Monday, October 1, 2012        Edition: #4541

You Really Know Your Sheet!

WEEKEND TABLOID & BLOG BS:
• Christie’s auction house in London is selling off 50 items of ‘James Bond’ memorabilia throughout this week in an online charity sale that culminates in a live auction Friday, the 50th anniversary of the release of the first ‘007′ movie, “Dr No” (1962). The sale is one of a series of events around-the-world to mark the anniversary of one of the world’s longest-running and most successful film franchises. October 5th has been tagged “Global James Bond Day”.
– Reuters.com
• The humiliation continues for Kate Middleton as another magazine has published embarrassing photos of her, and this time she’s not wearing a stitch! Danish magazine Se og Hør has published more grainy photos from the same infamous vacation at a private chateau in France. But this 16-page spread not only shows her topless but without bikini bottoms on. The editor’s reasoning: “We are a leading gossip magazine … it is my job to publish them.”
– RadarOnline.com
• ‘Spider-Man’, ‘Bruce Banner’, ‘Daredevil’, and the ‘X-Men’ can all rest easy because their fearless creator Stan Lee is doing just fine. The 90-year-old comic book legend spawned worry last week after canceling all appearances due to an unspecified medical issue. But now he’s sent out a statement to fans: “Attention, Troops! In an effort to be more like my fellow Avenger, ‘Tony Stark’, I have had an electronic pacemaker placed near my heart to insure that I’ll be able to lead thee for another 90 years.”
– TMZ.com
• Ashton Kutcher has secretly proposed to Mila Kunis, sources say, but she won’t say ‘yes’ until he divorces Demi Moore. A friend of the 29-year-old actress says Mila definitely loves Ashton, and he ‘checks all the right boxes’ for her, but he has some issues he needs to clear up before she can even think about marriage. The biggest is 34-year-old Ashton’s marriage to 49-year-old Demi, the insider says.
– NationalEnquirer.com
• Talk about planning ahead! Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie have apparently asked celeb chef Jamie Oliver to cook them Christmas dinner. The Hollywood power couple have relocated to a palatial English mansion in Surrey while they shoot films in the UK, and are apparently planning a traditional English Christmas dinner. Seems they’re hoping their pal Jamie will help them baste a bird and make it a Christmas to remember for their large brood.
– TheSun.co.uk

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Ben Folds Five (“The Sound Of The Life Of The Mind”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – The Shins (“Port of Morrow”).
• “Dancing With the Stars All-Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – Week 2 performances.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Brit pop singer Cher Lloyd (“X Factor”).
• “iHeartRadio Music Festival” (CW) – Performances recorded September 21st in Las Vegas by Usher, Bon Jovi, Taylor Swift, Swedish House Mafia, Pink, Aerosmith and more. (No Green Day, dammit!)
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Electric Approach (“Brother”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Matt & Kim (“Lightning”, out tomorrow).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Martha Wash (“I’ve Got You”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Diana Krall (“Glad Rag Doll”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Cher Lloyd (“Sticks & Stones”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• Adele – In a new interview with Britain’s “The Sun”, she says she’d never use anything other than her voice to be successful. She slams pop artists who take their clothes off to get attention. Quote: “They don’t look how they do in magazines or videos. I have seen them up close.”
• George Strait – The 60-year-old country music icon has announced his final tour, “The Cowboy Rides Away”, which begins January 18th in Lubbock, Texas. Martina McBride is the opening act.
• Ke$ha –She says her new material is inspired by a worldwide ‘spirit journey’ around-the-world during which she lived on a boat, went diving with Great White Sharks, and helped care for captive lion cubs.
• Lady Gaga – She’s launched a new online project called ‘A Body Revolution’, dealing specifically with body acceptance. On her social networking site she says she wants to inspire bravery in women to ‘celebrate perceived flaws’.
• Little Wayne – He’s just surpassed Elvis Presley’s record for most career songs on the “Billboard Hot 100″ singles chart, with a total of 109. Presley’s count of 108 charted between 1958 and 2003. The difference is Weezy’s dozens of collaborations, including Game’s latest track “Celebration”, which also features Chris Brown, Tyga, and Wiz Khalifa. It has entered the chart at #82 this week to set the new record.
• PSY – “Gangnam Style” and its infinite parodies have meant fame and fortune for the South Korean rapper, but that’s also true for his dad. Believe or not, the stock in his father’s semiconductor company has doubled due to all the publicity. And guess who owns the majority?
• Tegan & Sara – They have dubbed their new album “Heartthrob”, and it’s set for a January release. The duo will hit the road with The Black Keys this month as well as opening shows for The Killers in the US and UK later in the year.

