Wednesday, October 24, 2012        Edition: #4853

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

Tonight 29-year-old actress Anne Hathaway will be showing off her vocal skills with a one-off performance of “Cabaret” songs to celebrate the revitalization of NYC’s The Public Theatre (she’s gonna sing until here eyes bug out – about 12 seconds) . . . Actress Eva Longoria has undergone laser treatments to remove tattoos of her ex-husband Tony Parker’s initials, NBA jersey number, and their wedding date (tats of current NFL QB boyfriend Mark Sanchez’s numbers are fittingly ‘incomplete’) . . . British author-comedian Charles Higson spent all day yesterday tweeting the plots of all of Ian Fleming’s ‘James Bond’ novels – 140 characters at time (ok, there’s a new definition of ‘wasted time’) . . . NYC prosecutors have dropped their hit-and-run case against famous felon Lindsay Lohan due to ‘insufficient evidence’ (actually, she’s been arrested so many times they’ve forgotten what this one’s all about) . . . Meantime, Lohan has flip-flopped, tweeting that she’s now supporting Obama, not Romney (hear that group-groan from the White House?) . . . “Glee” actress Lea Michele is laughing off pregnancy rumors by saying: “I’ve finally made it!” (how come Cory’s not laughing?) . . . No surprise, but now it’s official: Showtime’s “Homeland” has been renewed for a 3rd season (giving Claire Danes 12 more chances to get fired and rehired, fall in and out of love, and go nuts then come back) . . . And while vacationing in Rome, Kim Kardashian has felt it necessary to change outfits right in the middle of dinner with Kanye West at a restaurant (nope, no ‘accident’, she’s just being an attention-sucking Kardashian).

• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Two Door Cinema Club (“Beacon”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Reclusive rocker Axl Rose (Guns ‘N Roses); The Whigs (“Enjoy the Company”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Milo Greene (“Milo Greene”). Rerun.
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Rod Stewart (“Merry Christmas, Baby”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – The Lumineers (“The Lumineers”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Little Big Town (“Tornado”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – No Doubt (“Push & Shove”).
• “World Series” (FOX) – The 108th edition begins with Detroit Tigers @ San Francisco Giants. “American Idol” winner Phillip Phillips (“The World From the Side Of the Moon”) sings the pre-game anthem.
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – Taylor Swift (“Red”).

• Backstreet Boys – AJ McLean hosted a party for his pregnant wife over the weekend where all the guests came dressed as … babies.
• Christina Aguilera – She’s reportedly been offered $3 million to become the new face of a dating website for curvy women. (Fat chance that’ll happen.)
• Maroon 5 – “One More Night” has just set the all-time spin record for Mainstream Top 40 radio this week, with 14,045 plays. The tune is #1 on the pop chart for the 4th week in-a-row.
• Muse – Bassist Christopher Wolstenholme tells “Daily Star” they often fail to make money from their extensive touring as they refuse to hike ticket prices to pay for their extravagant stage shows.
• One Direction – They rank 5th on the annual list of Britain’s ‘Richest Under-30s’, according to “Heat” magazine, earning a combined £26.33 million ($42 million) since arriving on the pop scene. (‘Harry Potter’ actor Daniel Radcliffe is tops again.)
• PSY – He says he’s looking forward to losing his ‘international virginity’ when he performs at the “MTV European Music Awards” November 11th. “Gangnam Style” has now hit #1 in 16 countries.
• Rolling Stones – General tickets for their two upcoming 50th anniversary shows in Newark NJ go on sale this Friday. If they sell like they did in Britain, they’ll be gone in minutes.
• Taylor Swift – She tells “The Sun” she never ‘talks shop’ with best buds Selena Gomez and Emma Stone, insisting they’re just like regular girlfriends … mainly discussing relationships.

