Thursday, October 25, 2012        Edition: #4854

Sheet For Brains!

FOX-TV has officially renewed “The X Factor” for a 3rd season but it’s not yet known if all the current judges will return (Brit-Brit will be back – she just bought a huge house) . . .  Actress Eva Longoria is single again, her rep confirming she and New York Jets quarterback Mark Sanchez have split amicably (another dropped pass!) . . . Actress and new mom Megan Fox appears in thigh-high stockings, stilettos, and a black corset in a new Christmas 2012 ad for gadget chain The Sharper Image (before you hate on her, be advised she shot the pics before she fell pregnant with son Noah) . . . Justin Timberlake & Jessica Biel are reportedly making $300,000 from wedding photo deals (doesn’t seem like much in exchange for your dignity) . . . Angelina Jolie’s new film “Maleficent” will now feature 3 of her kids, as Pax and Zahara are joining Vivienne on-camera (this is child labor!) . . . Kurt Cobain must be rolling over in his grave to learn that CBS-TV is developing a sitcom called “Smells Like Teen Spirit” (this idea stinks alright) . . . And 43-year-old actress Jennifer Aniston tells “OK!” magazine that it is smiling that keeps her skinny (don’t you just wanna slap her sometimes?).

• “Ellen DeGeneres Show” (syndicated/CTV2) – Taylor Swift (“Red”).
• “Jimmy Kimmel Live” (ABC/CHCH) – Ciara (“One Woman Army”).
• “Katie” (syndicated) –  LeAnn Rimes (“Spitfire”, coming in 2013); (“#willpower, out December 10th.
• “Last Call With Carson Daly” (NBC) – Fidlar (“Don’t Try”).
• “Late Night With Jimmy Fallon” (NBC/CTV2) – Gary Clark Jr (“Blak & Blu”).
• “Late Show With David Letterman” (CBS/NTV/Omni1) – Adam Levine (“The Voice”); Carly Rae Jepsen (“Curiosity”).
• “Live With Kelly & Michael” (syndicated/CTV) – Cher Lloyd (“Sticks & Stones”); Usher (“Looking 4 Myself”).
• “Tonight Show With Jay Leno” (NBC/CTV2) – Mika (“The Origin of Love”).
• “The View” (ABC/CTV) – PSY (“Gangnam Style”).
• “World Series” (FOX) – Game 2, from AT&T Park in San Francisco.

• Avril Lavigne – Chad Kroeger’s finacée has recorded a cover of Nickelback’s hit “How You Remind Me” for an animé flick called “One Piece Film Z”. (About the only thing that could be worse: Nickelback covering “Complicated”.)
• Backstreet Boys – Today their annual cruise departs from Miami FL, a 3-night trek that celebrates the boy-band’s 20th anniversary with live music, a private beach party, and more.
• Britney Spears – She shaved her head in 2007 because she was afraid her hair could be tested for drugs and used against her in the child custody battle with her ex, a former friend has testified this week at the trial of her onetime advisor Sam Lutfi.
• Chris Brown – He’s been spotted out with his ex, Karrueche Tran, just 2 days after a much-reported cuddly outing with Rihanna. (Are these women unable to detect ick factor?)
• Dierks Bentley / Miranda Lambert – They’ll be heading out to co-headline on the “Locked & Reloaded Tour” beginning January 17th. The full itinerary is yet to be announced.
• Fiona Apple – She’s written a song called “Dull Tool” for Judd Apatow’s new film “This Is 40” (out December 21st). It’s the first time she’s contributed an original song to a movie.
• Jennifer Lopez – She’s been overexposed once again during the London stop on her world tour as she suffered a nip-slip during an energetic routine. (As if these aren’t planned.)
• Katy Perry – Last night she made her 2nd appearance on the campaign trail for Barack Obama, performing a free concert in Las Vegas at a grassroots neighborhood block party.
• Rolling Stones – Ronnie Wood tells “NME” they may play some tiny, surprise warm-up shows in preparation for their upcoming 50th anniversary concerts. He hints the gigs could happen in Paris, possibly under the alias The Cockroaches. (Well, so much for that surprise.)
• Taylor Swift – Her “Red album was released Monday and quickly shot to #1 on the iTunes album chart, while 5 of its tracks are now in the top 10 on the iTunes singles chart.

