English cousin, Queen Elizabeth I, who tried to undermine her rule. Shooting is expected to begin in August 2007. Melanie Johansson – the actress’ mother and manager – will serve as a producer.
• “PS, I Love You” – Oscar-winner Hilary Swank & James Marsters (“Angel”) will team for this romantic drama about a grieving young widow who discovers her late husband has left her a list of tasks revealed in 10 monthly messages that are intended to ease her out of grief and help her transition to a new life. Shooting starts THIS MONTH in NYC and Ireland.
• “Rendition” – Reese Witherspoon & Jake Gyllenhaal are in talks to star in this thriller about a Cairo-based CIA analyst whose life falls apart after witnessing an interrogation by the Egyptian
secret police. Rendition is the term for the US extra-judicial procedure that involves sending suspected terrorists to other countries for imprisonment and interrogation. One problem that might shake up this production – a UK film with the same subject and title is already in the can.

iPOETRY:
THIS WEEK British entertainment company 57 Productions has launched a new website which allows users to download … poetry. iPoems features downloads of about 1,000 different poetry readings for MP3 players and iPods. The fee is 95 cents per ‘audio poem’ and $1.80 per ‘video poem’. (Better hurry, there’s likely a real line-up!)
– BN

SOBER IRELAND?
A survey by a major research firm says drinking cappuccino is threatening to become more popular than beer in Ireland. The new stats show the Irish drank an average of 3 gallons less alcohol LAST YEAR than they did in 2000. In addition to the lower alcohol consumption, the survey says drinking every night at the local pub is becoming less socially acceptable. Traditional pub life, the survey finds, is being replaced by a continental culture that favors coffee drinking. (Coincidentally, there have been far fewer leprechaun sightings lately.)
– “Telegraph”

MOM’S VOICE BEATS SMOKE ALARM:
The recorded sound of a parent’s voice urging kids to wake up and get out of bed is a better smoke alarm than conventional tone alarms, according to a study at the Columbus Children’s Hospital in Ohio. In experiments with children aged 6-to-12, researchers used a conventional tone alarm during the 1st cycle of deep sleep and an experimental voice alarm during the 2nd cycle. Fully 96% were roused by the parental voice alarm, while only 58% were awakened by the tone alarm. (How soon until some smart entrepreneur invents the ‘recordable smoke alarm’?)
–  Reuters

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
• In Romania, the principal of a high school has ordered a universal breathalyser test every morning for both students … and teachers. The penalty for those caught with high blood alcohol is a 1-day suspension and a ‘surprise anti-hangover lesson’.
• In Bulgaria, a 24-year-old driver’s life has been saved by her …. breast implants. The woman collided with another car after driving through a red light. Both vehicles were crumpled beyond recognition but the woman’s silicone implants apparently functioned as built-in air-bags and cushioned the blow. She did, however, lose the implants, which burst.
• In Germany, the city of Gremen is planning to put polling booths … in pubs. The idea is to create higher voting turnout for the upcoming local election.
• In Ukraine, a company has designed a prophylactic which plays music while in use. It also boasts the ability to play music louder and faster … according to the ‘motion of the ocean’.
• In Poland, a 45-year-old fugitive is accused of disrespecting the country’s leaders by comparing them to a Communist-style dictatorship. When he was asked by police to show more respect … he farted. But he failed to show up in court to answer to that charge, and now a nationwide manhunt has been initiated. Even Interpol has been alerted.

CELEBRITY HOT-SPOTS IN CANADA.
Where do you go in Hollywood North to see the likes of Mark Wahlberg, Scarlett Johansson, Woody Harrelson, Tom Cruise, Mel Gibson and the like? Celeb spotters say these are the sites most likely …
10. Ristorante Buonanotte, Montréal
9. Lobby Restaurant & Lounge, Toronto
8. Four Seasons Hotel, Whistler BC
7. Blue Water Café, Vancouver
6. Trattoria Sotto Sotto, Toronto
5. Opus Hotel & Bar, Vancouver
4. Trattoria Vaticano, Toronto
3. CinCin Ristorante, Vancouver
2. Hotel Le St-James, Montréal
1. Sutton Place Hotel, Vancouver
(Hey, what about Four Seasons Hotel, Toronto?)
– AskMen.com

WHAT MAKES A CHEATER?
According to a new dating survey, most guys (74%) think that cheating starts with a kiss. But for women, a kiss doesn’t even need to happen; it can be any number of other things. Here’s what some women consider to be cheating …
• Flirting provocatively … 35%.
• Confiding in other women … 36%.
• Dancing closely … 41%.
• Getting private dances at strip-joints … 79%.
• Engaging in online ‘relationships’ … 80%.
• Any sort of sexual contact … 100%.
– AskMen.com

SOMETHING TO MAKE YOU SMILE:
Dentists can now give patients a Hollywood-type smile for a fraction of the price of tooth caps by installing new … clip-on teeth. To create the clip-on veneers, a mold is taken of the teeth as a template. There’s no drilling, injections or braces. Costing less than $3,000 for both uppers and lowers, the sets are removable but can be worn all day, even while eating and drinking. (Yeah, my grandpa’s been using them for years.)
– “GQ”

TOMMY LEE REPLACEMENT:
The Music Technology Lab at Atlanta’s Georgia Tech University has developed a robotic drummer named ‘Haile’ (‘HIGH-lee). He even resembles a human musician, with hands, legs and a head made from hardwoods. While computers have been playing music for 50 years, this is the first robotic drummer to actually interact with other musicians. Haile ‘hears’ the music and responds to the tone, pitch and amplitude of the beat to create his own drum response. (This is one drummer who can keep a steady beat … and won’t steal your girlfriend.)
– CNN

DID YOU KNOW?
• October 5th is the most popular birthday in the United States. May 22nd is the least common birthday.
• Americans consume roughly one-quarter of all the electricity generated in the world. Fully a third of it (or 8% of the world’s total supply) is used to power air conditioners.

