Friday, October 25, 2019 – Edition: #6559
Sheet For Brains!
BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Kelly Ripa and Mark Consuelos’ eldest son, Michael, moved out of the family home to attend college and he’s now facing the challenges of living on his own. Ripa joked on “Jimmy Kimmel” that the 22-year-old was experiencing “poverty” for the first time in his life — but the comments weren’t well received on social media. One commenter told her to “stop talking about things you have no clue about.” And another wrote: “The fact that she can speak glowingly about it definitely signals her son isn’t actually in ‘extreme poverty.” Another felt a rolling eye gif was enough.
(Or…maybe she was joking?)
★ Whoopi Goldberg will play Deloris Von Carter again in the stage musical version of “Sister Act” – 28 years after she played the role in the film. Sister Act will run between July 29 and August 30 next year at the Eventim Apollo in Hammersmith. She’ll be joined in the show by “Absolutely Fabulous” actress Jennifer Saunders, who will play Mother Superior, the nun who takes Deloris into her convent after she witnesses a mafia hit. Goldberg starred in the original film alongside Dame Maggie Smith and Harvey Keitel.
★ Kylie Jenner is reportedly seeking to trademark the phrase ”Rise and Shine”. The make-up mogul, who is rumored to be worth more than $1 billion – has filed documents in a bid to claim the legal rights to the well-known wake-up call. The trademark will cover a range of clothing items, such as jackets, lounge-wear, scarves, sleepwear, and cosmetics, if she is successful in her efforts.
(I suppose she has already trademarked the term “opportunist”?)
★ Those with a “Facts of Life” cast reunion on their wish-list are getting an early Christmas present! Lisa Whelchel, Kim Fields, Mindy Cohn and Nancy McKeon are reuniting in Lifetime’s Christmas film “You Light Up My Christmas”. The late Charlotte Rae, who passed away in 2018, will also be a small part of the film. The news comes a year after the network reunited several “One Tree Hill” cast members for a holiday film, and after reports surfaced August of 2018 that a Facts of Life reboot was potentially in the works.
TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/Global): John Krasinski, Sugarhill Gang
• “The Late Show with Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global): Eddie Murphy, Ree Drummond
• “Late Night with Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV): Billy Bob Thornton, Beth Ditto, Lauv featuring Anne-Marie, Roy Mayorga (R)
• “The Late Late Show with James Corden” (CBS/CTV): Kirsten Dunst, Billy Porter, Andrew Orolfo (R)
• “The View” (ABC/CTV): Day of Hot Topics
• “The Talk” (CBS): Alyssa Milano
• “Live with Kelly and Ryan” (ABC/CTV): Eddie Murphy, “Points Guy” Brian Kelly
• “The Ellen DeGeneres Show” (NBC/CTV): Justin Hartley, Ciara, Hannah Brown, Chris Janson
• “The Kelly Clarkson Show” (CHECK LOCAL LISTINGS): Lea Michele, William Jackson Harper
• “2019 World Series” (FOX): Game 3. Houston Astros at Washington Nationals
• “2019 World Series” (FOX): Game 4. Houston Astros at Washington Nationals
• “Christmas Wishes & Mistletoe Kisses” (HALLMARK): Weeks before Christmas, an interior designer is hired to decorate the estate of a wealthy businessman.
• “Saturday Night Live” (NBC): Chance the Rapper hosts and performs.
• “2019 World Series” (FOX): Game 5. Houston Astros at Washington Nationals (if necessary)
• “Mrs. Fletcher” (HBO): Season premiere. On the day before her son leaves for college, Eve has to deal with some inappropriate behavior in the workplace; Brendan runs into an ex-girlfriend at a party.
• “Silicon Valley” (HBO): Season 6 premiere
• “No Time Like Christmas” (LIFETIME): A woman and her first love plan a Christmas Eve show in hopes of saving the local theater.
BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Nicki Minaj – appears to be officially married. She’s been referring to Kenneth Petty as her husband for some time, but now she has posted an Instagram video showing “Mr.” and “Mrs.” coffee mugs and “bride” and “groom” caps. It also mentions her full legal name: “Onika Tayna Maraj-Petty.”
• Mark Ronson — says playing with LEGO is one of his earliest memories of being creative and of experiencing the satisfaction of seeing something through from start to finish. According to him: “Both of these things are the bedrock of what I do today – in the studio it is important for me to be creative but also task minded.”
• John Mayer – was in court this week to face off against an alleged stalker who he claims has sent harassing messages referring serial killers, and made anti-Semitic statements to him. A judge issued a 5-year permanent restraining order.
