Wednesday, October 1, 2014        Edition: #5317


You Really Know Your Sheet!

BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
★ Previews begin tonight in NYC for the off-Broadway play “Billy & Ray”, directed by Garry Marshall. Actor Vincent Kartheiser (‘Pete Campbell’ on “Mad Men”) stars as legendary Hollywood writer-director Billy Wilder opposite New York stage veteran Larry Pine, who portrays writer Raymond Chandler. Marshall initially directed the Hollywood comedy in its Los Angeles world premiere last year. Opening night for the NYC version is scheduled for October 20th.
– Canoe.ca
★ More info on troubled actress Amanda Bynes’ recent run-in with the law has emerged. She was arrested for DUI over the weekend in Van Nuys CA, reportedly under the influence of Adderall and totally ‘out of it’ while behind the wheel. Her conservatorship ended in September and her parents didn’t extend it as they thought she was doing better. Word has it she’s moved out of her parents’ house, is now off her schizophrenia and bipolar medicine, and has allegedly been smoking a lot of weed.
– TMZ.com
★ NFL player-turned-TV host Michael Strahan (“Live With Kelly & Michael”, “Good Morning America”, “FOX NFL Sunday”) is set to make his feature film acting debut in the “Magic Mike” sequel. The ex-NY Giants star has long lobbied to be in the film and now actor-producer Channing Tatum has given him a role. “Magic Mike XXL”, also starring Amber Heard, Andie MacDowell, Elizabeth Banks, Donald Glover, and Jada Pinkett Smith, will be released on July 3, 2015.
★ And Netflix has reached a deal with The Weinstein Co for its first original movie … a sequel to Ang Lee’s 2000 martial arts pic “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon”. The follow-up, “Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: The Green Legend”, is slated for a August 28, 2015 release simultaneously in IMAX theaters and on the streaming-video service. It will reportedly be the first of several major films to premiere same day-and-date online and in select IMAX theaters worldwide.
– Variety.com

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Criminal Minds” (CBS/CTV) – The 10th season debut.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Jason Aldean (“Old Boots, New Dirt”, out October 7th).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Madden Bros (“Greetings from California”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The So So Glos (“Blowout”).
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – The Both (“The Both”).
• “Stalker” (CBS) – Debut of a new cop series about a team of detectives who investigate stalkers in Los Angeles. Stars Maggie Q, Mariana Klaveno, Erik Stocklin.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – The Band Perry (“Pioneer”).
• “Tavis Smiley” (PBS) – Al Jarreau (“My Old Friend: Celebrating George Duke”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Lady Antebellum (“747″).
• “Watch What Happens Live” (Bravo) – Melissa Etheridge (“This is ME”).
• “Wendy Williams” (syndicated) – Jordin Sparks (“Battlefield”).

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• American Authors / Echosmith – The 2 bands are joining up for the Honda Civic Tour, a 3-week trek kicking off tonight in Reno NV.
• Black Sabbath – Ozzy Osbourne tells “Metal Hammer” that the band is going to do one more album and a final tour. They hope to begin writing material early next year.
• Brandi Carlile – Tonight in Portsmouth NH she begins her “Pin Drop Tour”, so-named because there’ll be no amps and no microphones used in the tour’s small theater venues.
• Britney Spears – She’s confirmed she has extended her “Piece Of Me” Las Vegas residency until 2017. Not that it’s going to burn her out … she only does about 3 shows a week.
• Capital Cities – Tonight they embark on a Fall headline run beginning in Denver CO and running through November 19th in Oakland CA. Special guest is Night Terrors of 1927.
• Jason Aldean – “Burnin’ It Down” has officially been certified Platinum by the RIAA in just 9 weeks, making it the fastest-selling single of 2014 so far.
• Luke Bryan – Tonight in Knoxville TN he launches his 6th annual “Farm Tour” of smaller markets. It continues through October 11th in Macon GA.
• Pearl Jam – They’ve added a string of 10 additional concert dates beginning tonight in Cincinnati OH. Sandwiched in the middle of the sked is a headlining appearance during both weekends of the Austin City Limits festival (October 3-5 and October 10-12).
• Ryan Adams – Tonight the singer/songwriter begins a series of dates in support of his new self-titled album. The Fall tour starts in Santa Barbara CA, with shows announced up to October 20th in Kansas City MO.
• Ty Dolla $ign – His headlining “In Too Deep Tour” gets underway tonight in San Antonio TX. He’s been busy completing work on his debut album, titled “Free TC”, due later this year.

