BS SHOW BIZ BUZZ:
Lindsay Lohan’s alleged weekend attacker has been released without charge, 25-year-old Christian LaBella apparently not guilty of assault after their scuffle in a NYC hotel room (now that everbody has sobered up, seems to be a case of it takes two to tangle) . . . Actor Tom Cruise’s rep is denying reports claiming he’s dating actress Cameron Diaz (aww, he’s the only SAG member left that she hasn’t slept with – so much for that Guinness record) . . . Actor Jake Gyllenhaal tells “Conan” we’ve all been pronouncing his name wrong – the ‘g’ is silent in its original Swedish pronunciation – so it’s YEEL-en-hall (isn’t that one of the futons at IKEA?) . . . Word has it Miley Cyrus is in talks to star in Lifetime’s new “Bonnie & Clyde” TV movie (no word on why) . . . There’s still no official announcement on whether they intend to cohabitate again, but a U-Haul has been photographed outside Robert Pattinson & Kristen Stewart’s house (geez, how cheap are they?) . . . Meanwhile, Robert Pattinson has retained his title of ‘World’s Sexiest Man’ for the 4th year in-a-row following the latest poll by “Glamour” magazine (thanks to those eyebrows you could hide in) . . . Meltdown queen Amanda Bynes continues to dissolve before our eyes – she reportedly locked herself in the bathroom of a cupcake shop for 30 minutes last week (erp, stay away from the Peanut Butter & Garlic Tuna Surprise) . . . Actor-director Ben Affleck admits wife Jennifer Garner is ‘the boss’ in their relationship and he lets her do all the planning for the family (wow, he’s just like you and me) . . . And author JK Rowling has put the Edinburgh, Scotland mansion where she wrote many of her world famous ‘Harry Potter’ books up for sale at $3.6 million (the 19th century building is described as having “2 floors, landscaped gardens and … several outhouses”).

TODAY’S SHOW BIZ SKED:
• “Dancing With the Stars All-Stars” (ABC/CTV2) – Cher Lloyd performs (“Sticks + Stones”, out today); Katherine Jenkins & Placido Domingo perform; a couple is eliminated.
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Matchbox Twenty (“North”).
• “Hart of Dixie” (CW) – Season 2 debut.
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – PSY (“Gangnam Style”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Desaparecidos (“MariKKKopa/Backsell”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Kendrick Lamar (“Good Kid: MAAD City”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Heart (“Fanatic”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Keke Palmer (“So Uncool”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The best blind auditions; the coaches review their decisions so far.

BS MUSIC NOTES:
• The Beatles – Tonight the new documentary “Beatles Stories” makes its theatrical premiere at the Egyptian Theatre in Los Angeles. The doc features stories of encounters with the Fab Four. The upcoming DVD and digital release will include 30 minutes of additional interviews.
• Creed – Today frontman Scott Stapp releases the tell-all memoir “Sinner’s Creed”, co-authored by David Ritz. It details his struggles with fame, substance abuse, and depression, as well as his ‘redemption and renewed faith’.
• George Michael – He’s just cancelled a series of November and December concerts in Australia after failing to overcome anxiety caused by his life-threatening battle with pneumonia.
• Jason Aldean – He’s #1 on this week’s ‘Billboard Country Songs’ chart with “Take a Little Road”. Meantime, he’s just admitted that he cheated on his wife and ‘acted inappropriately’ after pics of him kissing former “American Idol” contestant Brittany Kerr at a bar on LA’s Sunset Strip last week were obtained by TMZ.com.
• Jay-Z – Today the soundtrack for “NBA 2K13” is out, which he executive-produced for a new videogame. It includes his own songs as well as tracks by GOOD Music, Rick Ross, and more.
• Jerrod Niemann – Today he releases his sophomore major label album, “Free the Music”.
• Mel & Kim – Today the alt-pop duo release the new album “Lightning”. A tour in support of the project starts tomorrow in South Burlington VT.
• Muse – Today their delayed new album “The 2nd Law” is out. It was recorded in London, then over-dubbed in LA with Beck’s father, composer David Campbell.
• Nicki Minaj – She has 3 TV specials in the works for E! network, starting in November. MTV News reports they will include previously unseen footage of her personal and professional life.
• Papa Roach – Today they release their 6th studio album, “The Connection”. According to singer Jacoby Shaddix, it’s their own version of what they think the radio should sound like.
• Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight they kick off the Canadian leg of their “Oceania” tour in Winnipeg.
• Van Morrison – He’s returned to Blue Note Records for the new studio album, “Born to Sing: No Plan B”, out today. It was produced by Morrison and recorded in his native Belfast.
• Waka Flocka Flame – Tonight his “Triple F Life: Friends, Fans, and Family Tour” gets underway in Norfolk VA.

