Thursday, October 20, 2011        Edition: #4612
You’re Up to Your Eyeballs in Sheet!

Filming on the new “Snow White & The Huntsman” movie has been suspended until Friday after actress Kristen Stewart sustained an unspecified injury on the set (bruised ego?) . . . An LA judge has pulled Lindsay Lohan from her community service assignment and reassigned her to duty at an LA morgue, where she’ll spend time sweeping the floor (that’s what she gets for ‘stiffing’ the Downtown Women’s Center) . . . Actor Alec Baldwin (“30 Rock”) has become the latest celeb to show support for Occupy Wall Street by visiting the group’s base in NYC’s Zuccotti Park (his reaction sounds an awful lot like the beginning of a political campaign) . . . Netflix has announced it wants to start remaking “Reno 9-11”, the Comedy Central show that was canceled 2 years ago (online distributors streaming original content – the next big thing?) . . . Paul McCartney’s ex-wife Heather Mills is being sued by LA hairdresser David Paul, who claims the former reality TV show contestant ran up circa $80,000 in salon bills while pursuing stardom in Hollywood which she failed to pay (with $38 million of Paul’s money in the bank, this shouldn’t be a prob) . . . Courtney Love has been awarded an ‘honorary patron’ medal at Trinity College in Dublin, Ireland after giving a speech to the university’s Philosophical Society (we’re guessing ‘honorary patron’ is what you get for showing up for free) . . . 42-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston tells “OK! Magazine” she’s not as ‘squeaky clean’ as people believe, admitting she has a crude sense of humor and likes to swear regularly, the ‘f-bomb’ being her favorite curse word (OK we like you better – but your movies still suck) . . . And 29-year-old Prince William has been voted ‘Britain’s Most Influential Man’ in a new poll (his poor brother Prince Harry only placed 22nd – all because Mommy always liked Wills best).

• “Colbert Report” (Comedy Central/CTV) – Coldplay (“Mylo Xyloto”, out October 24th).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Robyn (“Body Talk Pt 2”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Mutemath (“Reset”). Rerun.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Frightened Rabbit (“The Winter of Mixed Drinks”); J Cole (“Cole World: The Sideline Story”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Stephen Malkmus & The Jicks (“Mirror Traffic”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Mastodon (“Blood Mountain”). Rerun.
• “Marilyn Denis Show” (CTV/CTV2) – Jim Cuddy (“Skyscraper Soul”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Tony Bennett (“Duets II”). Rerun.

• George Strait – He’s notched his 58th #1 single with “Here For A Good Time”, the title track of his latest release. He now has the most #1 singles of any artist in history, including Elvis Presley.
• Kix Brooks – He’s won his 2nd “CMA National Broadcast Personality Of the Year” award for his syndicated radio show “American Country Countdown with Kix Brooks”. He found out in a surprise phone call from Tim McGraw during this week’s taping of the program.
• Lil Wayne – In a new “GQ” interview, he says he used to being sober now but ‘cannot wait’ until he completes his probation for gun possession because he’s itching to indulge his penchant for ‘syrup’ (codeine cough medicine & soda) and weed. Brilliant.
• Motley Crue – Nikki Sixx has tweeted his intention to sell off band memorabilia for charity after finding boxes of ‘awards, plaques and cool stuff’ in storage. (BS translation: Can’t afford the warehouse bill.)
• Radiohead – In a new interview with the BBC, guitarist Ed O’Brien says the band is currently plotting out their 2012 tour, which will likely run from the end of February until November.
• Rihanna – She’s settled a $1-million lawsuit with fashion photographer David LaChapelle out of court for an undisclosed sum. He alleged that scenes in her 2010 video for “S&M” were plagiarized from his photoshoots. It’s like sampling music, he says.
• Shania Twain – At his Toronto trial this week, former Ottawa surgeon John Palumbo has insisted he’s not some garden variety stalker, but a Lamborghini Countach-driving ‘intellectual’ with ‘so many wonderful things in common’ with Shania. Yikes.
• Soulja Boy – He’s been arrested in Temple, Georgia after a traffic stop turned up a ‘substantial amount’ of marijuana, cash, and guns in the vehicle in which he was riding. The arrest has forced him to miss a number of interviews to promote this week’s DVD release of “Soulja Boy – The Movie”.
• Taylor Swift – She says she’s excited about what’s going to happen in the next year … a new album which she’s already writing, possibly some acting, and other ‘surprise projects’.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Crow” – This remake of the 1994 supernatural action pic seems snake-bit as 2 directors have quit in succession as well as actor Bradley Cooper, who was due to play the lead. The movie’s based on a comic book about a murdered rock musician who’s resurrected to seek revenge. Brandon Lee played the role originally, but was killed on-set during production in 1993.
• “Napa” – 38-year-old former “Charmed” actress Rose McGowan is taking on what may be the most challenging role of her career, playing a hometown sheriff who is fresh off 3 tours of duty in Afghanistan. Director Michael Kerr’s now-shooting mystery film is an adaptation of Hans Ostrom’s novel “Three to Get Ready”.
• “Tammy” – “Bridesmaids” star and Emmy-winner Melissa McCarthy (“Mike & Molly”) will star in this upcoming road-trip movie which she also wrote. It’s about a woman who goes on a road trip with her foul-mouthed, diabetic grandmother after losing her job and discovering her husband has been cheating.
• “The Three Misfortunes of Geppetto” – “Real Steel” director Shawn Levy is set to work on this prequel to the classic tale of “Pinocchio”. The story tells the tale of the puppet’s creator and his life of misfortune and lack of luck in love. Levy’s “Real Steel”, starring Hugh Jackman, has topped the domestic box office for 2 weeks. A sequel is already planned.
• “Transformers 4 & 5” – With previous star Shia LaBeouf out of the picture, action actor Jason Statham is being considered for the lead role in the next instalments to be shot back-to-back. Previous director Michael Bay may serve as the executive producer on the project. The last film in the franchise, “Transformers: Dark Of the Moon”, grossed $1.1 billion worldwide.