PATCH IT UP:
A new ‘smart’ skin patch could warn you when your skin is dry, or even when you need to visit a doctor. The tiny patch, which measures about 5 cm (2 in) square, is placed directly on the skin and worn 24/7 for around-the-clock health monitoring. It contains an array of 3,600 liquid crystals designed to sense changes in heat on the skin. When it detects unexpected changes, its sensors change color as a warning. Testing at Northwestern University has found the device can alert the wearer of a number of issues, from cardiovascular trouble to indicating when it’s time to moisturize. It’s thought to be the first device of its kind. (“I can’t come into work today. My patch turned yellow.”)
– @MailOnline

FROM THE BS POLL VAULT:
A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of women cannot whistle.
• 85% of workers drink coffee at least 3 times a day.
• 58% of women say they couldn’t last 7 days without Facebook.
• 20% of us have changed a bathroom tissue roll to the ‘right way’ in someone else’s home.
• 10% of us keep mementos from a past relationship but don’t tell our significant others about it.
• 4% of Halloween participants are planning a costume involving a sports figure this year.

CAM WARS:
In the portable action camera market GoPro reigns supreme, but starting today it’s going to have some competition …
✓ ‘Cube Lifestyle’ – Officially released today by Minnesota-based Polaroid, this tiny 1.5-inch (3.8-cm) waterproof action camera has a distinctive square design that includes a magnetic strip for easy attachment to bikes or anything else metallic. It can take 1080 or 720p video and still images at 6 megapixels. MSRP: $99.99.
✓ ‘ReCamera’ – This still-under-wraps new camera from Taiwan-based HTC will be officially unveiled on October 8th. Teaser videos suggest that it resembles a mini-periscope, is  easily mountable on different objects, and can shoot video in slow motion. No other details have yet been released … or leaked.
✓ Not to be outdone, GoPro has 3 new cameras that go on sale this Sunday, highlighted by its lowest priced model yet, the entry level ‘Hero’ at $129. Also coming: ‘Hero4 Black Edition’ at $499; and ‘Hero4 Silver Edition’ at $399. And you can now make your dog into a filmmaker with the ‘GoPro Fetch’, a harness gadget to attach the tiny camera to your pooch. (What’s that he’s sniffing in his latest production?)
– USAToday.com / Wire Services

BS BUZZWORDS:
New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Double-Hatter’ – A professional firefighter who also works as a volunteer firefighter, usually in a rural area. (“There was a fire in town and then another on a farm. It was a double-header for the double-hatters.”)
• ‘Loom Band’ – A small, brightly-colored rubber band which is woven together with others in a variety of configurations to make bracelets and other items. (Spotted wearing one of late: David Beckham, Kate Middleton, One Direction’s Harry Styles.)
• ‘Outrospection’ – The opposite of introspection, this is the act of reflectively looking outside oneself, particularly by observing or examining other people’s thoughts and emotions. (“My outrospection has revealed the wife may be a bit upset. Well, the flying shoe also helped.”)

OBSOLETE JOBS:
A sampling of gigs you’ll never get because they don’t exist anymore …
✗ Bowling Alley Pinsetter (they set up bowling pins by hand, honest … ask your grandpa)
✗ Door-to-Door Salesman (Avon, Fuller Brush, Watkins Products, etc)
✗ Elevator Operator (extinct except at the Eiffel Tower and on “Mad Men”)
✗ File Clerk (no longer needed since files became computerized)
✗ Footman (Old English servant now only seen on “Downton Abbey”)
✗ Iceman (delivered blocks of ice for pre-refrigerator iceboxes)
✗ Jester (a clown who entertained royal courts)
✗ Lector (a person who read aloud to employees while they were working on boring jobs)
✗ Milkman (delivered bottles of milk to customers’ doorsteps)
✗ Switchboard Operator (“One moment please, I’ll connect you right away.”)
✗ Typesetter (desktop publishing replaced those who arranged blocks of letters for printing presses)
✗ Typist in a Typing Pool (every big office had a roomful of women using typewriters)
What do you think will be added to this list by 2024?
– CareerBuilder.com / ScienceBlogs.com / “Wall Street Journal”

DID YOU KNOW?
Roasted nuts are more likely to spark an allergic reaction than raw.
– BBC News

BS CHRONOMETER 10.01.14


TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1935 [79] [Dame] Julie Andrews (Wells), Walton-on-Thames UK, movie actress (“The Princess Diaries”, “The Sound of Music”)/Broadway actress (“Victor/Victoria”, “My Fair Lady”)

1950 [64] Randy Quaid, Houston TX, movie actor (“Brokeback Mountain”, “Independence Day”)/actor Dennis Quaid’s loony brother

