Wednesday, October 20, 2010        Edition: #4368
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

Tonight actor/director Sylvester Stallone is honored with a career achievement award for his contribution to the movie biz and actor Sean Penn is cited for his charity work at LA’s “Hollywood Film Festival” . . . Big winners at last night’s “Scream 2010 Awards” on Spike TV included double-winning actress Kristen Stewart (“Twilight Saga”) and “The Green Lantern” for ‘Most Anticipated Flick’ (BS translation: The movie that bought the most ads during the show) . . . Donald Trump’s 4th season of “Celebrity Apprentice” (NBC), airing March-May next year, includes country singer John Rich; rapper Lil’ Jon; ‘70s pop star David Cassidy; famous sibling La Toya Jackson; Sugar Ray frontman Mark McGrath; ‘70s singer Meat Loaf; and – interestingly – the 1st winner of “Survivor”, Richard Hatch (perfect for a business show – he’s an ex-con!) . . . “Glee” (FOX) is getting its own videogame, “Karaoke Revolution Glee”, to be released for Nintendo Wii on November 9th (it takes talent to do jazz hands while holding a Wii controller) . . . Actor Johnny Depp has spent a pile of his own cash to buy warm winter coats for 500 crew members on the set of “Pirates Of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides”, now shooting scenes during a cold snap at Britain’s Pinewood Studios (you can try, but it’s hard to hate this guy) . . . And 35-year-old voluptuous “Mad Men” star Christina Hendricks (39D-30-39) has reportedly told friends she’s on a diet with the goal of losing 30 lbs, because she’s tired of being known as the ‘curviest actress in Hollywood’ (also tired of tipping over every time she stands up).

• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Die Antwoord ($O$).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Morning Benders (“Big Echo”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/A Channel) – John Legend (“Wake Up!”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/Omni) – Jamey Johnson (“The Guitar Song”).
• “Live With Regis & Kelly” (syndicated/CTV) – Plain White T’s (“The Wonders Of the Younger”, out December 7th).
• “MOBO Awards” (BBC 3) – Nominations for Britain’s 15th annual “Music Of Black Origin Awards” are led by rappers Tinie Tempah (4) and Dizzee Rascal (3). Alicia Keys, Beyoncé, Black Eyed Peas, and Rihanna are up for ‘Best International Act’. Airs live from Liverpool.
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/A Channel) – Jane Lynich (“Glee”); OK Go (“Of The Blue Colour Of The Sky”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Rod Stewart (“Fly Me To the Moon: The Great American Songbook Volume V”).

• Brad Paisley – His “H2O” tour has played to more than 750,000 fans since May. Now he’s extending it with 16 winter dates in early 2011, beginning January 20th in Green Bay WI. The new tour name for the Winter dates? “H2O Frozen Over”.
• Justin Bieber – His upcoming 3-D movie will be titled “Never Say Never”, the same name as his song that was featured on the “Karate Kid” soundtrack. The flick is due in February.
• Kanye West – His upcoming album “My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy” has been banned by Wal-Mart stores in the US due to its cover art, which features reclining nudes with wings & tails.
• Lady Antebellum – They and newcomer Easton Corbin lead nominations for the first ever “American Country Awards” with 7 apiece. The new show is coming to FOX-TV from Las Vegas on December 6th. (Do we really need yet another awards show?)
• Montgomery Gentry – Today they join volunteers to build a playground at Booker T Washington Academy in Lexington KY. As recipients of the ACM ‘Humanitarian Award’ in April, they received a playground built in their honor. The site was chosen by an online fan poll.
• REM – Manager Bertis Downs has revealed to that the band’s upcoming 2011 album will be titled “Collapse Into Now”.
• Taylor Swift – She’s interviewed in the October 24th issue of “Parade” magazine. Quote: “I don’t like to feel like I’m some fragile package that has to be shipped by high-priority mail and handled with white gloves.”

A British nurse surfing Facebook may have saved the life of a 2-year-old girl. 20-year-old pediatric nurse Nicola Sharp from Manchester diagnosed her friend’s daughter with a very rare type of eye cancer from a picture of the toddler on her mom’s Facebook page. Sharp alerted the mother and the child has been successfully treated before her cancer spread. (Sharp eyes indeed!)

