Monday, October 17, 2016 – Edition: #5830

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ Tonight a Broadway benefit for Hillary Clinton features appearances by Anne Hathaway, Emily Blunt, Helen Mirren, Hugh Jackman, Julia Roberts, Lin-Manuel Miranda, Matthew Broderick, and Neil Patrick Harris. Comedian Billy Crystal is scheduled to host “Stronger Together”, a fundraising concert for the Democratic hopeful at NYC’s St James Theatre. It isn’t clear who’ll be performing and who will simply make an appearance, but the event is set to feature special duets and collaborations. Tickets range from $45 to $10,000.
★ Brad Pitt hadn’t seen his children since Angelina Jolie filed for divorce last month, but on Saturday he finally saw at least some of them. Sources say a ‘monitor’ was there for the visit, as agreed upon by Pitt and Jolie beforehand. It’s unclear which of the couple’s 6 kids met with their dad, but one report says he had tears in his eyes while trying to hold it together. Currently the couple shares legal custody but Jolie has sole physical custody until this Thursday at least.
– “Us Weekly”
★ Comedian Chris Rock is said to be making $40 million for his return to TV in 2 stand-up comedy specials for Netflix. Rock hasn’t appeared regularly on the small-screen for 8 years. The record-smashing deal is partly the result of a bidding war amongst Netflix, Amazon, Hulu, and HBO. The 1st show is set to film next year; it hasn’t been announced when it will air, nor when the 2nd show will tape and air.
– “Hollywood Reporter”
★ And a security guard for 33-year-old model Miranda Kerr has been stabbed in an altercation with an intruder. Neither Miranda nor 5-year-old son Flynn was present at the time. The guard was monitoring the perimeter of the Malibu CA property Friday when the intruder, armed with a knife, jumped the fence. The guard was stabbed just below the eye, and in response drew his gun and shot the intruder several times. Both were airlifted to hospital shortly afterward. Despite the intruder being in a critical condition, both are expected to survive the ordeal.
– Bang Showbiz

• “Dancing With the Stars” (ABC) – The 9 remaining couples perform a Latin-style dance; Pitbull performs and serves as guest judge.
• “Ellen” (syndicated/CTV2) – The Band Perry (“Pioneer”).
• Hollywood Walk of Fame (Los Angeles CA) – Today actress Allison Janney is being honored with the 2,592nd star. Former “West Wing” castmate Richard Schiff is among those saluting her at the ceremony. She also stars in TV sitcom “Mom” (since 2013) and the now-showing movie “The Girl On the Train”.
• “Jane the Virgin” (CW) – 3rd season debut.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – The 1975 (“I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware of It
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Classixx (“Hanging Gardens”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Seth Meyers” (NBC/CTV) – Neon Trees’ Elaine Bradley. Rerun.
• “Late Show With Stephen Colbert” (CBS/Global) – Grateful Dead’s Bob Weir.
• “The Odd Couple” (CBS) – Matthew Perry & Thomas Lennon return in the Season 3 debut.
• “The Talk” (CBS) – LoCash (“The Fighters”).
• “Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Miley Cyrus (“Miley Cyrus & Her Dead Petz”). Rerun.
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV2) – Bette Midler, Charlie Puth, Joan Jett, and Sammy Hagar join the judges as guest advisers.

• Elton John – He’s working on his first official memoir, set for a 2019 release. He is co-writing the book with music journalist Alexis Petridis.
• Eric Clapton – He’s being sued for crediting a blues classic to the wrong man. The estate of Bo Carter claims the song “Alberta”, which appears on Clapton’s 1992 “MTV Unplugged” album, wrongly credits Lead Belly for the traditional tune. They say the track is actually a rendition of the 1930s bluesman Carter’s track “Corrine, Corrina”.
• Green Day – Their new release, “Revolution Radio”, has debuted at #1 on the UK album chart. Former Bee Gees star Barry Gibb debuts at #2 on the new countdown with “In the Now”.
• The Killers – They’ve been known to change their lyrics for big corporate tech gigs, ie: singing the refrain “Are we human, or are we software?”
• Madonna – The 58-year-old has been named “Billboard Magazine” 2016 ‘Woman Of the Year’. She’s being presented the award at the 11th annual event December 9th in NYC. Madonna spent much of the year on the road with her “Rebel Heart Tour”, which grossed $170 million. She’s made a massive $1.31 billion in career concert grosses.
• Maroon 5 – The new single “Don’t Wanna Know” is their first official collaboration with 7-time Grammy-winning artist Kendrick Lamar. They’re scheduled to deliver the first TV performance of the single on “Ellen” November 3rd.
• Reba McEntire – She’s teaching an online course on country music through She breaks down her greatest hits and shares what it takes to create a sustainable career in country. Reba’s class also covers storytelling and connecting to an audience.
• Shania Twain – On Friday her full album catalogue for Mercury Records was released on vinyl for the first time. A 5-time Grammy winner, Twain has sold more than 75 million albums worldwide and remains the top-selling female country artist of all-time.