1969 [45] Zach Galifianakis, Wilkesboro NC, movie actor (“The Hangover” films, “The Muppets”)

1980 [34] Sarah Drew, Charlottesville VA, TV actress (‘Dr April Kepner’ on “Grey’s Anatomy” since 2009, “Everwood” 2004-06)

BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Homemade Cookies Day”. Nummers! What’s the absolute best kind? Chocolate chip? Oatmeal & raisin? Peanut butter? Shortbread? Dirt balls?
NET: http://www.mahalo.com/national-homemade-cookies-day

• “International Day of Older Persons”, an annual observance begun by the UN to recognize the contributions of older persons and to examine issues that affect their lives.

• “International Walk to School Day”, an annual initiative on the 1st Wednesday of October designed to encourage kids to become more active. (OMG … is it safe?!?!?)

• “National Day Of the People’s Republic of China”, honoring the PRC’s founding on October 1, 1949 with a ceremony at Tiananmen Square. It’s celebrated throughout mainland China, Hong Kong, and Macau with a variety of government-organized festivities, including fireworks and concerts. (And likely this year … protests.)

• “October”, which actually means ’8th month’ but has been the 10th month ever since New Year’s Day was moved from March to January. At other times in history October has been called Germanicus, Herculeus, and Faustinus. So, happy First of Faustinus!

• “World Vegetarian Day”, the 37th annual designed to create awareness of the ethical, environmental, health, and humanitarian benefits of a vegetarian lifestyle. Enjoy your bark and leaves, veggie folks! (When’s ‘World Carnivore Day’ anyway?)
NET: http://www.worldvegetarianday.org

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
2009 [05] David Letterman reveals on “Late Show” that he’s the target of an attempted extortion scheme that threatened to expose his sexual relationships with a number of his female staffers (CBS producer Robert Joel Halderman is eventually arrested for grand larceny)

2012 [02] “Family Guy” creator Seth MacFarlane is named host for the 2013 Academy Awards (well, that turned out to be a fine idea didn’t it?)

2013 [01] Prolific novelist Tom Clancy (‘Jack Ryan’ novels, ‘Op-Center’ universe, ‘Rainbow Six’ universe) dies in Baltimore MD at age 66  BS FACTOID: With over 100 million copies of his books in print, 17 of his novels were bestsellers and many of them made into movies.

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1962 [52] Brian Epstein signs a contract to manage The Beatles through 1977 (neither he nor they last until then)

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1971 [43] The Magic Kingdom at Walt Disney World opens in Orlando FL (eventually the world’s largest man-made tourist attraction)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1997 [17] Gul Mohammed, world’s shortest man at 22.1 inches (56 cm), dies

COMING UP . . .
[Thurs] International Day of Non-Violence
[Thurs] Custodial Workers Day
[Thurs] World Farm Animals Day
[Fri] “Annabelle”; “Gone Girl” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Diversity Day
[Fri] World Smile Day
[Fri] Yom Kippur begins (Jewish)
This Week Is … Universal Children’s Week
This Month Is … Bat Appreciation Month

BULL’S BITS


LESS POPULAR INSPIRATIONAL MESSAGES:
• “There is no ‘I’ in teamwork … but there is in management kiss-up.”
• “If you do a good job and work hard, you may someday get a gig with a better company.”
• “Doing it right the first time gets the job done; doing it wrong 14 times gives you job security.”
• “If you think we’re a bad company, you should see the competition.”
• “12 days without a human rights violation!”
• “Plagiarism saves time.”
• “If at first you don’t succeed, try management.”
• “Teamwork means never having to take all the blame yourself.”
• “The beatings will continue until morale improves.”
• “We put the ‘K’ in quality.”

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ What is the most relaxing song ever? (According to ‘scientific’ testing in Britain, it’s a tune called “Weightless” by Manchester UK band Marconi Union. Listening to it is said to slow the heart rate, reduce blood pressure, and decrease levels of the stress hormone cortisol.)
NET: http://tinyurl.com/mcfth4n

BS U-PICK TRIVIA:
What is the unit of time called that lasts precisely 1/100th of a second?
a. A jiffy. [CORRECT]
b. A tick.
c. A moment.
– “Land O’ Useless Facts”

BS RANDOM JOKE:
Marriage means commitment. Of course, so does insanity.

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: The average woman will do THIS more than a thousand times this year.
Answer: Apply makeup.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
In life and in poker, a good deal depends on a good deal.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
“The Bull Sheet” will be on hiatus October 6-17 inclusive. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service.


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