Thursday, October 24, 2013        Edition: #5087

Thanks a Sheetload for Choosing “BS”!

★ George Clooney’s new film “The Monuments Men” was due to open December 18th, but has now been delayed until early 2014. Clooney co-wrote, directed, and stars in the WW2 drama alongside Matt Damon, Cate Blanchett, and John Goodman. It focuses on a group of art historians picked by the US government to retrieve pieces looted from European museums by Nazi troops. The delay is to give the production team more time to perfect the film’s visual effects. Clooney worries that if the effects look cheesy, the whole movie will look cheesy.
★ 27-year-old actor Robert Pattinson has officially put the sprawling Los Feliz mansion in LA that he shared with ex-girlfriend and “Twilight” co-star Kristen Stewart on the market. The 5-bedroom mansion has an asking price of $6.75 million. The couple lived in the home, once owned by retired basketball player Kareem Abdul-Jabbar, for 2 years until Stewart had a fling with “Snow White & The Huntsman” director Rupert Sanders in 2012. Guess this means they are definitely over … finally.
– “NY Daily News”
★ Celeb chef & TV host Gordon Ramsay competed in the Ironman World Championship in Kona, Hawaii earlier this month. Adhering to a strict diet and training schedule, the 6-foot-2 “Hell’s Kitchen” host slimmed down by ditching dairy, eating protein-packed meals, and going on 70-mile bike rides and 25-mile runs. In all, he dropped about 30 lbs for his first-ever triathlon. He finished the Ironman – arguably the world’s toughest race – in just over 14 hours. Is he skinny? Quote: “I look like a bloody piece of asparagus!”
– “Triathlete Magazine”
★ And 24-year-old Ronan Farrow says he doesn’t care who his father is. He claims he’s content to live with the mystery of his paternity after his mom Mia Farrow recently revealed in a “Vanity Fair” interview that Frank Sinatra might be his birth father. Mia was married to Woody Allen when Ronan was born, but confesses to having a final fling with her ex-husband Sinatra. The new MSNBC personality says at this point there’s no way of making sure who his father is … and he’s fine with that. (BS translation: Please please, not Woody!)
– “Extra!”

• “Arsenio Hall” (syndicated) – Thompson Square (“Just Feels Good”).
• “Conan” (TBS/CTV) – Lindsey Stirling (“Lindsey Stirling”).
• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Ellie Goulding (“Halcyon Days”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CityTV) – Kings of Leon (“Mechanical Bull”).
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Foals (“Holy Fire”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – ‘Pearl Jam Week’ continues, with the rockers playing music from their new album “Lightning Bolt”.
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Icona Pop (“This Is… Icona Pop”). Rerun.
• “MLB World Series” (FOX) – Loyal Red Sox fan James Taylor performs the anthem prior to Game 2 vs the St Louis Cardinals. BS FACTOID: Taylor has stepped up to the plate twice before (2004, 2007) during Fall Classics at Fenway Park. Both were Game 2s that Boston won.
• “Queen Latifah Show” (syndicated) – Jay Sean (“Neon”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Diane Birch (“Speak a Little Louder”).
• “The Voice” (NBC/CTV) – The battle rounds continue with advisers Cher, Ed Sheeran, Miguel, and Ryan Tedder.

• Arcade Fire – They’ve booked a handful of one-off shows this month, including a gig tonight at the Little Haiti Cultural Center in Miami FL and an appearance this weekend at Neil Young’s annual Bridge School Benefit Concert in Mountain View CA.
• Grouplove – They’re headlining the 2013 Campus Consciousness Tour that kicks off tonight at Kent State University in Kent OH. Also on the bill: The Knocks and Saints of Valory.
• Macklemore & Ryan Lewis – They lead nominations for the inaugural YouTube Music Awards with 3. The awards show will be directed by Spike Jonez and stream live from NYC on November 3rd.
• Metallica – According to the Colombian website for Coca-Cola Zero, they’re set to play a secret show … in Antarctica. It’s not clear exactly how this will go down, but it’s expected the Coca-Cola-sponsored event will take place sometime between December 2nd and December 15th. It will be only the 2nd concert ever held on the continent.
• Paul McCartney – Today the video for the single “Queenie Eye” from his “New” album is released. It features actors Chris Pine, Johnny Depp, Jude Law, Meryl Streep, and Sean Penn; as well as fashion figures Kate Moss, Lily Cole and Tom Ford. (The cast is far better than the song!)