TODAY’S VIDEO RELEASES:
• “Dark Shadows” ( PG-13 Fantasy Comedy ): Director Tim Burton & actor Johnny Depp team up yet again for this tale of an imprisoned vampire who is set free and returns to his ancestral home where his dysfunctional descendants are in need of his protection. Co-stars Michelle Pfeiffer, Eva Green, Helena Bonham Carter. Based on the 1966-71 TV show.
• “People Like Us” ( PG-13 Dramedy ): Just as a big deal falls through, a fast-talking sales rep is called home against his wishes to put his father’s estate in order and reconnect with his estranged family. There he discovers he has a 30-year-old sister that he never knew about. Stars Chris Pine, Elizabeth Banks, Olivia Wilde, Michelle Pfeiffer.
• Also released today: “90210: The 4th Season” (TV); “Bonanza: The Official 4th Season” (Classic TV); “Breast Cancer: The Path of Wellness & Healing” (Documentary); “The Clintons: An American Odyssey” (Documentary); “Dr Seuss’s Deluxe Holiday Collection” (Animation); “Hart of Dixie: The Complete 1st Season” (TV); “House: The Complete Series” (TV); “How I Met Your Mother: The Complete 7th Season” (TV); “New Girl: Season 1” (TV); “Nikita: The Complete 2nd Season” (TV); “The Six Million Dollar Man: Season 2” (Classic TV); and “Whittle: The Jet Pioneer” (Documentary).

NAME THAT PHONE:
The portable phone is now a device that 75% of Earth’s human inhabitants have access to, according to the World Bank. What it’s called in various countries …
• Bangladesh … Muthophone (phone in the palm of your hand).
• Canada & USA … Cellphone.
• China … Shou-ji (hand machine).
• Germany … Handy.
• Israel … Pelephone (wonder phone).
• Japan … Keitai (portable).
• Sweden … Nalle (teddy bear).
• UK … Mobile.
– CNN.com

ODDEST OREOS WORLDWIDE:
Unusual flavors of the popular cookie that you’ve likely never tried …
• Candy Corn Oreo Cookies – Coming to a Target store near you just in time for Halloween.
• Lemon Ice Oreo Bits Sandwiches – This Japanese version is said to have the cool, clean, citrus-y taste of a chilled lemon meringue pie.
• Dulce de Leche Oreo Cookies – Roughly translated from Spanish as ‘candy of milk’, this is a delicious South American treat made by simmering milk with sugar until it partially caramelizes.
• Double-Fruit Peach & Grape Oreo Cookies – Having reached the top of the Chinese cookie mountain, Oreos are now branching out with some enticing alternative flavors like this one.
• Limited Edition Creamsicle Oreo Cookies – Two great tastes that taste great together? Nabisco thinks so, at least they do for a limited time.
• Green Tea Ice Cream Oreo Cookies – In China everyone screams for ice cream, green tea variety, so Kraft China has lightened up on sugar content while upping the flavor of green tea.
– Condensed from WebUrbanist.com

TOO STUPID FOR US TO MAKE UP:
✗ In Tampa, Florida an entrepreneur is offering entertainment with a difference for kid’s parties … swimming with alligators. For $175, Bob Barrett brings an alligator to client’s backyard pools to swim with their children. He tapes the young gators’ mouths shut beforehand, which he insists makes them safe. Florida Fish & Wildlife admits it’s legal but not something they’d encourage.
– Orange.co.uk
✗ In Japan, 74% of household budgets are controlled by women. One 47-year-old husband, whose been getting a 50,000 yen ($640) monthly allowance for the past 15 years, says he’s asked for a raise each year but his wife nixes the idea by making a presentation … complete with pie charts of their finances. His spending money is limited to precisely 8.8% of income.
– BBC News
✗ In Sweden, police have issued an arrest warrant for a man who escaped prison time by … convincing a friend to serve it for him. The 37-year-old was sentenced to a year in prison but another man who assumed his identity had served the majority of it by the time the ruse was discovered. He was immediately set free. The convict is believed to have fled to the Philippines.
– UPI.com

NEW BS GIZMOS & GADGETS:
• Gaga’s meat dress is so passé now that there’s the ‘Full Bacon Suit’. That’s right, for just $59.99, you can have this get-up that’s sizzling hot and just crackling like real bacon. Warning: Watch out for overly aggressive people and events with minimal food available.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/9x9socj
– Stupid.com
• Il-Gu Cha’s ‘Trace of Time Clock’ allows you to combine your daily to-do list and your clock. Set deadlines for tasks by writing them on the traditional round clock-face, which is made of whiteboard material. The hour hand has a built-in eraser, so it wipes the face clean as it moves.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/mav3cg
– Engadget.com
• With the ‘Wine Rack Drinking Bladder Apparatus’ your ‘A’ cups can become ‘D’elicious cups of your favorite beverages. This comfortable, easy-to-wear bra comes equipped with 2 bladders that can hold up to 25 ounces of whatever you need to sneak into wherever you’re going.
NET: http://tinyurl.com/57thhg
– BaronBob.com