Not surprisingly, many of the buzz outfits for dress-up this year are based on viral online characters. Among them …
• ‘Balloon Boy’ – You too can be the boy supposedly flying free in the sky inside a giant metallic balloon. A retail costume for $19.99 comes with … well, pretty much just the balloon.
• ‘Bed Intruder Guy’ – An ‘official costume’ is for sale online or you can pull together your own with an afro wig, bandana, and wife beater. “Hide yo wife, hide yo kids, and hide yo husband” is all you need to say.
• ‘Old Spice Guy’ – Guys, if you’re looking for an easy costume sure to drive the ladies crazy, here you go. All you need is a towel to wrap around you and some aromatic Old Spice. You may need to rent a nag if you want to be able to say, “I am on a horse.”
• ‘YouTube Cats’ – You can’t avoid cute cats doing cute things online. Among them: ‘Keyboard Cat’ (blissfully playing an electronic keyboard); ‘Lime Cat’ (with a ‘hat’ made from a lime); and ‘Spaghetti Cat’ (sitting in a chair before a plate of pasta).

In her new “Atlantic Monthly” cover story, writer Kate Bolick claims it’s time to embrace new ideas about romance & family and to acknowledge the end of ‘traditional marriage’ as society’s highest ideal. Among the facts backing her opinion …
• The median age at which Americans get married for the first time is now 28 for men and 26 for women, up from 23 for men and 20 for women 50 years ago.
• In the past 15 years, the percentage of people who are married has dropped from 29% to 22%.
• Women no longer need husbands to have children. In fact, 40% of children are now born to single moms as adoption and in vitro fertilization are changing the stigma of single motherhood.
• Thanks to improved education and employment, women are increasingly less reliant on a husband for financial support.

• Famed inventor Thomas Edison had 3 dots tattooed on his right hand, in the form of the dots on the face of a die. Edison invented the electric tattoo pen in 1876, under the official name ‘Stencil-Pen’. It was the predecessor to the later tattoo machine.
• We knew the ‘Occupy Wall Street’ movement was widespread when we saw it had reached the Arctic tundra, but now it has been confirmed on the other end of the world as well with a gathering of 7 people on Antarctica. The protests have now officially reached all 7 continents.


1950 [61] Tom Petty, Gainesville FL, classic rock singer (“Learning to Fly”, “Free Falling”)

1958 [53] Viggo Mortensen, NYC, movie actor (“Eastern Promises”, “Lord Of the Rings” films)

1963 [48] Julie Payette, Montréal QC, Canadian Space Agency astronaut/1st Canadian to board the International Space Station/CSA Chief Astronaut 2000-07/Order of Canada (2010)

1971 [40] Snoop Dogg (Cordozar Calvin Broadus), Long Beach CA, rap artist (w/Katy Perry-“California Girlz”, f/Pharrell-“Drop It Like It’s Hot”)/movie actor (“Soul Plane”, “Old School”)

1978 [33] Paul Wilson, Kinlochleven, Scotland, alt-rock bass player (Snow Patrol-“Take Back the City”, “Chasing Cars”)

1979 [32] John Krasinski, Newton MA, TV actor (‘Jim Halpert’ on “The Office” since 2005)/movie actor (“Away We Go”, “License to Wed”)

• “Brandied Fruit Day”. Yeehaw, let’s hear it for booze with a pit!