New cutting-edge vocab …
• ‘Flirtationship’ – A relationship that consists mostly of flirting. (“I like joking around with Marty at the office but we’ll never go out on a date … it’s just a flirtationship.”)
• ‘MOOC’ – Standing for ‘Massive Open Online Course’, this is an online course open to anyone and designed to handle an extremely large number of students. (“He’s so lazy he emailed himself an excuse note so he could miss his MOOC.”)
• ‘Phone-bin’ – To take a photo by holding a smartphone camera against the eyepiece of a pair of binoculars. (“I’m not really stalking the woman in the next condo tower, I just phone-binned her to check her out.”)

‘James Bond’ films are almost always the same: ‘007’ is sent to an exotic location, meets and seduces a woman, gets caught by the villain, escapes, kills the villain, and gets the girl. Known for martinis, ‘Bond girls’, apocalyptic antagonists, and heavy innuendo, he has schmoozed, boozed, and bruised his way through women and villains alike. Or not alike. New data shows that of the 6 ‘Bonds’, Pierce Brosnan was the most bloodthirsty, bumping off an average of 19 baddies per film. The short-lived George Lazenby, it turns out, was the ‘Bond’ with the most babes, whereas Daniel Craig, the latest, is notably less successful. Maybe that’s because he drinks the most martinis. But that’s about to change. In the new film “Skyfall”, Heineken has paid to ensure the hero only drinks beer. (Neither shaken nor stirred, presumably.)
– “The Economist”

A statistical look at who we are and the things we do …
• 90% of us are willing to wear our Halloween costumes in the bedroom. (“C’mon, it’s my turn to put on the cape.”)
• 49% of us send cellphone pics to friends and family while on vacation. (“Neaner neaner neaner … look where I am!”)
• 45% of us have gone at least a week without using cash. (What’s the smallest amount you ever paid with a bank debit card?)
• 30% of us admit to changing the direction of the bathroom tissue roll while visiting someone. (That’s ‘cause over the top is correct; rolling from underneath is wrong.)
• 11% of us believe our house is haunted. (89% realize that’s just dad napping on the sofa.)
• 10% of parents promise they will NOT steal their kids’ Halloween candy. (They’ll just beg.)

South Korea has developed what’s being touted as the unmanned total security solution, a gun named the ‘Super Aegis’. Armed with the most advanced killing technology, the hi-tech gizmo is equipped with a machine gun, surface-to-air missiles, sophisticated thermal imagining software, and a camera system. It can hit a human-sized target from 3 km (1.86 miles) away. The super gun most likely will be used to guard the demilitarized zone between North and South Korea. (A lethal weapon pointed at the enemy with no one around to monitor it … what could possibly go wrong?)

According to a new ranking by “DJ Magazine” …
5. Deadmau5 (Canada)
4. David Guetta (France)
3. Avicii (Sweden)
2. Tiesto (Netherlands)
1. Armin Van Buuren (Netherlands)

A Brit named Marina Chapman claims that, after being kidnapped and subsequently abandoned at the age of 5 in the Columbian jungle, she was raised by a colony of capuchin monkeys. She alleges she spent 5 years with them learning to catch birds and rabbits with her bare hands. Eventually she was discovered by hunters, captured, and sold to a brothel in Cucuta, Columbia. She escaped after a few years and got work as a maid. From there, she met a family that brought her to Bradford, England where she met John Chapman at a church service. They wed in 1977. Chapman says she’s just now coming out with the story to raise awareness of human trafficking in South America. Her daughter is helping her write a book about her life, to be published next April. (“Mommy, tell us again about when you shacked up with a camel.”)

✓ Your foot is the same size as the distance between your wrist and elbow. (Good luck checking that without putting your back out.)
✓ In ancient China people committed suicide by eating a pound of salt. (Hence the expression ‘go pound salt’?)
✓ There is one strand of ‘hair’ for each kernel on an ear of corn. (And for every gap between your teeth.)
✓ An albatross can sleep while it cruises at 25 mph. (But only if it’s in your backseat.)
✓ An elephant can smell water 3 miles away. (Never pee on the savannah.)