• Red Hot Chili Peppers — Flea is officially off-the-market. The bassist, whose real name is Michael Balzary, married fashion designer Melody Ehsani last weekend. While the couple has been private about their relationship, we do know they have been engaged for about a month.
• Paul McCartney — has teamed up with PETA for a new music video for his 1993 song ‘Looking For Changes’. The video – which is entirely animated – shows lab workers being tricked by the animals they are about to experiment on. McCartney says that he is “looking for changes that will continue the momentum of getting animals out of laboratories.”
• Guns N’ Roses — Model Amber Rose has named her newborn baby after guitarist Slash. Rose gave birth to ‘Slash Electric Alexander Edwards’ last week. Baby Slash is fathered by Alexander “A.E” Edwards, a label executive at Def Jam. (With a last name like that, she couldn’t have named him after Axl?)
• 2019 CMA Awards – The first round of performers has been announced, with Carrie Underwood, Maren Morris, Miranda Lambert and more scheduled to take the stage Nov 13. Underwood will sing ‘Drinking Alone’ along with her co-hosts Dolly Parton and Reba McEntire.
• Kip Moore – says that due to career commitments, he has only slept in his own bed seven times since early June. He’s currently on the third leg of his “Room to Spare: Acoustic Tour” alongside special guests Tucker Beathard, Devin Dawson and Kylie Morgan.
TODAY’S MOVIE OPENINGS:
• “The Current War” (PG-13, Drama): The dramatic story of the cutthroat race between electricity titans Thomas Edison and George Westinghouse to determine whose electrical system would power the modern world. (Tom Holland, Benedict Cumberbatch)
• “Countdown” (PG-13, Horror): When a young nurse downloads an app that claims to predict exactly when a person is going to die, it tells her she only has three days to live. With time ticking away, she must find a way to save her life before time runs out. (Elizabeth Lail, Jordan Calloway)
• “The Lighthouse” (R-Rated, Drama/Horror, Wide): The hypnotic and hallucinatory tale of two lighthouse keepers on a remote and mysterious New England island in the 1890s. (Willem Dafoe, Robert Pattinson)
• “Black and Blue” (R-Rated, Action/Adventure): A rookie police officer in New Orleans has to balance her identity as a black woman with her role as a police officer when she witnesses other police officers committing murder. (Naomie Harris, Mike Colter)
• “Paradise Hills” (Science Fiction/Fantasy, Limited): Uma is a teen girl who wakes up in an apparently idyllic school for young ladies to reform rebel girls. (Emma Roberts, Awkwafina)
MILK IT FOR ALL IT’S WORTH:
Door to door milk delivery from local dairies was something that was taken for granted in the 1950s and ‘60s, but it just might be on its way back into vogue – and NOT via drone. As many millennials shift to more sustainable ways of living, avoiding unnecessary plastic and waste, in the UK, the milkman is making a comeback. Some London dairies are reporting a dramatic increase in demand for their glass bottles since 2018, and they say that’s because environmentally-conscious young adults are willing to pay a little more for the service. With close to a 25% increase in two years, doorstop deliveries are now estimated to make up 3% of all milk sales in the UK. Now, some milk companies are looking into working alongside the younger generation to see what other products they might be interested in having delivered to their homes…such as local honey and sourdough bread.
(And avocado toast?)
(Craft beer and charcoal toothpaste?)
(So prepare yourself to hear a lot more of the word “milkperson”!)
NEWS OF THE WEIRD:
➢ A mischievous horse has gained legions of fans online thanks to his ingenious way of avoiding being ridden – he dramatically drops to the ground and plays dead until the would-be rider walks away. It’s unclear whether Jingang, “the world’s most melodramatic horse” was trained to play dead to amuse tourists, or if he just developed this talent himself, but one thing is for sure – he is really good at it. As soon as someone tries to ride him, Jingang’s legs buckle and he drops to the ground. Sometimes he even closes his eyes, leaving just his flaring nostrils as proof that he’s only playing around. Not even a tasty carrot will make Jingang break character, as demonstrated by his trainer in one of several viral videos. (He knows you can’t beat a dead horse…!)
➢ An 81-year-old man has been jailed for working as a getaway driver. Why was he working as a getaway driver? He was lonely. Ian Hemmens of West Sussex, in England, was sentenced to nine months behind bars for helping an alleged drug dealer flee the country. His lawyer told court that his client did the deed because it simply gave him the chance to talk to someone. The criminal was glad to have him, because a man of his age was less likely to draw the attention of police. (That may have been the slowest getaway on record…and the only one with the left turn signal on for the entire time!)