• Umea, Sweden – A Umea University professor who had his laptop stolen, containing 10 years of research which he’d not bothered to back up, was amazed to received a USB flashdrive in the mail containing all his data about a week later. Transferring all the personal and professional files likely took hours. He’s still out a laptop but, all things considered, the prof’s pretty pleased and wishes all thieves would be so compassionate.
• Berlin, Germany – A German court has flown a 20-year-old student 10,000 miles 1st class from Sydney, Australia back home to Germany to testify at the hearing of a woman who allegedly stole his iPhone last year. This was all because the judge had decided the victim’s presence at the hearing was ‘vital’. The student ended up being on the stand for about 30 seconds. The cost to the court … circa $11,000.
– Orange News
• Sebeka, Minnesota – Police Chief Eric Swenson reported stun grenades, gas-shotgun rounds, magazines loaded with pistol and rifle bullets, and a pair of night-vision goggles had all disappeared from his home. The red-faced chief notified authorities a couple of days later that the mystery had been solved … his kids had taken the lethal weapons to their backyard play fort. (This had to be one of the best-defended forts in the world!)

Researchers in the US, China, Korea, and Singapore have collaborated to develop flexible ultra-thin sheets of light emitting diodes (LEDs) and photodetectors for implantation under the skin. It’s designed to be used for medical monitoring, activating photo-sensitive drugs, and other biomedical applications. But what’s more intriguing is the technology could also perhaps be used to create LED tattoos. The researchers have already successfully implanted an array beneath the skin of an animal. (Glow-in-the-dark body art … will wonders never cease?)

Actual bartenders/sadists worked hard to create these, but heaven knows why …
• ‘Bloody Tampon’ – Blend together whiskey, tequila, vodka, lemon juice, Bailey’s, and V8.
• ‘Cement Mixer’ – Hold a shot of Bailey’s in the mouth; sip lime juice; swirl the two together.
• ‘Horse Jizz’ – 1 part beer; 1 part milk. Get a big mug. Pour in one ingredient, then the other.
• ‘Hot Mexican Hooker’ – 1 oz tequila; half-ounce Tabasco sauce; liquid from a can of tuna.
• ‘Mac & Cheese Jell-O Shot’ – Contains Cheese Rum, milk, macaroni, and Velveeta.
• ’Motor Oil’ – Jagermeister, Peppermint Schnapps, Cinnamon Schnapps, and coconut rum.
• ‘NyQuil’ – 1 shot Grenadine; 1 shot Sambuca; double shot of Triple Sec on ice.
• ‘Prairie Oyster’ – Bourbon, Tabasco sauce, and a raw egg, mixed in a blender.
• ‘Smoker’s Cough’ – Pour 1.5 oz Jagermeister into a shot glass; add a spoon of mayonnaise.
(Without even tasting these, we feel like hugging the old porcelain receptacle!)

A statistical breakdown of life by the numbers …
• 60% of women have an ex’s cologne etched in their memory.
• 56% of married women say they would never marry their husband again.
• 44% of workplace managers admit they have body art in places other than their ears.
• 39% of people say getting their Halloween costume together makes them stressed out.
• 20% of us don’t think having sex with an ex while dating someone new counts as cheating.
• 15% of hetero couples have split up because the female didn’t get along with the male’s mom.

• Just in time for Halloween a New Richmond, Wisconsin man has set a new world record by growing a 1,810.5-lb pumpkin. Chris Stevens won $3,000 for his accomplishment. And he also scored an invitation to appear on network TV … if he can figure out a way to get his monster gourd to NYC. (Can you drive a forklift on the freeway?)
• People in Mexico City have assembled the Guinness-verified ‘World’s Largest Enchilada’, measuring 70 m long (230 ft) and weighing 1,416 kg (3,122 lbs). The colossal concoction was made of tortillas, white onions, Serrano chilis, green tomatoes, avocado, cheese, cream, and a sea of salsa. (Afterward they set the record for largest epidemic of stomach cramps.)
– “Daily Telegraph”

• Chinese fruit farmers now have to pay people to pollinate apple trees because there are no longer enough bees to do the job for free.
– BBC News
• 78-year-old former actress Elizabeth Taylor and singer/actress Jennifer Lopez are tied as the most prolific celebrity perfumers. Each has released 12 different fragrances, but Liz has been making you smell nice for more than 25 years.
– “In Style”


1950 [60] Tom Petty, Gainesville FL, classic rock singer (“Learning to Fly”, “Free Falling”)

1958 [52] Viggo Mortensen, NYC, movie actor (“Eastern Promises”, “Lord Of the Rings” films)

1963 [47] Julie Payette, Montréal QC, Canadian Space Agency astronaut/1st Canadian to board the International Space Station/CSA Chief Astronaut 2000-07

1971 [39] Snoop Dogg (Cordozar Calvin Broadus), Long Beach CA, rap artist (w/Katy Perry-“California Girlz”, f/Pharrell-“Drop It Like It’s Hot”)/movie actor (“Soul Plane”, “Old School”)

1978 [32] Paul Wilson, Kinlochleven, Scotland, alt-rock bass player (Snow Patrol-“Take Back the City”, “Chasing Cars”)

1979 [31] John Krasinski, Newton MA, TV actor (‘Jim Halpert’ on “The Office” since 2005)/movie actor (“Away We Go”, “License to Wed”)

• “Brandied Fruit Day”. Yeehaw, let’s hear it for booze with a pit!