1936 [76] Bill Wyman, London UK, former Rolling Stones bassist who may be making an appearance with them at 50th anniversary concerts

1947 [65] Kevin Kline, St Louis MO, movie actor (“No Strings Attached”, “A Fish Called Wanda”)/TV voice actor (‘Mr Fischoeder’ on “Bob’s Burgers” since 2011)  UP NEXT: “Last Vegas” (2013).

1954 [58] Thomas Mulcair, Ottawa ON, federal NDP leader since March 2012/Leader Of the Opposition

1980 [32] Monica (Arnold), College Park GA, pop singer (“So Gone”, “Angel of Mine”)

1985 [27] Wayne Rooney, Liverpool UK, soccer superstar (Manchester United, England national team)

1986 [26] Drake (Aubrey Drake Graham), Toronto ON, rapper-singer-songwriter (f/Rihanna-“Take Care”, w/Lil Wayne-“The Motto”)/former actor (“Degrassi: The Next Generation” 2001-09)

1989 [23] Shenae Grimes, Toronto ON, TV actress (‘Annie Wilson’ on “90210” since 2008, “Degrassi: The Next Generation” 2004-08)

• “Bologna Day”, a good day to fry up a slice to add to your peanut butter sandwich. Yummers!

• “United Nations Day”, honoring the 66th anniversary of the day in 1945 that the majority of the world’s countries adopted the charter that formed the UN.

1997 [15] (Now CBS-TV) sportscaster Marv Albert’s sexual assault case is dropped in exchange for counseling and staying out of trouble for a year (he’d already been fired by NBC-TV after allegations he bit a woman’s back when she refused a 3-way)

1987 [25] “Bad” by Michael Jackson peaks at #1 on pop singles chart

1901 [111] 1st person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel – and live – as 43-year-old Annie Edson Taylor of Bay City, Michigan expects to gain fame & fortune … but later dies in poverty

1992 [20] Toronto Blue Jays win 1st World Series by a Canadian team, beating the Atlanta Braves in 6 games

2003 [09] The supersonic Concorde airliner (SST) makes its last commercial passenger flight, traveling at twice the speed of sound from NYC’s JFK International to London’s Heathrow

2008 [04] ‘Bloody Friday’ as many of the world’s stock exchanges experience the worst declines in their history, with drops of 10% or more on most indices

[Thurs] Chucky, The Notorious Killer Doll Day
[Thurs] World Pasta Day
[Fri] Eid-Al-Adha (Muslim)
[Fri] International Bandanna Day
[Fri] Bread Sticks Day
[Fri] “Chasing Mavericks”; “Cloud Atlas”; “Fun Size”; “Silent Hill: Revelation 3D” open in movie theaters
This Week Is … Massage Therapy Week
This Month Is … Eat Better, Eat Together Month


Pay attention, kids. These get-ups aren’t gonna get you any goodies …
✗ SpongeBob SoiledPants
✗ The Incredible Sulk
✗ All the Fat Lost by Jessica Simpson
✗ Sexy Altar Boy
✗ Prison-Bitch Barbie
✗ Cellulite-Riddled Nudist
✗ Booger Boy
✗ I-Just-Knocked-Your-Daughter-Up Guy
✗ Farting Clown
– Adapted from

If the above weren’t bad enough, here’s a new ranking of ‘Most Annoying Costume Ideas’ for 2012 …

☎ Complete this sentence: “I got in so much trouble when …”

• This is “Talk About Prescriptions Month”, so what do the letters ‘Rx’ mean which commonly appear on prescription drugs?
a. It’s a short-form for ‘recipe’. [CORRECT]
b. It’s a salute to Ancient Greek pharmacologist Xerxes.
c. It’s the telegraph abbreviation for ‘receiver’ that’s used ahead of your name.
– “Merriam-Webster”

• You are suffering from hypercarinosis. How can you tell?
a. Your skin is orange. [CORRECT, from carotene poisoning.]
b. Your ears twitch.
c. Your eyelids stick together

Lawyers are politicians in the larval stage.

Question: A new “Glamour Magazine” poll finds that women are more likely to give out their phone number if they are approached HERE.
Answer: At a bakery.

Almost anything is easier to get into than to get out of.

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