Wednesday, October 17, 2012    Edition: #4848

Touch Your Screen – This BS Is Still Warm!

Actor Tom Cruise is rumored to be considering leaving the Church of Scientology in order to win back his ex, Katie Holmes (as if they’d let him) . . . Jennifer Aniston has supposedly invited her ex Brad Pitt’s mother, Jane Pitt, to her upcoming wedding to Justin Theroux (thoughtful – or just tacky?) . . . “Late Show” musical director Paul Schaffer says he’s ‘certainly ready to lie down & take a nap’ after David Letterman’s contract expires in 2 years (making it 32 years of late night TV) . . . Movie star Scarlett Johansson & boyfriend Nate Naylor have reportedly split (on the upside, ScarJo is back on the market; on the downside, is she high maintenance or what?) . . . Just in time for Halloween, Johansson, Keira Knightley, Mia Wasikowska, and Rooney Mara have all gone goth on the cover of the new edition of “W” magazine (or maybe it was just a bad makeup day?) . . . Demi Lovato continues to be mean-girled by Miley Cyrus, who claims she was originally offered the “X Factor” gig (like Simon would put up with her) . . . A week after breaking things off with her “Bachelor” boyfriend Ben Flajnik, Courtney Robertson has been spotted smooching “Bachelor” reject Arie Luyendyk Jr (far more interesting than the show) . . . NBC-TV has canceled the new Dane Cook comedy “Next Caller” before a single episode has even aired (you know your sitcom sucks when …) . . . Famous felon Lindsay Lohan will sit down with Barbara Walters for an in-depth interview, likely to air next month to coincide with the premiere of Lohan’s TV movie “Liz & Dick” (nothing says ratings like talking to a screwball) . . . Meanwhile, Lindsay says she’s going to vote for Romney because of the unemployment issue (which, when you think about, is a valid concern considering the direction her career is headed).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Ellie Goulding (“Halcyon”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Ellie Goulding again.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Joe Walsh (“Analog Man”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – The Heavy (“The Glorious Dead”); Karmin (“Hello”). Rerun.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Martha Wash (“I’ve Got You”). Rerun.
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Jason Aldean (“Night Train”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Gaslight Anthem (“Handwritten”). Rerun.

• Blink-182 – Mark Hoppus says the band has begun writing a new album but it probably won’t be out for about a year as they’re set to tour Australia beginning in February.
• Green Day – Producer Rob Cavallo tells “Rolling Stone” Billie Joe Armstrong’s stint in rehab is ‘no joke’. Doctors are still evaluating, he says, and it’s as yet undetermined when he’ll be back.
• Lady Gaga – Word has it she and Prince may be collaborating on a song for the new “Great Gatsby” movie starring Leonardo DiCaprio.
• Rascal Flatts – They’re extending their “Changed Tour” with a Winter leg starting January 10th in Green Bay, Wisconsin. The Band Perry will open during the 2013 leg of the tour.
• Rod Stewart – He’s revealed that he once tried yoga but ended up falling into his fireplace. (You know you’re getting old when …).
• Rolling Stones – Tickets for their performances at London’s O2 Arena in November will be expensive. The best will cost £950 apiece (about $1500); the cheapest £90 ($145).
• Spice Girls – Mel C & Emma Burton have recorded a new song together. (Just a warning.)

“Led Zeppelin: Celebration Day” ( NR Music Documentary ): Led Zeppelin’s December 10, 2007 tribute performance in London for Atlantic Records founder Ahmet Ertegun. The 2-hour concert was the band’s first headlining show in 27 years. Playing in theaters ‘for a limited period only’. To be released on DVD, CD, and digitally on November 19th.

Hackers can now spy on your physical life by hijacking your smartphone’s camera. A gizmo called ‘PlaceRaider’, developed at the Naval Surface Warfare Center in Indiana, takes control of your phone’s camera to take photos of your surroundings. The images are knitted into a 3-D model that the hacker can examine to find valuable objects or information. To make sure owners are unaware their phone is snapping away, the technology mutes the tell-tale sounds of the shutter closing and hides the preview picture that appears when a photo is taken. (Won’t be long before someone’s selling a stick-on lens cap.)