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “The Bone Season” – Fox Studios has acquired movie rights to this novel by Brit author Samantha Shannon with an eye toward a potential film franchise. The supernatural sci-fi novel is the first of what’s intended to become a 7-book series. The story follows a 19-year-old clairvoyant called a ‘dreamwalker’, who is able to move into the minds of other people.
• “Book of Life” – Channing Tatum (“Magic Mike”) & Zoe Saldana (“Star Trek”) voice the lead roles in this animated movie about a boy torn between the expectations of his family and following his dreams as he embarks on a journey across 3 magical worlds. Other voices include Cheech Marin, Christina Applegate, and Placido Domingo. The film’s due in October 2014.
• “How to Make Love Like an Englishman” – This indie comedy, currently shooting in Los Angeles, stars Pierce Brosnan as a university professor who encounters a woman (Salma Hayek) who forces him to reevaluate his life of hedonistic excess after he gets her grad-student stepsister pregnant. Co-stars Jessica Alba, Ben McKenzie, and Malcolm McDowell.
• “Jurassic World” – 45-year-old actor Josh Brolin is in talks for a role in the 4th film in this sci-fi series, in which he’d star alongside Nick Robinson and Ty Simpkins. Meanwhile Bryce Dallas Howard, daughter of filmmaker Ron Howard, is in negotiations with director Colin Trevorrow for what’s thought to be the female lead. The original “Jurassic Park” film was released in 1993.
• “Pacific Rim 2” – Filmmaker Guillermo Del Toro is gearing up for another epic monsters v robots battle with a sequel to his futuristic sci-fi movie released in July, even though it was widely panned by critics. Despite the poor reviews, the original film, starring Charlie Hunnam, Idris Elba, and Rinko Kikuchi, grossed a whopping $408 million worldwide.

When it comes to planning retirement, many of us have our head in the sand. A few tips from financial advisers on things you should be doing right now to prepare for your golden years …
✓ Set a goal and start working toward it. Most people spend more time planning a vacation than a 25-year retirement.
✓ Figure out what retirement means to you. Everyone knows what they are retiring FROM, a much smaller percentage know what they are retiring TO.
✓ Manage your debt. Don’t take on high-interest debt, and pay down high-interest loans by refinancing or other mechanisms. Debt is a big drag in retirement.
✓ Hire a financial adviser. Make sure you have the right mix of stocks, bonds, and other savings.
✓ Be prepared for the unexpected – illness, disability, long-term care. Whatever you can do to shore up finances before retirement will help you.
Get a ballpark estimate from the non-profit Employee Benefit Research Institute on how much you’ll need for retirement here …
– “USA Today”

The makers of a new line of underwear claim it … filters out farts. Using chemical warfare technology, these new briefs, shorties, and boxers camouflage bodily odors that make intimacy difficult for people with digestive disorders. The hi-tech flatulence-filtering undies, created by Brit company Shreddies, use a highly absorbent carbon cloth which contains Zorflex – the same activated carbon material used in chemical warfare suits – which is reactivated each time the underpants are washed. They’re available in both men’s & women’s versions. (Wow, stylin’!)

A new Pew Research poll finds looking for love online is more popular than ever. A few highlights …
• 11% of adults have now tried online dating.
• 29% of us know someone who has been in a long-term relationship or married someone they met online.
• 38% of those currently ‘single & looking’ have used online dating sites or dating apps.
• Over all, 59% of Internet users agree that ‘online dating is a good way to meet people’.
However, it doesn’t always work out – more than half of online daters say they’ve encountered someone who ‘seriously misrepresented themselves’ in an online profile.

Your breast implants are trying to tell you something … or at least they will be, if a new medical technology becomes widespread. Establishment Labs has announced the release of a new silicone breast implant that contains an RFID microchip, allowing doctors to bring up information about the product’s make and model years after women have them implanted. The innovation could provide an extra level of safety assurance following several health scares related to silicone implants. The new product, ‘The Ergonomix’, will soon hit the market in 28 European countries. (Also a good way to track your cheating partner.)