THE BULL SHEET 10.05.06

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1943 [63] Steve Miller, Milwaukee WI, classic rock singer/guitarist (“Fly Like an Eagle”)

1947 [59] Brian Johnson, Newcastle UK, rock singer (AC/DC-“Moneytalks”)/Rock & Roll Hall of Fame (2003)  FACTOID: Their “Back In Black” album (1980) has sold over 40 million copies worldwide.

1954 [52] Sir Bob Geldof, Dublin, Ireland, social activist (“Live 8”, “Live Aid”, Band Aid-“Do They Know It’s Christmas”)/former rock singer (Boomtown Rats-“I Don’t Like Mondays”)

1958 [48] Bernie Mac (Bernard McCullough), Chicago IL, TV actor (“The Bernie Mac Show” since 2001)/movie actor (“Ocean’s Eleven-Twelve-Thirteen”)

1975 [31] Kate Winslet, Reading UK, movie actress (“All the King’s Men”, “Titanic”) with 4 Academy Award nominations

1978 [28] James Valentine, Lincoln NE, pop musician (Maroon 5-“She Will Be Loved”, “This Love”)

1980 [26] Paul Thomas, Waldorf MD, pop musician (Good Charlotte–“I Just Wanna Live”, “Girls & Boys”)

1983 [23] Nicky Hilton, NYC, idle rich girl/younger sister of Paris Hilton/briefly wed to businessman Todd Meister … for about a day

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Apple Betty Day”, honoring the dessert aka “Apple Brown Betty”, “Apple Crisp”, “Apple Crumble” or “Apple Cobbler”. Whatever you call it … nummers!

• “Techies Day”, the 7th annual to heighten the profile of IT careers and show appreciation for technology professionals.

• “World Teachers Day”, begun by UNESCO in 1994 as recognition for the vital contribution teachers make to education and development. Over 100 countries observe “World Teachers’ Day”.
NET: http://www.ei-ie.org/worldteachersday/en/index.php

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1969 [37] “Monty Python’s Flying Circus” debuts on BBC-TV (45 episodes produced before the troupe leaves in 1974 to make movies)

1970 [36] PBS-TV debuts (and the begging begins)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1995 [11] Coolio’s “Gangsta’s Paradise” is certified Gold & Platinum (truly a one-hit-wonder!)

TODAY’S FIRSTS . . .
1984 [22] 1st Canadian in space (Marc Garneau, aboard the shuttle “Challenger”)

1985 [21] 1st American League East title for Toronto Blue Jays

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
2001 [04] Barry Bonds of the San Francisco Giants sets the Major League Baseball record for ‘Home Runs in a Single Season’ at 72 (then adds one more 2 days later)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Fri] Chinese Moon Festival
[Fri] 12th National Denim Day
[Fri] Frugal Fun Day
[Fri] Physician Assistant Day
[Fri] “The Trailer Park Boys: The Movie”; “Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning”; “Employee of the Month”; “The Departed” open in movie theaters.
[Fri] Lawyers Day
[Fri] World Smile Day
[Sat] Diversity Day
[Mon] Canadian Thanksgiving Day (no “BS” service)
This Week Is … No Salt Week (next week is ‘Pound Salt Week’)
This Month Is … Gay & Lesbian History Month (read up on the history of Queen George)

BULL’S BITS

MORE BS QUESTIONS PLAGUING HUMANITY:
• What color does a ‘Smurf’ turn if you choke him?
• Why don’t baseball players cross their hearts AFTER they strike out?
• Does wild rice have to be hunted?
• Isn’t EVERY accident a fender-bender?
• Why doesn’t ‘Captain Hook’ just go to a ‘second hand’ store?
• If we’re not supposed to have pillow fights, why do they call ‘em throw pillows?

CAN YOU DIVINE THE ANSWER?
The following are methods of ‘divination’ or predicting the future. What does each require the soothsayer to examine?
• Cartopedy …
a. Predicting one’s future by examining facial hair.
b. Predicting one’s future by examining laundry.
c. Predicting one’s future by examining feet. [CORRECT]

• Lecanomancy …
a. Divination by looking at stones thrown into water. [CORRECT]
b. Divination by looking at stones thrown into palm trees.
C. Divination by looking at people thrown into chaos.

• Onychomancy …
a. The art of reading coffee grounds.
b. The art of reading fingernails. [CORRECT]
c. The art of reading a physician’s writing.

BS RANDOM JOKES:
• Thanksgiving is a wash – you get the day off … but you have to spend it with family.
• I’d explain it to you … but your brain would explode.
• An office cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Today’s Question: Simply by drinking THIS, your brain will process information faster.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Lemon juice.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
He who tells you how great he is usually isn’t.


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