Choosing the wrong snacks or snacking too often can derail your diet. How to snack smarter …
✓ Instead of buying snacks at a movie or sports event, chew a stick of sugar-free gum.
✓ At parties, stand as far away as you can from bowls of chips, dips, and other munchies.
✓ If you like to munch in the car, bring only a single serving along. Put the rest in the trunk.
✓ If you buy jumbo-size snacks to save money, divide them into single-serving containers as soon as you get home.
✓ Put the healthiest snacks where you’ll see them when you open cupboards or the refrigerator.
✓ Don’t snack in your office, go somewhere else (cafeteria, lounge, outside). That way you won’t associate your office with food.
✓ At home, enjoy your snacks in the kitchen … and nowhere else.
✓ Don’t eat to relax. Relax, then eat.
– Condensed from

Pop music outplayed hymns by a ratio of 2-to-1 at funerals over the past year, according to new British research. Other highlights from the study …
• Hymns have dropped from 41% of all funeral music in 2005 to just 30%. The most popular hymn: “Abide With Me”.
• Frank Sinatra’s “My Way” remains the overall favorite tune for the 7th year-in-a-row, requested at 15% of funerals.
• Just 4% of mourners request classical music. Favorite classical piece: “Nimrod” by Elgar.
• A quarter of funeral homes have refused to play a piece of music on the grounds of taste, usually because clergy conducting the service feel the choice is inappropriate.
• Unconventional requests have included Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” and Monty Python’s “Always Look On the Bright Side of Life”. (We’re exiting with They Might Be Giants’ “Exquisite Dead Guy” or maybe Queen’s “Another One Bites The Dust”.)

Atari is celebrating its 35th birthday (has it really been that long since “Pong”?). The Atari 2600 is arguably one of the most popular gaming systems ever. A look back at its most popular titles when it dominated the videogame landscape in the early ‘80s . . .
5. “Space Invaders” … 2 million sold.
4. “Missile Command” … 2.5 million.
3. “Asteroids” … 3.8 million.
2. “Pitfall” … 4 million.
1. “Pac-Man” … 7 million.

Job-search website CareerBuilder has again asked employers to report the craziest excuses they’ve heard from employees for not coming to work. A sampling of this year’s wackiest …
✗ Dog having a nervous breakdown.
✗ Forgot he’d been hired.
✗ Illness from reading too much.
✗ Upset after watching “The Hunger Games”.
✗ Toe stuck in faucet.
✗ Dead grandmother exhumed as part of police investigation.
(What’s the worst excuse you’ve ever heard/given for calling in sick?)

• Beekeepers in France have found bees producing honey in unnatural shades of green and blue. The source of the problem is believed to be a biogas plant growing in the Alsace region.
– BBC News
• If your family’s complaining too many of your popcorn kernels aren’t popping, try freezing your unpopped kernels. Next time they’ll pop for sure!


1958 [54] Alan Jackson, Newnan GA, country singer (w/Zac Brown Band-“As She’s Walking Away”, “Don’t Rock the Jukebox”)

1960 [52] Rob Marshall, Madison WI, movie director (“Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”, 2002 Oscar-“Chicago”)/stage director-choreographer (“Cabaret”, “Damn Yankees”)

1969 [43] Ernie Els (‘The Big Easy’), Johannesburg, South Africa, pro golfer (winner of 4 majors)/World Golf Hall of Fame (2011)

1969 [43] Wyclef Jean, Croix-des-Bouquets, Haiti, R&B/rap artist (w/Shakira-“Hips Don’t Lie”, The Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”)

1969 [43] Rick Mercer, St John’s NL, TV comic (“The Rick Mercer Report” since 2002, “This Hour Has 22 Minutes” 1993-2001)/Governor General’s Performing Arts Award (2004)

1971 [41] Chris Kirkpatrick, Clarion PA, former pop singer (*NSYNC-“Bye Bye Bye”, “Pop”)

1972 [40] Eminem (Marshall Mathers III), St Joseph MO (raised Detroit MI), rapper (f/Rihanna-“Love the Way You Lie”, “Lose Yourself”)/sometime movie actor (“8 Mile”)

• “Day of National Concern About Young People and Gun Violence”, when students across America are asked to voluntarily sign a ‘Pledge Against Gun Violence’.