TODAY’S MOVIE OPENING:
“Flight Of the Butterflies in 3-D” ( Nature Documentary opening in IMAX theaters worldwide ): Camera crews follow the year-long annual migration cycle of Monarch butterflies, as hundreds-of-millions follow migratory routes from Canada and across the USA into Mexico where they gather in remote overwintering sanctuaries. Narrated by Megan Follows.
NET: http://www.flightofthebutterflies.com

ODD USES FOR WINE:
If you simply don’t have a taste for the grape …
✓ Wine can be used as a natural fruit and vegetable cleaner.
✓ Dry white wine can be used as a kitchen disinfectant.
✓ Some women report a glass of red wine in a full bath tones the skin.
✓ White wine can be used to remove grease stains from garage floors and driveways.
✓ White wine can clean red wine stains if immediately poured then blotted.
(You spill yummy red wine then waste white to mop it up? Not in our dojo!)
– Adapted from TTP

THINGS YOU SHOULD DO RIGHT NOW:
At least, according to one online philosopher …
• Floss. Shut up about blood and it getting stuck in your teeth or a general fear of dentistry and just floss.
• Watch both a sunset and a sunrise.
• Sell your microwave. You’d be shocked how much healthier you eat when you have to clean a pan after every meal.
• Stop blaming your parents for telling you you’re special. You now know it’s a lie, but you can only blame yourself for continuing to pretend it’s true.
• Read books. Don’t blow your money on a Kindle under the premise that it’ll make you read more. There’s likely a library near you that’s full of wonders … and they’re all free.
• Leave 15 minutes early for everything.
• Drink chamomile tea. It’s good for nearly every part of your body. Instead of hoping one more cup of coffee will halt the shaking, drink some calming, honey-laden tea and think for a second.
• Meet your neighbors. Bake something and give it to them. You don’t even have to talk to them; just give them cookies.
• Stop pretending you’re sick of something when you seek it out on purpose online. You can willingly ignore Snooki’s baby. Either admit that it interests you or shut up.
• Learn how to talk to kids. You’ll find out they aren’t little aliens or monsters; and no matter your gender or orientation, being good with kids is a massive plus in the dating world.
• Catch up on your local news. What’s going on with Miley Cyrus’ hair is important, yes, but it doesn’t really affect your everyday life.
– ThoughtCatalog.com

DID YOU KNOW?
• Pandas make for expensive pets. Over 3 years, the 4 American zoos with pandas have paid out $33 million more for bear care than they’ve taken in exhibiting them.
– PopBitch.com
• As a rule of thumb, the smaller the chili pepper, and the more pointed the tip, the hotter it is.
– “Outside Magazine”
• An open window on a plane would not suck everything out as you see in movies. Mostly passengers inside would feel short of breath and start to pass out.
– “Los Angeles Times”
• Economics undergraduates have more sexual partners on average than students of any other subject.
– HuffingtonPost.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.01.12


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1924 [88] Jimmy Carter, Plains GA, 39th US President (1977-81)/Nobel Peace Prize (2002)

1928 [84] Jimmy Pattison, Saskatoon SK, Canadian billionaire (Chairman, President, CEO & sole owner of Jim Pattison Group/Canada’s 3rd-wealthiest person/Order of Canada (1987)

1935 [77] [Dame] Julie Andrews (Wells), Walton-on-Thames UK, movie actress (“The Princess Diaries”, “The Sound of Music”)/Broadway actress (“Victor/Victoria”, “My Fair Lady”)

1950 [62] Randy Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“Brokeback Mountain”, “Independence Day”)/actor Dennis Quaid’s brother

1969 [43] Zach Galifianakis, Wilkesboro NC, movie actor (“The Hangover” films, “The Muppets”)

1980 [32] Sarah Drew, Charlottesville VA, TV actress (‘Dr April Kepner’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2009, “Everwood” 2004-06)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Child Health Day”, to raise awareness of how we can protect and develop children’s wellness. This event is annually celebrated on the 1st Monday in October.