➢ Five so-called hitmen in China have been jailed after subcontracting a deal to assassinate a businessman to each other. As it turns out, Tan Youhui, a real estate company owner, hired a hitman to eliminate a local competitor for 2 million yuan ($282,000). That hitman decided that it was easier to subcontract the job to someone else, pay him half of the fee, and ask the client for more money. The businessman agreed, but only after getting proof that his rival had been dealt with. The second hitman hired a third hitman to do the job, who, in turn, passed the job on as well, striking a deal for 200,000 yuan, plus 500,000 upon completion. Yes, the fourth hitman hired a fifth hitman to do the deed for the measly sum of 100,00 yuan. That would-be hitman decided it wasn’t worth the effort, so he decided to let the victim know the plot and tell him to fake his own death so he could get paid. The victim decided to go to police. (And that’s where things got complicated…)
BS CHRONOMETER 10.25.19
BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Frankenstein Day”, honoring Mary Wollenstone Shelley, the author of “Frankenstein”. Frankenstein was first published anonymously in 1818.
• “Cartoonists Against Crime Day”, honoring cartoonists, graphic artists, and illustrators who promote crime prevention through their works. (Stop varmint … or I’ll draw!)
• “Chucky the Notorious Killer Doll Day”, celebrating the murderous, knife-wielding doll brought to life in horror films: “Child’s Play” (1988); “Child’s Play 2″ (1990); “Child’s Play 3″ (1991); “Bride of Chucky” (1998); “Seed of Chucky” (2004); “Curse of Chucky” (2013); “Cult of Chucky” (2017)
• “Greasy Foods Day”. From pizza and nachos to burgers and French fries, it’s nearly impossible to ignore this guilty pleasure. (Especially if it’s someone else’s!)
• “International Artists Day”, honoring the contribution artists make to society. It’s a day to visit a gallery, participate in something creative, or buy that painting that you’ve been admiring.
• “Punk for a Day Day”, so get on your faux-hawk, your stick-on tats, your imitation leather and strut your stuff!
• “World Pasta Day”, honoring one of Italy’s greatest gifts to the world. It’s estimated there are circa 350 different types of pasta and about 4 times that many names for them.
• “Mincemeat Day”. Odds are you either love it or you can’t stand the stuff. Mincemeat is a mixture of chopped dried fruit, distilled spirits, spices, and sometimes beef suet. Originally, mincemeat always contained meat; many modern recipes use vegetable shortening in its place.
• “Pumpkin Day”, celebrating the orange member of the squash family best known for being carved into jack-o-lanterns or made into pie filling. Did you know that pumpkins are 90% water? At one time, they were recommended for removing freckles and curing snake bites. (Not saying it worked, just that it was recommended…)
• “Mule Day”, a day designated to celebrate these unique hybrid animals. Mules are the
offspring of a male donkey and a female horse and are more common than hinnies, the offspring of a female donkey and a male horse. Because donkeys and horses are actually different species with a different number of chromosomes, their offspring are nearly always sterile. (And stubborn!)
• “Worldwide Howl at the Moon Night”, an annual pre-Halloween tradition. A wolf howl can carry up to 10 miles in areas where there are no trees. Owoooooo!
• “Boxer Shorts Day”, a salute to their invention on this date in 1901.
• “Cranky Co-Workers Day”, in honor of all the complaining and just plain cranky people you work with and have to endure all year. This is the day to let them go with it and enjoy their misery.
• “Potato Day”, one of several annual ‘food holidays’ honoring the humble spud. This root vegetable became one of the New World’s most important discoveries. What’s the best way to cook ‘em? Fries? Mashed? Baked? Au Gratin w/Gruyere & Creme Fraiche?
• “American Beer Day”, beer is the most popular alcoholic drink in the United States, where over 7,000 breweries produce more than 9 billion gallons annually.
TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1928  Marion Ross, Watertown MN, TV actress (‘Marion Cunningham’ on “Happy Days” 1974-1984)
1957  Nancy Cartwright, Dayton OH, really rich voice actress (‘Bart Simpson’ and others on “The Simpsons” since 1989)
1961  Chad Smith, St Paul MN, rock drummer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-‘Scar Tissue’, Chickenfoot-‘Oh Yeah’)
1969  Samantha Bee, Toronto ON, comedian/TV personality (“Full Frontal with Samantha Bee” 2016-present, correspondent on “The Daily Show” 2003-15)
1971  Craig Robinson, Chicago IL, movie actor (“Sausage Party”, “Hot Tub Time Machine” films)/TV actor (“The Office” 2005-13)/TV host (“Last Comic Standing” 2010)
1984  Katy Perry (Hudson), Santa Barbara CA, pop singer (‘Roar’, ‘I Kissed a Girl’)/highest-earning female celebrity in 2015
1985  Ciara (Ciara Princess Harris), Austin TX, pop singer (f/Ludacris-‘Ride’, ‘Goodies’)/wed to Seattle Seahawks QB Russell Wilson on July 6th 2016 at Peckforton Castle in UK
SATURDAY- Jaclyn Smith (“Charlie’s Angels”) is 74; Pat Sajak (“Wheel of Fortune”) is 73; Hillary Rodham Clinton (2016 U.S. Presidential candidate) is 71; James Pickens Jr. (“Grey’s Anatomy”) is 65; Dylan McDermott (“The Practice”) is 58; Cary Elwes (“The Princess Bride”) is 57; Keith Urban (‘Blue Ain’t Your Color’) is 52; Seth McFarlane (“Family Guy”)is 46; Paula Faris (“The View”) is 44; Jon Heder (“Napoleon Dynamite”) is 42
SUNDAY- John Cleese (“Monty Python”) is 80; Simon LeBon (Duran Duran) is 61; Kelly Osbourne (“The Osbournes”) is 35; Troy Gentile (“The Goldbergs”) is 26
THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1978  “Halloween”, directed by John Carpenter, starring Donald Pleasence and Jamie Lee Curtis in her film debut, is released (12th movie in the series, “Halloween Kills” is set for release on October 16, 2020)
TODAY’S MUSIC EVENTS . . .
2014  Jack Bruce, classic rock bassist/singer and founding member of Cream, dies at age 71
2014  Taylor Swift applies to trademark several phrases related to her album ‘1989’, including “Party Like It’s 1989,” “This Sick Beat” and “Cause We Never Go Out of Style.”
2017  Nashville stages a star-studded farewell concert for Kenny Rogers, who is retiring after a 60-year career. Among the tributes, Chris Stapleton sings ‘The Gambler’, Lionel Richie with ‘Lady’ and Don Henley performing the Eagles’ ‘Desperado’, which Rogers covered. The highlight of the evening is when Rogers takes the stage with Dolly Parton, and the two close out the night with ‘Islands in the Stream’.
TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1991  33-year-old Jack Feeser sets the unofficial ‘World Car Kissing Record’ in Hanover, Pennsylvania by smooching a ‘Geo Storm’ for 145 hours, 14 minutes in order to win the vehicle from a dealership (and just like the movie of the same name, the car turns out to be a lemon!)
BS WHACK FACTS:
✓ In 18th century Paris, street vendors sold baths, carrying tubs and water into private homes.
✓ The Eiffel Tower was almost demolished in 1909. What saved it? Its potential use as a radio tower.
✓ Researchers found 15 different types of bacteria on doctors’ pens.
✓ Electric eels are not true eels. They’re members of the carp family.
✓ Some species of cockroach can reproduce without mating.
✓ In one study, reminder signs in ladies’ restrooms increased handwashing by 36%. Men’s rooms: 0%.
BS LIQUORING UP LITERATURE FOR THE WEEKEND:
• Tequila Mockingbird
• The Call of the Wild Turkey
• Wino the Pooh
• Olive With a Twist
• Jonathan Livingston Seagram’s
• 50 Shades of Grey Goose
• From Beer to Eternity
• The Handmaid’s Ale
• The Johnny Walker Red Badge of Courage
• Are You There, God? It’s Me, Margarita
• The Last Call of the Wild
Best of BS . . .
BS REASONS YOU WON’T BE WINNING THE HALLOWEEN COSTUME CONTEST:
• The ‘Bride of Frankenstein’ had big hair and a small butt, not the other way around.
• Your ‘Liposuction Byproduct’ costume may be mistaken for a ‘Bowl of Tapioca Pudding’ costume.
• Your prison uniform rips every time you bend over.
• Thanks to the sliding humps, no one will know whether you’re supposed to be a camel or Dolly Parton.
• Your ’80s Wardrobe’ costume involves the same clothes you wear any other day.
• You can’t get the zipper on your Leo DiCaprio costume to stay up.
• Even though your ‘Viagra Man’ outfit is clever, people may just mistake you for a lawyer.
• Nobody likes a farting clown.
– Adapted from TopFive.com, first published in ‘BS’ in 2011
BS PHONE STARTER:
What’s the best Halloween costume you ever saw at a party?
BS RANDOM JOKE:
A perfectionist walked into a bar…apparently, the bar wasn’t set high enough.
BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: 10% of people say they have unearthed THESE when cleaning their car. What?
Answer: French fries
BS DEEP THOUGHT:
There are short-cuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them.