• “Change Your Oil Day”, highlighting one of the most important components of vehicle maintenance. (You want to fry your engine, dipstick?)

• “Get Smart About Credit Day”, when bankers and members of the credit industry give talks and presentations at schools, colleges, and workplaces about the importance of good financial management.

• “Information Overload Day”, the 3rd annual workplace observance that calls attention to the problem of info overload and how it impacts both individuals and organizations. Seems we’re all suffering from TMI (too much information).

• “International Credit Union Day”, celebrating the important economic and social contributions credit unions make to their communities worldwide.

• “Support Your Local Chamber of Commerce Day”. It’s good business!

• “World Osteoporosis Day”, focusing awareness on a major cause of bone fractures in older populations. Osteoporosis is a disease in which the density and quality of bone is reduced, increasing the risk of fracture. It affects around 1-in-3 women and 1-in-5 men worldwide.

2001 [10] “The Concert For New York City”, a benefit show for victims of the recent 9/11 terrorist attacks, is staged at Madison Square Garden, featuring Billy Joel, David Bowie, Elton John, Eric Clapton, James Taylor, Mick Jagger & Keith Richards, and The Who among others

1992 [19] 1st World Series game played outside the USA as Toronto Blue Jays beat Atlanta Braves 3-2 at Toronto’s Skydome in Game 3 of the World Series

1989 [22] Smith Dairy in Orrville, Ohio concocts ‘World’s Largest Milkshake’ at 1,575.2 gallons (5,963 litres)

1993 [18] Toronto and Philadelphia set Major League Baseball records for longest (4:14 hrs) and highest-scoring (29 runs) World Series game (Blue Jays finally win 15-14)

[Fri] Mammography Day
[Fri] Reptile Awareness Day
[Fri] “Chuck”; “Grimm” debut (NBC)
[Fri] “American Masters: Pearl Jam Twenty” (PBS)
[Fri] “Margin Call”; “Paranormal Activity 3”; “The Three Musketeers” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Food Bank Week
This Month Is … Disability Employment Awareness Month


Use ‘em all at once or one-at-a-time as the zodiac reading of the day …
• Aries – Curvy, gorgeous, lascivious … 3 words that for you will be associated with nothing.
• Taurus – Excellent day to do something new with bean curd.
• Gemini – Even in the darkest places you can find yourself … although you may break your nose on a door.
• Cancer – Good day to make a face like a rodent, and hold your paws up in front of your chest. When someone asks what you are doing, chitter at them and scurry away.
• Leo – Your lonely existence will be replaced with a slightly less lonely existence when you are given a blow-up doll as a joke.
• Virgo – A good day to greet everyone with great enthusiasm. For example, “Bob! You’re still alive!” Everyone likes to feel appreciated.
• Libra – ‘For Topical Application Only’ … words which might cause you grave concern over the coming days.
• Scorpio – Today you will make a bold fashion statement which will eventually become a trend and sweep the nation. ‘Executive Grunge’, you’ll call it.
• Sagittarius – The good thing about the Internet is that no-one knows quite how disturbingly grotesque you look.
• Capricorn – You will develop a sudden bizarre craving for a bologna sandwich on white bread with mayonnaise and iceberg lettuce. Mmm, can’t you just taste it?
• Aquarius – Your moldy coffee cup may not be breeding the penicillin you hope it is.
• Pisces – The future holds much joy and happiness for someone close to you. But not you. Oh no, you’re screwed.

I know karate, kung fu, jiujitsu and … 47 other dangerous words.

• Why did pirates wear earrings?
a. Captains originally had sailors who were pressed into service pierced with rings so a rope could be threaded through to prevent them from running off.
b. To improve their vision. [CORRECT. An idea picked up from acupuncturists in the Far East.]
c. Just stylin’, matey!
– “Imponderables”

• You are suffering from ‘hypercarinosis’. How can you tell?
a. Your skin is orange. [CORRECT. It’s from carotene poisoning. Maybe don’t eat so many carrots for a while?]
b. Your ears twitch.
c. Your eyelids stick together.

What’s the absolute worst topic to bring up on a first date? (In a recent survey, 67% of singles picked ‘stories about an ex’, just ahead of ‘personal medical issues’.)

Question: 1-in-8 men say they have used THIS to get a date.
Answer: A dog.

Education will never be as expensive as ignorance.

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