A BS selection of movies in the making …
• “Animal Farm” – “Lord Of the Rings”/”The Hobbit” actor Andy Serkis (‘Gollum’) is set to make his directorial debut with a bigscreen adaption of George Orwell’s classic novel about a group of animals that rises up against their human owners. The film will use the latest hi-tech methods to bring the movie’s farmyard creatures to life. It’s due to hit screens in 2014.
• “Hold On to Me” – Actor Robert Pattinson’s post-“Twilight Saga” plans are in full swing as he’s signed on to star in this upcoming thriller opposite Carey Mulligan. The film, based on a true story, follows a woman and her boyfriend who kidnap their town’s richest man. Oscar-winning director James Marsh (“Man on Wire”) will helm the project.
• “Need for Speed” – “Breaking Bad” star Aaron Paul (‘Jesse Pinkman’) is on board for this action film based on the EA videogame. Storyline details are scarce because there are several titles in the gaming series, but it may follow the plot of an edition called “The Run”, about an illicit, high-stakes race across the country. Release is planned for February 2014.
• Untitled James Brown Bio-Pic – Rolling Stones frontman Mick Jagger has confirmed he’s set to co-produce a bigscreen treatment of the life story of the ‘Godfather of Soul’, who died in 2006 at age 73. Director Tate Taylor (“The Help”) is in negotiations to helm the pic and the search is on for an actor to take on the lead role.
• Untitled Rom-Com – Actor Hugh Grant and director Marc Lawrence (“Two Weeks Notice”, “Music & Lyrics”) are set to collaborate for a 4th time on this upcoming film. Grant plays a Hollywood writer who was the toast-of-the-town in 1998 but now finds himself broke and depressed. When forced into a teaching job, he falls for the single mom of one of his students.

A pile of Halloween candy can be a big risk if you’re a pet owner. Experts say the chocolate ingredient theobromine is toxic to cats and dogs; toffee and peanuts can trigger pancreatitis in pets; and candy wrappers can block animal intestines. Even healthy-for-kids raisin boxes can cause kidney failure in dogs. A lone candy bar might not do much damage, but Halloween tends to be more dangerous because pets have access to larger quantities. (Bottom line: put your bowl of 50 fun-size Snickers somewhere where your pet can’t get at it.)

Expectant parents, back away from the baby-name books! Psychologists are finding that more choices often lead to more regrets. Almost invariably, name-hunting parents are looking for something appealing but unique. As a result, baby name books have become thicker and thicker, with the current record-holder being “The Baby Name Countdown: 140,000 Popular & Unusual Baby Names”. A few things to keep in mind …
✓ Appealing names are generally popular by definition. That’s what makes them popular.
✓ It took a list of just 6 names to cover half the population of babies born in England in 1800. Today it takes 546 names to cover half the population of US babies born in a year.
✓ Think ahead. Are you going to be frustrated because your unique baby name keeps getting mispronounced or misspelled?
✓ Kids grow into their names in ways you can’t predict.
✓ Very young babies get called by a variety of nicknames anyway, so they’re unlikely to notice a name switch early on.

Consider this next time you’re fiddling with your smartphone … it’s a nest of germs! That’s because, for many of us, our phones have become extra appendages never far from the pillow, health club treadmill, or restaurant table. We’ve all seen that greasy smear on the touchscreen. Where there’s grease, there are bugs! A recent lab test of randomly selected phones found no signs of E coli or staphylococci bacteria, but all of them showed high numbers of coliforms, a bacteria indicating fecal contamination. The best cleaning agent? In tests, alcohol performed best, eliminating nearly 100% of the bacteria. (Time somebody invented a cleaning case?)
– Condensed from “Wall Street Journal”

A review of childhood fads that were simultaneously good and bad …
• Beanie Babies – What made them best: You and your friends loved collecting them. What made them worst: Old ladies loved collecting them too.
• Bratz Dolls – What made them best: 559 different dolls to choose from. What made them worst: They all looked like strippers.
• Cabbage Patch Kids – What made them best: You got a birth certificate when you ‘adopted’ them. What made them worst: They were just an overpriced stuffed doll.
• Chia Pets – What made them best: They were easy to grow. What made them worst: No matter what shape they were supposed to be, they always ended up looking like a green afro.
• Friendship Bracelets – What made them best: Getting them from your friends. What made them worst: Not getting them from people who you thought were your friends.
• Hello Kitty – What made them best: They’re so cute. What made them worst: Good grief, they’re everywhere!
• Mood Rings – What made them best: People could tell what mood you were in by looking at your finger. What made them worst: Unless ‘hot & sweaty’ counts as a mood, they couldn’t detect anything.
• Rubik’s Cube – What made them best: They made you think you were smart enough to solve them. What made them worst: They made you realize you weren’t smart enough to solve them.
• Tamagotchi – What made them best: Like having a pet that you could carry around in your pocket. What made them worst: All the responsibility of having a pet without the loyalty & love.