Some say they’re great, others say they’re discriminatory. India-based carrier IndiGo is the latest airline to offer ‘Quiet Zones’ on each of its flights, with 2 sections of 4 rows apiece set aside for passengers 12 and older. The airline says no young children will be seated in the surrounding rows or seats with extra leg room either. An airline rep says these zones have been created for business travelers who prefer to use the quiet time to do their work. IndiGo isn’t the first to offer such an option: AirAsia, Malaysian Airlines, and Singapore’s Scoot also have kid-free sections. Dissenters say the policy means you cannot ask for more leg space while traveling with children. (How about a sneezing section … in the luggage compartment?)
– “Good Morning America”

The year’s best-paid stiff stars …
1. Michael Jackson … $825 million.
2. Charles Schultz … $48 million.
3. Arnold Palmer … $40 million.
4. Elvis Presley … $27 million.
5. Prince … $25 million.
6. Bob Marley … $21 million.
7. Theodor ‘Dr Seuss’ Geisel … $20 million.
8. John Lennon … $12 million.
9. Albert Einstein … $11.5 million.
10. Bettie Page … $11 million.

A town in Italy now has a wine fountain that lets people scoop up free wine at all hours of the day and night. The town of Caldari di Ortona in the region of Abruzzo has always been a popular destination. It’s a spot on the famed pilgrimage route, Cammino di San Tommaso, and has glorious sights and many vineyards to visit. One in particular, Dora Sarchese, has built the fountain to quench the thirst of all the hikers taking on the trail. It’s a joint project of the vineyard and a non-profit organization that protects the pilgrimage route. (Is anyone else now frantically looking up plane tickets for this weekend?)

2016’s pop music powerhouse country is Canada, with the highest proportion of #1 artists so far this year.


1958 [58] Alan Jackson, Newnan GA, country singer (w/Zac Brown Band-“As She’s Walking Away”, “Don’t Rock the Jukebox”)

1960 [56] Rob Marshall, Madison WI, movie director (“Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”, 2002 Oscar-“Chicago”)/stage director-choreographer (“Cabaret”, “Damn Yankees”)

1969 [47] Wyclef Jean, Croix-des-Bouquets, Haiti, R&B/rap artist (w/Shakira-“Hips Don’t Lie”, The Fugees-“Killing Me Softly”)

1969 [47] Rick Mercer, St John’s NL, TV comic (“The Rick Mercer Report” since 2002, “This Hour Has 22 Minutes” 1993-2001)/Governor General’s Performing Arts Award (2004)

1971 [45] Chris Kirkpatrick, Clarion PA, former pop singer (*NSYNC-“Bye Bye Bye”, “Pop”)

1972 [44] Eminem (Marshall Mathers III), St Joseph MO (raised Detroit MI), rapper (w/Rihanna-“The Monster”, “Lose Yourself”)/sometime movie actor (“8 Mile”)

1983 [33] Felicity Jones, Bournville UK, movie actress (“Theory of Everything”, “Amazing Spider-Man 2”) UP NEXT: “Inferno”, October 28th; “Rogue One: A Star Wars Story”, opening December 16th.

• “Clean Your Virtual Desktop Day” observed on the 3rd Monday of October at the behest of The Personal Computer Museum. Just look at all those app icons junking up your screen!

• “International Adjust Your Chair Day” (3rd Monday in October). Many people sit in a chair every day that is not in an ergonomically correct position. This can cause all kinds of problems over the long term, especially if you work at a computer.