• “Change Your Oil Day”, highlighting one of the most important components of vehicle maintenance. (You want to fry your engine, dipstick?)

• “Medical Assistants Recognition Day”, honoring the people ‘at the heart of healthcare’.

• “Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day”. It’s good business!

2004 [06] ABC-TV announces it is dropping the “Miss America” beauty pageant (apparently network honchos have changed their minds, recently locking up the rights for 2011-2013)

1962 [48] Halloween classic “The Monster Mash” by Bobby ‘Boris’ Picket & the Crypt Kickers hits #1 on pop music charts

1865 [145] Ottawa officially becomes capital of Canada

1928 [82] America’s Republican party 1st makes the election promise of “A Chicken in Every Pot, a Car in Every Garage”

1992 [18] 1st World Series game played outside the USA as Toronto Blue Jays beat Atlanta Braves 3-2 at Toronto’s Skydome in Game 3 of the World Series

1968 [42] Likely the ‘Largest Ever Pre-Nuptial Agreement’ as Jackie Kennedy weds Greek shipping magnate Aristotle Onassis after signing 173-page deal that includes a guarantee of separate bedrooms

1989 [21] Smith Dairy at Orrville OH concocts ‘World’s Largest Milkshake’ at 1,575.2 gallons (5,963 litres)

1993 [17] Toronto and Philadelphia set MLB records for longest (4:14 hrs) and highest-scoring (29 runs) World Series game (Blue Jays finally win 15-14)

[Thurs] International Credit Union Day
[Thurs] International Stuttering Awareness Day
[Fri] Full ‘Hunters’ Moon
[Fri] Caps Locks Day
[Fri] “Hereafter”; “Paranormal Activity 2”; “The Taqwacores” open in movie theaters
[Sat] “Back To the Future” re-release in theaters
[Sat] iPod Day
[Sat] Make a Difference Day
This Week Is … Food Bank Week
This Month Is … Disability Employment Awareness Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Temperatures will rise today as you find yourself locked in a cupboard with a close friend who likes their beans.
• Taurus – Today people will start to resent your annoying habit of repeating the last funny thing said and then laughing.
• Gemini – Jail sentences between 5 and 10 years may be applicable to your situation today. Hey, have a good one!
• Cancer – Inner beauty is what counts and today someone will look beyond the skin-bag that is your face and feel their heart beating for the first time in years. Aww!
• Leo – The good thing about the Internet is that no-one knows quite how disturbingly grotesque you look.
• Virgo – Parts of you are really pleased that you are about to become single again.
• Libra – Temptation is everywhere, especially if you’re willing to look everywhere for it, sleazebag.
• Scorpio – Beauty is in the eye of the beholder … and are you ever gonna need some beholdin’ today!
• Sagittarius – Today your gift of being able to speak to the animals will be unveiled as a fraud. Sure you can speak to them … they just have no idea what the hell you’re saying.
• Capricorn – Love will come your way this week if you let it. If you don’t … it’ll hit you over the head and run away really fast.
• Aquarius – In time you will come to realize the futility of trying to scratch your name on your refrigerator using a rubber band. Did someone forget their meds?
• Pisces – Today the world will become your oyster; flowers will bloom in your presence; children will miraculously stop crying in your arms; and thankfully dogs will quit their yappin’ after midnight.

Sex alone is not enough to build a relationship, but with two people …

Is the trend of recording artists releasing ‘deluxe’ editions of new albums for much higher prices a rip-off? Many are putting out shorter basic albums with only 8 tracks or so, then offering upmarket souped-up versions with extra tracks and other goodies, often exclusively through a specific retailer (Keith Urban, Taylor Swift). And then there’s this new fad of putting out ‘companion’ albums shortly after releasing a mega-hit (Ke$ha, Usher). Why don’t they call them what they are … leftovers?

Today’s Question: There are at least 200 million of THESE on the planet for every human being.
Answer to Give Out Next Show: Insects. And that doesn’t include non-insect arthropods, such as spiders and scorpions. (

There’s no point in burying the hatchet if you’re going to put a marker on the site.

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