• “Homemade Cookies Day”. Nummers! What’s the absolute best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal & raisin? Peanut butter? Shortbread? Dirt balls?
NET: http://www.mahalo.com/national-homemade-cookies-day

• “International Day of Older Persons”, an annual observance begun by the UN to recognize the contributions of older persons and to examine issues that affect their lives.
NET: http://www.un.org/Depts/dhl/olderpersons

• “National Day Of the People’s Republic of China”, honoring the PRC’s founding on October 1, 1949 with a ceremony at Tiananmen Square. It’s celebrated throughout mainland China, Hong Kong, and Macau with a variety of government-organized festivities, including fireworks and concerts.

• “October”, which actually means ‘8th month’ but has been the 10th month ever since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus. So, happy First of Faustinus!

• “Popcorn & Tears Movie Appreciation Night”. Men can stay home and vacuum.

• “World Day of Bullying Prevention”, the day when people around-the-world are encouraged to protest bullying and cyber-bullying by wearing a blue shirt. (Some are capitalizing by hawking “STOMP Out Bullying!” T-shirts and wristbands.)

• “World Habitat Day”, a UN observance on the first Monday of October since 1986, to focus attention on the state of our urban areas and the basic human right to adequate shelter.

• “World Vegetarian Day”, the 35th annual designed to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health, and humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. Enjoy your bark and leaves, veggie folks! (When’s ‘World Carnivore Day’ anyway?)
NET: http://www.worldvegetarianday.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1962 [50] Johnny Carson makes his debut as host of the “Tonight Show” (NBC)

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1962 [50] Brian Epstein signs a contract to manage The Beatles through 1977 (neither he nor the group lasts that long)

1977 [35] “Star Wars Theme/Cantina Band” by Meco peaks at #1 on the pop singles chart

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1982 [30] Sony introduces the world’s 1st digital Compact Disc Player in Tokyo, which sells for about $650

COMING UP . . .
[Tues] Guardian Angels Day
[Tues] International Day of Non-violence
[Tues] Custodial Workers Day
[Tues] Techies Day
[Tues] World Farm Animals Day
[Wed] Balloons Around the World Day

THIS WEEK IS . . .
Chimney Safety Week / Customer Service Week / Financial Planning Week / Newspaper Week / No Salt Week / Spinning & Weaving Week / Universal Children’s Week

BULL’S BITS


BEST OF BS:
A highlight bit culled from 19 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
BS SIGNS YOU HIRED THE WRONG BABYSITTER ON THE WEEKEND:
✗ Asked for payment in advance in order to put a deposit on a keg.
✗ Scabs around the swastika scar on her forehead looked infectious.
✗ Carried the baby by sinking her teeth into the scruff of its neck.
✗ As you were leaving, asked if you happen to know the country code for Australia.
✗ Had her boyfriend move hidden ‘nanny cam’ to your nightstand to better capture ‘the show’.
✗ Offered to throw in a circumcision for an extra 10 bucks.
– First published in “BS” 1997.
NET: http://www.FreeRadioPrep.com

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ How do you get out of a date if it’s going badly?

INITIAL NAMES OF POPULAR BANDS:
Before they ‘grew up’ these musical acts were know as …
• Beach Babies (Beach Boys)
• Iron Caterpillar (Iron Burtterfly)
• Guns ‘N Seeds (Guns ‘N Roses)
• The Grateful Not Feeling So Good (Grateful Dead)
• Watching Crows Fly By & Idly Wondering How Many There Are (Counting Crows)
• Alice Experimenting With Light BDSM (Alice in Chains)
• The Mild Altercation (The Clash)
• SPRVSR (MGMT)
• What Are Those Large Figures? (They Might Be Giants)
• Rhoe (Phish)
• Drug Trials & Funding Grants (The Cure)
• Getting Really Frickin’ Sick of These Pumpkins (Smashing Pumpkins)
• Carelessness With Matches While Playing Video Games At the Mall (Arcade Fire)
– Thanks to Nick Leggatt & Robert Jenkins

BS RANDOM JOKE:
They say money talks. Mine just said goodbye!

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: We now eat 244 of THESE per year on average, down from around 400 in the late 1940s.
Answer: Eggs.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
Better 3 hours too soon than a minute too late.

NOW ON OUR SHEET LIST:
Pete Smith @ Kingdom FM Fife, Scotland; Peter G @ ECR [East Coast Radio] Durban, South Africa; Roderick Mandau @ 93.1 YUMI FM Port Moresby, Papua New Guinea; and Darren Lawrence @ 106.9 SFM Sittingbourne UK.


Printer Friendly Version