BS AMAZING FACTS:
• Radio waves travel so much faster than sound waves that a broadcast voice can be heard sooner 18,000 km (11,000 mi) away than in the back of the room in which it originated.
– DidYouKnow.org
• The USA has the highest incarceration rate of any wealthy nation, with about 2.3 million people behind bars at any given moment. There are more people in American prisons than are in the country’s active-duty military.
– BusinessWeek.com

BS CHRONOMETER 10.02.12

TODAY’S CELEBIRTHDAYS . . .
1948 [64] Donna Karan (Faske), Forest Hills NY, fashion designer (DKNY line of clothing)

1951 [61] Sting (Gordon Sumner), Newcastle Upon Tyne UK, rock musician (“Brand New Day”, Police-“Every Breath You Take”)/founder of the ‘Rainforest Foundation’ (1989)

1970 [42] Kelly Ripa, Stratford NJ, TV talk show co-host (“Live With Kelly & Michael” since 2001)/TV actress (“Hope & Faith” 2003-06, “All My Children” 1990-2002)

1974 [38] Sam Roberts, Westmount QC, indie rock singer-songwriter (“Let It In”, “I Feel You”)

1982 [30] Mike Rodden, Oklahoma City OK, rock bassist (Hinder-“Better Than Me”, “Lips Of an Angel”)

1988 [24] Brittany Howard, Athens GA, blues-rock singer (Alabama Shakes-“You Ain’t Alone”, “Hold On”)

TODAY’S BS REASONS TO PARTY . . .
• “Custodial Workers Day”, honoring those who clean up after the rest of us. Nicer names for ‘Janitor’ include: ‘Caretaker’, ‘Cleanliness Resource Supervisor’, ‘Maintenance Coordinator’, and ‘Sanitation Engineer’.
NET: http://bit.ly/9Hwsf3

• “Go For a Stroll After Dinner Night”. (Tomorrow is ‘Replace All Your ID After the Mugging Day’.)

• “Intergeneration Day”, connecting generations through communication, education, and celebrations.
NET: http://intergenerationmonth.org

• “Name Your Car Day”. Polls show that about 15% of people have a pet name for their vehicle. What’s the best-named car model? Diablo? Lamborghini? Cayenne? Hummer?

• “International Day of Non-violence”, observed on the birthday of Mohandas Gandhi. This day is referred to in India as “Gandhi Jayanti”.

• “World Farm Animal Day”, as declared by the ‘Farm Animal Reform Movement’ to memorialize the ‘needless suffering and death’ of billions of innocent farm animals each year. The celebration also honors the birthday of Gandhi, who was a champion of humane farming.

THIS DAY IN SHOW BIZ . . .
1985 [27] 59-year-old movie star Rock Hudson becomes the first major celebrity to die of complications from AIDS, thereby raising public awareness of the epidemic

TODAY’S MUSIC EVENT . . .
1977 [35] After a plot is uncovered to steal it, Elvis Presley’s body is moved from a Memphis mausoleum to its final resting place in the Meditation Garden at Graceland mansion

TODAY’S FIRST . . .
1961 [51] 1st ‘Pre-Moistened Hand Towel’ is introduced (what did moms do before ‘wipes’?)

TODAY’S RECORD . . .
1997 [15] ‘World’s Shortest Man’, 22-inch-tall Gul Mohammed, dies at age 36 in New Delhi, India without achieving his dream of marrying a tall woman (like maybe a strapping 3-footer)

AND REMEMBER . . .
[Wed] Balloons Around the World Day
[Thurs] World Pet Day
[Thurs] Improve Your Office Day
[Thurs] Cinnamon Roll Day
[Fri] Walk to School Day
This Week Is … No Salt Week
This Month Is … Dryer Vent Safety Month

BULL’S BITS

MORE SUGGESTED BUZZFEED ARTICLES:
Web blog Buzzfeed has some of the wonkiest lists going. Just in case they run out of ideas …
• 10 Peaches That Resemble Pat Sajak
• 102 Cats That Just Want to Be Left Alone
• The 20 Most Delightful Drinking Problems
• 18 Frightened Tweets About Approaching Peacocks
• 84 Things That Aren’t On an ‘Everything Bagel’
• 9 Bras Shaped Like Waffles
• 25 Numbers Bigger Than ‘2’
• 42 Compelling Reasons to Screen Your Grandmother’s Calls
• 50 Photos of Bill Clinton’s Forehead
• 10 Essential Songs About Wheat
– Thanks to Jory John

BS RANDOM JOKE:
The only thing my spouse and I have in common is we got married on the same day.

BS PHONE STARTER:
☎ If you knew that you only had a year left to live, what would you do?

BS WATER COOLER QUESTION:
Question: Among those who own one, THIS is the least used kitchen appliance according to “Consumer Reports”.
Answer: Automatic bread maker.

BS DEEP THOUGHT:
All progress stems from change but all change is not necessarily progress.

BS SUBSCRIBER NOTE:
We’re on hiatus in a faraway cave with no electronics next week. All subscribers will receive account credits for missed service.