• “International Day For the Eradication of Poverty”, a UN observance since 1993. (How’s it workin’ so far?)

• “Mulligan Day”, a day to give yourself or someone else a do-over – a 2nd chance at something botched – like bad golfers give themselves.

• “Pasta Day”, celebrating the Italian staple that’s popular worldwide. There are over 350 varieties of pasta in Italy. A typical Italian eats over 60 lbs of the stuff per year.

• “Wear Something Gaudy Day”. (Well, nice to see [co-host] is dressed for the occasion!)

• “Work on Your Charisma Day”. How do you do that? Experts suggest …
– Learn to like yourself.
– Have goals you are working towards.
– Be honestly interested in others.
– Model yourself on someone you consider really charismatic.

2012 [04] Amidst controversy over his anti-doping scandal, former cycling champ Lance Armstrong resigns as chairman of LiveStrong, his anti-cancer charity

2007 [09] The section of West Grand Blvd in Detroit, Michigan that once housed the Motown recording studios is officially renamed ‘Berry Gordy Jr Boulevard’

2008 [08] Madonna & Guy Ritchie announce their 7-year marriage is over because they’ve drifted apart

2009 [07] Actor Johnny Depp presents the Rolling Stones’ Keith Richards with the ‘Rock Immortal Award’ as part of this year’s “Scream Awards”

2011 [04] In New Mexico, Virgin Group CEO Richard Branson opens the world’s first commercial space port, ‘Spaceport America’, with flights expected by 2013 (or maybe not)

2014 [02] A new study suggests exercising 3 times per week can reduce depression risk by 19%, with an added reduction of 6% for each additional workout (what if you exercise 100 times a week?)

2003 [13] The pinnacle is fitted on the roof of Taipei 101, a 101-floor skyscraper in Taipei, Taiwan, allowing it to surpass the Petronas Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur by 56 m (184 ft) and become (briefly) the world’s tallest building (Burj Khalifa in Dubai has been tallest building in the world since 2008 at 828 m/2,717 ft)

[Tues] World Menopause Day
[Wed] Evaluate Your Life Day
[Thurs] “The Rocky Horror Picture Show: Let’s Do The Time Warp Again” (FOX)
[Thurs] Shampoo Day
[Thurs] World Osteoporosis Day

Asexuality Week / Bone & Joint Health Awareness Week / Bullying Bystanders Unite Week / Business Women’s Week / Character Counts Week / Chemistry Week / Food Bank Week / Forest Products Week / Freedom from Bullies Week / Freedom of Speech Week / International Infection Prevention Week / Mediation Week / Nuclear Science Week / Pharmacy Week / Save for Retirement Week / School Bus Safety Week / Teen Drivers Safety Week


Highlight bits culled from 23 years of “Bull Sheet” back issues …
• “So, You Make Too Much Money”
• “Abs of Flab”
• “I’ll Bet You Can Conquer Your Gambling Problem”
• “Lie Your Sweet Ass Off And Become a Millionaire!”
• “If You Want to Lose Weight Just Stop Eating, You Fat Cow”
• “I’m OK, You’re Starting to Get on My Nerves Bigtime”
• “5 Days to Thicker Ankles”
• “The One-Minute Lover”
– First published in “BS” 2000.

According to a recent poll of guys, here are a few female talents they most wish they had …
• “Recall the most minute details of previous dialogue during arguments.”
• “Find things.”
• “Keep growing lots of hair.”
• “Buy Christmas presents before Christmas Eve.”
• “Be aroused in public without detection.”
– First published in “BS” 2008.

When introduced in 1910, which were dubbed ‘immoral and unhealthy’?
a. Earrings.
b. V-neck sweaters. [CORRECT]
c. Jockey shorts.

☎ If the average human life span was 40 years, how would you live your life differently?

Here’s how to get laid. Lay on bed. Wait 2 hours. Lay becomes past tense.

Question: ¾ of Facebook users have blocked a ‘friend’ because of THIS.
Answer: Persistent game requests.

The person who spends all of today bragging about what he’s going to accomplish tomorrow probably did the same thing yesterday.

Todd Chambless @ Local Radio Networks, Frisco TX; Macpepple Joey @ Royal FM 95.5 Yenagoa, Nigeria; and Seun Obajolu @ InspiratonTalk360, Laurel MD.

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