A full-grown pumpkin has about 15 miles of roots.


1957 [55] Nancy Cartwright, Dayton OH, really rich voice actress (‘Bart Simpson’ and others on “The Simpsons” since 1989)

1961 [51] Chad Smith, St Paul MN, rock drummer (Red Hot Chili Peppers-“Dani California”, Chickenfoot-“Oh Yeah”)

1971 [41] Craig Robinson, Chicago IL, TV actor (‘Darryl Philbin’ on “The Office” since 2005)/TV host (“Last Comic Standing” 2010)/movie actor (“Pineapple Express”, “Hot Tub Time Machine”)

1981 [31] Austin Winkler, Oklahoma City OK, rock singer (Hinder-“All American Nightmare”, “Lips Of an Angel”)

1984 [28] Katy Perry (Hudson), Santa Barbara CA, pop singer (“Part of Me”, “California Gurls”)/dating singer John Mayer/ex-Mrs Russell Brand 2010-12

1985 [27] Ciara (Harris), Austin TX, pop singer (f/Ludacris-Ride”, “Goodies”)

• “Cartoonists Against Crime Day”, honoring cartoonists, graphic artists, and illustrators who promote crime prevention through their works. (Stop varmint … or I’ll draw!)

• “Chucky the Notorious Killer Doll Day”, celebrating the murderous, knife-wielding doll brought to life in horror films: “Child’s Play” (1988); “Child’s Play 2” (1990); “Child’s Play 3” (1991); “Bride of Chucky” (1998); “Seed of Chucky” (2004). “Curse of Chucky” is coming in 2013.

• “International Greasy Foods Day”, a celebration of our love of fatty foods, foods cooked in oil, foods smothered in butter, etc. One of the grossest we’ve heard of is the Dutch tradition of saving bacon grease or ‘spek’, then spreading it on toast … cold. Erp!

• “Punk For a Day Day”, so get on your faux-hawk, your stick-on tats, your imitation leather and strut your stuff!

• “World Pasta Day”, honoring one of Italy’s greatest gifts to the world. This year’s ‘International Pasta Organization Annual General Assembly’ is being held in Mexico City.

2002 [10] “Jackass: The Movie” opens in theaters

2002 [10] Irish-born “Harry Potter” actor Richard Harris dies (‘Albus Dumbledore’)

1960 [52] Mick Jagger accidentally meets old school acquaintance Keith Richards on a train, eventually leading to the formation of the Rolling Stones

1955 [57] 1st home ‘Microwave Oven’ is introduced by the Tappan Co, which slaps a $1,200 price tag on the new appliance that ‘cooks eggs in 22 seconds, bacon in 90 seconds’

1991 [21] 33-year-old Jack Feeser sets the unofficial ‘World Car Kissing Record’ in Hanover, Pennsylvania by smooching a Geo Storm for 145 hours, 14 minutes in order to win the vehicle from an auto dealership

[Fri] Frankenstein Friday
[Fri] International Bandanna Day
[Fri] Bread Sticks Day
[Sun] Mother-in-Law Day
This Week Is … Disarmament Week
This Month Is … Caffeine Addiction Recovery Month


• “Our Only Gas Is Driver-Produced”
• “Ask Me About Smugness”
• “My Headlights Are Jars of Fireflies”
• “I Am a Better Person Than You”
• “This Vehicle Does Zero-60 in 3 Minutes Flat!”
• “If You Can Read This, Help Push Me Up the Hill”
• “I’d Rather Be Lecturing You About the Planet”
• “Got Juice?”
– Adapted from

☎ What’s your biggest pet peeve? Just a few of ours …
✗ People telling their life story to the bank teller… while you’re waiting in line.
✗ People who have to call home from the supermarket because they can’t pick a cereal.
✗ Call centers … of any kind, anywhere.
✗ Being invited to connect with someone on LinkedIn … 5 times … every frickin’ day.
✗ The fact that ‘pet peeves’ are not really pets at all.

I’m not a complete idiot … several parts are missing.

Where are the most commonly broken bones located?
a. Wrist. [CORRECT]
b. Shoulder.
c. Lower leg.
– American Academy of Orthopedic Surgeons

Question: About half of women ask for help with THIS even thought they’d rather not.
Answer: Zipping up a dress.

An expert is one who knows more and more about less and less.

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