• “Hagfish Day”, celebrating one of the world’s ugliest living creatures, made even more repugnant by its production of viscous slime as a defense mechanism. Today’s salute aims to promote understanding that in nature, beauty isn’t everything.

• “International Day For the Eradication of Poverty”, a UN observance since 1993. The 2012 theme: “Ending the Violence of Extreme Poverty: Promoting Empowerment & Building Peace”.

• “Medical Assistants Recognition Day”, saluting Certified Medical Assistants who  specialize in both clinical and administrative skills, such as venipuncture, medical office procedures, and medical transcription. (Most important duty: “Sir, you have the gown on backwards.”)

• “Mulligan Day”, a day to give yourself or someone else a do-over – a 2nd chance at something botched – like bad golfers give themselves.

• “Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day”, observed annually on the 3rd Wednesday in October. It’s all about giving you the business.

• “Wear Something Gaudy Day”. (Well, nice to see [co-host] is dressed for the occasion!)

• “Work on Your Charisma Day”. How do you do that? Well, experts suggest that you …
– Learn to like yourself.
– Have goals you are working towards.
– Be honestly interested in others.
– Model yourself on someone whom you consider really charismatic.

1951 [61] CBS-TV’s ‘Eye’ logo debuts as a symbol in an ad campaign (looks so good, they’ve kept it ever since)

2000 [12] At a charity auction in London, pop singer George Michael pays £1.5 million ($2.4 million) for the upright piano on which John Lennon wrote his iconic 1971 hit “Imagine”

2007 [05] The section of West Grand Blvd in Detroit, Michigan that once housed the Motown recording studios is officially renamed ‘Berry Gordy Jr Boulevard’

1989 [23] Game 3 of World Series between Oakland Athletics & San Francisco Giants at Candlestick Park is postponed due to an earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter scale

2006 [06] USA’s population reaches 300 million

1990 [22] In Highland, Illinois, the ‘World’s Largest Tablecloth’ measures 1,502 feet by 4.5 feet
(imagine ironing the damn thing!)

[Thurs] International Credit Union Day
[Thurs] Chocolate Cupcake Day
[Thurs] World Menopause Day
[Fri] “Alex Cross”; “Paranormal Activity 4”, “The Sessions” open in movie theaters
[Fri] Love Your Body Day
[Fri] Mammography Day
This Week Is … Food & Drug Interactions and Awareness Week
This Month … Bat Appreciation Month


• “Wow! I had no idea they made women’s shoes that big!”
• “If you had to pick one, would you rather live long or prosper?”
• “You have the most beautiful eyes. I’d like to donate them to a starving 3rd world nation.”
• “Do you like shrimp? Because I’m not going to finish this one.”
• “May I borrow your belt? I need to expose a vein.”
• “Oh come on, get up. Like you’ve never been punched in the throat before.”
• “So how do you like your job at Starbucks where you work Monday through Thursday and every other Saturday from 9 am to 5:30 pm?”
– Adapted from

☎ Seems everywhere you shop these days, retail clerks hit you up for charity donations (“Would you like to contribute $2 to the United Way?”) when you check out. Good idea or annoyance?

‘The Hipster Translator’ breaks down the things they say and what they really mean …

Dumb? She thought Taco Bell was the Mexican phone company.

Explanations of mishaps submitted to insurance companies …
• “Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I didn’t have.”
• “A truck backed through my windshield and into my wife’s face.
• “I was thrown from my car as it left the road and found later in a ditch by some stray cows.”
– “Anguished English”

Question: If you are average, you spend 27 minutes a day doing THIS.
Answer: Cooking.

A big enough hammer fixes anything.

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