The country where you are most likely to be enslaved is Mauritania.
– “Washington Post”


1936 [77] Bill Wyman, London UK, former Rolling Stones bassist who made appearances with them at 50th anniversary concerts

1947 [66] Kevin Kline, St Louis MO, movie actor (“No Strings Attached”, “A Fish Called Wanda”)/TV voice actor (“Bob’s Burgers” since 2011)

1954 [59] Thomas Mulcair, Ottawa ON, federal NDP leader/Leader Of the Opposition since 2012

1979 [34] Ben Gillies, Newcastle, Australia, rock drummer (Silverchair-“Straight Lines”, “Tomorrow”)

1980 [33] Monica (Arnold), College Park GA, pop singer (“So Gone”, “Angel of Mine”)

1985 [28] Wayne Rooney, Liverpool UK, soccer superstar (Manchester United, England national team)

1986 [27] Drake (Aubrey Drake Graham), Toronto ON, rapper-singer-songwriter (f/Majid Jordan-“Hold On, We’re Going Home”, f/Rihanna-“What’s My Name”/former actor (“Degrassi: The Next Generation” 2001-09)

1989 [24] Shenae Grimes, Toronto ON, TV actress (“90210″ 2008-13, “Degrassi: The Next Generation” 2004-08)/movie actress (“Empire State”, “Scream 4”)

• “Bologna Day”, a good day to fry up a slice to add to your peanut butter sandwich. Yummers!

• “United Nations Day”, honoring the 68th anniversary of the day in 1945 that the majority of the world’s countries adopted the charter that formed the UN.

• “World Development Information Day”, an annual UN observance drawing attention to global development problems and the necessity of strengthening international co-operation to solve them.

1973 [40] John Lennon sues the US government for wiretapping his phone during its investigation of ‘radical antiwar elements’ (Big Brother’s been watching us for years)

1901 [112] 1st person to go over Niagara Falls in a barrel – and live – as 43-year-old Annie Edson Taylor of Bay City, Michigan expects to gain fame & fortune … but later dies in poverty

2003 [10] The supersonic Concorde airliner (SST) makes its last commercial passenger flight, traveling at twice the speed of sound from NYC’s JFK International to London’s Heathrow Airport

2008 [05] ‘Bloody Friday’ as many of the world’s stock exchanges experience the worst declines in their history, with drops of 10% or more on most indices

[Fri] “The Counselor”; “Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa” open in movie theaters
[Fri] World Pasta Day
[Fri] International Bandanna Day
[Sat] Life is Beautiful Festival begins (Las Vegas NV)
[Sun] Mother-in-Law Day
This Week Is … Massage Therapy Week
This Month Is … Eat Better, Eat Together Month


• Whyzit everything is easier to take apart than put together?
• Whyzit people think those pedestrian crossing buttons work instantly and keep pushing them over and over?
• Whyzit the customer is always right … until you are the customer?
• Whyzit when you finally get time for a midlife crisis, you don’t have the energy for it?
• Whyzit Keith Richards (Willie Nelson) didn’t wait to die before starting to decompose?
• Whyzit that, no matter when you graduated, your yearbook pics keep getting nerdier and nerdier as the years go by?

☎ Are people snobbish about frozen food? For instance, many argue that fresh vegetables are better for you. Frozen advocates, on the other hand, say the freezing process prevents nutrient-loss that occurs during transport. Who’s right?

What causes bags under your eyes?
a. The natural sagging of facial muscles when they are tired.
b. Excess tissue and fluid around the eyes. [CORRECT]
c. Years of getting up early to do a morning radio show.
– “Totally Trivial”

Married men live longer than single men … but then married men are a lot more willing to die.

• Loose Bottom [Village Name]
• Arsemonger [Insult]
• Sandy Balls [Village Name]
• Booby Dingle [Village Name]
• Hen Poo [Village Name]
• Mingebag [Insult]
• Dancing Dicks [Village Name]
• Shitterton [Village Name]
• Bladdered [Insult]
• Twat [Both]
– Thanks to Andrea Duty

Question: More women do THIS in the bathroom than men.
Answer: Listen to the radio.

All great discoveries are made by mistake.

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